
Class 
Book. 



^3jM^~ 






a 



GopyriglrtiN 1 ?- 



COPYRIGHT DEPOSm 



\ 



MODERN MANNERS 



AND 



SOCIAL FORMS 



A Manual of the Manners and Customs of the Best Modern 
Society, Compiled from the Latest Authorities ; and 
also Including the Forms for Invitations, 
and Social and Business Letters and 
Notes of Various Kinds. 



By Mrs. JULIA M. BRADLEY. 



To which has been added a Treatise, containing 

SUGGESTIONS ABOUT THE TOILET, BEAUTY AND HEALTH. 



" What a rare gift is that of manners! Better for one to possess 
them than wealth, beauty or talent; they icill more than supply all." 

— Bulwer-Lytton. 



CHICAGO, ILL. : 
JAMES B. SMILEY, Publisher, 



232 West Washington Street. 



t 






Copyright 1889, by JAMES B. SMILEY. 
Copyright 1892, by JAMES B. SMILEY. 



All Rights Reserved. 



THIS BOOK is sold by SUBSCRIPTION ONLY -NOT to be had in 
BOOKSTORES. Those desiring a copy, and not knowing any agent, should 
address the publisher. 



TO 

ALL THOSE 

WHO WISH TO OBSERVE 

THE BEST SOCIAL FORMS 

THIS WORK 

IS 

RESPECTFULLY DEDICATED 



V 



^ 



PREFACE. 



A KNOWLEDGE of etiquette has been well denned as a 
knowledge of the rules of society at its best; and obedi- 
^ ence to these rules is as important in the social world 
as obedience to law is in political and business affairs. So essen- 
tial are these observances that Mrs. H. O. Ward truthfully says, 
that if any thoughf ul person of refined nature was asked, " Which 
individual do you find most essential to your enjoyment of society 
— the wit, the man of genius or talent, whose manners are bad, 
or the man wanting in wit, wanting in talent even, whose manners 
are faultless? but would answer, ' If I cannot have a society where 
Doth wit and good manners are found, I will dispense with the 
wit, for good manners I must have.' " Another writer says: 
" Those who defy the rules of the best society, and claim to be 
superior to them, are always coarse in their moral fibre, however 
strong they may oe intellectually," — a sentiment we most heartily 
endorse. 

In no other country, probably, are so many people anxiously 
inquiring, "What are the requirements of good society?" and 
when once the correct form is known there is a genuine desire 
to conform to it. It was in the hope of helping these earnest 
inquirers that this work was undertaken. In the constant daily 
intercourse of people, in city and country, it is very important 
that they should understand those customs and observances 
which will enable the different social units to mingle together 
pleasantly and without needless friction. The foundation and 
support of all our social laws is that they tend to add materially 
to the happiness and comfort of those who associate together. 
Acts of attention and kindness to others not only increase their 
happiness, but they also ennoble the doer. 



6 PREFACE. 

In preparing this work we have consulted only the best 
authorities, and it has been our constant endeavor to give the 
well-established rules of society at its best. 

A work on etiquette is used very largely as a book of reference 
to settle uncertain points as they arise, and for this reason the 
endeavor has been made to so classify and sub-divide the subjects 
that anyone can readily find what is wanted without needless 
delay. We hope this feature will add to its popularity and 
usefulness. 

The writing of letters and notes of various kinds has come to 
be an important feature of social life, and it is very necessary for 
those who associate much with others to understand the correct 
and most graceful forms, and for this reason we have made that 
section of our work quite lengthy and complete. 

The chapters on the toilet and kindred topics offer hints on 
subjects which many people are anxious to learn about, and we 
feel confident that the suggestions there given can be safely 
relied on. 



~fc •«. ~£- 



CONTENTS. 



Page 

Introductory Remarks 13 

Regard for Others 18 

Introductions 22 

Salute tions 32 

The Bow 33 I ShakingHands 35 

Kissing 36 ' Verbal Salutations 37 



Invitations, Acceptances and Regrets. . . , 
Acceptances and Regrets — 49 | Invitations. 

Cards 

Cards of Congratulation, Con- 
dolence, Compliment and 
Ceremony 65 

Forms and Styles 55 

Calling Customs 

Calls of Congratulation, Con- 
dolence and Ceremony 71 

Conduct During Calls 72 

FirstCalls 68 

Hints to Gentlemen 79 

Hints to Ladies 76 



30 



oo 



Hints on the Use of 61 

P. P. C. Cards 60 

Turning Down Cards 60 

When to Leave Cards 61 



| Hours for Colling 75 

Leave Taking 74 

Length of Calls 75 

Not at Home 70 

Presenting Letters of Introduc- 
tion 76 

83 



New Year's Calls 

Visiting 88 

Births, Christenings, Caudle Parties and Confirmations 94 

Births 94 l Christenings, 95 

Caudle Parties 96 I Confirmation 97 



Courtship and Engagement Etiquette. 
Etiquette of Weddings 



A Wedding in Church 107 

A Wedding at Home, 110 

Answering Invitations 121 

Best Man, the 114 

BridalTour US 

Bridesmaids 114 

Choosing the Day 112 

English Wedding Breakfast. Ill 

Honeymoon Ill 

Invitations 117 



.....99 

107 

Mourners at 113 

Paying the Expenses 121 

Remunerating Servants 123 

Receptions 113 

Ushers 115 

Wedding Cake. 121 

Wedding Presents 115 

Wedding Ring 122 

Widow Re-marrying 112 



Wedding Anniversaries 125 

(7) 



CONTENTS. 



Etiquette op Funerals and Mourning 131 

Periods of Mourning 135 

The Procession 134 

The Services 133 



140 



Arrangements for a Funeral. 131 

Funeral Notices 132 

Calls of Condolence 134 

Etiquette op Dress 

Gloves, Useof 153 

Ladies' Dress 140 

" for Archery 150 

" Balls 143 

" Bathing 151 

" " Bazaars 150 

" Brides 151 

*' " Bridesmaida 152 

" " Business 149 

" Calling 147 

" Calls, Receiving. 146 

*« Church 144 

" "Concerts 144 

" •' Croquet Parties. 150 
" " Dinner Parties . . 145 
" " Driving 147 

" Evening 143 

" Informal, even'g 145 
" ** Evening Parties. 145 

" " Excursions ... 150 

" " Garden Parties . . 150 
" " Lawn Parties 150 

The Harmony op Colors . 156 

Dinner Parties 160 



Ladies' Dress for Morn'g, at Home 146 


" Mourning 


153 


" Opera 


144 


" Picnics 


150 


" Promenade Con 




certs 


150 


' ' Riding 


148 


" " Skating Parties. 


150 


" Street 


147 


" Theatre 


144 


" Traveling 


149 


" Visiting 


146 


" Walking 


147 


" Weddings 


152 


" Wedding Recep 




tions 


152 


" Yachting 


150 


Gentlemen's Dress 


153 


" " Gloves, Use of. 


156 


" for Evening. . . 


154 


" " Morning... 


155 


" Weddings . 


156 



After- calls 178 

Announcing Dinner 167 

Arrival of the Guests 166 

Boutonnieres 171 

Dress for 177 

Duties of Host and Hostess. 174 

Duties of Servants 172 

Favors 171 

French Style of Serving 163 

Invitations 161 



Introductions — 167 

Leave-taking 177 

Number to Invite 162 

Returning Hospitalities 177 

Russian (a la Russe) Style of 

Serving 164 

Serving the Dinner 169 

Table Appointments 163 

Wines 176 

Whom to Invite 162 



Table Manners 180 

Carving 191 I On Eating Vegetables, Fruit, Ber- 

General Rules of Politeness. 180 ries and other dishes 187 

I The Knife, Fork and Spoon 189 

Luncheons, Breakfasts and Simple Dinners 196 

Breakfasts 199 I Simple Dinners 201 

Luncheons 193 I Supper Parties 200 

The Family Table 203 

Breakfasts 203 I Luncheon 204 

Dinner 204 ' Tea or Supper 206 



CONTENTS. 



Table-cloths and Napkins 207 

Etiquette of Balls 211 



After-calls 218 

Arrival, and Entering the 

Drawing-room 215 

Dances, the various kinds. . . 225 

Dress for Balls 218 

Escort, duties of 219 

Hints to Gentlemen 220 

Parties, Receptions and other 

Afternoon Receptions 232 

Afternoon Teas 232 

Archery 252 

Asparagus Parties 251 

Author's Parties 244 

Blue Dinners and Teas "239 

Boating, 253 

Card Playing 244 

Charades 243 

Coaching 251 

Coasting Parties 255 

Croquet 253 

Evening Parties 229 

Fishing 254 

Garden Parties 246 

Glass Dinners 239 

High Tea 235 

Hunting Parties 250 

Informal Entertainments . . . 236 

Etiquette of Public Places 257 



Hints to Ladies 224 

Invitations 211 

Leave-taking 218 

Preparations for a Ball 214 

Receiving the Guests 216 

Supper and Refreshments 217 

Gatherings 229 

Kettledrums 232 

Lawn Parties 246 

Lawn-Tennis 252 

Matinees 240 

Mme. Tussaud Receptions 238 

Morning Receptions 232 

Opera Parties 237 

Picnics 249 

Pink Dinners and Teas 239 

Silver Dinners 239 

Skating Parties 254 

Soirees 240 

Sunday Hospitalituc 239 

Tableaux 243 

Theatre Parties 237 

Theatricals, Private 243 

Tobogganing 255 

Yachting 253 



Etiquette at Church 278 

Church Fairs... 284 

" Concerts 280 

while Driving 266 

at Hotels 273 

" in Omnibusses 272 

" atOperas 280 

" in Picture Galleries 284 



Etiquette of Public Halls 280 

Riding 264 

" Shopping 276 

" on the Street ; 257 

" " Street-cars 272 

at Studios 284 

Theatres 280 

ofTravelling 268 



School-room Etiquette 287 

Etiquette of the Home 290 

Manners of Children 295 

Treatment of Servants 303 

Business Etiquette 307 

Etiquette of Presents and Borrowing 309 

Good and Bad Society 315 

Concerning Chaperons 318 

Washington Etiquette 321 

Country Manners and Hospitality 330 



10 



CONTENTS. 



Etiquette op Clubs 

Etiquette of Conversation . . . 

A Few Dont's 356 

Adaptability 346 

Advice, Giving of 345 

Affectations 349 

Arguing 344 

Coarseness 348 

Compliments 345 

Contradictions . 345 

Correcting Others 343 

Drawing Out Others 346 

English Pronunciation 355 

Egotism 343 

Exaggerations 348 

Forms of Address 349 

Gossip 347 

Hobbies 345 

Language, Suggestions about 352 

Listening 342 

Manners 340 



335 

...339 

Modesty 341 

Personal Appearance 340 

Profanity 348 

Pronunciation 354 

Pronunciation, English 355 

Puns 344 

Questions 344 

Simplicity 341 

Slanders 347 

Slang 348 

Small Talk 350 

Stories 343 

Subjects of 340 

Sympathy 342 

Talent, Displays of 347 

Talking Shop 346 

Voice 340 

Wit 347 



Unsettled Points of Etiquette 



,359 



About After-calls 

Concerning Chaperons — 

Courtesies to Others 

Giving the Inside or Wall . 



360 



On Sending Invitations. 
The Right or Left Arm. . 
Who Should Bow First. . 



Miscellaneous Rules of Etiquette 



,367 



Adaptability 

About Minute Formalities . 
Ease and Self-possession . . . 



369 



General Hints 371 

Public Displays of Talent 370 

Right of Privacy 370 



PART II. — Letters and Notes 

Abbreviations, Use of 382 

Answering Letters 419 

Beginning a Letter 396 

Blotted Letters 381 

Capitals, Use of 403 

Closing for Letters 396 

Conclusion, the, of Letters . . 392 

Crossing the Writing 384 

Dating Letters with Figures 381 
Envelope, Addressing the. . . 404 

Figures, Use of 382-404 

Folding the Letter 380 

Foreign Titles 418 

French Phrases 383 

Grammar 381 

Handwriting 381 

Headings for Letters 3£6 



,377 



Ink, What to use 380 

Introduction, the, of Letters 388 

Letters Announcing Engagement. 439 

" of Apology 436 

" to Bridesmaid 439 

" of Business 429 

" of Condolence 420 

*' of Congratulation 422 

" Draft, Form of 432 

" About Favors Asked 433 

" of Friendship 424 

•' Relating to Gifts, 435 

" to Godmother, Request to 

Act 439 

" of Invitation 428 

" of Inquiry 431 

" of Introduction 427 



CONTENTS. 



11 



Letters and Notes (Continued). 

14 NoteB, -Form of 431 

" to Pall-bearer, Re- 
quest to Act 439 

" of Postponement — 428 
" Receipts, Form of.. 432 
" of Recommendation 434 

V Social . 424 

Paper, the Kind to Use 378 

Postscripts 384 

Punctuation, Hints on 399 



Openings for Letters 396 

Sealing-wax, Use of 380 

Slovenly Letters 381 

Spelling. 381 

Style 382 

Superscription 'lie '. 404 

Third Person, Use of 385 

Titles, addressing people with ... . 411 

Underscoring 384 

Wafers, Use of 380 



PART III. 



SUGGESTIONS ABOUT BEAUTY, HEALTH AND THE TOILET. 



About Beauty 445 

The Standard of Beauty 450 | BeautyofForm 453 

On Developing Beauty and Grace in Children 456 



Bathing Young Children — 458 
Beer and Cider for Children 457 

Ears, Large, to Modify 466 

Exercise 458 

Fresh Air, Importance of . . . 458 
Freckles and Sunburn 465 

The Complexion 468 



Hair, the. 465 

Nose, a Pug, to Cure 466 

Nursing One's Own Children 457 

Stays, for Children 463 

The Teeth 465 



Ammonia, Use of 474 

Benzoin, Use of 475 

Borax, Use of 474 

Bran, Use of 475 

Cleopatra's Bath for 487 

Cold Cream 476 

Cosmetics 475 

Enameling the Skin 487 

Dew- water 469 

Face-masks. 486 



Lavender-water 479 

Oatmeal, Use of 474 

Powders, Use of, 479 

Pure Water, Importance of. 469 

Rouge. 483 

Soap, Importance of Pure 473 

Steaming the Skin 486 

Toilet Vinegars 478 

Virginal Milk 478 

Watermelon-juice 470 



Lait Virginal 478 

Affections of the Skin 489 

490 Flabby Skin 497 

Flushing of the Face 497 

Freckles 498 

Frost Bites 498 

Greasiness of the Skin 498 

Hard and Stippled Skin 496 

Hepatic Spots 500 

Herpes Labialis 500 

Hives 500 

Horny or Thickened Skin 500 

Irritable Skin 500 



Acne 

Bites and StingB 493 

Black Heads 494 

Blisters 494 

Boils 494 

Bruises 495 

Burns and Scalds 495 

Chaps 496 

Dark Lines Under the Eyes . 496 

Dye 497 

Erysipelatous Inflammation 510 



/ 



12 



CONTENTS. 



Affections of the Skin (Continued). 



Itch 500 

Itching of the Skin 503 

Ivy Poisoning 503 

Looseness of the Skin 503 

Mask 504 

Moles 504 

Morphew 504 

Moth-spots 504 

Muddy Skin 505 

Nettle-rash < 506 

Nettle Stings 505 

Nose, the " Cauliflower " 510 

Pallid Skin 506 

Patches 5(4 

Perspiration 507 

Pimples 506 

Prickly Heat 507 

Redness of the Skin 508 

The Hair 

Baldness 526 

Bandolene, a 526 

Bleaching the 526 

Curling and Crimping 527 

Damp Hair 529 

Dandruff or Scurf 529 

Depilitories 529 

Dry and Stiff Hair 529 

Greasy Hair 530 

Glossy Hair, 530 



Ringworm 510 

Sallow Skin 513 

Scalds 513 

Scars 513 

Scratches 513 

Sensitive, or Thin Skin 514 

Smallpox Pitting 514 

Stings 515 

Stains 515 

Stippled Skin 515 

Sunburn 515 

Sycosis 516 

Tan 516 

Tattoo Marks 517 

Thickened Skin 500 

Varicose Veins 517 

Warts 517 

Wrinkles 518 

520 



Hair Restorers 537 

Loss of Color in Hair 537 

Lice 538 

Parasites 538 

Red, or Sandy Hair 538 

Superfluous Hair 538 

Switches, to Freshen 539 

Thin and balling Hair 540 

Tenderness of Scalp 544 

Wigs, to Bleach 545 

Hair Dyes 533 

Eyebrows and Eyelashes 546 

The Eyebrows 546 | The Eyelashes 548 

The Eyes, Ears and Nose .550 

The Ears 557 l The Nose 555 

The Eyes 550 I 

The Mouth and Teeth 559 

The Breath 564 I The Lips 559 

The Gums 564 I The Teeth 566 

The - Hands and Arms 572 

The Arms 584 j TheNails 582 

The Hands 572 I 

The Feet and Lower Limbs 586 

TheFeet 586 | The Lower Limbs 594 

I'm. Figure, 



The Bosom. 
The Chest... 

Leanness... . 



598 
595 
007 



...595 

Obesity 605 

The Waist . 604 



INTRODUCTORY REMARKS, 




HE word Etiquette is of Anglo-Norman 
origin and originally denoted the ticket 
tied to bags and bundles to indicate their 
contents. Generations ago our ancestors 
wrote or printed their chief rules of 
behavior on cards or tickets, and thus 
the word came gradually to have the 
meaning we ascribe to it, Some code of 
manners has existed from very early 
times, and in the " ancient bokes " of the Anglo-Saxons 
we find directions given our ancestors what to do and 
what not to do. Every generation since has had its 
code of manners, but we find our ideals constantly 
changing. Could one of those old mediaeval Knights 
be introduced into a modern ball room, or a fashion- 
able dinner party, he would, we fear, cut a sorry figure. 
Many of the rules laid down in the old books read 
curiously in the light of our modern ideas. In one 
of these works our fore-fathers were told they might 
wipe their mouths on the table-cloth, but not their 
noses or e\es! They are also cautioned not to clean 
their teeth on the table-cloth ! High born ladies swore 
profusely, and indulged in many practices which would 
hardly be tolerated now among the lowest orders of 
society. In view of the recent escapades of the Duke 



14 INTRODUCTORY REMARKS. 

of Marlborough, the story may be told of a certain 
Duchess of Marlborough, a few generations back, who 
called on Lord Mansfield on business, and, not finding 
him in, declined to give her name. In describing her 
visit his lordship's secretary said, " I could not make 
out, sir, who she was; but she swore so dreadfully that 
she must be a lady of quality! " From that time to the 
present there has been a steady improvement in the 
manners of the people. 

If, now, we turn to the continent we find the same 
refinement of manners taking place which has marked 
the progress of the English speaking people. In Kussia 
Queen Catherine found it necessary to forbid the gentle- 
men to strike their wives in public! And, again, the 
ladies are forbidden to wash out their mouths in the 
drinking glasses ! The French have always ranked as 
the politest people, and yet we find an old English 
traveler relating that he dined " at Madame Du Boca- 
ge's, a lady of high rank. The footman took the sugar 
in his fingers and threw it into my coffee. I was going 
to put it aside, but hearing it was made on purpose for 
me, I e'en tasted Thomas' fingers. The same lady would 
needs make tea a V anglaise. The spout of the teapot 
did not flow freely, so she bade the footman to blow into 
it!" Various affectations have also had their seasons of 
fashion and Ave find one writer in the seventeenth cent- 
ury relating that " at one time it was fashionable to be 
short-sighted; a man would not own an acquaintance 
until he had first examined him through a glass. The 
age no sooner recovered its sight than the blind were 
succeeded by the lame." This affectation of looking at 
an acquaintance through a glass reminds one of a some- 
what similar modern fashion. 

We might continue quotations of this kind indefin- 
itely, but perhaps we have given enough to convey to our 



INTRODUCTORY REMAKES- 15 

readers an idea of the changes which have taken place 
— and these changes are constantly going on. Many 
of the rules of etiquette which prevailed ten or twenty 
years ago are out of date to-day; and then, too, as our 
nation develops and the prairies are converted into 
farms, and towns and villages spring up which grow 
into cities, society becomes more complicated and the 
need is felt of those social laws which have been devel- 
oped and adopted in the older communities. In a 
country like America where there are no castes, and 
where such rapid changes in the social standing of people 
take place — the farmer's boy of to-day becoming the pro- 
minent and wealthy merchant or banker, the governor 
or president of to-morrow, and where the intermingling 
of the different classes is so general — there is a constant 
and almost universal desire to know what the social laws 
or rules of etiquette of the best society really are. 
Of course, to a certain extent, etiquette is a matter of 
locality, so that many of the little points required in the 
higher circles in New York would not be needed in a 
thinly settled farming community in Nebraska, and yet 
there is a constant tendency towards the adoption by all 
classes of society of the etiquette evolved and adopted 
by the best social circles, and the very general desire to 
know what those customs are is a most encouraging 
sign of the times- One of the first requisites of good 
manners is the perfect ease and self-possession, the 
absence of all fussiveness, which comes from a knowl- 
edge of the rules of etiquette; from knowing what to do 
and when to do it. What is more pitiful than to see 
the awkwardness and embarrassment of a young man 
who does not know what to do with his hat or his hands, 
whose eyes wander anxiously, and who is in mortal terror 
lest he should do something to betray his awkwardness? 
What, unless it is a young lady in the same predica- 



16 INTRODUCTORY REMARKS. 

ment! And yet this same awkward fellow may soon 
learn the social laws and become easy and self-possessed. 

In this work no special claim of originality is made ; 
in fact too much originality would render the work value- 
less, for what people want to know is not what are the 
theories or hobbies of the writer, but what are those 
well established and generally accepted laws of etiquette 
which they are expected to know, and the ignorance of 
which will make them appear awkward and boorish in 
the sight of others. These rules we have endeavored to 
give, and we have also tried to make the work as com- 
plete as possible and to give the latest attainable infor- 
mation on the subject. It should be constantly borne 
in mind, that even those which appear to be trivial rules 
of etiquette have usually some basis in common sense, 
and it is very evident that the great body of these laws 
are calculated to enable the wheels of the great social 
machine to run smoothly and without jarring. 

A clearer understanding of social customs may often 
be derived from a knowledge of their origin, and for 
this reason we have frequently explained the causes or 
conditions which gave them birth. For example, in the 
old days of chivalry, when the Knights wore coats of 
mail and their hands were cased in hard gloves, it would 
often cause a lady great pain to have her soft hand 
grasped with such an " iron grip." Custom, therefore, 
very sensibly, required the Knight to remove his glove 
before venturing to shake a lady's hand; and so, also, 
arose the custom of saying, " Excuse my glove," when 
it could not conveniently be taken off. The same reason 
does not exist for removing the soft glove worn at the 
present day, and so it is no longer the rule to either 
remove the glove or say, " Excuse my glove." That cus- 
tom has become obsolete. Again, before the days of 
sidewalks, and in the narrow streets which were the 



INTRODUCTORY REMARKS. 17 

rule in many of the older cities, it was necessary for a 
gentleman when escorting a lady to " give her the wall" 
as we say. By taking the outside he could shield her 
from passing animals or vehicles, or defend her if need 
be, and so it became the rule to give the lady the 
" inside" of the walk. Now, however, times have 
changed, sidewalks are universal, and the gentleman is 
not called on to protect the lady as formerly, and so the 
custom of giving the lady the inside is becoming obso- 
lete — passing away with the cause that gave it birth. 
We give these merely as examples to illustrate our 
meaning. One who understands the origin of a custom 
will readily see the propriety of discarding it when it is 
no longer needed. 

But although we have tried to make the work com- 
plete, it is utterly impossible for any book to touch on 
all the thousand and one little points that may from 
time to time arise, for, after all, something — much in 
fact — must be left to the tact and common sense of the 
individual. We cannot make automata of our readers 
and wind them up so that they will go right under all 
circumstances without the use of their own judgments. 
The thoughtless and forgetful people who are continu- 
ally making blunders — talking of the dead to their 
friends as though they were living, introducing delicate 
and unfortunate topics of conversation, forgetting names 
and faces and, in general, blundering around and hitting 
people's delicate spots — can never succeed in society. 

If this work shall help any of its readers to avoid 
those social mistakes which are so mortifying to proud 
and sensitive natures, and to attain that politeness of 
manner which will contribute so much to their own 
happiness and that of others, the author will feel amply 
repaid for the labor involved in its compilation. 



REGARD FOR OTHERS. 




HILE, as we have said before, the laws of 
etiquette are constantly changing and 
the manners of each succeeding genera- 
tion become more refined, the principles 
which underlie all these social laws do 
not change. The basis of all good man- 
ners lies in a regard for the feelings of 
others. Indeed, probably no better sum- 
ming up of the rules of etiquette could 
be found, than that contained in the golden rule, "Do 
unto others as you would that they should do to you. " 
St. Paul's idea of becoming "all things to all men " was 
essentially that of the modern gentleman. 

True politeness may at times even require one to 
violate the strict laws of etiquette. Thus it is related of 
Queen Victoria that she was at one time entertaining at 
dinner an old soldier whose bravery in the Crimean war 
had endeared him to all loyal English hearts. Lacking 
the polish of refined society, he ate with his knife. 
Noticing a smile on the face of one of the party, Queen 
Victoria deliberately ate with her knife also, thus effect- 
ually rebuking the ill-bred smile and saving the feelings 
of her soldier guest. 

That kind of intuitive faculty which some men, but 
more women, possess of avoiding the unpleasant and 
drawing out the pleasant traits of character, that knack 
for making every one feel at home in their presence, is 



REGARD FOR OTHERS. 19 

a striking characteristic of true politeness. Buskin 
says, " A gentleman's first characteristic is that fineness 
of structure in the body which renders it capable of the 
most delicate sensation, and of that structure of the 
mind which renders it capable of the most delicate sym- 
pathies, or, as one may simply say, fineness of nature. " 
And again he says, " One of the probable signs of high 
breeding in men generally will be their kindness and 
mercifulness — these always indicate more or less firm- 
ness of make in the mind." 

Indifference to the feelings and pleasures of others 
always indicates a coarse and brutal nature — a survival, 
doubtless, of that callousness of nerve which enabled our 
savage ancestors to take delight in seeing a fellow-being 
suffer. The change in nervous sensibility is very 
apparent from the time when whole communities 
delighted in gladiatorial contests where men were 
"butchered to make a Koman holiday, " and our modern 
horror of giving pain to even the dumb animals so that 
societies are organized for the suppression of cruelty to 
them. Now these sympathetic feelings find expression 
in various ways that come under the head of etiquette. 
There is a large class of what have been happily termed 
"optional civilities." Such little attentions as lifting 
the hat by the gentlemen in an elevator when a lady 
enters it, or for a cultivated and popular lady to turn 
aside in society to notice an awkward and embarassed 
young man, and say a few pleasant words that he may 
long remember, or to send a basket of flowers to a friend 
on her birthday, or after a wedding, or on opening a 
new residence, — all such little things add wonderfully 
to the pleasures of life and relieve its monotony. They 
certainly exert an elevating and refining influence on 
character. They impress people like the perfume of 
flowers, or sweet strains of music Nor are these 



20 BEGAKD FOB OTHEES. 

things without their pecuniary importance, for Emerson 
very truthfully says : " Give a boy address and accom- 
plishments and you give him the mastery of palaces and 
fortunes wherever he goes, " and many of our leading 
business men owe no small portion of their success to 
their politeness and address. 





INTRODUCTIONS. 



S an introduction is a social indorsement, 
discrimination should be used in intro- 
ducing people, especially those of whose 
character one is ignorant. It is perfectly 
proper to say to a young gentleman solicit- 
ing an introduction to a young lady, "I 
fear I hardly know you well enough to 
introduce you. I beg you to wait until her 
parents can present you. " On the other 
hand too much formality is not desirable. Strict eti- 
quette is opposed to indiscriminate introductions, and 
most society people are very careful to ascertain whether 
an introduction is mutually desired before venturing to 
hazard the ceremony. 

INTEODUCTIONS SHOULD BE DESIRED BEFORE GIVEN. 

It may be set down as an established rule that no 
gentleman should be presented to a lady until she has 
been consulted and given an opportunity to refuse, and 
two ladies are not introduced until the wishes of both 
are ascertained, and it is mutually desired. 

In smaller towns, and among people of the same 
' : set, " many hold that an introduction hurts no one, and 
as it is easy to repel an undesirable acquaintance, even 
after an introduction, the rigid rules of etiquette are 
ignored. 



INTRODUCTIONS. 23 

GREETING ON BEING INTRODUCED. 

The latest fashion considers it more elegant for a 
lady, especially a young lady, to bow merely on a first 
introduction, but where she wishes to show cordiality it 
is proper to extend the hand. 

Gentlemen usually shake hands on being introduced, 
but the older gentleman makes the first advance. 

A gentleman waits until a lady offers her hand before 
extending his. However, when the hand is offered by 
either party it should be cordially taken. Always res- 
pond to a greeting in the same spirit in which it is 
tendered. 

In her own house a lady cordially greets any one 
brought to her by a mutual friend, usually extending her 
hand. 

BOWING AFTER AN INTRODUCTION. 

After being introduced to a lady, a gentleman must 
always wait for her to bow first. This is the American 
rule, and the one generally recognized. 

INTRODUCTIONS WHEN CALLING. 

In fashionable society the rule is established that, in 
her own house, a lady cannot introduce two ladies resid- 
ing in the same town. No doubt the reason for this is 
that the hostess must not hazard the offense of intro- 
ducing one whose acquaintance is not desired. The sen- 
sible English rule, however, that " the roof is an intro- 
duction " is gaining ground. Certainly nothing is more 
stupid than for two people to eye each other without 
speaking, like two awkward children, while at the house 
of a mutual acquaintance. It is better to drop the form- 
ality and chat pleasantly for the time being, and then 
let the acquaintance end with the occasion. 



24 INTRODUCTIONS. 

FOEM OF AN INTRODUCTION. 

In introductions the simplest form is the best. " Miss 
Bright allow me to present Mr. Sharp; Mr. Sharp 
Miss Bright, "is a proper form. In introducing gen- 
tlemen the names alone are often used, as, " Mr. Black, 
Mr. Brown ; Mr. Brown, Mr. Black. " When several 
persons are presented to an individual at one time, it is 
usual to mention the name but once, thus : " Mr. Bright 
allow me to present Mr. White, Mr. Brown, Mrs. Black, 
Miss Snow," and so on, bowing to each one as the name 
is pronounced. The greeting should be " I am happy 
to meet you, Mr. Bright, " or " I am pleased to make 
your acquaintance " or any similar remark. 

The words " allow me to present" are preferred by 
many, but "allow me to introduce" or " allow me to 
make you acquainted with " are in common use. The 
exact words are not important. After an introduction 
the party introduced should open the conversation with 
any light remark, showing a disposition to be agreeable. 

THE NAME IMPORTANT. 

In introducing people the names should be spoken 
very distinctly, and if either party does not catch the 
other's name, it is best to say so at once, as, "I beg par- 
don, but I did not understand the name. " It is much 
better to do this, than to blunder around without know- 
ing the names of those to whom you are talking. 

WHOM TO PRESENT. 

Gentlemen are presented to ladies, the younger 
individual to the older, and the inferior to the superior. 
American ideas of equality, however, often make the 
latter distinction anything but clear. 



INTRODUCTIONS. 25 

INTRODUCING RELATIVES. 

A lady in introducing her husband, should always 
give his name, as, " This is my husband Mr. Bright," 
and not simply " This is my husband. " If he has a 
title she should give that, as, "This is my husband 
Judge Brown, " or " Governor Brown, " or whatever 
the title may be. A lady may always introduce her hus- 
band, son or daughter, without previously asking per- 
mission to do so. In introducing any relative, the full 
name should be given, as "This is my cousin Miss 
Carrie Smith, " and never merely " This is my cousin 
Carrie. " 

EXPLANATORY REMARKS. 

In introducing strangers some explanatory remarks 
may be made, such as, "This is Judge Brown of the 
Superior Court, " or " Miss Williams, this is Mr. Sharp, 
author of the 'Jingo Papers' which amused you so 
much, " or " This is Mr. Black, who lives in New York. " 
It is a great help over the awkwardness of starting 
a conversation with a stranger to have some such clew 
to his standing. 

INTRODUCING A GUEST. 

A guest must always be introduced to visitors who 
call; but two visitors calling at the same time are not 
introduced. The reason is that the lady does not know 
whether the acquaintance is mutually desired or not. 
Two callers thus meeting in a friend's parlor may chat 
as freely as though they had been introduced, but the 
acquaintance ends when they leave the house, unless its 
continuance is desired by both parties. 



26 INTRODUCTIONS. 

INTRODUCING ENEMIES. 

Two bitter enemies who chance to be introduced, 
must treat each other pleasantly while in the presence, 
or at the house, of a mutual friend. It is an insult, 
however, to knowingly introduce people who are objec- 
tionable to each other. 

INTRODUCING YOURSELF. 

If you enter a drawing room and are not recognized, 
give your name at once in a quiet, easy manner, and 
inquire for the one whom you wish to see, or with whom 
you are acquainted, if she is absent from the room. 
Never, however, hand your own card to the hostess. It 
should be sent in by the servant if presented to her at all. 

INTRODUCTIONS AT DINNER PARTIES. 

At dinner parties gentlemen should be introduced 
on their arrival to the ladies they are to escort to the 
dinner table, if not already acquainted with them, but 
introductions never take place at the table. Guests 
chat freely without it. 

INTRODUCTION FOR SOLICITING FAVORS. 

If you seek an introduction for the purpose of ask- 
ing a favor it does not entitle you to further recognition. 

REPELLING THOSE LOWER IN THE SOCIAL SCALE. 

It is the snobbish person, who feels uncertain of her 
position, who fears to make the acquaintance of those 
she considers below her in the social scale. Those with 
an assured position know that a mere bowing acquaint- 
ance can do them no harm. 



INTRODUCTIONS. 27 

ATTITUDE TOWARDS OTHER GUESTS AT AN ACQUAINT- 
ANCE'S HOUSE. 

When at the house of a friend, a lady should not 
repulse another lady who speaks to her, even though 
they have never been introduced. Her presence at that 
house is sufficient guarantee of her respectability, and 
her advances should be met pleasantly. 

INTRODUCTIONS UNNECESSARY WHEN TRAVELING. 

A gentleman when traveling may render any assist- 
ance in his power to a lady without waiting for the 
formality of an introduction. The lady should thank 
him politely if she declines his assistance, as a simple 
act of kindness demands such a recognition; but any at- 
tempt at undue familiarity may be promptly repulsed. 
A casual conversation between travelers gives neither 
party any claim to further acquaintance. 

SPECIAL INTRODUCTIONS FOR CONVENIENCE. 

Such introductions as those at a croquet or lawn- 
tennis party, or during a drive or walk at a watering- 
place, do not involve further or after recognition neces- 
sarily, but to bow on meeting again is more polite. 

a hostess' interest in guests. 

A hostess is in a measure responsible for the pleasure 
of her guests and she should take pains to introduce 
shy and diffident people, especially those who are young. 
Their pleasure may depend on such attention. 

INTRODUCTION of guests. 

At a dinner party in a city, a distinguished stranger 
is introduced to all those present, but otherwise the 
hostess makes no introductions before dinner except to 



28 INTRODUCTIONS. 

introduce the gentleman to the lady he is expected to 
escort to the table. As we have elsewhere stated the 
rule that "the roof is an introduction " which is gain- 
ing ground, enables the guests to chat pleasantly- 
together. In the country, however, a general intro- 
duction of all the guests frequently takes place. 

REQUIREMENTS OF A BALL ROOM INTRODUCTION. 

When a gentleman is introduced to a lady at a ball, 
it is presumed he will show her some attention, and 
either dance or promenade with her, or, if they do not 
take the floor, talk to her through one dance. Such in- 
troductions, however, necessitate no further acquaint- 
ance unless mutually desired. 

STREET INTRODUCTIONS. 

It is not necessary to introduce a friend who may be 
accompanying you to the acquaintances you may chance 
to meet on the street, in the cars, etc. Such indis- 
criminate introductions serve no good purpose and are 
uncalled for. When given they involve no further re- 
cognition. A gentleman lifts his hat and bows when 
introduced to a lady on the street. When accompany- 
ing a friend who enters into conversation with some 
acquaintance casually met, you should give a parting 
salutation on separating, the same as your friend- This 
is the rule even if you were not introduced. 

PRESENTING LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION. 

The one bearing a letter of introduction never de- 
livers it in person in England, but sends it with his 
card. The reverse is the rule on the continent. In 
America we incline to the English rule and a letter of 
introduction may be sent by mail accompanied by a 



INTRODUCTIONS. 29 

visiting card giving the bearer's address. If carried in 
person, it should be sent in with a card by the servant 
and the bearer leaves to await a response. It would be 
considered indelicate for the bearer of a letter of intro- 
duction to enter and be present when the letter is read. 
A young man, however, bearing a letter of introduction 
to one many years his senior, or who is to aid him in 
some enterprise, takes it himself promptly. 

ON RECEIVING A LETTER OF INTRODUCTION. 

The party receiving a letter of introduction should 
call at once on the one introduced; but if it is incon- 
venient to do so a card should be sent, and the bearer of 
the letter is then at liberty to call. It is a compliment 
to the sender of the letter to show such attention as may 
be in your power to the one introduced, but to ignore a 
letter of introduction is a gross insult. 

A BUSINESS LETTER OF INTRODUCTION. 

Letters of introduction to and from business men 
maybe delivered by the bearers in person, and etiquette 
does not require the receiver to bestow any attention 
socially upon the person introduced, but such attention 
would be a compliment to the friend who sent the letter. 

GIVING LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION. 

Letters of introduction should be given with caution. 
Before giving one it would be well to pause and ask 
yourself two questions : First, have you a right to thus 
presume on the friendship of the party addressed, and, 
second, will the introduction be mutually pleasant. 
Any one with whom the writer is but slightly acquainted 
should never be thus endorsed. No one should ask a 
friend or acquaintance for a letter of introduction if 



30 INTBODUCTIONS. 

there is any fear of thereby causing any embarassment. 
It is better to politely decline to give a letter of intro- 
duction by saying, "I really am not well enough ac- 
quainted with Mr. Jones to give you a letter of intro- 
duction to him, " or some similar remark, than to hazard 
an imposition on a too slight acquaintance. Certainly if 
you suspect the character of the one soliciting the letter, 
you should decline to give it. 

A letter of introduction given for the purpose of 
enabling any one to ask a favor, should rarely be given— 
and never, unless the party to whom it is addressed is 
under obligation to you. 

A letter of introduction should be left unsealed, and 
as the bearer is at liberty to read it, complimentary 
phrases should be used sparingly. The form for such a 
letter will be found in the forms for letters given later 
on in this work. 

CLAIMS OF THOSE INTKODUCED. 

When a formal introduction has taken place the par- 
ties have a certain claim on each other as acquaintances. 
The bow of recognition should be exchanged on meet- 
ing, but the hand shaking is optional. If it is desired 
to ripen the acquaintance into friendship a certain 
amount of cordiality should be shown, but even if one 
of the parties wishes to prevent the acquaintance from 
going further, a bow should not be refused. A direct 
cut is rarely advisable unless there is some strong 
reason for it. There are other ways of checking an 
undesirable acquaintance, less rude and quite as effective. 



SALUTATIONS. 




T would be an interesting study to trace the or- 
igin and development of our various forms 
of salutation, and also those which are ob- 
served by the other nations of the earth. 
Many of the forms of salutation seem to 
have had their origin in acts of worship, 
and each nation has its own peculiar forms, 
some of which are quite curious. Among the 
Laplanders, friends salute by rubbing their 
noses together, and the same custom prevails in some of 
the South Sea Islands. In some African tribes friends 
greet each other by rubbing their toes together, and in 
some other tribes they scratch each other's heads. The 
Chinese bow low and hospitably ask "Have you eaten 
your rice?" The Turk, with folded arms, bends very low, 
and the Hindoos nearly touch the ground with their faces. 
The Bedouin bestows his benediction with "God grant 
you a happy morning," and the Spaniard says "God be 
with you, sir." The Neapolitan piously says "Grow in 
holiness," and the Hungarian "God keep you well," while 
the Egyptians, says Heroditus in his day, would drop 
their hands on their knees and ask "Do you sweat copi- 
ously?" The German greets you with a "How do you 
find yourself?" and the Frenchman asks "How do you 
carry yourself ? ' ' 

In England and America the usual forms of saluta- 
tion are the bow, shaking the hand, the kiss and the ver- 
bal salutation. 



SALUTATIONS. 33 

THE BOW. 

This is the most common salutation between acquaint- 
ances, and the recognition should be prompt the instant 
the eyes meet, and even those whom you do not like 
should be recognized, as a direct "cut" is rarely advisable. 
Those but slightly acquainted bow formally, but friends 
accompany the bow with a smile of recognition. 

An American gentleman bows to a lady and lifts his 
hat from his head, but a foreigner bows respectfully and 
raises the hat slightly. 

A gentleman when bowing should lift his hat slightly 
from his head. To merely touch the rim of his hat, or 
make a gesture toward it, is not the correct form. But 
while the hat should be lifted slightly it should not be 
carried away from the head with an ostentatious flourish. 
A slight inclination of the head at the time the hat is 
lifted should occur, but the body need not be bent. 
Ladies give a glance of recognition and bow the head 
merely. The degree of friendship may be easily indi- 
cated by the manner of the greeting — friends receiving 
a cordial smile, and acquaintances only a formal bow. 

A bow does not necessarily imply a calling acquaint- 
ance, nor any additional intercourse. To omit or ignore 
it, however, would subject one to the suspicion of being 
ill-bred or wanting in gentlemanly instincts. 

A lady's bow should be returned under all circum- 
stances. If the acquaintance is not desired, it is better to 
turn the head, or avoid meeting her, than to give her a 
direct cut. 

If a person you do not recognize bows, return it at 
once, as it may be some one you have forgotten, or you 
may have been mistaken for some one you resemble, 
and you can lose nothing by returning the bow. 

If a friend is met several times while riding, driving, 



34 SALUTATIONS. 

or walking, a bow is only required at the first meeting; 
after that, a look or smile is all the recognition needed. 

A gentleman lifts his hat when passing a funeral 
cortege or a group of mourners. 

It is a mark of politeness for a gentleman to lift his 
hat when tendering his services to a lady, though a 
stranger to him, and also when a lady asks him for infor- 
mation or assistance. 

When smoking, a gentleman removes the cigar from 
his mouth before bowing to a lady, and if his hand is 
in his pocket he takes it out. Gentlemen, however, 
should not carry their hands in their pockets — it is not 
good form. 

When walking with a lady a gentleman returns all 
bows made to her, whether he is acquainted with the 
parties who bow or not, A gentleman walking with a 
friend bows when he does, even though unacquainted with 
the lady saluted. 

A gentleman meeting a lady in a doorway or corridor, 
bows and lifts his hat as he offers her precedence, or 
opens the door for her. 

In America and England the rule has been that a 
gentleman should wait for a lady to bow first, but on the 
continent the opposite rule prevails and gentlemen offer 
the first salute. Some authorities are trying to introduce 
the same custom here, and it would seem better that 
either party should bow at once on recognizing an ac- 
quaintance, but the American rule for the gentlemen to 
wait for the lady to bow first, is still generally ob- 
served. 

A gentleman driving, whose hands are occupied with 
the reins, need not try to raise or touch his hat ; a bow 
of the head is then sufficient salute to a lady. If on 
horseback, the reins may be held in the left hand, and 
the hat lifted with the right. 



SALUTATIONS. 35 

The bow of a servant, or one considered lower in the 
social scale, should be returned politely. It is related 
that Washington, on returning an old negro's greeting 
with one of his politest bows, said he did not wish a 
negro to out-do him in politeness. 

In sparsely settled localities the habit of bowing to 
every one met, is a very pleasant one. 

SHAKING HANDS. 

Shaking hands is the English and American greeting 
expressing cordiality. For this reason formal acquaint- 
ances merely bow, while friends shake hands. If the hand 
is offered at all by either a gentleman or lady, it should 
be given cordially. To extend only the tips of the fingers, 
or to present the hand in a lifeless manner, is almost an 
insult. It indicates indifference. To squeeze the hand 
hard, or retain it long, is rude. The proper way is to 
give a cordial shake and then relinquish the grasp. The 
right hand is always used in shaking hands. When 
necessary to offer the left, it is extended with an apology. 

Young ladies extend the hand with more reserve 
than married ladies, and as a rule only extend their 
hands to those admitted to the inner circle of friend- 
ship. 

Do not shake hands at a ball-room introduction, as 
that is given only to provide a partner for the dance, and 
not to establish friendship. On receiving a formal in- 
troduction bow merely without shaking hands. 

A lady rises to extend her hand, and a gentleman 
always rises on being introduced, of course. 

A married lady, at her own house, extends her hand 
to all guests. On being introduced to a gentleman the 
hand is offered if he is presented by a warm friend, or 
if he comes especially recommended. 



36 SALUTATIONS. 

Gentlemen wait for ladies to extend the hand first, 
and the younger wait for the older persons to make the 
first advance. 

Kid gloves are not removed in shaking hands, nor is 
any apology necessary in retaining them; only coarse or 
heavy gloves need to be removed. The custom of re- 
moving the glove arose in the days of chivalry when the 
knight removed his heavy gauntlet before grasping a 
lady's hand, as a failure to remove the gauntlet might 
hurt her hand. The custom of removing the glove is 
now obsolete, and so is the apology "Excuse my 
glove." 

KISSING. 

Many curious speculations have been advanced by 
scientists as to the origin of kissing. It seems probable 
that it originated among the lower animals in the 
pleasure derived from the touch or contact of two kindred 
natures, and it has developed with the progress of the 
race. 

But whatever its origin, the kiss is emphatically the 
language of affection, and as all public displays of affec- 
tion are regarded as ridiculous, people of refinement 
shrink from them. This is the rule, at least, among the 
demure Anglo-Saxons, but with the French and Ger- 
mans more latitude is allowed, and men kiss one another 
in both public and private. In England the custom 
appears to have been more in vogue a few centuries ago 
than at present, for a Greek writer who visited that 
Island some four or five centuries ago, wrote: "As for 
English females and children their customs are liberal 
in the extreme. When a visitor calls at a friend's house 
his first act is to kiss his friend's wife." And Erasmus, 
who was so prominent in the Eeformation, wrote: "The 
English have a custom which can never be sufficiently 



SALUTATIONS. 37 

commended. On your arrival you are welcomed with 
kisses; on your departure you are sent off with kisses; if 
you return, the embraces are repeated ; wherever you 
meet you are greeted with a kiss; which ever way you turn 
there is nothing but kissing." The fashion of kissing is 
now out of date among men however, and among women 
the custom of kissing in public is becoming less and less 
general. Among relatives and near friends on special 
occasions, such as returning home from a journey, such 
greetings are allowed, but with certain rare exceptions it 
is generally felt that kissing in public displays both a 
want of delicacy and a want of sense. 

So great is the change in public sentiment on this 
subject that it is now held by many that the prudent and 
modest maiden should not even allow her lover, (even 
after their engagement), to kiss her. Not until after 
marriage should such a favor be granted. Engagements 
are often broken off and no privileges should be granted 
which, in case of such an occurrence, could cause the 
lady any regrets. 

It is now believed that some contagious diseases, like 
diptheria, are often conveyed by a kiss, and for this 
reason the promiscuous kissing among children and 
women is to be deplored. Children are not only encour- 
aged to kiss indiscriminately, but they are often obliged 
to do so against their own will. It is altogether prob- 
able that this promiscuous kissing will become much 
less common in the future. 

VEEBAL SALUTATIONS. 

The words of salutation in most common use are, 
" Good morning," " Good evening," " How do you do?" 
and " How are you ? " In greeting others a much better 
impression is produced by showing them a certain 



38 SALUTATIONS. 

amount of respect than by undue familiarity. The free 
use of nick-names and boisterous greetings are not re- 
fined, and should, therefore, be avoided. A respectful 
treatment of others is always an evidence of good 
breeding. 




INVITATIONS, ACCEPTANCES AND 
REGRETS. 




I N modern society invitations, acceptances 
and regrets have come to be an important 
part of etiquette. The forms observed are 
fixed and uniform and all should be famil- 
iar with them. If they are strictly observed 
many misunderstandings and much mortifi- 
cation may be prevented, for to receive a 
vague and indefinite invitation often leaves 
a lady uncertain about how to dress and 

how formal the occasion will be. These uncertainties 

are very perplexing and often annoying. 

INVITATIONS. 

For small and informal dinners or other gatherings, 
invitations are often written in the first person. The 
degree of intimacy existing between the host and guest 
will regulate the form, as is the case in the writing of 
all notes and letters, but the prescribed forms given 
hereafter for ceremonious occasions need not be used in 
such cases. The length of time in advance at which 
such invitations are sent out may vary from ten to two 
or three days, according to circumstances. It is best, 
however, to send out invitations a sufficient time in ad- 
vance, instead of waiting until the eleventh hour; and, 



40 INVITATIONS, ACCEPTANCES AND REGRETS. 

again, it is not best to undervalue your entertainment, 
and in false humility assume less formality than the 
occasion warrants. 

When they are engraved, any good engraving firm 
can give the information desired about the size of cards 
and so on, but the plainer and simpler the style the 
more elegant. Many ladies, however, prefer to write 
their own invitations, and it is always in good taste to 
do so. The following is the formula universally used : 





C^?4. twit/ CsWg-ld. 


JSve-oA^e C0<UlcJz 








S&J/. ^zZtZl&O-'&l 





For other entertainments the words " at dinner" 
may be omitted, and the words "Music," "Dancing,' - ' 
"Readings and Recitations," "Garden Party," or what- 
ever the entertainment is, written or engraved in the 
lower left hand corner. 

The initials R. S. V. P. are an abbreviation of the 
French words Eepondez sHlvous plait, meaning "Reply 
if you please." Many people, however, write instead 
the English words, " The favor of an answer is re- 
quested." Either form is proper, but the latter is usual 



INVITATIONS, ACCEPTANCES AND REGRETS. 41 

in England, For various other abbreviations nsed in 
notes, etc., see our chapter on letter writing further on 
in this book. 

The expression " presents compliments " which was 
once used is now obsolete. 

An invitation should always indicate in some way 
the character of the entertainment, so that the guests 
may know how to dress, and whether they care to attend 
at all or not. Be careful to write the names and dates 
very plainly, and be as explicit as is consistent with 
politeness. 

A sheet of fine white, rather heavy paper, unruled, 
and folded once, should be used both in writing and in 
answering invitations. Kuled paper is thought to look 
cheap, and is not good form. The envelopes should be 
plain white, and should match the paper in size. If the 
invitation is sent by mail two envelopes should be used. 
The one inside bears the name only, and the one outside 
has the full address — street and number. Then when 
the outer envelope is removed it leaves the inner one 
clean and fresh. The paper may have a coat of arms or 
monogram embossed in white, but colored designs are 
now out of date. Fancy designs on the paper are in bad 
taste, and nothing is better than plain white. Fancy 
colored papers are not now used. If cards are used 
instead of paper they should be heavy and plain white. 
- Never confuse the first and third person in sending 
out invitations. For an informal dinner, notes are now 
often sent in the first person, but for all formal occa- 
sions the third person is used, and it must be used 
uniformly all through the invitation. Also be careful of 
the spacing, etc., thus: — the "Mr. and Mrs. Brown" must 
all be on one line, and never separated even in written 
notes. 

The term "Honorable" should never be used in an 



42 INVITATIONS, ACCEPTANCES AND REGRETS. 

invitation — it can only be used in the address on the 
envelope. 

The rule that not more than three persons from the 
same family should be invited to the same entertain- 
ment is quite well established — some would even limit 
it to two, but three is the usual rule. 

Many society ladies given to entertaining have en- 
graved forms on hand, with the names and date blank, 
to be filled in when wanted. They are found very con- 
venient and save much time to the sender of the invi- 
tations. The following is the form: 



c^* 


4-etfrued/ /we w/eti<Ut4se iff 


tz/ &fo?wie4' &M- 

97 


(ytzz/ew 


<%■/ $ ■#- c/c&te. 



An invitation to a dinner or wedding is always issued 
in the name of both host and hostess. If the host is a 
widower his name appears alone on an invitation to din- 
ner, unless he has a daughter old enough to preside over 
his household, in which case her name may appear in 
connection with his own. In England an invitation to 
dinner is the only one in which the names of host and 
hostess both appear, while in America they are both ap- . 
pended to a wedding invitation also. 



43 

At a garden party, a ball, an evening party, and all 
entertainments except a dinner or wedding, the invi- 
tation is given in the name of the hostess alone, thus : 



Dancing at 9 o'clock. ^xq. -Cr. (&. OS 



No lady ever invites guests to a "ball " or "a party" 
at her own house. These words are in bad form for such 
occasions, but for a charity ball, or other public affair, the 
word "ball" is used. A lady simply says on her invi- 
tation "dancing," "co_tillon," or whatever it may be. 

For balls, evening parties, and all formal occasions, 
the invitations are usually sent out about two weeks in 
advance. For less formal occasions, shorter notice may 
be given. People sometimes judge of the formality of 
the affair by the length of time in advance at which the 
invitation is issued. 

The rule has been that invitations to dinner, must 
invariably be sent by messenger. All other invitations 
may now be sent by mail. In England, even dinner 
invitations are sent by mail, and. the custom is so sensi- 



44 INVITATIONS, ACCEPTANCES AND REGRETS. 

ble that it would be well to adopt it in this country. 
The mail is being used more and more every year for 
sending invitations, and custom may soon sanction the 
sending of dinner invitations in this way as well as 
others. 

The following simple form of invitation is very often 
used at present : 



C^gw. ^^u^dd £2^f<d^ 




C7& ' &fa^e 


ot^-M-ed^/a^f 


e^wm^t*?, (Z^QtZ'lcn- -/Ofifc. 


Quadrilles at 9 o'clock. 


^.&. &§>. 



One authority says: "Sometimes E. S. V. P. is ap- 
pended to an 'At Home' card; but this is an incorrect 
form of invitation, though used occasionally to save time 
and trouble," while another very high authority says: 
" On all 'At Home' cards, the letters K. S. V. P. are en- 
graved, and to these answers should be sent as soon as 
possible." Now here is another of those differences of 
authority which we have discussed at length elsewhere, 
as unsettled points of etiquette. In this case, if it is 
"incorrect" to use the letters R. S. V. P. on "At Home" 
cards, custom sanctions it and it is very convenient, so 
that our readers may safely use the form. 

If it is a small informal affair, the word "Informal" 
may be written in the lower left-hand corner. See also 
what we say about the use of the word informal in our 



INVITATIONS, ACCEPTANCES AND REGRETS. 45 

chapter on "Parties, Receptions and other Gatherings," 
further on in this work. 

Invitations to balls, evening parties, afternoon con- 
certs, garden parties, etc., are now being more and more 
issued on the "at home" cards. The name of the one 
invited may be written in the upper right hand corner 
of the card, above that of the hostess, thus: 





CsW)<ld 


,<$&*. 


CTf^M. ^KJaavfoeAe 




&f/ ^favne 




C^/^da-?f, J^M/fof 


C/w^C 




Music at 4 o'clock. 


<3p <&. &@. 



Or, in place of the music, "garden party," "dancing," 
or whatever the entertainment is, may be substituted. 

It is never proper to send out invitations in the name 
of the daughter alone, but for an entertainment for the 
daughter, the name of mother and daughter may appear 
together, as "Mrs. and Miss Holt, at home, etc." If the 
mother is dead, the father's name may appear, as "Mr. 
and Miss Holt, at home, etc." The name of her cha- 
perone may appear on the invitation with that of a young 
lady, as " Mrs. De Yincey and Miss Hunt, at home," etc. 



46 INVITATIONS, ACCEPTANCES AND REGRETS. 

The next form which we give below is now in very 
common use, but there is really no better form than the 
first one we gave in this chapter, ( which see ) and to meet 
an honored guest it would read, "Mrs. Brownell requests 
the pleasure of Mr. and Mrs. Sloan's company, on Friday, 
February 4th, at 4 o'clock, to meet the Speaker of the 
House and Mrs. Carlisle," or " President Cleveland," or 
" Judge Mason," or " Miss Packard," or whoever it may 
be. This form has been long in use and many people 
prefer it to any other. We favor it on the whole, but of 
course its use is largely a matter of taste. 

The invitations to meet distinguished or honored 
guests, to which we have just referred, are issued on the 
"at home" cards, and the following is the form: 







<$?. &. (% '.&. 



These cards may be enclosed in an envelope and 
sent by mail. 

Always write the name of the distinguished guest 
above that of the hostess. It is sometimes written below 
the date but the above form seems much the best. 



INVITATIONS, ACCEPTANCES AND KEGRETS. 47 

A lady may use her own visiting card for a " kettle- 
drum" or a " five o'clock tea," thus : 



44-. L&r e4--wia>w 



&sriyuia<i4Z. 



Five o'clock Tea, 
Tuesday, November 8th, 



Gentlemen never use the "at home" form we have pre- 
viously given; that is proper for ladies only. Club 
members, bachelors, army and navy officers, and so on, 
in issuing invitations always " request the honor of Mr. 
and Mrs. Strong's company," or "the pleasure of Mr. 
and Mrs. Strong's company," using the form we give on 
page 40. For a gentleman to send out an "at home" 
card would be considered very stupid. 

The forms of invitation have been long in use and are 
firmly established, so that no deviation should be made. 
Do not "hope to see Mr. and Mrs. Hickson" or anything 
of that kind, but stick to the formula " requests the 

pleasure of Mr. company." A deviation will be 

considered a sign of ignorance of the proper form. 

Invitations should be issued to all the guests in uni- 
form manner. Do not have some written and others 
verbal. Verbal invitations are only given for small and 
informal gatherings. 

A lady may properly request an invitation to a ball 
for a distinguished stranger, or a visitor, or for an unex- 



48 INVITATIONS, ACCEPTANCES AND REGRETS. 

ceptionable young man who is a good dancer, but she 
should not presume too far on the hospitality of the 
hostess, nor feel offended if refused, as the hostess may 
have more demands than she can meet. Invitations for 
a married couple should rarely be solicited — and never if 
they reside in the same town. 

Invitations must always include both husband and 
wife, if an invitation is sent to either, except to those 
gatherings which are confined to either gentlemen or 
ladies. Thus a wife might be invited to the house of a 
lady friend to meet a few ladies only, but if any gentle- 
men at all are invited, the husband must always be in- 
cluded in the invitation. If he never goes into society 
he may decline, but he must be favored with an invi- 
tation just the same. 

Invitations should be sent to those in mourning the 
same as to other people, except during the first month of 
their bereavement when their grief is not intruded upon. 
The invitation will be declined of course, but it shows 
that they are not forgotten. Do not blunder, however, 
and send an invitation to the dead. Such mistakes are 
occasionally made, but they are always awkward. 

If any one who is uninvited, by any mistake attends 
an entertainment, the host and hostess should receive 
him with the utmost courtesy, and not by word or act 
suggest that his presence is an intrusion. No one with 
any breeding, however, would knowingly attend an en- 
tertainment without an invitation, and although the 
hostess might be very polite at the time, it would be 
very apt to be heard of afterwards, unless it was an 
unintentional mistake, in which case it would be over- 
looked of course. 

When there is a family of several members, the 
question often arises about how many invitations to 
send. The best rule would seem to be to let one invi- 



INVITATIONS, ACCEPTANCES AND REGRETS. 49 

tatioa include both husband and wife, (address "Mr. 
and Mrs. Cole ") which is always ruleable; send another 
to the daughters addressed to the " Misses Cole," which 
includes two or more, and another may be sent to the 
brothers, if there are several, addressed to the " Messrs. 
Cole." An invitation may be sent to " Miss Cole and 
Brother," if there is only one son and one daughter, but 
to invite the "Misses Cole and Brothers" is not con- 
sidered in the best form. If there is only one child, one 
invitation may be sent to the husband and wife, and 
another to the child. It is not deemed correct to send 
only one invitation to include a whole family, as for 
example, "Mr. Cole and Family," nor is it best to send a 
separate invitation to each member of a large family. 
There is some variety of usage on these minor points, 
but we have indicated the most approved custom. 

When inviting friends to come for a visit, the old 
general and vague invitations are not used in society at 
present, but instead an invitation is given to come at a 
certain time and the length of the visit is stated. " I shall 
be glad to have you come on Tuesday, August 5, and stay 
a week," would be good form. General invitations may, 
however, be used in the country, or where they do not 
cause inconvenience. 

ACCEPTANCES AND EEGRETS. 

Remember that an invitation to dinner is the most 
marked social compliment, so do not stint your politeness 
in replying. To answer on a visiting card is rude in the 
extreme. Nothing short of a note in the regular form 
will suitably answer such an invitation. Do not simply 
"decline," nor merely send " regrets " in response to an 
invitation, but give your reasons for not accepting. To 
send " regrets " merely, is very abrupt and rude. Do not 
abbreviate in writing either acceptances or regrets, but 



50 INVITATIONS, ACCEPTANCES AND KEGRETS. 

follow the style and form of the invitation in answering. 
To say "an invite" for " an invitation" would be a 
horrible blunder, and the words "avail " or "preclude " 
are never in good form, as to say that anything will " pre- 
clude your accepting," etc. Adhere closely to the forms 
given. 

An invitation to dinner should be answered promptly, 
(this is very important) and either accepted or declined 
positively. Answer the exact form of the invitation as 
follows : 



o4*. 


awd dTF^'M. Jx&* 


WKtiWt 


<z>cceA4 i<tw%% A^tz<) 'tt4>e 
tn# AWtle -twwvuzdtrf-n, -off 


4&4- t/cwwe-i' -c^i £t%>&u4,de/gi<4f 





The words " accept with pleasure the kind invitation " 
are often used, although u polite invitation " is now pre- 
ferred by many. Either is proper. One writer states 
that "kind" is "English you know," while "polite" is 
not. Possibly. But " polite " has the sanction of the 
best American usage. So also the form " Mr. and Mrs. 
Jones have great pleasure in accepting, etc.," is often 
used. To write " will accept," however, is not correct, 
as you either accept or decline at the time the answer is 
written, so that the present and not the future tense 
should be used. Also accept the invitation "/or dinner," 
and not " to dinner," or " to dine." 



INVITATIONS, ACCEPTANCES AND KEGRETS. 51 

Or if you decline use the following form : 



lc~/iridfr/i 



(Or state whatever the cause may be.) 

t-rte-vf t^ie ■ct-n^a-t^ fa €&coe/i€ 

C^p/. arid C^tQ-U. cTcitacifreff ' d 



Never answer that you " hope to attend; " or that you 
will attend "if you can;" or anything of that kind. Let 
your " yea be yea, and your nay, nay." If you feel uncer- 
tain about being able to attend, the best way is to de- 
cline, as it may spoil the whole affair, if the hostess does 
not know who can be certainly depended upon. 

In your acceptance of a dinner invitation, repeat the 
hour named, so that if a mistake has been made, it may 
be corrected. 

In accepting or declining other invitations than one 
to dinner, of course a similar form to those given above 
would be used. Thus it might read: "Mrs. Johnson 
regrets extremely that a previous engagement prevents 
her accepting Mrs. Brackett's kind invitation for Friday 
evening next," or "prevents her accepting Mrs. Brackett's 
polite invitation for the garden party on Friday next," or 
"the musicale," or whatever it may be. The words 
"must deprive her of the pleasure of accepting," etc., 
are sometimes used and are good form. Sometimes the 



52 INVITATIONS, ACCEPTANCES AND REGRETS. 

form "regrets extremely her inability to accept Mrs. 
Brackett's polite invitation," is used, but it is much 
better to give the reason, as " absence from the city," or 
a "previous engagement," or whatever it may be. 

If you are in doubt about whether an answer is ex- 
pected to an invitation or not, it is a pretty safe rule to 
send one. There is little danger of giving offense by 
being too polite, but to omit an answer might cause 
trouble. 

The answer should always be addressed to the party 
sending the invitation, whoever that may be. If you 
receive an invitation from " Mrs. Williams," address your 
reply to "Mrs. Williams." If "Mr. and Mrs. Crosby re- 
quest the pleasure of your company," in replying accept 
or decline" the kind invitation of Mr. and Mrs. Crosby," 
and so on. Do not allow your acquaintance with the 
family to lead you to violate this rule. Thus, if you re- 
ceive an invitation from " Mrs. Crosby," and you are 
only acquainted with the daughter, and think she 
prompted the invitation, do not address your reply to the 
daughter, but to "Mrs. Crosby." Any violation of this 
rule would be very rude. 

Replies are usually sent by messenger, but to send 
them by mail is often safer and better in every way. The 
safest rule is to send your reply in the same way the in- 
vitation was sent. If that was sent by messenger, send 
the reply by messenger — if by mail, reply by mail. 

A prompt answer should be made to all invitations 
except receptions, afternoon teas and " at homes," — and 
these require no reply. Negligence in replying is un- 
courteous. 

Having accepted an invitation, punctuality is as im- 
portant in keeping it as in keeping business engagements. 
To keep others waiting is very rude and inconsiderate. 
Nothing but sickness or death or some most imperative 



INVITATIONS, ACCEPTANCES AND REGRETS. 53 

reason should be allowed to interfere with an invitation 
once accepted. 

After an invitation to an entertainment has been ac- 
cepted, if unexpected circumstances render it impossible 
to attend, the hostess should be notified at the earliest 
possible moment, so that she may know definitely who is 
coming. This may be very important to the success of 
her plans. If the delay occurs at the last moment, a 
card may be sent by a messenger, followed the next 
day by a note of explanation. She will then have more 
time to attend to it than during the excitement and pre- 
occupation of the entertainment. 

When people who are in mourning receive an invi- 
tation, they simply send regrets, but do not plead any 
previous engagement or make further explanations. 
They then send their visiting cards with black borders 
by mail enclosed in two envelopes, which sufficiently in- 
dicates why the invitation was not accepted, and these 
cards also serve instead of a personal call. The cards 
may be sent the day of the entertainment, and should be 
the same in number as in making a personal call. 

There are a few French phrases and abbreviations 
sometimes used in notes and invitations, and for an ex- 
planation of these see the article on letters and letter 
writing further on in this volume. 

When you receive the first invitation from any one, a 
courteous response should be made, cards left and the 
proferred civility properly recognized, even if the ac- 
quaintance is not desired. Having shown your own 
breeding by properly acknowledging the invitation the 
acquaintance may be dropped. 




CARDS. 



OTHING better shows the standing of ladies 
or gentlemen, or their familiarity with the 
usages of the best society, than their use 
of cards. The quality of the card, its size 
and style, the hour and manner in which 
it is left — all these convey a silent message 
to the experienced eye which indicates the 
character of the caller. In the present con- 
dition of society it is almost impossible to 
do without cards. Savages do not use them, nor do 
coarse and uncultivated people, but they mark a high 
order of development. Their use should be studied. 

There has been less change in cards within the last 
fifty or one hundred years than in almost any other, of 
the usages of society. 

THE FORMS AND STYLES OF CARDS. 

The card should be printed on the best of card-board, 
but it should be plain, unglazed, and without gilt edges 
— those styles being out of date. The plain script letter, 
without flourishes, is the most graceful and finished of 
cards, the old English, German text and other fancy 
letters being no longer used by the best society. The 
engraved cards are in every way preferable to the 
printed ones, although these are used by some for 
economy's sake. The best taste does not countenance 
the printing of a fac-simile of one's autograph. Written 
cards are not so elegant or refined as the plain engraved 
script. The size should be neither too large nor too small, 
but a gentleman's card is a little smaller than that of a 
lady. A visiting card should not bear a business address. 



56 CARDS. 

To have a photograph or any figure or ornament on a 
card is coarse and vulgar. 

The old form of engraving the name of both husband 
and wife, as for example, " Mr. and Mrs. John Smead," 
on the same card, is now obsolete. The husband and 
wife each has a separate card. 

The names of mother and daughter are often engraved 
on the same card, as : 



id. ( /Yi^foa-'m -<2trtwf/. 



^■i-'dd (Z/faJu'e &r/^y/- 



or, if there is more than one daughter it may be " The 
Misses Hoyt." It is now claimed by some of the stricter 
people that during the first year of her entrance into 
society, a young lady should never leave her card with- 
out that of her mother or chaperon, but American 
etiquette is not as strict as the English on this point. 

The rule is absolute that young ladies use the prefix 
" Miss," as " Miss Lucy Hoyt," and never "Lucy Hoyt." 
A nickname should never be used on a card. Thus it 
would be very bad form to have a card " Miss Mamie 
Briggs." Either the initials or the full name may be 
used, but the full name is now the fashion, as " Miss Clara 
Louise Howard." The oldest unmarried daughter, when 
there are several, occasionally uses simply the form "Miss 
Briggs," but if there are two or more branches of the 
family, this privilege belongs exclusively to the oldest 
daughter of the oldest branch. 



CAEDS. 57 

A married woman should always use the prefix '• Mrs." 
and her husband's initials instead of her own, as " Mrs. 
J. W. Briggs." This is the American rule, but the 
European custom sanctions the use of the lady's own 
name more often than the American. The simple form 
" Mrs. Yolkmeyer " is sometimes used when an uncom- 
mon name is possessed, but if there are two or more 
branches to the family, this privilege belongs only to the 
wife of the oldest member of the oldest branch. 

After the death of the husband the widow often con- 
tinues to use his initials, but if there is a son or other 
person bearing the same name, which may cause confu- 
sion, it is often better to use her own name, as " Mrs. 
Lucy Bowen." Sentiment in part rules in her choice of 
her own or her husband's name after his death. 

The address, that is the street and number, but not 
the town, may be engraved on cards, and usually in the 
right hand lower corner. If a lady has a reception day, 
it is often engraved in the left hand corner. Young 
ladies often omit the address, and some authorities 
strongly advise this, claiming that in some cities the giv- 
ing of the address is reserved to the demi-monde, and 
young ladies should not render themselves liable to 
criticism. Married ladies can leave their husband's card, 
bearing the address, with their own, and then the 
address on their card is not needed. Customs vary in 
these respects in different cities. A young lady may 
write her address with a pencil on her card, if she wishes 
to give that to any one, and it is not engraved thereon. 

A gentleman may have his address engraved on his 
card, and he may or may not use the prefix " Mr." as he 
prefers. " Mr. Clay " and " Mr. Webster " was the simple 
form used by those distinguished statesmen. The full 
name is advisable as a rule, however, as "John W. 
Holden," but at present the prefix " Mr." is considered a 



58 CARDS. 

little better form by young men of fashion, as "Mr. John 
W. Holden." 

" No titles are used in America save military, naval or 
judicial ones," says a high authority, but physicians are 
allowed to use the prefix "Dr." or the affix "M. D.," as 
" Dr. John Brown " or "John Brown, M. D.," the latter 
being preferable. A clergyman, a judge, or an army or 
navy officer, may use his title on his card, but militia or 
complimentary titles or coats-of-arms are not allowable 
on visiting cards. 

A military card would be : 




When a young lady has a regular reception day, her 
card may be as follows: 



GPf^idd Strtc™ Cs^Mi 



ew l /7 -?/■ -7114Z 1 ?■ . 



CARDS. 59 

A good form for a gentleman would be. 



€Z44tZei. 



%6 tyjtilXoA ^p&M4.i 



And a married lady's card would be: 




A good professional card would be 



Qe^n <2&- gfouwu/, C^f\ 



Office hours 2 to 5 P. M. 



4$> 3?«crrj/ ^Aee/. 



60 CARDS. 

The varieties of business cards are almost endless, 
and, of course, we cannot attempt to give such forms in 
a work of this character. 

p. p. c. CARDS. 

When leaving town for a protracted absence P. P. C. 
cards are sent out, but they are not sent now, as formerly, 
when leaving for a short absence only — as for a trip to the 
sea shore. The initials P. P. C, stand for the French 
words Pour prendre conge (meaning to take leave) and 
are always in the lower right hand corner of the card, 
and in capitals. It is an evidence of ignorance to use 
the small letters, p. p. c. The initials P. D. A., {Pour 
dire adieu ) mean the same, but they are not often used. 
These cards may be sent by mail, indeed cards are being- 
sent more and more by mail every year. 

TURNING DOWN CARDS. 

It was formerly the custom to turn down a corner of 
the card to indicate that the call was made in person, but 
that fashion is almost obsolete now. Turning down a 
corner (usually the upper right hand one) indicates that 
the call was made on more than one person, and folding 
it across the end (usually the right end) or middle in- 
dicates that a personal call was made. In calling on 
old-school ladies accustomed to this practice, it may still 
be observed, but it is very unusual at present. Another 
authority says, that leaving a card with a corner turned 
indicates that its owner left it in person, and turning 
the edges indicates that the call was intended for the 
young ladies, as well as the mistress of the house. As 
our readers will see, the observances are not uniform — 
and they are going out of date. Bending corners to in- 
dicate condolence, etc., has given place to pencilling a 
sentence on the card. 



CARDS. 61 

WHEN TO LEAVE CARDS. 

It is now the custom when attending an " at home," 
and on various other occasions, for the visitors to leave 
a card before departing. As much uncertainty seems to 
exist in the minds of some persons regarding the proper 
occasions on which to leave such cards, the following rule 
may be given. No card should be left at a dinner-party, 
or ball, or on any occasion when an after-call is to be 
made; but at "at homes" and on other occasions when 
the after-call is omitted cards may be left. The card in 
a certain sense takes the place of the after-call. 

HINTS ON THE USE OF CARDS. 

If a call happens to be made on a lady's regular 
reception day, it is rude to leave a card without entering 
and inquiring for the hostess. On other days a card may 
be left without making inquiries. 

In New York and other large cities, cards may now 
be sent in acknowledgment of all invitations except those 
to dinner. After a dinner, however, calls must always 
be made in person. 

When the mother is dead the father's name may 
appear on cards of invitation with that of the daughter. 
Also, in such cases, the daughter may leave her father's 
card with her own when calling. 

It is not necessary to leave more than two cards 
when a call is made — one for the lady of the house and 
the other for the rest of the family, or if there is a 
stranger in the house, a third may be left for her. A lady 
may, however, leave with her own, the cards of her hus- 
band and the other gentlemen of her family, which is 
now quite customary, and they are left on the hall table. 
A few authorities insist that a card should be left for 
each visitor, but the recent practice is that given above. 

In all countries a card sent by a messenger in an 



62 CARDS. 

envelope is equivalent to a visit. In England cards sent 
by mail are equivalent to a visit, and if Americans would 
adopt the English custom and send cards by mail more, 
instead of by messenger, it would be better. After at- 
tending a dinner, however, to send a card is not enough 
— a personal call must be made. 

, In making the first calls of the season (in the 
autumn) a card should be left at each call made. These 
cards can be referred to in making out lists of invita- 
tions afterwards, and they prevent the awkwardness of 
forgetting who has called. Frequently, especially in 
New York, cards are left upon the hall table when an 
ordinary call is made, and it serves as a convenient remin- 
der of the visit. 

When a gentleman calls and the ladies are at home, 
he does not send up a card but gives his name to the 
servant, if he is well known, Otherwise he sends up his 
card. When there is one member of the family in par- 
ticular on whom a gentleman wishes to call, he can say 
to the servant, " Take my card to Miss Williams," and 
he can add, "I should like to see all the ladies, if they are 
at home." 

Invitations to teas, readings, small parties and other 
informal entertainments may be written on the visiting 
card and sent by mail. The following is the form : 



u. 



Lawn Tennis, 
August 5th, at 3 P. M. 



CARDS. 63 

Figures may be used for the date and hour. The 
letters K. S. Y. P. should be added if an answer is 
desired. 

Strangers in a city send cards by mail to friends they 
wish to have call on them. 

When one married lady calls upon another, whether 
admitted or not, she leaves two of her husband's cards, 
one for the lady of the house and the other for her hus- 
band. 

Those who are in mourning have a black border on 
their cards. Cards should be left on people in mourning, 
but those not intimate friends, should only make 
inquiries at the door without seeking admittance. 

In calling at a private house, it is not etiquette to 
write on your card the name of the lady for whom it is 
intended, as the servant is expected to remember that. 
This should only be done at hotels where it may aid 
the servant's memory. 

A business card should never be used in making a 
call. 

When attending a reception, cards are left in the hall 
on entering, as they enable the lady to know who has 
called without over-burdening her memory, which in 
large receptions would be a difficult task. 

Where a chaperon, other than the mother, introduces 
a young lady into society their cards are left together, to 
notify those on whom they call that they will be insepar- 
able during the season. 

The use of a card case by a gentleman is considered 
foppish. He carries his cards loose in his pocket, or in 
the neat little leather pocket books for cards now com- 
ing into use. 

When a lady changes her residence she leaves cards, 
bearing her new address, on all her acquaintances. 
They may be sent by mail to those on whom she made the 



64 CARDS. 

last call, and for those to whom she owes a visit, cards 
may be left without seeking to enter. Those not caring 
to continue the acquaintance are thus relieved of the 
necessity of making a personal call in return. 

About three weeks before marriage a young lady 
leaves her card, together with that of her mother or 
chaperon, in person, but without entering, but both the 
names should not be on the same card as previously, as 
she is about starting an independent home of her own. 

Some place for receiving cards, usually the hall table, 
should be arranged, and the servant should leave them 
there until the mistress has examined them. If any of 
those left are designed for a visitor, the number left will 
indicate it. 

When a lady calls on another with whom she is ac- 
quainted she gives her name to the servant but does not 
send up her card if the lady is at home. When the lady 
is in the drawing-room receiving, in very stylish homes, 
the servant announces the name of each visitor. 

Wedding cards are sent only to those whose acquaint- 
ance it is desired to retain, and those receiving the cards 
are expected to call first on the newly married people. 

When a bridegroom sends his bachelor cards to his 
acquaintances, those who receive them should accept 
them as an evidence that he wishes to continue their ac- 
quaintance, and they should call on the bride within ten 
d^ys after she becomes settled in her new home. 

Business men, who have little time for calling, entrust 
their cards to the ladies of their families, who present 
them in due form, and thus maintain their position in 
society. They should never ignore the use of cards, how- 
ever. It is never allowable for a gentleman to leave a 
lady's card for her, except when they are presented for a 
bereaved friend. 

One lady may leave cards, after an entertainment, for 



CARDS. 65 

all the members of her family who were invited, and 
thus save the time of the others. 

When a call is made on a regular reception day, no 
additional card is left for a guest who may be visiting 
the house. 

Strict courtesy requires that cards should not be left 
for a daughter without including the parents. 

When cards are taken by servants they receive them 
on a salver to avoid soiling them with their fingers. 

CARDS OF CONGRATULATION, CONDOLENCE, COMPLIMENT, 
AND CEREMONY. 

The use of cards of condolence, congratulation and 
ceremony is constantly increasing and we offer a few sug- 
gestions in regard to them. 

When cards are sent to an invalid, it is well for the 
servant to inquire after the person's health. English 
books of Etiquette insist that such cards should always 
be left in person and not sent by a servant. This cer- 
tainly manifests much more interest for the invalid's 
welfare, and should be done when possible. 

Cards left during a friend's illness, or during a 
family's period of mourning, may have the words " To 
inquire " written above the name. Only one such card 
need be left — it will do for the family. This is the 
form : 



S; 


t-tztfrtt-t^e. 






CPr^^d. 


CJ&<la^i</z QO&'Uiwitz&i. 



66 CARDS. 

Mrs. Sherwood, in her excellent work on " Manners 
and Social Usages," tells of a distinguished lady of New 
York, who, on recovering from a severe illness, sent 
cards engraved as follows : " Mrs. presents her com- 
pliments and thanks for kind inquiries," to all those 
who had left cards and inquiries during her illness. She 
commends the idea as an excellent one and suggests its 
general adoption, in which we cannot do better than to 
join. If it is not now " the style " there is nothing 
against it, and it may well become so . 

On recovering from an illness, or at the end of a 
period of mourning, a card should be sent to each one 
who has called to inquire during the period of seclusion. 
The words "with thanks for kind inquiries," may be 
written or engraved on a visiting card, thus : 






/^Kpv-n- d 



These cards may be left in person or sent by mail. 

Cards of congratulation sent by mail seem cold and 
formal; they should be left in person when possible, and 
accompanied by a hearty expression of good will. 

Cards of ceremony are sent (addressed always to the 
one who invited you) within a week after an entertain- 
ment to which you were invited; and to those who send 
you an invitation to a wedding; and to a lady on her 
'day," when she has one. Cards left at a tea or at a 



CARDS. 



67 



reception, are purely those of ceremony, superseding 
somewhat the ceremonious after-call formerly required. 

Parents now make a formal notice of a betrothal by 
leaving the cards of the engaged pair, with their own, 
on all the friends and connections of the two families. 
On receiving these cards a congratulatory visit should be 
made if possible. 

When young children receive an invitation in which 
the parents are not included, the parents may leave or 
send their own cards, together with those of their chil- 
dren, after the entertainment, to show their apprecia- 
tion of the attention. These may be called cards of 
ceremony. 

In sending gifts of fruits, flowers, books or other 
friendly offerings, a card should accompany them. To 
simply send a card in return is not, however, a sufficient 
acknowledgement on receiving an attention of this kind. 
A note should be sent expressing appreciation, or a gift 
returned. 

The following is a good form for a presentation 
card : 



CZ/F^^i. c J0<l<tz^i4Z dewad dUd 


^^-ri4scd'fc<yitz-d tz4#el=* 


■WltZd fo C^i^^d 


<3tr£Wt*/, avid '&etyd< 


w&t 


<&& €t*>ce/z : z 


%%e *^^^z^z^z 


^st--?^ ez /-Ujf/e tzd 


<z d-ppzcfr/l fo/veii <^f 


■H^d 4e€Zez4s€£. 












^Atidj/wiad, /tffy 











CALLING CUSTOMS. 




N sparsely settled farming districts, people 
"visit" their friends, but the formal call is 
unknown. Those, however, who aspire to 
enter the best social circles in the cities 
and large towns, should learn the rules that 
govern calls and cards, for they underlie 
all social intercourse. Those reared and 
educated in the polished circles of a city ? 
imbibe these rules as part of their training, 
but there is a large class constantly moving up in the 
social scale, and others moving into the cities from the 
country, and as they prosper in the world they are 
drawn into society and must learn its rules and observ- 
ances. These customs are the outgrowth of long ex- 
perience, and wonderfully facilitate the interchange of 
civilities, which constitutes society, and to the experi- 
enced eye the standing of the stranger is readily indi- 
cated by the knowledge or ignorance displayed in regard 
to these observances. 

FIRST CALLS. 

In nearly all cities and large towns it is the rule for 
the older residents to call first on new-comers. In 
Washington, however, this rule is reversed and the new- 
comers call first on the residents. The rule works fairly 
well in Washington where it seems to be a necessity, 
but outside of that city it has never found favor in 
America, although it is quite general in European 
cities. 

Hospitable residents should call on a new-comer as 



CALLING CUSTOMS. 69 

soon as she has become settled in the neighborhood, 
and leave their cards, together with those of the gentle- 
men of their families. 

Within a week the call should be returned, and al- 
ways in person, or a note of explanation sent and a call 
made later. To return a first call with a card only, is 
considered a slight or an intimation that the acquaint- 
ance is not to be cultivated. For strangers to make the 
first advances to old residents is considered ill-bred and 
an evidence of a forward or "pushing" spirit. A new ex- 
pedient is now sometimes adopted — that of sending out 
cards either accompanied or not with those of a mutual 
friend. If these cards are responded to (and they usually 
are) the way is opened for an entrance to society. 

A marked rejection of proffered civilities is very 
rude, unless there is some obvious or undoubted reason 
in the character of the party making the advance. It is 
better to acknowledge the courtesy and then drop the 
acquaintance than to hastily rebuff the first advance. A 
first call should be promptly returned, even if another 
is never made. 

When old residents of the same city are introduced, 
the oldest resident, or the one most prominent in society, 
calls first, but too much formality about this is not re- 
quired. In England the lady in the highest rank calls 
first, but social distinctions in America are so vague that 
this rule would not work. 

On receiving a first invitation to any entertainment 
from anew acquaintance, an acceptance or regrets should 
be promptly sent, and, whether accepted or not, a call 
should be made within a week. Having thus acknowl- 
edged the courtesy, the acquaintance may be continued 
or not, as desired. When a first entertainment is acknowl- 
edged by a formal note of regret merety, it should not 
be repeated. It is evidently unwelcome. 



70 CALLING CUSTOMS. 

At summer resorts owners of cottages call first on 
renters. Among renters those who arrive first, call first 
on those who come later in the season. When the oc- 
cupants of two cottages meet at a friend's, the elder may 
invite the younger to call, and a prompt response is a 
mark of respect. 

Both renters and owners of cottages call first on 
friends who arrive at the hotels. 

The exact etiquette of the party making the first call 
should be observed in returning visits. A card received 
by post, calls for a card by mail in return. A personal 
visit calls for a personal visit. If the cards of the gentle- 
men of the family are left, the cards of the gentlemen 
of your family must be left in return, and so on. A card 
must not be answered with a call, nor a call with a 
card. 

A bride when she becomes settled in her new home 
must wait for her friends to call on her first. After that 
she has no special rules of etiquette, but observes those 
of all other married ladies. 

NOT AT HOME. 

Much needless censure has been indulged in by 
purists on the formula of "not at home" used by 
society. Some formula must, however, be used, and to 
those versed in the ways of society, no falsehood is im- 
plied, for it simply means that the lady is not at home 
to company. Some prefer, however, to have the servant 
say they are " engaged " rather than " not at home." The 
servant should be instructed in the morning what to say 
to all comers. If the lady has a reception day, the ser- 
vant can say "Mrs. Crosby is not at home— she receives 
on Thursdays." Any attempt to question a servant, as 
to when the lady will return or otherwise, is extremely 
ill-bred. A caller awkwardly admitted by a servant 



CALLING CUSTOMS. 71 

when the mistress is not receiving, should be seen if 
possible, and the servant admonished for the next occa- 
sion. These rules are made mainly to protect those who 
are over-burdened with visitors, and give them time for 
any pursuit they may be interested in, but in smaller 
cities and towns, and with those not thus over-burdened, 
it is better to receive all callers when possible. So, also, 
those who have no regular reception days, should aim to 
receive all visitors. An affectation of exclusiveness by 
ladies in small towns is very snobbish. 

No lady should keep a caller waiting unless it is im- 
possible to avoid it, and then word should be sent that 
she will be in soon. 

If a lady is at home to certain individuals, but to no 
others, the servant should be plainly instructed whom to 
admit, as that is the only way to prevent awkward mis- 
takes. 

CALLS OP CONGRATULATION, CONDOLENCE, ETC. 

Calls of congratulation may be made after an engage- 
ment is announced, or after a marriage, or after the birth 
of a child, or when any cause for congratulation arises. 
Calls of condolence should be made when death or mis- 
fortune of any kind overtakes an acquaintance — in short 
these calls are an effort to obey the scripture injunction 
to "weep with those that weep, and rejoice with those 
that rejoice." Do not call too soon after a birth. Wait 
until the happy mother is able to receive her friends, — it 
is usual to wait a month. After a death intimate friends 
call in about ten days — others after a month. When a 
formal announcement of an engagement is made, a call 
of congratulation should follow within a few days. 
After a marriage, calls of congratulation are made on 
the parents who sent the invitations to the wedding, as 
well as on the newly married couple. A call of congrat- 



72 CALLING CUSTOMS. 

ulation or condolence may be made on a friend who is 
indebted to you for a call. 

Calls of ceremony are made after receiving an invi- 
tation to any entertainment, and those calls made to 
announce a wedding would be classed as calls of courtesy 
or compliment. In the preceding chapter on " Cards," 
we discuss the use of cards on these and similar oc- 
casions, and we would refer our readers to what we there 
say, under the head of "Cards of Congratulation, Con- 
dolence, Compliment and Ceremony." 

CONDUCT DURING CALLS. 

A lady always rises to receive her callers, and if pos- 
sible offers a chair near her own to the last-comer. If 
some degree of cordiality is felt she may extend her 
hand, but gentlemen should always wait for ladies to 
make the first advance of this kind. 

If there are a number of callers, the lady addresses 
herself to the latest arrivals, being careful, however, to 
see that no one is left alone. Those near each other 
should engage in conversation and relieve the hostess of 
any embarassment about their entertainment. 

A gentleman rises when ladies enter, but he does not 
offer them his seat unless requested to do so, or unless 
there are no others available. A gentleman also rises 
when ladies rise to take their leave. 

Unless the hostess knows the introduction will be 
agreeable she does not introduce those who live in the 
same town. Strangers in the place are always intro- 
duced. 

Always advance and greet the hostess first, and then 
bow merely to the others present. 

A lady should have no hesitation in stating the fact 
if she cannot recall the name of a visitor. It will save 
embarrassment and possible blunders. 



CALLING CUSTOMS. 73 

Gentlemen carry their hats and canes into the parlor 
and retain them in their hands, when making formal 
calls, but umbrellas and overshoes are left in the hall. 
If necessary to use their hands during the call, the hat 
and cane should be laid on the floor. Ladies receiving 
do not offer to take a gentleman's hat or cane. He does 
not remove his gloves. 

Ladies making formal calls retain their wraps and 
bonnets. 

A lady should lay aside her work, when a visitor 
calls, unless requested not to do so. Even then only 
light work, which will not interrupt the conversation, 
should be engaged in. 

While callers are present the mistress should not 
leave the room. 

If you see, on making a call, that you are not re- 
cognized, you should at once give your name, but should 
not hand your own card to the hostess, that is not rule- 
able with either ladies or gentlemen. 

When ushered into a room where there are several 
ladies, and all strangers, ask for the one on whom you 
called and introduce yourself. 

If you call when a lady is about going out, or other- 
wise engaged, make your call brief, and offer to call 
again soon, if she seems disappointed. 

It is not customary to offer refreshments to callers 
in cities, except on New Year's or some special occasion 
In the country they are frequently offered. 

Do not suggest that the room is chilly, or draw up to 
the fire, when making a call. If you are uncomfortable 
cut short your stay. 

Do not question children or servants about the family 
affairs — that would be very rude. 

During a call any light, pleasant topics of conversa- 
tion are in order. Arguments and grave discussions are 



74 CALLING- CUSTOMS. 

out of place. Congenial topics may be discussed, so 
that a mere acquaintance will develop into friendship. 

When calling on friends in reduced circumstances 
it is not in good taste to wear a very rich and expensive 
dress. 

When calling, do not rudely examine pictures or fur- 
niture ; nor remove or toy with any article in the room ; 
nor open or finger the piano. Do not divert your atten- 
tion from the company present. If a card basket is on 
the table, do not fumble over the cards. 

Dogs and children should be left at home when mak- 
ing calls. They are apt to annoy others or do some 
mischief. 

Do not place your chair so that your back is turned 
to any one, as that is rude. 

LEAVE TAKING. 

Seize on a favoring lull in the conversation to with- 
draw gracefully. 

On leaving, bow to the hostess, and if strangers are 
present a slight bow in passing is all that is needed ; or, 
after bowing to the hostess, let one additional bow in- 
clude all the others in the room. 

Do not apologetically say that you have made too 
long a call. Do not fidget nor look at your watch when 
calling. Do not essay to leave and then resume your 
seat, as double farewells are awkward. When you are 
ready to go, rise quietly and go without lingering or de- 
lay, but express your pleasure at finding your friends at 
home. 

Callers rising to leave should not be urged to stay. 
This refers to the formal call, not the informal visits of 
intimate friends. 

A hostess rises when a gentleman rises to leave, re- 
ceives his bow, and if disposed to be very polite, walks 



CALLING CUSTOMS. 75 

with him to the parlor or drawing-room door, but no 
farther. The servant opens the hall door, and closes it 
after his exit. If the parlor is on the same floor, a lady 
caller may be seen to the street door ; if not, going to the 
head of the stairs is sufficient courtesy, except to elderly 
guests, who should receive special marks of respect. 
These are the rules for formal call in cities; but, of course, 
among intimate friends, and in small villages, and with 
that large class who have no servants, there is less 
formality, and the hostess escorts her callers to the 
outer door. A gentleman who has received a business 
call from a lady, should escort her to the outer door, 
and to her carriage, if she has one. 

On the arrival of another caller, a visitor should 
leave as soon as possible, unless specially invited to stay. 

On entering, " Good Morning " or " Good Evening " 
is the proper form of salutation; but on leaving " Good- 
bye " is the correct form to use. 

A gentleman rises when ladies rise to take their leave. 
Ladies bow but do not rise when others leave, except for 
ladies much older than themselves. 

LENGTH OF CALLS. 

From five to thirty minutes is the length of time for 
calls, from fifteen to twenty minutes being the proper 
length of formal ones. Unless calling on intimate 
friends, the stay should not be prolonged beyond half 
an hour. The visits of intimate friends are limited only 
by the inclination and good sense of the parties. 

THE HOUKS FOR CALLING. 

The hours for calling vary in different cities. For 
the morning call — by which is usually meant any call 
made in the day time — the hour is from twelve M. to f our 
Jf. m. in some cities, and from two to six in others, but 
in New York, and some other large cities, it is between 



76 CALLING CUSTOMS. 

four and five. Between two and five is a safe rule in 
most small cities and towns. This will be after lunch 
and before dinner. The evening call should not be 
made later than nine, nor prolonged after ten o'clock. 
Eight o'clock, or a little before, is a good hour for mak- 
ing evening calls, in most cities and towns. 

PRESENTING A LETTER OF INTRODUCTION. 

In calling with a letter of introduction, leave the 
letter and your card, but do not go in, as the party to 
whom it is addressed should have time to read the letter 
before seeing you. The lady or gentleman receiving the 
letter should at once send an invitation and show some 
hospitality to the friend thus introduced. 

WHEN TO CALL IN PERSON AND WHEN TO SEND A CARD. 

As to when a call must be made in person, and when 
a card maybe sent instead, the rule is that invited guests 
must call in person after a dinner party and inquire for 
the hostess. For other entertainments a card only may 
be sent, when it is inconvenient to call personally. The 
rule is absolute that calls after a first invitation should 
be made within three days, and after other invitations 
within a week. At afternoon teas and other occasions 
when a card is left during the visit, the balance of 
authority now is that an after-call is not needed, 
although there has been some uncertainty on this point. 

At a tea or general reception a lady leaves her cards 
as she enters the hall, and an after call is not required. 

HINTS TO LADIES. 

As soon as an invalid is sufficiently recovered, she 
should return all calls made on her during her illness. 

A lady may very properly express her regrets the 
first time she meets a gentleman who has called without 
finding her at home. He should express regrets also, 



CALLING CUSTOMS. 77 

and never say it made no difference, or any similar re- 
mark. 

A lady desiring a gentleman to call may say: " I 
receive on Wednesdays," or " I shall be pleased to have 
you call," or something of that kind. 

Two or three persons may call together, but more 
than three from one family is not allowable. 

A call should be made upon a friend who has a visi- 
tor staying with her as soon as the fact is known. 

A lady who is visiting in a family is not required to 
send cards in return for those left on their reception 
day. 

A lady calling on an acquaintance, merely gives her 
name to the servant. In calling on a stranger, if the 
servant does not readily remember the name, a card is 
sent up. If on entering the parlor she finds her hostess 
there, but is unacquainted, she introduces herself by 
stating her name distinctly, but she must never hand 
her own card to the hostess. 

When making a call, a lady keeps her parasol in her 
hand. Her gloves are not removed. 

It is a pleasant custom to call and leave a card with 
the words " Kind Inquiries " penciled thereon, at the 
house of invalids and mourners. 

As there is no leisured class in America, and most of 
the men are engaged in business, with little time for 
calling, they do not usually call with their wives, al- 
though they may do so if they choose. Daughters call 
with their mothers, but a daughter can call and leave 
her mother's cards, if the mother is an invalid. 

When a son is ready to enter society his mother 
leaves his cards with her husband's and her own, and it 
is then expected he will be included in invitations sent 
to the family. 

A lady who receives calls while her parlor is occu- 



78 CALLING CUSTOMS. 

pied by a guest whose visitor has not asked for her, 
should take her caller into the same room, as she is ex- 
pected to share her calls with her guests, and guests 
should also share theirs with the hostess. 

A young lady visiting in a strange city should not re- 
ceive a visit from a gentleman without first asking her 
hostess if it will be agreeable. If a gentleman calls on 
her, the hostess and daughters should be introduced, if 
they are unacquainted with him. 

In calling on a sick friend, it is not enough to leave 
a card merely, but inquiries should be made as to her 
condition. Do not attempt to visit the sick room unless 
especially invited to do so. 

Ladies do not call on gentlemen except on business. 
Then a card should be sent in and the call made as 
ceremonious as possible. 

If a gentleman is a confirmed invalid, he may receive 
a call from a lady in his room, but not otherwise. 

A lady with a large circle of acquaintances should 
keep a memorandum book and record the date of calls 
received and made, future engagements, and so on. It 
saves much confusion. 

A lady who gives a reception, or a series of recep- 
tions, and invites all her "list" of acquaintances, 
thereby discharges her social obligations and is released 
from further necessity of calling during the year, except 
the calls always required after receiving an invitation to 
an entertainment, and calls of condolence or congratu- 
lation. 

On returning from a season at the seashore, or in the 
country, or a trip to Europe, a lady sends out cards to 
her acquaintances if she expects to enter society during 
the winter. 

A call made once a year, or leaving a card, which is 
the same thing in the eyes of society, serves to keep up 



CALLING CUSTOMS. 79 

the acquaintance, according to the strict rules of eti- 
quette. No one can tell what pressure of other duties 
makes it inconvenient for the individual to do more, and 
society should take the most charitable view of the case 
and good naturedly acquiesce in her absence. 

In our large cities many ladies set apart certain days 
for receiving. An effort should always be made to call on 
these days when possible ; but if several ladies appoint 
the same day it may be impossible to reach them all, 
and then an apology will be accepted. Where local cus- 
tom favors calling on certain days of the week it should 
be observed as a matter of convenience. 

On going to a strange city, ladies should send cards 
with their address to friends as a notice of their arrival. 
These cards can be sent by mail. The friends should 
then call within a very few days. 

Among intimate friends it is not best to observe too 
much formality in making calls. Inclination rules here, 
and visits are made whenever so disposed, But even 
intimate friends should guard against carrying familiar- 
ity so far as to breed contempt — remembering the old 
adage. 

It is better to go to a hotel and notify your friends 
of your presence in town if you are detained in a city, 
than to drive directly to their residence as though you 
expected to use it for a hotel. If your presence is de- 
sired they can then invite you to visit them. 

HINTS TO GENTLEMEN. 

Cards should be sent at the beginning of the season 
to all those whom you desire to keep on your list of 
acquaintances. Otherwise no disappointment need be 
felt at not receiving invitations to entertainments, etc. 

Never take a friend with you to call on a lady with- 
out first obtaining permission to do so. 



80 CALLING CUSTOMS. 

In calling on a young lady do not fail to inquire for 
the mother, even if you do not wish to see her. It is a 
mark of respect that is always appreciated. 

A gentleman calling on a number of ladies sends in 
only one card. 

If on calling you find others present, do not outstay 
them, but leave even sooner than you would otherwise 
have done. 

Gentlemen calling with ladies always allow them to 
go first when entering or leaving a room. 

Calls of ceremony are not expected from married 
men, but instead the wife leaves her husband's card. 

If done with the full knowledge and consent of their 
husbands, gentlemen may call on married ladies at their 
own homes. 

The use of a card case by a gentleman is considered 
foppish. He carries his cards loose in his pocket, or in 
the little leather pocket-books, now coming into quite 
general use by gentlemen. 

It is a great discourtesy not to call on a lady within 
three days after being first invited to do so, but no 
further calls need be made if the acquaintance is not 
desired. 

A gentleman does not call on a lady without an invi- 
tation, or a letter of introduction, or being taken by 
some lady friend who is intimate enough to warrant the 
liberty. If he desires the acquaintance of a lady he 
seeks an introduction through some mutual friend. 

The gentleman of the house should escort ladies to 
their carriages, if they call on the ladies of his family 
while he is present. 

A gentleman should not look at his watch while mak- 
ing a formal call without offering an explanation for so 
doing, such as the necessity for meeting another en- 
gagement, or something of the kind. 



CALLING CUSTOMS. 81 

The hat and cane are retained in the hand while 
making formal calls. 

An invitation to spend the evening when making a 
first call should be declined. It is bad form to give 
such an invitation. 

One gentleman, receiving another, should meet him 
at the door, take his hat and cane, and place a chair for 
him, while a lady would simply rise and bow, allowing 
him to take his own seat. 

Things to Avoid. — While making calls, all such 
things should be avoided, as tilting back the chair ; 
crossing the legs ; lounging or lolling in any attitude; rest- 
lessly moving about; staring at either visitors or articles 
in the room ; loud or uproarious laughter ; shouting 
across the room (if you wish to speak to any one on the 
opposite side, cross the room and address him quietly); 
shifting the feet; twirling the thumbs; twisting the 
tassels of the chair; whispering to another; boasting 
of yourself and your achievements; ridiculing others, 
and so on. These things mark the ill-bred boor. 

Things to Do. — Study repose of manner, and court- 
eously endeavor to please those you meet, by adapting 
yourself to them and drawing them out. Unconscious- 
ness of yourself and regard for their interests and 
feelings, is the sure road to social success. Try and say 
bright and pleasant things, and leave before you have 
worn yourself out, so that you may be welcome again. 



NEW YEAR'S CALLS. 




ROM the earliest times, and among most of the 
nations of the earth, the first day of the new 
year has been set apart for religions festivi- 
ties and social observances. The Egyptians 
and Chinese, the Greeks and Romans, and 
the Jews, Mohammedans and Christians, have 
all alike united in their special observance 
of Le jour de Van, as the French call New 
Year's day. In America, the cnstom of mak- 
ing New Year's calls seems to have originated with the 
old Knickerbocker families of New York, who brought 
the custom with them from Holland, where their ances- 
tors termed it "The great day of cake," and dispensed 
a liberal hospitality to all visitors. 

In many of the larger cities the custom of making 
New Year's calls has of late years become less general 
than formerly, owing to a variety of causes, — such as 
the difficulty of making " the grand round " by those 
with large circles of acquaintances ; the abuse of the 
general hospitality of the day by many upstarts, who took 
advantage of the occasion to crowd themselves in at 
places where they had no right to call, and so on. In 
many localities, however, the day still is, and will long 
continue to be fittingly observed, and as fashion is pro- 
verbially fickle, calling may be restored to popular favor 
among our most fashionable people at any time, for 
what can be more appropriate than to begin the New 
Year with a general manifestation of good will and re- 
gard for others? 



84 NEW YEAB'S CALLS. 

The practice of publishing in the newspapers lists of 
the ladies who will receive calls on New Year's day, has 
been often criticised, but in some localities it has the 
sanction of the best society. It has many commendable 
features, and is best left to the good taste of those most 
interested. When a lady receives with a friend, instead 
of at her own home, cards are sent to her friends, to 
notify them of the fact, and give them her address. 
Cards may also be sent out when she has changed her 
residence, or returned from a prolonged absence from 
home. 

The general sending out of cards has gone somewhat 
out of fashion of late. 

On this day, ladies should make their preparations 
early, and be dressed and ready to receive the first 
callers. Those who have sent out invitations may be 
dressed very elegantly, but the low-necked and short- 
sleeved dresses are not worn in the day time, nor on 
these occasions. Gloves, of some light shade, should 
be worn, but not white kids. The best refreshments are 
boned turkey, chicken, salads, oysters, sandwiches, jel- 
lied tongues, coffee, chocolate, tea and bouillon; and 
have cake and fruits as decorative additions. The tem- 
perance agitation has discouraged the general offering 
of wine, which formerly prevailed, and many fashiona- 
ble people, who use wine on other occasions, now banish 
it from their New Year's table. The reception room 
may be made very attractive by the display of flowering 
plants, ferns, flowers, and so on, but in some of the 
richest and most fashionable houses, at present, the only 
refreshments offered are a cup of coffee or bouillon, and 
sandwiches. A servant stands at the door and admits 
the callers without their knocking; he then receives their 
cards on a silver salver. 

If a gentleman calls on some other lady who receives 



new year's calls. 85 

with her, he should be at once introduced to the hostess, 
but if many ladies are present, and the room is filled 
with guests, it is not necessary to introduce him to them 
all. When the room is comparatively empty, however, 
it is much pleasanter to introduce a caller to all present. 
After a few moments conversation, the caller is invited 
to partake of the refreshments (but he should never be 
urged to do so), and is conducted to the table, where a 
servant is in waiting to supply his wants. 

The rule is absolute, that a gentleman should not be 
invited to remove his overcoat, nor should he be urged 
to prolong his call. 

Those ladies who send out no invitations, but wel- 
come all those who call, may dress in visiting costume, 
with light colored gloves. Refreshments may be pre- 
pared, or not, as best suits their convenience. 

Two or more ladies often unite and receive together 
and find it very pleasant, and if they move in the same 
social circle it saves the gentlemen both time and travel, 
as they can then make several calls in one. 

Ladies who do not receive calls, tie a basket at the 
door to receive cards. 

Gentlemen are permitted to call late on New Tear's 
day; but if a lady becomes fatigued, it is better to 
instruct the servant to admit no more callers, than to 
have one admitted and then send word she cannot be 
seen. 

In the villages and small towns, where no special 
formalities are observed, but gentlemen call on their 
friends and tender their hearty good wishes for the 
opening year, the day is often enjoyed far more than in 
our busy centers of population, where more ceremony 
becomes necessary. 

The calling hours for gentlemen are from eleven A. 
M. to ten P. M. They go singly, or in company with one 



86 NEW year's calls. 

or more friends, but it is not considered in the best form 
for more than two to go together. 

It is proper to travel, between the calls, either on 
foot, or in a carriage or sleigh. 

The proper dress for gentlemen is the usual morning 
costume, consisting of a black frock or cut-away coat, 
light or colored pantaloons, and gloves of some neutral 
tint. 

If the day is very cold or unpleasant, so that the 
gentleman wears a heavy ulster or overshoes, they may 
be removed in the hall ; otherwise the overcoat is not 
removed, and the hat and cane are retained in the hand. 

The gloves are not removed, and the hostess is 
greeted with a cordial shake of the hand, without any 
apology, such as " Excuse my glove," and the compli- 
ments of the season are exchanged. Only light and 
pleasant topics of conversation are introduced, and a 
gentleman with tact will be very apt to convey to the 
lady his pleasure at seeing her looking so well at the 
beginning of the New Year. The call is short, from five 
to fifteen minutes being the usual limit. On leaving, 
the simple formula of " Good morning," or " Good 
evening," is all that is used. 

The best authorities unite in saying that a gentle- 
man should either make personal calls or take no notice 
of the day. To merely send a card does not fulfill the 
design of a New Year's call. 

An introduction to a lady at a New Year's reception 
does not give a gentleman the right to call on her without 
a special invitation. 

A lady who is introduced on New Year's day to a 
gentleman with whom she is pleased, may, with pro- 
priety, invite him to call on her. 

The ordinary, neatly engraved, visiting card is pre- 
ferable to any of the fancy, and often gaudy, cards so 



NEW year's calls. 87 

frequently used. Much latitude is allowed in New 
Year's cards, but avoid extreme display, and remember 
that a quiet simplicity is always in the best taste. 

In France, gentlemen wear a full dress suit when 
making New Year's calls, but that is not the correct 
costume in America, 



VISITING, 




OCIETY pays more attention to the etiquette 
of visiting now than formerly. The old 
custom of inviting friends to " come when- 
ever they can, and stay as long as they like," 
causes so much inconvenience that it is not 
much practiced at present by the best soci- 
ety. Friends accepting such invitations 
often come at the most inopportune times, 
and sadly disarrange one's plans, and, to 
avoid this, the rule now is to invite them for a specified 
time, as, for example, " I shall be glad to have you come 
on Wednesday and stay a week with us." 

HINTS TO THE HOSTESS. 

If invited to come on a certain day, the guest may 
be met at the railway station by some member of the 
family ; if the guest is a stranger this rule is obligatory. 
On arriving at the house the guest should be pleasantly 
welcomed, and at once shown to her room. Previous to 
her arrival, every arrangement for her comfort should 
be made, such as providing plenty of fresh water, clean 
towels, and so on. Study the convenience of the guest 
and conform to her habits as far as possible. By the 
hospitable host the horses and carriages, books, grounds, 
and everything, are placed at the disposal of a visitor. 
The best hostess the writer ever saw had a most cordial 
way of greeting a guest, but there was an utter absence 



VISITING. 89 

of "fussiness" in her manner, and her guests were 
allowed much latitude without being left to feel neg- 
lected. 

In England, where hospitality has been reduced to 
a system, guests are allowed much freedom of choice 
about their own amusements. Allow them some periods 
of solitude, in which they can read, write or rest, and 
do not plan too many amusements without consulting 
their preferences. 

Having once invited a guest, nothing but sickness or 
death should be allowed to interfere with her entertain- 
ment. The only exception to this is, when through mis- 
take the invitation was delivered to the wrong person. 
Any hostess who allows a guest to feel that her presence 
is an annoyance, is utterly devoid of the first principle 
of good manners. 

True hospitality consists in making the guest feel 
perfectly at home, and in so providing for her comfort 
and entertainment that she will thoroughly enjoy her 
visit. Do not, however, devote yourself to a visitor 
to the neglect of all other duties, so that she will feel 
that she is a burden. Having done the best you can, 
profuse apologies for not being able to do better, are 
out of place. To let the guest see, from your cheerful- 
ness and kindness, that her visit is a real pleasure to 
you, will contribute more to her pleasure than anything 
else. 

It is rude to ask how long a guest expects to stay, ex- 
cept of those who are self-invited, in which case it is 
proper. The question may be prefaced by the remark 
that you need to know on account of your other engage- 
ments, or something of that kind. 

It is always understood that an invitation to a wife 
to pay a visit includes the husband, and one to a hus- 
band includes the wife. 



90 VISITING. 

HINTS TO THE GUEST. 

If you desire to visit a friend, ascertain before start- 
ing whether your visit at that time will be agreeable or 
not. Studiously avoid interfering with the customs of 
the house, as far as possible. If breakfast is served at 
an earlier hour than that to which you are accustomed, 
forego your morning nap rather than inconvenience the 
family or keep them waiting ; and, on the other hand, 
do not go down early and make the hostess feel that you 
want an early breakfast, if the breakfast hour is later 
than you prefer. Contrive to entertain yourself for an 
hour or two after breakfast and dinner, so that the hos- 
tess may have time to perform the household duties, 
which devolve on most women. Even those who do 
not do their own work, usually need to oversee it. If 
there are children, treat them kindly, and try and win 
their friendship, as few things please a mother more 
than noticing her children, but do not pet them too 
much, nor interfere with the efforts made to govern 
them ; and if they are a little troublesome at times, do 
not let it be seen by the hostess. Don't scold the chil- 
dren, tread on the cat's tail, abuse the pet dog, or do 
anything to make yourself disagreeable. If any un- 
pleasant family matters come to your notice, they should 
be passed by without remark and apparently unob- 
served. If you can pay your hostess any compliment 
without evident flattery, it is well to do so. Enter with 
spirit into any arrangements made for your entertain- 
ment, and let your friends see how much you enjoy the 
pleasures they provide for you. Do not seclude your- 
self from the family, nor seek your own private amuse- 
ments, in which they cannot join. Do not accept 
invitations without consulting the hostess. Treat the 
servants thoughtfully, and do not make too great de- 
mands on their time. Guests should be neat in their 



VISITING. 91 

rooms, and ladies will assist the hostess in any way 
possible. 

A gentleman who cannot entertain himself a part of 
the time is a bore. Let the hostess see that you are 
not entirely dependent on her for amusement. Do not 
demand too much from the family horse, and if you 
ride behind it do not drive too fast, nor force the coach- 
man to go too far. Do not pick flowers without permis- 
sion. If you read books taken from the book case, put 
them back, and be careful not to soil or dog's-ear any 
book. Attend family prayers, if they are read, — this 
may be a little out of your usual routine, but it will not 
hurt you, and it will please your host. Never " outstay 
your welcome," and if you were invited for a definite 
time, such as ten days or two weeks, or whatever it may 
have been, do not overstay the limit. To do so would 
look very inconsiderate. On leaving, express to your 
friends the pleasure your visit has given you, and on 
reaching home notify them of your safe arrival, express 
thanks for their hospitality, and desire to be remem- 
bered to the different members of the family. 

GENERAL HINTS. 

Invitations received by the hostess should include her 
guest; so, also, if the guest has friends who invite her 
to their home, or to any entertainment, their invita- 
tion should include the hostess. Nevertheless, no well- 
bred hostess or guest will expect the other to decline a 
pleasant invitation because she is not included. Each 
should study the other's happiness and pleasure. 

A hostess is, to a certain extent, responsible for the 
acquaintances formed by young ladies visiting her, so 
that it is incumbent on her to see that they accept no 
invitations of which their mothers might disapprove. 



92 VISITING. 

If you accidently injure any article of furniture or 
bric-a-brac, replace it quietly at your own expense. 

A guest should treat all friends of her hostess with 
courtesy, even those by whom she is not favorably im- 
pressed. 

It is not now, as formerly, necessary that guests 
should accompany the family party to church, or vice 
versa. Perfect liberty is allowed in this matter, and 
each attends his or her customary place of worship. A 
friendly invitation to accompany them is always ex- 
tended by the host and hostess, but with no expectation 
that it will be accepted, unless the guest prefers. It is, 
however, always a pleasant attention, especially to a 
stranger in town, or to an elderly lady, for one of the 
members of the family to accompany her to church. 

A gentleman may make the hostess a present of any 
small article, such as a book or flowers, and a lady may 
similarly remember the children. If she makes a gift, 
it should be to the hostess, or preferably to the smallest 
child, if there are several. 

In England, every servant who renders a guest any 
service, expects a fee, and so burdensome do these sti- 
pends often become, that invitations are frequently de- 
clined by those of limited means, because of the expenses 
thus entailed. Fortunately, in America, this vicious 
practice does not prevail, and while a small fee may be 
given to a servant who renders some special service, 
general fees are not expected or desired in the best pri- 
vate families. 



BIRTHS, CHRISTENINGS, CAUDLE 

PARTIES AND CONFIR- 

MATONS. 




HEN a child is born, the lady friends 
and acquaintances call and leave cards, 
with kind inquiries, or send them by a 
servant. Gentlemen do not call at such 
times, but they may visit the happy father 
and inquire after the health of the mother 
and child. When the mother is able to 
see her friends, she sends her cards, 
" with thanks for kind inquiries " written 
thereon, to all those who have called, or else she has a 
caudle party. 

Children are usually named after some relative or 
intimate friend, but there is so much freedom of choice 
allowed the parents in selecting a name, that no rules 
can be laid down. Good taste, however, would seem to 
suggest that names be selected for their simplicity and 
beauty, rather than their oddity. 

The baptism and christening are performed in ac- 
cordance with the rites of the church to which the 
parents belong. In the Roman Catholic church, if the 
child is feeble, the ceremony takes place as soon as pos- 
sible, the priest performing the ceremony at the bedside 
of the mother. In the Episcopal church, the ceremony 
generally takes place as soon as the mother is able to go 
out, or when the child is about a month old. In olden 



BIRTHS, CHRISTENINGS, ETC. 95 

times the ceremony was performed when the child was 
but three days old. 

THE GOD-PARENTS. 

In selecting the god-parents, relatives and near 
friends are given the preference, as, in the old country, 
the relation often lasts through life, and much kindly 
help or counsel may be given by the god-parent, should 
it be needed. A boy has two god-fathers and one god- 
mother, and a girl has two god-mothers and one god- 
father, but formerly there were two of each. A note is 
sent to the person selected to act as the god-parent, ask- 
ing him to assume that kindly office, and the request 
should not be refused, except for some very good reason. 
Although not obliged to do so, it is usual for god-parents 
to make some present tothe child, such as a knife, fork, 
spoon, silver cup, or some other article, and among the 
wealthy, especially if the child bears the god-parent's 
name, a very valuable present is often made, in one 
instance, a check for fifty thousand dollars having been 
presented. 

Young people, of course, are never asked to stand 
as sponsors for an infant. 

THE CHRISTENING PARTY. 

The christening party and baptism usually take place 
together, but not necessarily so, and most people have 
the baptism in church, in accordance with the rites of 
the religious order to which they belong, followed by a 
luncheon given at home, to which the friends are invited, 
and especially the clergyman and his family. At this 
time the presents are made to the child, and the sponsor 
may propose a toast in its honor. The infant is often 
very richly dressed, and it receives a great deal of atten- 



96 BIRTHS, CHRISTENINGS, ETC. 

tion, for it is the hero of the occasion; but parents 
should remember that too much excitement is bad for 
so young a child, and not overtax its little nerves. 

Although the church performs these ceremonies free 
of charge, it is customary to give the clergyman a pres- 
ent, if the parents are able. 

When the christening takes place at the home of the 
parents, invitations may be issued to the relatives only, 
or the friends and acquaintances may be included also. 
The invitation may be engraved, or written in the fol- 
lowing form : 

Mr. and Mrs. Charles Thurman request the 
honor of Mr. and Mrs. Brown's presence at the 
christening of their daughter (or son), on Thursday, 
May 10th, at three o'clock. Reception from two 
to five. 
No. 180 Adams Street. 

These invitations should be promptly answered, and 
those who attend should wear a reception or evening 
costume. Any other hour may be chosen, if desired, as 
four or five o'clock. The house should be decorated 
with flowers, and after the ceremonies, which are per- 
formed in accordance with the customs of the church 
to which the parents belong, congratulations are offered 
to the mother and father. The guests are then offered 
refreshments, which are about the same as those usually 
prepared for other receptions. 

CAUDLE PARTIES. 

In olden times it was the custom to present those who 
called to offer their congratulations on the arrival of a 
little stranger (usually about three days after its birth), 
with a kind of spiced gruel, flavored with rum or 



BIETHS, CHKISTENINGS, ETC. 97 

Madeira, and known as " caudle." These refreshments 
were served in china cups, used only on these occasions, 
and having a handle on each side, so that they could be 
easily passed from one to another. These caudle cups 
were often handed down as heir-looms, and to-day they 
are much sought after as curiosities. In those good old 
days the husband also entertained his particular friends 
at the end of a fortnight, if the mother was doing well, 
with a kind of " sugared toast," soaked in beer. Such 
seems to have been the origin of the caudle party, which 
was long out of date, but is now coming into fashion 
again. The caudle party is now held when the child is 
about six weeks old. The invitations are sent out a 
week in advance, and the following is the form in use: 

Mr. and Mrs. Jackson request the pleasure of 
Mr. and Mrs. Black's company, on Wednesday 
afternoon, at two o'clock. 

175 South Monroe Street. 
Caudle. E. S. V. P. 

Sometimes the words, " No presents are expected," 
are added. The plan of having the christening and 
caudle together has been tried by some parents, but the 
church disapproves of this, it is said. The mother re- 
ceives her guests in some pretty convalescent dress, or, 
if she prefers, in an elaborately trimmed robe, and, of 
course, the visitors are shown " the handsomest baby in 
the world." 

CONFIEMATION. 

In the Episcopal church, when the children are four- 
teen or fifteen years of age, the rite of confirmation 
occurs. Notices of confirmations to be held are given 
out in the different churches some weeks prior to the 



98 BIRTHS, CHRISTENINGS, ETC. 

event, and classes are formed, and instruction and pre- 
paration given during the weeks preceding the day 
which the bishop has appointed. Here the duties of god- 
parents come in, and the church expects them to see 
that the child is confirmed, if the parents are dead or 
indifferent in the matter. Of course, those not belong- 
ing to the Episcopal church do not observe this cere- 
mony ; but it is a beautiful sight, for the girls are al- 
ways dressed in white, with white gloves and long, white 
veils; while the youths wear black suits, ties and gloves. 
In this simple costume they march two by two, or more, 
as maybe the custom, and kneel down before the bishop, 
who lays his hands on their heads, and, after a short 
prayer, they rise and return to their seats. 



COURTSHIP AND ENGAGEMENT 
ETIQUETTE. 




ROB ABLY no other theme has so great a fas- 
cination for all classes and conditions of 
people as love ; and as this universal and 
all-powerful sentiment finds its outward 
expression in courtship and marriage, the 
etiquette of these subjects must receive 
attention in a work of this character. 

In primitive times, and among savages, 
there were three forms of courtship — 
capture, purchase and service. The method of cap- 
ture was for a man who wanted a wife to seize and 
abduct her from a neighboring tribe, in which case 
she became his property ; and to this custom Sir John 
Lubbock attributes the origin of monogamy. In the 
custom of purchase, the man bought a wife, paying for 
her in cows, camels, reindeer, or other property ; and 
in service, the man performed a certain amount of 
service for the parents, to win the daughter, as in the 
case of Jacob who worked seven years for Rachel — or 
fourteen rather, to finally get her. In the method of 
capture, there was little chance for personal choice, as 
it was apt to be dangerous sport to hunt a wife, and a 
man caught the first game he could get ; but in pur- 
chase and service there was more chance for personal 
preference. Since beginning to write this article, 
a new book has appeared, called " Romantic Love and 
Personal Beauty." The author breaks new ground on 



100 COURTSHIP AND ENGAGEMENT ETIQUETTE. 

a subject which is certainly worthy of serious study. 
He asserts that this element of personal preference (the 
free choice of love) is of the utmost importance to the 
welfare of the race, and the effort to introduce the 
French system of chaperonage, now being made in some 
quarters, is a most unfortunate tendency; for our modern 
romantic love depends for its development on oppor- 
tunities for courtship, and with two young people 
"three is a crowd." In England and America young 
people have much freedom of intercourse before mar- 
riage, and do their own courting largely, instead of 
having their life partners selected for them by their 
parents, as is the case in some nations ; but there is 
doubtless at present much more freedom in America 
than in England. 

In America young gentlemen are permitted to call 
on young ladies to whom their attentions are agreeable 
at their homes, and to invite them to ride and drive, 
and to the theatre, concerts and balls. For a young 
man to • confine these attentions to one young lady, 
however, would lead her and others to suppose that he 
was deeply interested, and would soon seek an engage- 
ment. For the young lady's sake, therefore, as well as 
his own, a young man should not devote himself too 
closely to any one by whom he is not much impressed. 

A great deal of nonsensical talk is indulged in by 
some people now-a-days, about the evil effects on women 
of education and intellectual development ; and some 
men who do not put it into words have a feeling that 
somehow high intelligence is destructive to the domestic 
virtues ; that intellectual tastes will unfit or indispose 
a wife to stay at home and look after the children, and 
that a bright, clever woman will not entertain a devoted 
attachment to them. This is a most mistaken idea. In 
the great battle of life it is worth everything to a man to 



COUETSHIP AND ENGAGEMENT ETIQUETTE. 101 

have a clear-headed, intelligent wife to help and encour- 
age him. Next to a faithless woman there is no burden 
like a foolish woman. The good sense, the broad com- 
prehension, the enlarged field of thought, which comes 
with high intelligence, will help a woman to bear the 
harrassing cares and troubles of life, and lift her above 
its petty jealousies and prejudices. And so to any 
young man we say : Intelligence is the best of dowries. 
Do not fear or shun it, but win it if you can. 

No young lady should encourage the attentions of a 
young man she does not really like, as she may permit 
him to think his suit will be accepted, and he may 
become so far infatuated that a rejection will be a 
serious matter. Any lady with tact can easily repulse 
an unacceptable suitor without being rude. 

Parents should keep close watch of the gentlemen 
who visit their daughters, and try and prevent their 
going with those whose characters are not above 
reproach. At the same time much tact is needed to avoid 
coming too directly in conflict with the young lady's 
feelings : and it is better to appeal to her reason at first 
than to resort to the parental authority. A change of 
scene may be tried by traveling or visiting, and she 
may be introduced to other and worthier men. When, 
however, a daughter (or a son) is infatuated with an 
utterly worthless or unfit person, the parental authority 
may be asserted ; and if the authority is then defied, 
the parents will have no occasion to reproach them- 
selves afterwards. 

While there are doubtless cases of love at first sight, 
we believe, as a rule, it is based on a harmony of tastes 
and temperaments, and a thorough acquaintance with 
each other before the engagement is much the safest 
course. Certainly there can be little lasting love not 
based on mutual confidence and esteem. 



102 COURTSHIP AND ENGAGEMENT ETIQUETTE. 

We need hardly say that no prudent and modest girl 
should start a correspondence, perhaps in answer to an 
advertisement, with wholly unknown parties. Such a 
course is foolish in the extreme, and often ends in 
misery, and almost invariably in disappointment. Don't 
try it. 

THE PROPOSAL. 

Courtship should culminate in a proposal of mar- 
riage, and for this no rules can be laid down. The 
lover must be guided by his own feelings, and a true 
woman knows what he would say, often, better than he 
does himself. Women, as a rule, like bold and coura- 
geous lovers, but a bashful man may well send his 
proposal by letter, if he fears to trust himself at such a 
time ; but a stammering manner, that results from deep 
feeling, is often the best advocate. A gentleman may 
ask for a reconsideration or for a suspension of the 
verdict at the first refusal, but no true gentleman will 
thrust his attentions on a lady after she has had time for 
reflection and clearly indicated that they are not agree- 
able, so that the verdict seems final. He has no right 
to demand the reason for her refusal. To persist in 
his suit would be in very bad taste. He must treat 
her with respect, but maintain his own dignity and 
avoid her as much thereafter as possible. 

The methods of soliciting a lady's hand vary greatly 
in different countries. In France, the preliminaries of 
marriage are nearly all arranged by the parents. Some 
authorities insist that a young man should obtain the 
consent of the parents before paying his attentions to 
the daughter. That is the English rule ; but in America 
the young people are left to settle most of these things 
for themselves, and the gentleman usually ascertains 



COURTSHIP AND ENGAGEMENT ETIQUETTE. 103 

the young lady's feeling before consulting the parents. 
Most men would take a young lady they loved without 
the parents' consent, if it was refused. A young lady, 
however, should pay due attention to the opinions and 
wishes of her parents, regarding the character of the 
young men who visit her, as they are her natural guard- 
ians, and are deeply interested in her welfare. 

Proposals made on very brief acquaintance, are fool- 
ish and presumptuous. They are usually made by ad- 
venturers or shallow pates, and the lady who would 
accept a gentleman on so slight an acquaintance, hardly 
possesses the discretion necessary to make a good wife. 

A gentleman should never propose to a lady who is 
a guest at his own home. Some people say that an offer 
of marriage should always be made to a young lady at 
her own home, but this is not demanded by the present 
custom. 

When accepted, a gentleman asks a young lady's 
parents for her hand, and he should not hesitate at such 
a time to explain to them his exact financial condition 
and prospects. 

CONDUCT WHILE ENGAGED. 

After the engagement, the gentleman may present 
his affianced with an engagement ring. This may be 
whatever his means will justify, but it should always 
be genuine. The plain gold ring, with the date of the 
engagement engraved inside, is much used, but a fine 
solitaire diamond is often preferred by the wealthy, and 
a diamond and ruby or sapphire, set at right angles, is a 
late fashion. The ring should be worn on the third 
finger (next the little finger) of the lady's left hand. 
Other small presents may be made to the lady, unless 
she shows scruples about receiving them, in which case 



104 COURTSHIP AND ENGAGEMENT ETIQUETTE. 

her wishes should be respected. Flowers are always 
appropriate presents at such a time. 

For a gentleman to make some present to his fiancee 
as a memento of the betrothal, is a very old custom. 
Among the Romans the friends of the families were 
called together, and a feast was prepared, at the con- 
clusion of which the lover placed a ring on the third 
finger of the left hand of his affianced, as they had. an idea 
that a nerve went from this finger directly to the heart. 
The marriage contract and the dowry were also arranged 
on this occasion. In Holland the friends and neigh- 
bors celebrate a betrothal by assembling and consuming 
the briudsuker (bridal sugar), and briudstranen (bridal 
tears), as they term the spiced wine drunk at such times. 
In England it was once a custom to break in two a gold 
or silver coin, and each party preserved a half in token 
of an agreement to marry. An old superstition forbade 
the use of either an opal or emerald in an engagement 
ring — the first because it denoted change, and the latter 
jealousy. 

A young lady should not, according to the strict 
rules of etiquette, travel, nor stay at the same hotel 
unaccompanied, with the gentleman to whom she is en- 
gaged ; nor should she go alone with him to parties, 
theatres or concerts. When they attend entertainments 
together she should be accompanied by a chaperon. 
This is the English rule, which is also observed by some 
of the stricter families in America ; but society generally 
allows much more latitude in these matters in America 
than in England. 

As soon as their wedding cards have been sent out, 
most ladies decline all invitations to appear in public 
until after their marriage. 

When a gentleman is engaged to a lady, he should 
treat her whole family — father and mother, brothers 



COURTSHIP AND ENGAGEMENT ETIQUETTE. 105 

and sisters — cordially and frankly. He should try and 
win their good will, and should conform to their family 
customs as much as possible while with them. 

If the young lady has a private fortune, it should, 
in part at least, be secured for her own control. Even 
though her husband may be perfectly honorable and 
true to her, he may be unfortunate in his business ven- 
tures, and it is certainly prudent not to involve all of her 
means in his operations. 

A new custom at present is for a young lady to write 
her intimate friends that on a certain day (always soon) 
her engagement will be announced. Calls are made on 
that day, or congratulatory notes sent, by all who have 
heard from her. Many friends send flowers, and she 
holds an informal and very pleasant reception. 

When the engagement is announced, the gentleman's 
parents should call on the lady, and treat her most cor- 
dially; or they may invite her to visit them, so that they 
may become acquainted with her. The young lady's 
parents also should extend civilities to the fiance, and 
the two families should exchange calls and establish 
friendly relations. 

During the engagement, the gentleman should not 
publicly escort other ladies and neglect his future bride; 
nor should she accept attentions from other men. They 
need not withdraw from society, however, but he is her 
legitimate escort, and he has the first claim upon her. 
They should maintain an attitude of mutual respect 
and confidence, but any public demonstration of affec- 
tion would be extremely vulgar. 

BREAKING AN ENGAGEMENT. 

To break an engagement is no trifling matter, and 
should not be lightly done; and yet, if it becomes evi- 



106 COURTSHIP AND ENGAGEMENT ETIQUETTE. 

dent that the parties are not adapted to each other, or 
that the marriage is likely to prove an unhappy one, 
there should be no hesitation in severing the engage- 
ment. Better, far better, to do this than risk a life-long 
misery. On breaking the engagement (which is often 
done best by letter), everything in the way of letters, 
gifts or portraits, should be returned. The other party 
should accept the matter with dignity, and at once 
make a similar return. In most instances of this kind, 
time will soon heal the heartaches. 




ETIQUETTE OF WEDDINGS. 




HEN a courtship has culminated in an en- 
gagement, the next step is that of mar- 
riage. This is both a civil and religious 
ceremony, but it has, by universal con- 
sent, been made a joyous and festive 
occasion in all nations and ages. The 
union of two loving hearts invokes an 
approving smile from all classes of peo- 
ple, and while the forms vary somewhat 
in different religious denominations, and in civil and 
religious marriages, it can be set down as a rule that 
the ceremony of a grand wedding is always substanti- 
ally the same. 

A WEDDING IN CHUECH. 

If the wedding is held in church, the following is 
the usual form. The guests should arrive early, and 
they are escorted to their seats by the ushers, who seat 
the nearest relatives in the front seats, the bride's kin 
on the left and the bridegroom's on the right, and dis- 
tant relatives and acquaintances further back. The 
bride and bridegroom do not meet on the wedding day 
until they meet at the chancel of the church. 

The bridegroom should drive to the church in com- 
pany with his " best man," and arrive there before the 
bride, waiting for her in the vestry room. He should 
wear a full morning dress — that is, a dark or black 
frock coat and vest, light trousers, light tie, and light 
tinted gloves, if any. 

The bride should be dressed in white silk, satin, 



108 ETIQUETTE OF WEDDINGS. 

tulle, or any white material, with a veil of point lace or 
white tulle, and a wreath of white roses and orange 
blossoms. She wears no jewelry. She is driven to the 
church, accompanied by her father, who is to give her 
away. Her mother and bridesmaids should have pre- 
ceded her. 

When the procession has been formed, the organ 
peals forth a wedding march, and the ushers march up 
the aisle first, two and two, keeping step with the music, 
and on reaching the altar they separate, going to the 
right and left. Then the bridesmaids follow, also sep- 
arating and going to the right and left. Sometimes 
there are child bridesmaids, who either follow or pre- 
cede the others. The bride follows, leaning on her 
father's right arm. As he approaches the steps, the 
bridegroom (who should have come from the vestry 
room and be standing with his "best man" at the 
clergyman's left) advances to receive her, and takes her 
by the right hand to the altar, where they kneel, the bride 
at the bridegroom's left. The clergyman being in his 
place, they rise in a moment, and the ceremony pro- 
ceeds in accordance with the rite of the church. Dur- 
ing the ceremony soft music may be discoursed, or not, 
as the bride prefers. When the clergyman asks, " Who 
giveth this woman to be married to this man?" the 
father, who having escorted the bride to the altar now 
stands a little behind her, gives his consent by bowing, 
instead of coming forward as was formerly the custom 
and placing her hand in that of the clergyman. The 
father then takes his seat in the front pew beside the 
bride's mother, as his part in the ceremony is over. 

To avoid delay in removing the glove, the ring finger 
of the glove may be cut, so that it will easily slip off 
alone without trouble, or cut down the side, so that it 
can be turned back. 



ETIQUETTE OF WEDDINGS. 109 

When the ceremony is over, and the twain are made 
one, the clergyman stoops forward and offers his con- 
gratulations, but does not kiss the bride that custom 
being no longer allowable. 

The organ now breaks out in joyous peals, and the 
bridegroom offers his left arm to the bride, and they 
march down the aisle to the carriage. It is, however, 
considered bad form for the bride to bow to or notice 
any one in the church while going to and from the altar. 
Having entered the carriage, the bride and bridegroom 
are driven together to the bride's home. 

The bridesmaids and groomsmen follow down the 
aisle, and are also driven to the bride's home. The 
bridesmaids are there divided, half on either side of the 
bride and bridegroom, who stand together and receive 
the congratulations and best wishes of their friends. The 
ushers stand at the drawing-room door, and, receiving 
the guests as they arrive from the church to attend the 
reception, they present them, one by one by name, to the 
newly married pair. 

After an hour or two thus spent, the bride and bride- 
groom retire, and after changing her clothes for the 
wedding journey (in which she is assisted by her inti- 
mate friends), the bride reappears. She is joined by 
the bridegroom, who has also dressed for the trip, and 
the bride is kissed by her friends, and the happy couple 
drive away. The custom of throwing a shoe (or slipper) 
after the bridal pair is very old. It was said to origin- 
ally symbolize the father's renunciation, but now it sug- 
gests good luck, and is often jestingly practiced. 

Many slight changes may be introduced into the 
ceremony, such as changing the order of the procession 
that marches up the aisle of the church to the marriage 
altar, and so on, but the form is substantially the same 
always. 



110 ETIQUETTE OF WEDDINGS. 

A WEDDING AT HOME. 

If the ceremony is held at home, it is often simpler, 
and involves much J ess expense and trouble. The brides- 
maids and groomsmen are, as a rule, dispensed with. 
When the wedding guests have assembled, and the time 
for the ceremony arrives, the clergyman enters the room 
first, and takes his stand, facing the company. The 
bride and bridegroom follow and face the clergyman. 

Sometimes an altar is improvised and dressed with 
flowers, and hassocks are provided for the bride and 
bridegroom to kneel upon. After they are declared man 
and wife, the bride and bridegroom take the clergyman's 
place, and the friends advance and extend their con- 
gratulations. The relatives advance first, and then the 
intimate friends, and lastly the acquaintances. The old 
custom of kissing the bride is now obsolete, only a few 
relatives being allowed the privilege. In offering con- 
gratulations, it is the bridegroom and not the bride who 
is congratulated. 

If the wedding is held in the evening, dancing is 
often provided for, but the bride can retire at any time 
to dress for her departure without checking the gayety. 
In all nations a wedding has been an occasion for rejoic- 
ing and festivities. It is not usual for a bride to dance 
at her own wedding, although she may, if she chooses, 
join in a square dance. 

Many brides prefer a simple wedding, and are 
married in their traveling dresses, leaving at once for 
their wedding tour, without waiting for congratulations; 
and there is no more honorable and appropriate wedding 
than one celebrated in the presence of the family alone. 
Fashionable weddings are often prompted by policy 
rather than love, and many a fashionable belle longs for 
a freer and less artificial life. 



ETIQUETTE OF WEDDINGS. Ill 

THE HONEYMOON. 

The Germans had an old custom of drinking a bever- 
age (mead or metheglin) made out of honey for thirty 
days after the wedding, and it is said that from this 
comes our term of "honeymoon." With our restless 
Americans the honeymoon does not usually last more 
than a fortnight, and seclusion during that period is not 
at present demanded by society. 

THE ENGLISH WEDDING BREAKFAST. 

The attempt to introduce the English wedding break- 
fasts in this country is comparatively new, and they are 
not at present very common. They may be either 
"sit-down" or " stand-up" affairs. The "stand-up" 
breakfasts are less formal than the others, and the gen- 
tlemen help the ladies and themselves from a long table 
in the center of the room, while the bridal party is pro- 
vided with small tables at the side of the room. 

For the wedding breakfast, invitations are issued ten 
days or two weeks in advance, which must be answered 
the same as for a dinner party. At the formal " sit- 
down " breakfast, when it is announced, the bride and 
bridegroom lead the way, followed by the bride's father 
who escorts the bridegroom's mother. The bridegroom's 
father comes next with the bride's mother, then the best 
man follows with the first bridesmaid, then the brides- 
maids with their escorts, and lastly the invited guests 
in the order arranged by the hostess. 

Hot and cold entrees, salads, game, chickens, jellies, 
creams, etc., are served; with many, wines take the place 
of tea and coffee, which are omitted. All the dishes are 
handed by the servants, but the fruits and bon-bons are 
placed on the table. Dinner napkins are always used, 
but the finger-bowls and doilies are omitted. At the 



112 ETIQUETTE OF WEDDINGS. 

conclusion of the meal the wedding-cake is set before 
the bride and she cuts a slice ; but the real cutting of 
the cake is left for the servants. Each guest is expected 
to take at least a fragment of the cake as it is passed. 

The toasts which are now expected to follow are 
apt to be dry and dull, and to this fashion Americans 
are not likely to take kindly. The health of the bride 
and groom is usually proposed by the father of the 
groom, or the oldest friend of the family present, and 
responded to by the bride's father or the bridegroom. 
The bridegroom's father proposes the health of the 
bride's father and mother, and the bride's father re- 
sponds, proposing in turn the health of the bridegroom's 
father and mother. The bridegroom proposes the health 
of the bridesmaids, and the "best man" responds. The 
speeches should be short. 

At the conclusion of the toasts the bride retires to 
put on her traveling dress, and the gentlemen accom- 
pany the ladies to the drawing room, not staying behind 
to smoke and drink wine. 

A WIDOW REMARRYING. 

When a widow remarries, she should not wear a 
bridal veil — and orange blossoms never — and most au- 
thorities decide against her having bridesmaids. She 
may wear a light-colored silk or other dress, but not 
white. On her wedding cards her maiden name appears, 
before that of her late husband. For obvious reasons, 
her first wedding ring should be removed. She should 
be attended by her father, brother, or some near relative. 

CHOOSING THE WEDDING DAY. 

It is the bride's privilege to choose the wedding day, 
and any day in the year may be chosen, but ever since 



ETIQUETTE OF WEDDINGS. 113 

the time of the Romans, May has been considered an 
unlucky month, and, of course, all know that Friday is 
regarded as an unlucky day. These, however, are pure 
superstitions, which the intelligence of the present day 
hardly justifies. " Happy is the bride that the sun 
shines on," is an old maxim, and the sombre winter 
months seem less appropriate than the other seasons of 
the year, spring, summer and autumn. June and Octo- 
ber are favorite months. 

THE BRIDAL TOUR. 

Fashion no longer demands that the newly married 
pair shall take a bridal tour, although these trips are 
common. After the excitement of a wedding, a quiet 
honeymoon, exempt from the demands of society, is de- 
sired usually, and readily granted. In England, the 
brides may wear very showy dresses on their wedding 
tours, but in America this is not allowed by fashion, 
dark cashmeres and plain cloths being preferred. Bon- 
nets are also more suitable than round hats. Any public 
display of affection is ridiculous at this time, as well as 
at all others. A respectful attitude should be main- 
tained towards each other when in public, and all 
caresses reserved for private occasions. 

RECEPTIONS FOR THE NEWLY MARRIED PAIR. 

The mother of the bride usually gives a reception 
for the bridal pair after their return from the wedding 
tour, if one was not given after the wedding, and then 
one may be given by the parents of the bridegroom also. 

REQUIREMENTS OF THOSE WHO ARE IN MOURNING. 

When a marriage occurs in a family that is in mourn- 
ing, all, even a mother, lay aside their mourning for the 



114 ETIQUETTE OF WEDDINGS. 

time being. In England, the mourning widow would 
wear deep red cardinal, but in America, purple velvet 
or silk may be worn at a daughter's wedding. Friends 
who are in mourning and receive invitations, usually- 
absent themselves from the wedding festivities, as it is 
considered by many an ill omen to see heavy mourning 
at a wedding, and the sombre dress is certainly illy in 
keeping with the joyousness of the occasion. 

THE BEST MAN. 

The " best man " is usually the brother or some inti- 
mate friend of the bridegroom. He should drive to 
church with the bridegroom, and stand by him at the 
altar while waiting for the bride. He pays the clergy- 
man's fee, and then drives to the bride's home for the 
wedding reception, and presents the guests to the bride 
and bridegroom. He may also sign the marriage reg- 
ister as witness. He wears a full morning suit, light 
tie, and light gloves, if any. 

At the modern wedding groomsmen are rarely seen, 
the "best man" alone supporting the bridegroom. 

THE BRIDESMAIDS. 

If the bride has a sister, she usually acts as first 
bridesmaid, and the others may be chosen from her 
relatives or friends. Any number, from two to twelve, 
may be chosen, but six or eight is a fashionable number. 
It is the bride's privilege to choose the dresses, but she 
should regard the tastes of the others as well as her 
own. When there are a number of bridesmaids, part 
are often dressed in one color and part in another. Such 
expensive dresses as to drain her friends' purses, should 
not be demanded. A present may be made by the 
bride to each bridesmaid, of some article to serve as a 



ETIQUJETTE OF WEDDINGS. 115 

memento of the occasion, and the bridegroom often 
gives a simple present to each groomsman. Of course, 
without some excellent reason, no one should refuse to 
act as bridesmaid or groomsman, for it is a mark of 
friendship to be asked to serve. A bridesmaid who is 
prevented from officiating by illness or other cause, 
should notify the bride at once, so that she can make 
other arrangements. Of course, married women should 
never be selected for bridesmaids. 

Occasionally there is only one bridesmaid, in which 
case she should be escorted to the altar by the bride- 
groom's brother, her own fiance, or some other friend. 
It is not the correct thing for the " best man " to escort 
her, as his duties are to attend to the bridegroom until 
the ceremony is over. 

THE USHERS. 

The ushers wear a full morning suit, and light 
gloves, and a button-hole bouquet. They arrive at the 
church early, and seat the guests, giving the relatives 
the front seats (those of the groom on the right, and 
those of the bride on the left), and after the ceremonies 
they go to the reception and assist in presenting the 
guests to the bride and bridegroom. In England, the 
sexton of the church seats the guests, and there are no 
ushers. An usher may very properly ask a lady who 
wants a seat whether she is a relative of either party, 
as he cannot be expected to know all those in attendance. 

THE WEDDING PRESENTS. 

The custom of giving wedding presents originated 
among the thrifty Dutch, in a very generous desire to 
help the young people begin housekeeping, but it has 
become too often an occasion for the proud display of 



116 ETIQUETTE OF WEDDINGS. 

the giver's riches, rather than his good will. With all 
sensible and right-minded people, the spirit which 
prompts it is of more value than the gift itself. No 
one should hesitate to send a gift because it is not 
so costly as those offered by wealthier friends, and- a 
piece of embroidery, or some article made by one's own 
hand, is often particularly complimentary as indicating 
personal interest. The ostentatious display, and the 
vain and selfish spirit often prompting wedding gifts, 
led many sensible people to revolt at receiving them, 
and so they would add on their cards, " No presents 
received," but now, happily, this is less needed than 
formerly. In these days of rapidly increasing pri- 
vate fortunes, very costly presents are often made by 
the wealthy, and no rules can be laid down, as the pres- 
ents are dictated only by the taste of the sender. When 
a gift is bought, the giver's card is attached to it, and it 
is usually sent by the merchant directly to the bride. 

Presents may be sent at any time during the two 
months preceding the wedding, and it is well to send 
them as early as possible, to allow the bride time to 
acknowledge their receipt and arrange them for display. 
The receipt of each gift should be promptly and invari- 
ably acknowledged by the bride, who should personally 
write a note of thanks on a sheet of note paper, and not 
on a visiting card. The bride should not fail to acknowl- 
edge gifts from those she does not know, as they may 
be from some friend of her Jianc6, who would be hurt 
the neglect. 

The matter of displaying the wedding presents is 
left to the bride's choice. Some do not show them 
at all, considering it ostentatious. Others devote a 
room to the display, arranging the presents with the 
sender's card attached to each one; doubtless the best 
form avoids all parade. Clocks, jewelry, fans, silver- 



' ETIQUETTE OF WEDDINGS. 117 

ware, china — almost anything, is appropriate for pre- 
sentation at such a time. The bridegroom may make 
any present he chooses to the bride, and on the wedding 
day should, of course, send her a bouquet In France, 
the relatives club together and raise a sum of money, 
which is sent to the mother, to be expended as she 
deems best ; and. in this country, thoughtful friends 
sometimes consult each other to avoid the awkwardness 
of having several friends send the same thing. 

THE INVITATIONS. 

The invitations to the wedding should be engraved 
in plain script, and printed on fine, heavy note paper. 
Neither Old English nor German Text letters are allow- 
able. The following is the usual form, but a much 
better form is to "request the honor (or pleasure) of 
your company at the marriage, etc.," and it is being 
adopted now by many cultivated people : 



(Z/V^i-. emtz d/v^^d. \^Jfi^U<zs7<K, ^J/yyid^yz^le 


4-etz,M<ed/ 'Mjwl- feted twee 


&<l £n£ -ma^A-c-a-tz-e €if 'fr^etk- tze&ittzrite4- 


CsVq)t. J&emae (JfiA&w Zfttiaad., 


o-n, ot^uedezci^f ©<vewt<n<7 . Q cU-^ei fe/fii, Y$$$, 


at dewew €> ow-cni. 


&/. ^£,fi/ke ' d ^-^<J%u<i,cA, 


^p-ntcaaj. 



118 ETIQUETTE OF WEDDINGS. 

An invitation to the reception after the wedding is 
sent to the more intimate friends, and is often in this 
form : 



C?f/^^^e 




<zjfle4> 


'Z&e < ^(zs&i€44'l4Wl'2S. 






67$ Uacrtawi, 


-&&ee/. 



In cities, where there is a large circle of formal 
acquaintances, they are all invited to the churchy and 
only the nearer friends to the reception. When the 
ceremony is at church and excites public curiosity, to 
protect the guests, they receive admission cards, in the 
following form: 



<&£ S&uL'* <Au4, 



ietvt^n^ 



The cards should be sent out ten days or two weeks 
before the wedding. The envelopes used should be per- 
fectly plain. When the wedding is private, marriage 



ETIQUETTE OF WEDDINGS. 119 

notices are sent to friends, usually in this form: 



J&eiPltze J2tr<?-'utiz44z ^dwi-ed, 


Uf^ytia 


- CISV^tzA-ttz- 


^ptz4<€e/<7'n, 




(Z/VQtiJsUed, 


C^edJay, @cA/el A/jfrt, Y$fy. 




<cF/it^(&e^i-n44Z- . 



After a wedding, the newly married couple should 
send notices to their friends, giving their new address, 
so that they may be easily found, as a failure to do this 
often causes much perplexity. The following, or a sim- 
ilar form, is sometimes sent with the notice of the 
marriage : 



C#4. 


tzsn*/ (Zyy^-id. J3ve#44ze £2$^. U&ned 




Csv€ ' £2&cwn* 




tzffle-i- (Z%?-'2/&vnw-e4- feid/. 


7a0 \ffltz4^t44*z/€wi Q'a^-ix^vt^u/. 



Or, instead of the " after November first," it may be, 
"Thursdays in November," or whenever it is desired to 
receive. Sometimes this and the preceding card are 
combined in one, the essential thing being to give 
friends notice of the marriage, the new address, and the 
time for receiving. 



120 ETIQUETTE OF WEDDINGS. 

After a private wedding, parents sometimes send out 
an announcement to their friends and acquaintances, 
and we have seen no better form than the following: 



C^pi. €l<m/ CZ^V^-id. Jdo-tfWl, (0O&0'V^6U, 


€ivwi<Mtw,ce ffiTe -mtzA^ttzeze tyf? /A-eiA* ^a^c^-n-te^ 


}JLl€<UiZ, {Jfi^UC 


6 


<Offi$4. [Jv^^i^n- ^^-e-aeM, 


■c-n (^At^e<U^u- ; (Q/cuw>e4, fewZfc, 


€Z€ 


-^A^U^zMc^u/, Cyv^cidd-. 


At Home after December third, 


at 920 Lincoln Street. 



This form is concise, and gives the new address of 
the bride, which is very desirable. 

After the wedding invitations are issued, the bride 
does not appear in public until the wedding occurs. 

Those about to be married should make out a careful 
list of all their friends and acquaintances, as an omis- 
sion of a name at such a time is a serious slight, and 
think of trying to apologize by saying, ; 'Oh, I com- 
pletely forgot you! " No one thinks it strange to receive 
wedding cards— it is rather a compliment. To send 



ETIQUETTE OF WEDDINGS. 121 

cards to each member of a family is unnecessary. See 
what we say in our chapter on " Cards," about sending 
cards to different members of a large family. 

ANSWERING WEDDING INVITATIONS. 

Those who receive cards to the wedding and cannot 
attend, should send or leave their own cards within ten 
days thereafter, and all those who receive wedding cards 
should call on or extend some invitation to the newly 
married couple within a year ; but those who do not re- 
ceive invitations to the wedding, or cards or announce- 
ments afterwards, should not think of calling on the 
newly married pair. No answer is expected to a wed- 
ding card except to attend, or leave cards afterwards, as 
above explained. Of course, however, if the wedding 
is a small one at home, and an E. 8. Y. P. is added, it 
should be sent promptly. 

Friends out of town unable to attend the wedding, 
should send their cards at once by mail, to indicate that 
they have received the invitation. 

An invitation to a wedding breakfast should be ans- 
wered promptly. 

THE WEDDING CAKE. 

The custom of packing the wedding cake in boxes 
and allowing each guest to take one, has superseded the 
old custom of cutting the wedding cake and passing it 
around at the wedding; and so, also, to cut the wedding 
cake and hunt for the ring is out of vogue at present. 

PAYING THE EXPENSES OF THE WEDDING. 

With regard to who should pay for the cards, it may 
be said that this, and all other expenses of the wedding, 



122 ETIQUETTE OF WEDDINGS. 

always devolve upon the parents of the bride. In Eng- 
land, the bridegroom is allowed to pay for the carriage 
in which they drive away from church, but no other; 
but in America even that is not customary. The idea 
is, that the bride's parents should pay for her trousseau, 
and defray all expenses of the wedding and the enter- 
tainment. If they are not able to afford a fashionable 
wedding, they should not attempt it, but have a quiet 
ceremony at home, rather than call on the bridegroom 
to provide the means for a display. Of course, visiting 
cards to be used after the wedding, may be paid for by 
the husband, like any other family expenses. 

The bridegroom pays the clergyman, furnishes the 
wedding ring, sends a bouquet to the bride, and some 
other present, if he chooses ; gives presents to the 
bridesmaids, the "best man," and some token to the 
ushers, as souvenirs of the occasion — and these are 
all the wedding expenses he is expected to pay. The 
clergyman's fee may vary from five to five hundred 
dollars, according to his wealth and liberality. It 
should never be less than five dollars, however. 

THE WEDDING EING. 

The use of a wedding ring is a very ancient custom. 
It is probable that it was used by the Swiss Lake Dwel- 
lers, and other primitive people. In very early times it 
was used by the Hebrews, who possibly borrowed it 
from the Egyptians, among whom, as well as the Greeks 
and the Eomans, the wedding ring was used. An Eng- 
lish book on Etiquette, published in 1732, says, the 
bride may choose on which finger the ring shall be 
placed, and it says some brides prefer the thumb, others 
the index finger, others the middle finger, " because it 
is the largest," and others the fourth finger, because " a 
vein proceeds from it to the heart." At the present day 



ETIQUETTE OF WEDDINGS. 123 

the wedding ring is used in the services of nearly all 
the different denominations. The engagement ring is 
removed at the altar, nsnally by the bridegroom, who 
passes the wedding ring (which is a plain gold band, with 
the date and the initials engraved inside) to the clergy- 
man, to be used by him in the ceremony. On the way 
home from church, or as soon thereafter as convenient, 
the bridegroom may place the engagement ring again 
on the bride's finger, to stand guard over its precious 
fellow. 

REMEMBERING SERVANTS. 

One very pleasant custom, which should not be over- 
looked, is that of making some small present to the 
servants as a souvenir of the joyous occasion. The 
bridegroom should make some presents to the servants 
in his father-in-law's family, especially those who have 
been most attached to his wife. 




WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. 




HE object of anniversaries is to recall viv- 
idly to mind events that are past, and 
which have left an impression or marked 
a crisis in our lives. It has now become 
the general custom to celebrate the wed- 
ding anniversaries, and these occasions 
may be made very pleasant, but the cus- 
tom of giving presents at these times is 
often, as at weddings, carried to an ex- 
treme, and any ostentatious display is vulgar and ill-bred. 
The first anniversaries are merely occasions of cor- 
diality and pleasure. For the paper wedding, which is 
the first anniversary, the presents should be entirely of 
paper; and for the second anniversary (the cotton wed- 
ding) the presents should be of cotton cloth. To be in 
keeping with the occasion, the invitations also are 
printed on cotton cloth. 

The wooden wedding (the fifth anniversary) is usu- 
ally the signal for a frolic, and anything, from a wooden 
mustard spoon to a set of furniture, may be sent in. 
Elegant wood carvings are often given. Invitations 
may be sent on the delicate and beautiful wooden cards, 
which are almost equal to ivory. 

The tin wedding (the tenth anniversary) is often 
very gay, and the fun waxes " fast and furious." Any- 
thing made of tin may be sent, and the presents are 
often fantastic and ridiculous. The invitations may be 
written or printed on tin cards, or on note paper, with a 
tin card enclosed in the same envelope. 



126 WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. 

The crystal wedding occurs on the fifteenth, and the 
china on the twentieth anniversary. For the first, gifts 
of glassware should be sent, and for the latter, china, 
porcelain, etc. The invitations should be on the ivory 
or celluloid |)apers, which are so beautiful. The Scotch 
think either the husband or wife will die within a year 
if the twentieth anniversary is even talked about, and 
many superstitious people refuse to observe it. There 
is doubtless about as much foundation for the belief as 
there is for the old superstition that Satan appears as a 
black cat! 

The silver wedding, which occurs on the twenty-fifth 
anniversary, may be made a very pleasant occasion. 
These reunions have been so often made the occasion 
for extravagant display, that many people have been 
led to confine their invitations to their own families or 
intimate friends. Others have " No presents received " 
engraved in one corner of the cards of invitation, and 
we most heartily commend the custom, as it relieves 
those who are invited from the feeling that they are be- 
ing levied on. So many articles of ornament and use 
are made of silver, that there is a large list from which 
the relatives and friends who wish to give them may 
select presents. The invitations should be printed in 
silver, on the finest note paper. 

The golden toedding, which comes on the fiftieth 
anniversary, is a rare occurrence. Few people survive 
the many ills which flesh is heir to and live to cele- 
brate their golden wedding. Such couples must be old, 
and may well receive presents of gold from their rela- 
tives and friends. The invitations should be printed in 
gold, on fine white paper. Much latitude is allowed in 
the giving of presents on these occasions, and they are 
by no means necessarily confined to articles of gold, but 
friends offer such tributes of regard as they choose. It 



WEDDING ANNIVEKSABIES. 127 

is very pleasant if the bride can wear some article of 
dress which she wore at her first wedding while receiving 
the congratulations of her friends. 

The diamond wedding conies on the seventy-fifth 
anniversary, and few, indeed, are those who live to cele- 
brate it. The sands of life are then running low, and 
the jewels the occasion calls for can give little pleasure. 
The invitations may be printed on diamond-shaped 
cards, and enclosed in envelopes of the same shape. 

On some of these anniversaries the wedding cere- 
mony has been repeated, and the question as to its 
propriety is often asked. No event in life is more im- 
portant than marriage, and on this institution all our 
civilization rests, and we should pronounce unhesitat- 
ingly against trifling with it in any such way. 

Invitations to these various weddings are often issued 
somewhat in this style: 



/<tfo. 






sfyo. 




CJv$4>. tzsnt/ Cyf^d. QtAw 


Qp^ 




4-e^ued-/ 'Z7ie /i/ecr-i u--le &ff sw&wi. 


ctwnJtasri-'W 




€Wl, G7^%^^ i/^f /^^ 'ZfM4,tZ, 






tz-t eitz.'n / l 0- &wcwi. 








-0 -wve<l. {Jfeadi^iiz- . 






Jdvdwi 


- S^W^. ^£,u-c-?z 


(&/ 



128 WEDDING ANNIVEESARIES. 

Or, in place of the il Silver Wedding/ 1 may be " Tin 
Wedding," " Golden Wedding," or whichever it may be. 
The names at the end, however, are omitted by many. 
Some invitations transcribe the original marriage notice 
published in the newspaper at the time, but simplicity 
is always the best etiquette. 

Occasionally the "at home" form of invitation is 
used, in which case it takes the following form: 



04 CZ^lea^/e C &^^yi/. 



The paper, cotton, leather, w T ooden and tin weddings, 
are generally very social and enjoyable occasions, with- 
out the ceremony of those of riper years. Gifts are 
not expensive and may be freely indulged in, and the 
more fun provoked by their absurdity the better. Cof- 
fee, chocolate, salads, cake and ices, are generally served 
at these entertainments. At the earlier weddings it is 
optional, but at the silver and golden weddings, a loaf 



WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. 129 

of wedding cake is demanded, and the house is decor- 
ated with flowers. 

For the convenience of our readers, we append a 
list of the wedding anniversaries in the order in which 
they come, but many of them are little observed. Au- 
thorities differ in regard to some of them, as for example, 
the fifteenth and twentieth, and for this reason we give 
the different forms. The crown- diamond is new, and, 
of course, very rare, but we have seen an account of one 
such wedding where the combined ages of the couple 
amounted to one hundred and seventy-eight years! 

First Anniversary Paper Wedding 

Second A n niversary Cotton Wedding 

Third Anniversary Leather Wedding 

Fifth Anniversary Wooden Wedding 

Seventh Anniversary Woolen Wedding 

Tenth Anniversary " Tin Wedding 

Twelfth Anniversary Silk and Fine Linen Wedding 

Fifteenth Anniversary Crystal (sometimes the Iron) Wedding 

Twentieth Anniversary China (sometimes the Floral) Wedding 

Twenty-fifth Anniversary Silver Wedding 

Thirtieth Anniversary Pearl Wedding 

Thirty-fifth Anniversary Coral Wedding 

Fortieth Anniversary Buby Wedding 

Forty-fifth Anniversary Bronze Wedding 

Fiftieth Anniversary Golden Wedding 

Sixty-fifth Anniversary Crown-Diamond Wedding 

Seventy-fifth Anniversary Diamond Wedding 



a* 



ETIQUETTE OF FUNERALS AND 
MOURNING. 




HEN death enters a family and claims 
some loved one as its prize, it is incum- 
bent on all to show the mourners the 
utmost kindness and consideration. The 
world has always been awe-struck by the 
appalling mystery of death, but the tend- 
ency at present is towards less gloom 
and outward display of the " pomp, pride 
and circumstance of woe," and many now 
discard altogether the outward emblems of an inward 
grief. And yet a mourning costume does, to a certain 
extent, shield the wearer from the rude jostlings of a 
gay and thoughtless world. 

ARRANGEMENTS FOR THE FUNERAL. 

The gentlemen of the family see those who are to 
officiate at the ceremonies, as the ladies see none but 
their most intimate friends before the funeral. It is 
customary to leave the details of the funeral to some 
near friends, but in case there are none such prepared 
to take charge of the matter, it is usually left to the 
undertaker. A statement of the amount to be expended 
should be made to him, and then he can lay his plans 
accordingly. No one is expected to go beyond his 
means, and display at funerals is in bad taste. Even 
the rich now study simplicity. 

If the deceased belonged to some organization which 
expects to conduct the funeral, prompt notice of tlit 



132 ETIQUETTE OF FUNERALS AND MOURNING. 

death should be sent, so that the members may have 
time to make their arrangements. 

The body of a man is usually dressed in black, but 
for the young of both sexes white is the most appro- 
priate. For a woman, much latitude is given to differ- 
ing tastes, but for her, also, nothing is more appropriate 
than white. 

NOTICES OF A FUNERAL. 

Friends and acquaintances generally are notified 
through the papers, in which case it is well to add, 
" without further notice," but notes are always sent to 
pall-bearers, requesting them to serve, and those who 
receive such notes should reply immediately. In cities 
and large towns, or where it is thought the notice may 
not reach them otherwise, printed invitations are often 
issued to the friends of the family, usually on fine, 
small note paper, with a heavy black border, and in 
somewhat the following form : 



(cA^td^e^ tiwtz 4-tz^nt^if tzA-e tawtletz fa 






(& /i^&c&et/ fa J&^ace<ia- 



ETIQUETTE OF FUNERALS AND MOURNING. 133 

Or, if the funeral is held in a church, in place of the 
lines giving the residence the church should be given, 
as, "from St. Paul's church," or whatever it may be. 

Carriages should be provided for all thus invited, 
and none but those suffering from a similar deep afflic- 
tion are at liberty to decline such an invitation. At- 
tendance at the funeral is the only answer needed. 

THE SERVICES. 

Some near relative or friend of the family receives 
the guests as they arrive, if the services are held at the 
house. The relatives take a last look at the remains 
before the arrival of the guests, and are not seen again 
until the services begin. The clergyman takes his stand 
near the head of the coffin, or where he can be most 
readily heard by those present, and conducts the ser- 
vices in accordance with the rites of the church to which 
he belongs. It is now the custom for friends to take a 
last look at the remains at the house, before the ser- 
vices begin, instead of at the church, when services are 
held there. At the conclusion of the services, the master 
of ceremonies directs the mourners to the carriages and 
assists them to enter, and, as they pass out, all present 
stand with uncovered heads. 

Any attempt at jests, or levity, is shockingly coarse 
and rude at a funeral, and even the bitterest enemies 
meeting at such a place are expected to bury their ani- 
mosity for the time being. 

The custom of decorating the coffin with flowers is 
a most beautiful one, but in large cities it is often the 
occasion of so much lavish display that the request is 
frequently made that no flowers be sent- Otherwise, 
nothing is more appropriate than a modest tribute of 
this kind. 



134 ETIQUETTE OF EUNEBALS AND MOURNING. 

Those who attend a funeral, ladies especially, should 
dress in dark and sombre colors. 

THE PROCESSION. 

The attending clergyman precedes the hearse; so also 
should a military or other organization. The pall- 
bearers, of which there are usually six, though some- 
times eight, walk beside the hearse, equally divided in 
number. If they ride they precede the hearse. The 
relatives follow, the nearest going first. The attending 
physician, if present, should immediately follow the 
relatives. At the cemetery, the clergyman precedes the 
coffin to the grave. In England, lady friends seldom go 
to the church or the grave, although custom permits it 
in this country if they so desire. 

After the exercises at the grave, the guests return to 
their respective homes, the immediate family alone 
going to the house of mourning. 

CALLS OF CONDOLENCE, ETC. 

Friends and acquaintances call upon the bereaved 
family in about a month, and leave their cards; and 
the most intimate friends may call much earlier. Only 
those very intimate, however, expect to see the family. 
These cards are preserved and proper ly acknowledged 
when the mourner re-enters society. A bereaved wife 
or mother sees none but her family for several weeks 
after the funeral. Kind notes of condolence or sympa- 
thy may be left, and gifts of flowers, or other delicate 
expressions of interest, are grateful to the afflicted ones. 
These notes of condolence should not be on black-edged 
paper. When those who have been in mourning wish 
to re-enter society, they send cards to their acquaintances 
as an intimation that their period of seclusion is over. 



ETIQUETTE OF FUNERALS AND MOURNING. 135 

Society will not intrude upon their privacy until such 
notice is received, although cards can be sent with the 
words, "To inquire,'' written at the top. Cards in reply 
to these should have, "Thanks for kind inquiries," writ- 
ten on them. 

DRESS AND PERIODS OF MOURNING. 

The question is often asked, how long " the habili- 
ments of woe " should be worn. In America, society 
has not laid down any very strict rules, but the follow- 
ing are those sanctioned by the best authorities and the 
usage of society: 

For a Husband. — The usual period of mourning is 
two years, although it is sometimes shortened to one. 
For the first six months the dress should be of crape 
and bombazine, with a crape bonnet and long crape veil. 
For the first three months the veil is not lifted in the 
street at all. After six months the crape may be re- 
moved, and grenadine and dead trimmings used. After 
the first year a lighter veil may take the place of the 
heavy one, and the mourning may be lightened some- 
what. The custom of wearing purple the second year 
is obsolete. Jet ornaments only, or diamonds set as 
mementos, should be worn. The black kid gloves, which 
are worn in the deepest mourning, are objectionable in 
warm weather. The gants cle Su&de or black silk gloves 
are pleasanter to wear, and in better style. Seal-skins 
and black furs of all kinds are worn when in deep 
mourning. Some, though few, hold that the mourning 
should not be lightened at all for two years. 

Many widows never leave off their mourning, which 
is considered an especial mark of respect for the dead. 

For a Wife- — The widower wears mourning for one 
year in America, and two years in England. Widowers 
re-enter society much earlier than widows, and it is an 



136 ETIQUETTE OF FUNERALS AND MOURNING. 

accepted rule for gentlemen to enter society much earlier 
than ladies when mourning relatives. Some of our 
ladies, who insist on " equal-rights," may object to this, 
but such is the rule. 

For Parents. — The period of mourning is one year 
for parents, although after the first six months it is 
lightened somewhat. The heavy black veil is worn at 
the back of the bonnet, and not, like the widow's veil, 
over the head and face. 

For Grand- Parents. — The rule is the same as for 
parents in America, but in England this mourning only 
lasts three months. 

For Brothers and Sisters. — For these the period of 
mourning is one year. Crape is worn six months, and 
for the succeeding six months, sombre silks, grenadines 
and cashmere are worn. 

For Children. — For those above ten years of age 
mourning lasts nine months. The first three the dress 
is trimmed with crape, but less heavily than for a hus- 
band. For younger children mourning is worn from 
three to six months. For an infant, six or seven weeks 
is the usual time. 

For Uncles, Aunts and Cousins. — For these the 
period of mourning is from three to six months. When 
these are relatives by marriage only, from six weeks to 
three months is considered long enough. In such cases, 
often, crape is not worn at all, even at the first, but 
colors are discarded from the dress. 

For Nepheivs and Nieces. — For these the mourning 
is the same as for an uncle or aunt. 

For a relative who leaves you an inheritance, the 
mourning is the same as for a grand-parent. 

Wives wear mourning for their husband's relatives 
the same as they would for their own, and husbands do 
the same for their wives. 



ETIQUETTE OF FUNEKALS AND MOURNING. 137 

For distant relatives and friends, the degree of inti- 
macy regulates the period of mourning — from six weeks 
to three months being the rule. 

GENERAL HINTS. 

The French rule varies somewhat from the English 
and American, and their periods of mourning are gener- 
ally shorter. Many people appear to be shocked at the 
brevity of French mourning, but sombre clothes are by 
no means the necessary adjuncts of grief. In America 
the ideas of propriety vary somewhat in different parts 
of the union, New England requiring less outward dis- 
play than some other sections, and in general there is 
probably at present a tendency to shorter periods of 
wearing and less parade of the sombre emblems of woe. 
The French customs are about as follows: For a 
husband the wife wears mourning for one year and 
six weeks — divided into six months of deep mourning, 
six months of lighter and six weeks of half mourning. 
For a wife the husband wears mourning for six 
months — three being deep, and three half mourning. 
For a father or mother the rule is the same as for a 
wife. For a brother or sister the period is two months — 
one of full and one of half mourning. For a grand- 
parent the rule is two and one-half months of light 
mourning. For an uncle or aunt ordinary mourning is 
worn for three weeks only, and for a cousin two weeks. 

It is considered disrespectful for a person in mourn- 
ing for a husband, brother, parent or child, to be seen 
at the opera or theatre, a party or dinner, until six 
months have elapsed, although it is allowable to attend 
a concert after three months. To seek such gayeties at 
such a time not only displays heartlessness on the 
part of the mourner, but the sombre mourning cos- 



138 ETIQUETTE OF FUNERALS AND MOURNING. 

tume casts an air of gloom illy in keeping with the joy- 
ousness of such occasions. Those who do not wear 
mourning can do as they choose, but those who adopt it 
are expected to observe the restraint which it imposes. 

Mourning should be discarded gradually, or other- 
wise it may be unpleasantly remarked that it was worn 
perfunctorily, and is discarded with unseemly delight. 

The wearing of heavy crape veils is objected to by 
physicians. Injury to the eyes is a frequent result, they 
claim, and also the deleterious dyes are breathed into 
the nose, producing catarrhal disease. It is a pity they 
could not be discarded, but the tyrant fashion demands 
their use by her slaves. A small veil of black tulle may 
be pinned over the nose and eyes, and the heavy crape 
veil thrown back as frequently as possible, which will 
afford some relief to those who wear them. 

When the head of the family dies — and sometimes 
for other members of the family — the servants are pre- 
sented with suits of mourning. The coachman is dressed 
in black, with weeds on his hat, and the family carriage 
is lined with black. 

Mourning stationery is often used, but the narrower 
borders are preferred, on account of the ostentation of 
very wide ones. The period of its use varies from one 
to two years. 

Even those ladies who are not in mourning, should 
wear black dresses when attending a funeral. A bright 
colored bonnet or shawl has a bright and festive appear- 
ance not in harmony with the solemnity of the occasion. 
For a gentleman to wear a light colored or straw hat is 
considered disrespectful, and black or dark clothes are 
most appropriate. 

Black gloves, of cloth, silk or thread, may be worn, in- 
stead of kid, in the deepest mourning, and for the first 
month no jewelry is worn. 



ETIQUETTE OF FUNERALS AND MOURNING. 



139 



The silks worn when in mourrrng should be lustre- 
less, and the ribbons without gloss. In the deepest 
mourning, trimmings of all kinds are omitted, but are 
permitted when the mourning is lightened. 

Handkerchiefs, with wide, black borders, may be 
carried in deep mourning, and those with narrower 
borders substituted as it is lightened. 




ETIQUETTE OF DRESS. 




LTHOUGH it is not true that " dress makes 
the man," it is true that dress is an index 
of character, and as such by no means 
unimportant. Our first impression is pro- 
duced on strangers by the clothes we 
wear, and, as first impressions are often 
lasting, it is best that they should be 
favorable. A shabbily dressed man feels 
awkward and ill at ease, and a shabbily 
dressed woman still more so. Nature provides a suita- 
ble costume for plants and all animals, excepting man, 
but the "lords of creation" must devise their own cov- 
ering, and exercise their own taste in so doing. A due 
regard for etiquette would require every one to dress 
well and suitably for every occasion. To make the best 
appearance they can with the means at their command, 
is incumbent on both men and women. Women of tact 
know full well that even sensible men take pride in their 
wives' appearance. Careless and slovenly women lose 
thereby a measure of their influence, for men, as a rule, 
are not attracted by slatterns, and the most devoted wife 
can never be proud of a slovenly husband. It is prob- 
able that not only is dress an index of character, but it 
doubtless also influences the manner and disposition 
somewhat, so that mean and shabby clothing tends to 
give any one mean and shabby ways. 

" Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy, 
But not expressed in fancy — rich not gaudy; 
For the apparel oft proclaims the man." 



ETIQUETTE OF DRESS. 141 

But while all this is true, it is also true that for weak 
minds an inordinate love of dress is a dangerous pas- 
sion, and may easily become a curse. For the poor 
clerk's wife to try and rival, in richness of dress, the 
wealthy banker's, is so evidently foolish as to be apparent 
to all, and it is a great temptation to her husband to try 
and obtain in unlawful ways money with which to gratify 
her. Such women should know that extravagant dis- 
play is ill-bred and vulgar, as well as foolish. She who 
thoroughly understands her circumstances and adapts 
her dress thereto, displays both good taste and good 
sense. When two young people are beginning life to- 
gether on a small income, and they have their own way 
to make in the world, it should be the pride and de- 
light of the young wife to see how little she can spend 
on dress, and yet appear fresh and attractive. The 
French women have always been credited with the most 
genius for dress, and they do have an eye for the har- 
mony of colors and the fitness of things that puts the 
average English woman to the blush, but the Ameri- 
can women are little, if any, their inferiors in these 
regards. 

Many of our readers have, no doubt, noticed that 
the old word " gown " is coming into vogue again. It is 
applied to the outer garment usually worn by ladies, 
while the word " dress " is applied to the tout ensemble 
— the whole combination of the clothes. 

A few hints and general directions about dress may 
be given, as follows: 

Perfect neatness and cleanliness are of the first im- 
portance. 

It is said that refinement of character is never asso- 
ciated with vulgarity of dress. 

Study the society with which you expect to associate, 
and adapt your dress thereto. 



142 ETIQUETTE OF DRESS. 

The pronounced and showy colors formerly worn, 
are not now allowable. 

Dress should be pleasant to look at, and should har- 
monize with the season of the year. 

A lavish display of jewelry and ostentatious cos- 
tumes are in bad taste. 

Extremely low-necked dresses — so low as to cause 
remark — are vulgar. 

A dress so perfectly in harmony with one's character 
and surroundings as to be unnoticed, is in the best of 
taste. She who thoroughly understands herself and her 
surroundings, and adapts her clothing thereto, always 
appears well dressed. 

To " out-Herod Herod " in going to the extreme of 
fashion, is in bad taste; it is equally so to disregard the 
prevailing style altogether. 

Tight lacing is going out of style at present, in all 
countries. 

Perfumes should be used in moderation, if at all. 
None but the best should ever be used, as cheap per- 
fumes are intolerable. As musk, patchouly and sandal- 
wood make many sensitive persons ill, a due regard for 
the feelings of others would forbid their use. 

A competent authority on dress says: " Thin ladies 
can wear delicate colors, while stout, florid persons, look 
better in black or dark gray. For old, as well as young, 
however, the question of color must be determined by 
complexion and figure. Kich colors harmonize with 
brunette complexions and dark hair; delicate colors, 
with persons of blonde hair and complexion." 

The usual gown for ladies of wealth and position 
should be of dark silk. Jewelry, flowers in caps, or hair 
ornaments, and light silk gowns, are not suitable for 
morning wear. Diamonds should be reserved for the 
evening. 



ETIQUETTE OF DEESS. 143 

We offer the following hints in regard to the differ- 
ent styles of dress suitable for various occasions: 

THE EVENING DRESS FOR LADIES. 

The evening dress for ladies is worn at all festivities, 
and should, from first to last, be expressive of luxury. 
At all brilliant evening assemblies, the dress may be as 
rich and elegant as one chooses to make it. Incongru- 
ities, however, should be avoided. Jewelry may be 
worn, and the full dress costume, but dresses very low 
in the neck are in bad taste. The full evening dress is 
worn at balls, large dinners, and parties. The gown 
should be in the prevailing fashion, but as that con- 
stantly varies, we cannot give more explicit directions. 

BALL DRESS FOR LADIES. 

For the ball room the full dress should be worn. 
Those who dance should not wear heavy silks, but their 
dresses should be light and airy. For young people, 
gowns of light gossamer fabrics — net, tulle, or tarletan 
— are most appropriate, trimmed with ribbons or flow- 
ers. Flowers may be worn in the hair, and for young 
ladies the natural are more suitable than artificial ones. 
Chaperons and elderly ladies may wear the dress suita- 
ble for a dinner, and it need not be cut low in the neck, 
unless they prefer it, and then a lace scarf or shawl 
may be thrown over the shoulders. Jewelry never looks 
as well if pieces of different sets are worn together — 
such as a diamond brooch with emerald ear-rings or a 
necklace of pearls — and, therefore, the ornaments should 
match in character. Steele says that diamonds " may 
tempt a man to steal a woman, but never to love her," 
which may console those who do not own them. It is 
not in good taste for young ladies to decorate them- 
selves with any excess of jewelry at any time. 



144 ETIQUETTE OF DRESS. 

DRESS FOR THE OPERA. 

The opera admits of elegant dressing. The evening 
gown may be worn, with ornaments in the hair instead 
of a bonnet. The lighter colored gowns are more pleas- 
ing, and add to the appearance of the house. At mati- 
nees a bonnet is always worn, and it may be very ele- 
gant and dressy, when desired. 

DRESS FOR THE THEATRE. 

For the theatre any attempt at display is out of taste, 
and the dress should be plain. Either a hat or bonnet 
may be worn, but it is a pity the sensible habit of re- 
moving the hat could not be introduced, out of regard 
for those who sit in the rear. The promenade dress 
may be worn, with dark gloves to harmonize. 

DRESS FOR LECTURES AND CONCERTS. 

Lectures and concerts admit of somewhat more dis- 
play than the theatre. A silk gown, with some lace and 
jewelry, may be worn. The kid gloves should be light 
colored or white. 

DRESS FOR CHURCH. 

The dress for church may be rich in texture, but it 
should be simple and free from display. A church is 
the one place on earth where all classes should meet on 
an equal footing, and to flaunt one's elegant jewelry or 
dresses in the eyes of poorer or less fortunate people, 
while ostensibly worshipping Him who was so poor He 
had not where to lay His head, is manifestly in bad 
taste. Many wealthy and well-bred people recognize 
the propriety of plain dressing for church, and wear 
simple and unostentatious clothes at the house of God. 
Very little jewelry should be worn. 



ETIQUETTE OF DEESS. 145 

THE ORDINARY EVENING DRESS. 

The ordinary evening dress, when at home, should 
be becoming and tasteful. Any of the heavy woolen 
dress goods in winter, or lawns or grenadines for sum- 
mer, are appropriate, and silks are always suitable. 
Some jewelry may be worn, but diamonds should be 
reserved for occasions of more display. Bright ribbons 
may be worn at the throat and in the hair. The same 
dress is suitable to wear when making an evening call. 

DRESS FOR INFORMAL EVENING PARTIES. 

For an informal or social evening party, a little 
richer gown may be worn. Low-necked dresses are not 
usual on such occasions, but if they are worn, the 
shoulders should be covered with a lace scarf or shawl. 
High-necked and long-sleeved dresses are in better taste 
on such occasions. If gloves are worn, they should be 
light colored, but they may be worn or not, according 
to the taste of the individual. 

THE FULL DINNER DRESS. 

The full dinner dress is rich and elegant. Silks, 
satins and velvets, trimmed with laces, are worn, and 
costly jewelry, but everything should harmonize. In 
the summer, light, rich goods may be worn. Young 
ladies wear lighter tints and materials than the elderly 
ladies. For dinner, all the light neutral tints are suita- 
ble, and dark blue, purple, black, dark green, brown and 
fawn color. 

A hostess should never make an effort to outshine 
her guests, and her dress should therefore be subdued 
in tone. Plain jewelry is worn when the dinner is held 
in daylight, as diamonds are usually reserved for gas- 
light. 



146 ETIQUETTE OF DRESS. 

DRESS FOR RECEIVING CALLS. 

Ladies who have special days for receptions, should 
wear quiet colors on those occasions, but the gown 
should be of silk, or other appropriate material. A lit- 
tle jewelry may be worn, but ostentation should be 
avoided. For New Year's, and other special occasions, 
the dress may be rich and elaborate, and full evening 
dress should be worn when the curtains are drawn and 
the gas lighted. A lady engaged in her household af- 
fairs, should receive casual callers in her morning dress, 
which should be plain and scrupulously neat, but 
they should never be kept waiting while a dress is 
changed. Receive them at once, or send word you are 
"engaged," or "not at home." 

THE MORNING DRESS FOR HOME; 

A lady's morning dress should be simple and suited 
to the time of day. It may be inexpensive, but it must 
be exquisitely neat; the ribbons fresh, and the cuffs, 
collars, or ruches, clean and spotless. In summer, 
light morning dresses, of some material that will 
wash, are suited to young ladies, whether married or 
not. Much jewelry, or any light laces, are decidedly 
out of place, and so is an old " company gown," fur- 
bished up for the occasion. A little richer style of 
dress is admissible when visiting at a friend's house. 

For a late breakfast, and at a watering place, imita- 
tion lace is suitable, and a more luxurious style of dress. 

VISITING COSTUMES. 

The costumes worn for visiting, or for day receptions, 
are of richer material than walking suits. The taste of 
the wearer may be displayed in the bonnet, which may 
be either rich or simple, but should not be extravagantly 



ETIQUETTE OF DRESS. 147 

fine. In summer all should be cool, bright, agreeable 
to the eye, and pleasant to wear; and in winter, a shawl, 
velvet jacket, or fur trimmed mantle, may accompany 
the carriage visiting dress. 

MORNING DRESS FOR CALLING. 

For morning calls, the most appropriate dress is of 
black or neutral tint, with a sparing use of colors. The 
walking dress may be worn, or the carriage dress, when 
accompanied by the carriage. Light colored gloves are 
invariably worn when paying calls, except by persons 
in deep mourning. 

DRESSING FOR WALKING. 

Walking suits may be simple, substantial and quiet 
in color, and they should not be worn so long as to 
sweep the sidewalk. In the country they should be 
strong and tasteful, but in the city more richness is ad- 
missible. Thick boots are now, fortunately, fashionable, 
so that a little mud is not a terror. Fine laces and elab- 
orate gowns should never be worn on the street — they 
should be kept for balls and full dress occasions. 
Neither should a " dressy " hat be worn on the street, 
but the hat or bonnet should be plain, and should match 
the gown as nearly as possible. The waterproof cloaks, 
now so common, are much less troublesome than an 
umbrella. 

DRESSING FOR DRIVING. 

The dress for driving is very different from the walk- 
ing dress. Light colored silks, long skirts, lace parasols 
and feathery hats, are suitable for a carriage ride 
through a park or the streets of a city, and rich furs 
may be worn in winter. In the country, or where the 



148 ETIQUETTE OF DEESS. 

dust and mud would soil the clothes, a plain and simple 
dress should be worn. For the top of a coach, where it 
is now so popular and fashionable for ladies of certain 
" sets " to ride, a plain and serviceable suit is in every 
way preferable to the elaborate and showy dresses so 
often worn. The Princess of Wales lately showed her 
usual good taste by appearing on top of a coach in Lon- 
don in a suit of navy-blue flannel. Those young ladies 
who appear on the top of a coach in a costume fit only 
for a ball room, display ignorance of the fitness of 
things, and need not complain if they are subjected to 
ridicule, or made the butt of caricaturists. Both good 
sense and good taste would dictate a modest and service- 
able costume for such a place. 

DEESSING FOE EIDING. 

For horseback riding, the dress should be made of 
broad -cloth or waterproof. The former is the most 
stylish, but the latter is better for service. Lighter cos- 
tumes may be worn in summer. To prevent the skirts 
from being blown by the wind, they should be weighted 
by having shot sewed in at the bottom of the left hand 
breadths. It is an excellent idea to wear the riding skirt 
over another of the usual length, so that in case of acci- 
dent the riding skirt may be slipped off, and yet leave 
the rider properly dressed. The habit should fit per- 
fectly and button nearly to the throat, and a linen col- 
lar, with a pretty neck-tie, is worn. The sleeves come 
to the wrist, with linen cuffs beneath them. Strong 
leather gloves, with gauntlets, are worn, and the whip is 
light and plain. The hat should be in the prevailing 
fashion, but no long veil should be worn to flaunt in 
the wind. Embroidery and laces should never be worn 
with a riding habit. 



ETIQUETTE OF DRESS. 149 

DRESSING FOR TRAVELING. 

The traveling costume should be made for service 
and free from superfluous ornament, for nothing is so 
hard on ordinary clothing as traveling. A linen duster 
may be worn to protect the clothes in summer, and a 
waterproof in winter. Dark or neutral tints, that do 
not show the dust, should be worn, rather than any light 
colored fabrics. White is never worn to travel in. 
Ladies going a short distance in the cars for a brief 
visit, may wear any dress suitable for the occasion, and 
their fresh, airy costumes, are often objects of envy to 
excursionists in travel-stained and dusty raiment. The 
hat should be plainly trimmed and protected from the 
dust by a veil. The experienced traveler looks out for 
comfort and provides a waterproof, and a shawl or wrap 
in cold weather. It is better to have trunks large 
enough to hold all your things, with a hand valise to 
hold the few articles needed on the journey, than to 
burden yourself or others with a lot of small packages. 

DRESS FOR LADIES OF BUSINESS. 

There are so many avenues now open in which ladies 
may earn a livelihood, that we have a large class of 
business women. Their dress should be made with 
special reference to comfort and a free use of their 
bodies. The colors should be plain, and while the dress 
may be valuable, it should not be heavily trimmed. 
Excessive display, or ornamentation, is out of place. 
While engaged in business, quiet colors should be worn, 
and display avoided, reserving the rich and elegant 
clothes for their appropriate occasion. Little jewelry 
should be worn, and the hat should be tasty, but with- 
out many flowers or feathers. 



150 ETIQUETTE OF DRESS. 

DRESS FOR LAWN PARTIES, ETC. 

The dress for lawn parties, bazaars, promenade con- 
certs and flower shows, may be bright and gay, and even 
coquettish. Much taste and elegance may be dis- 
played. A dressy bonnet or hat may be worn, and the 
whole costume made as effective as possible. Young 
ladies wear light and fine materials, which harmonize 
with their character, while elderly ladies wear silks, or 
other handsome material, richly trimmed with lace, and 
a lace scarf or shawl may also be worn. 

DRESS FOR YACHTING. 

Yachting suits should be warm and made of some 
durable material, such as serge or tweed, that will not 
be easily spoiled by a little salt water. 

DRESS FOR PICNICS, EXCURSIONS, ETC. 

For picnics, excursions, or the sea shore, the suits 
should be made of strong and useful material. Some- 
thing that will wash, or that will look well at the end 
of a hard day's jaunt, is more serviceable than any 
light and flimsy material that will easily tear or become 
soiled. 

DRESS FOR CROQUET PARTIES, ETC. 

The dress for croquet, archery and skating parties, 
may be brilliant in color and short enough to admit of 
freedom of movement. A stout boot may be worn, but 
it should fit neatly. For archery and croquet, soft and 
pliable gloves should be worn, and a hat that will shield 
the face from the rays of the sun. For skating, velvet 
and furs and warm clothing should be worn, and fur- 
trimmed gloves. The dress should indicate warmth 
and comfort. Tight shoes will give cold feet. 



ETIQUETTE OF DRESS. 151 

BATHING COSTUME. 

For a bathing costume flannel is the best material. 
Various colors are worn, but blue and grey are the best, 
and the trimming may be bright worsted braid. An oil- 
silk cap may be worn to protect the hair from the salt 
water. It is hardly necessary for us to say that no mod- 
est, well-bred woman, will wear the close fitting and ab- 
breviated costumes sometimes seen, alas! with too evident 
an intent to display one's charms. The legs and sleeves 
should be long, the neck high, and the costume loose 
and full. 

THE WEDDING DRESS. 

The wedding dress should always be white, whether 
of silk, satin, or other material. The bridal veil seems to 
be a survival of an old Anglo-Saxon custom, of having 
four tall men hold a large, square cloth over the bride 
during the ceremony, to hide her blushes. The bridal 
veil has now become an essential feature of weddings, 
and must always be white and long. It may, or may not, 
cover the face. White satin slippers are worn, and 
white kid gloves, although the latter are sometimes 
omitted. The bridal wreath is often made of orange 
blossoms, which are considered the most appropriate 
for that purpose, and the other flowers carried by the 
bride should be white. As orange blossoms are often 
difficult to procure, other natural flowers frequently take 
their place. Myrtle leaves are very appropriate, and 
are sometimes worn, as they are emblematic of mar- 
riage. The bridal robe is often adorned with gar- 
lands of artificial flowers, although, of course, natural 
flowers are preferable. Jewelry should not be worn, 
unless it be diamonds or pearls. 

Widows, on remarrying, wear light neutral tints, but 
never white, and they always omit the orange blossoms. 



152 ETIQUETTE OF DRESS- 

At strictly private weddings, when the bride starts 
at once on her wedding tour, she is married in her trav- 
eling suit. It is sometimes more heavily trimmed than 
an ordinary traveling suit, but to avoid attracting atten- 
tion it is better to have it plain. 

THE DRESS FOR BRIDESMAIDS. 

The bridesmaids commonly dress in white, but more 
variety is allowed in their dress than in that of the bride. 
Veils may be worn, but they should always fall entirely 
down the back, and should never be as long as that 
of the bride. Usually all the bridesmaids dress alike. 
Sometimes, however, they wear gowns of the primary 
colors, one blue, one pink, one red, and one yellow; but 
white, of some material less expensive than the bride's 
costume, is most suitable It is not proper for a brides- 
maid to wear a finer gown than the bride. The bouquets 
may be of colored flowers. Neither the bride nor her 
bridesmaids wear anything over their shoulders, except 
their dresses and veils. 

DRESS SUITABLE FOR WEDDINGS. 

The older guests at a wedding should wear rich and 
handsome gowns, but, of course, black or mourning cos- 
tumes are not in harmony with such an occasion. The 
young ladies, other than the bridesmaids, should wear 
any dainty material, as light colored silks, or fine mus- 
lins. Children, when present, are dressed in muslin 
and lace, with bright ribbons, if girls, and the boys in 
some fancy costume, 

DRESS SUITABLE FOR WEDDING RECEPTIONS. 

If the wedding reception is held in the evening, the 
guests should wear full evening dresses. At the recep- 



ETIQUETTE OF DRESS. 153 

tion, as at the wedding, mourning costumes should 
never be worn by guests; the bride and bridesmaids 
may wear the wedding suits. If the reception is held 
in the morning, handsome promenade costumes may be 
worn, and white gloves. 

MOURNING DRESSES. 

For mourning dresses, and the periods of mourning, 
see the article on u Etiquette of Funerals and Mourn- 
ing." 

GLOVES FOR LADIES. 

Ladies wear gloves when riding or driving, calling, 
shopping, at the theatre or opera, at church, at balls and 
receptions. Any tint may be worn when shopping, 
calling, or at church. Delicate shades should be worn 
at evening parties, and white gloves at balls. Gloves 
are not worn at dinner. 

ETIQUETTE OF DRESS FOR GENTLEMEN. 

The subject of dress is not considered so important 
by gentlemen as by ladies, and yet no real gentleman is 
indifferent to his dress and personal appearance. A 
few general hints in regard to their dress may be offered, 
as follows: 

The true gentleman is scrupulously neat and clean. 
Collars and cuffs should be faultlessly white, and the 
clothes well brushed. 

H. H. (Helen Hunt) once said to a friend of the 
writer (who was then a little boy playing with her son): 
" There are three things a gentleman will always do — 
he will keep his boots nicely blacked, his teeth clean, 
and his finger nails clean." 

Hair oils and pomades are not used now, as formerly. 
They are considered vulgar, and they certainly are not 



154 ETIQUETTE OF DRESS- 

cleanly. No gentleman should use hair dye. It de- 
ceives no one, and it makes the features look coarse. 

Clothes of some plain color are always in the best 
taste, and so are white collars and cuffs and shirt bosoms. 
The fancy striped and spotted shirts and collars are 
sometimes worn in summer, but they always look a lit- 
tle rowdyish. 

Let bar-tenders, gamblers and sporting men, mon- 
opolize the extravagant displays of jewelry. As a rule, 
wear no jewelry that is not useful. Shirt studs, cuff 
buttons, a scarf pin, a watch chain, and one ring, are 
about all the jewelry allowed to gentlemen, and these 
should be plain, and not too showy. 

Don't saturate your clothing with perfumery. Josh 
Billings once shrewdly said, that " the best perfume he 
knew of for a man came from perfect cleanliness." 

The English rule, which is generally adopted here, 
is, that the full dress suit should never be worn earlier 
than a six o'clock dinner. The French rule of wearing 
the dress suit on all ceremonious occasions, whenever 
they occur, is not accepted in America. 

The dressing gown should never be worn at the 
table, nor anywhere outside of the dressing room, or 
sick room. 

Finally, don't dress like a "dude," or a "swell," nor 
carry a little poodle dog (a man's glory is in his strength 
and manliness — not in aping silly girls), nor cock your 
hat on one side, nor tip it back on your head (let it sit 
straight and square), nor wear anything conspicuous 
or that will make you offensive to others. 

THE EVENING DRESS FOR GENTLEMEN. 

The full evening dress for gentlemen has long been 
the same, and varies little from year to year. It con- 



ETIQUETTE OF DRESS. 155 

sists of a dress or " swallow-tail " coat, black trousers 
and vest, the latter cut low, and cravat and gloves, either 
white or some very light tint. The shirt front must 
always be white and immaculate. The shirt studs and 
sleeve buttons plain and simple. The hair should be 
neatly combed and trimmed — but not so short as to re- 
semble a prize fighter, nor so long as to suggest the 
14 wild, untamed savage," in a dime museum. The eve- 
ning dress is worn at balls, large dinner-parties, and the 
opera. It is never worn at church, nor anywhere else 
on Sunday. In small towns, or where the full evening 
dress is considered an affectation, it should not be worn. 
"At Borne do as the Eomans do." The regulation 
evening dress is the same throughout the world, but 
many gentlemen seem ignorant of the dictates of eti- 
quette in regard to wearing it. The French rule is, to 
wear it on all ceremonious occasions, but the uniform 
English and American custom forbids its use at a morn- 
ing reception, or anywhere before six o'clock. Gentle- 
men should be careful not to array themselves in such 
a suit on improper occasions. 

THE MOENING DEESS FOE GENTLEMEN. 

The morning dress consists of a black frock cut-away 
coat, black vest, or white in summer, light colored trous- 
ers, and silk or Derby hat, and a black tie. A white 
tie should not be worn with a frock coat. A light coat 
with black trousers is never allowable, and a frock coat 
with black trousers is considered in bad taste. The morn- 
ing and evening dress should be kept quite distinct 
from each other, and no attempt made to combine them. 
The morning dress is worn at church, at morning recep- 
tions, social parties, kettledrums, garden parties, when 
making calls, and at places of amusement. 



156 ETIQUETTE OF DRESS. 

THE DRESS OF GENTLEMEN FOR WEDDINGS. 

At morning weddings (that is all weddings before 
six p. M.) the gentlemen, including the bridegroom and 
"best man," wear the regular morning dress. The 
bridegroom and " best man " may wear gloves or not, 
but light colored gloves should be worn, if any, and also 
light tinted ties are then expected. If a formal recep- 
tion is held in the evening, gentlemen may wear the 
full evening dress, and, of course, the evening dress 
may be worn at an evening wedding, that is, one after 
six p. M., but not at any wedding held before that hour. 

GLOVES FOR GENTLEMEN. 

Gentlemen wear gloves in the street, when riding or 
driving, at church and places of amusement, when mak- 
ing calls, at balls, receptions and evening parties. Gloves 
are never worn at dinner, and not usually in the coun- 
try. Any shade may be worn at church or places of 
amusement, or when calling. Delicate tints are most 
appropriate for evening parties, and white gloves are 
worn at balls. Ungloved hands are preferable to worsted 
or cotton gloves, which are not allowable for gentlemen 
at any time. 

THE HAEMONY OF COLOKS. 

In considering the subject of dress, the harmony of 
colors must be taken into account, and also the size and 
surroundings of the wearer. If two colors, which do 
not harmonize, are worn at the same time, the effect is 
discordant and unpleasant. So, also, children may be 
appropriately dressed in bright colors, while the old 
look best in dark and neutral tints. Again, the com- 
plexion of the wearer must be considered. Bright col- 



ETIQUETTE OF DRESS. 157 

ors, like scarlet and orange, look well on a brunette, 
harmonizing well with her complexion, while a blonde 
looks best in delicate tints, such as light blue, mauve, 
and pea-green. 

Not only are the colors important, but the size and 
figure of the wearer should be considered. Thus, a 
small person should not wear large figures, plaids or 
stripes; indeed, pronounced figures and broad stripes, 
or plaids, which render the wearer conspicuous, are 
never in the best of taste. Stripes on a tall, slim per- 
son, will increase her apparent height, while a short, 
thick-set lady, should avoid flounces, or any horizontal 
trimming of the dress, which will only seem to increase 
her size. Such persons should wear quiet colors, and 
not indulge in much drapery, while full draperies may 
be worn by tall and slender ladies. 

For the convenience of our readers, we give a quite 
full list of the colors that harmonize, which they may 
find convenient for reference: 



Black harmonizes well with pink ; lilac ; scarlet ; maize ; slate color ; orange, a 
rich harmony ; white, a perfect harmony ; brown, a drill harmony ; drab 
or buff ; white or yellow and crimson ; orange, blue and scarlet ; cho- 
colate-brown ; yellow, bronze and light blue ; cardinal , blue and old gold 
brown . 

Blue harmonizes well with black ; gold, a rich harmony ; orange, a perfect har- 
mony ; chestnut ; maize ; straw color ; white ; fawn color, weak harmony; 
stone color ; drab ; lilac, weak harmony ; crimson, imperfectly ; pink, 
poor harmony ; salmon color, scarlet and purple or lilac ; orange and 
black ; pink and bronze green ; cardinal and old gold ; yellow, chocolate- 
brown and gold ; mulberry and yellow. 

Bronze harmonizes well with old gold ; pink and light blue ; black, blue, pink 
and gold ; cardinal and peacock blue . 

Brown should be carefully studied . Beautiful in the different shades, it blends 
with few colors. Ic will combine well with soft drabs and grays, and is 
very effective in the different shades. A light brown, trimmed or made 
up with brown of a darker shade, is very handsome. It also harmonizei 
with blue, gray, cardinal and yellow. 

Crimson harmonizes with gold, a rich harmony; orange, a rich harmony; 
brown, a dull harmony ; black, a dull harmony ; drab ; maize ; purple. 

Cardinal harmonizes with old gold ; brown and black ; navy blue . 



158 ETIQUETTE OF DBESS. 

Chocolate harmonizes with blue, pink and gold. 

Claret harmonizes with old gold. 

Drab harmonizes well with bine ; red ; brown ; and light drab with yellow and 
white. 

Ecru harmonizes with bronze, peacock and light bine. 

Garnet harmonizes with bronze and pink. 

Gend'arme harmonizes with cardinal ; bronze ; myrtle ; old gold , yellow and 
cardinal ; pink, cardinal and lavender. 

Gray harmonizes well with blue ; red ; lilac, poorly ; maroon. 

Green is very effective with white or black, and also with its own different 
shades, as a pale green silk < r satin, with velvet or plush of a darker shade. 
It harmonizes well with scarlet ; orange ; yellovz ; crimson, blue and gold, 
or yellow; blue and scarlet ; gold and mulborry ; cardinal. 

Lilac harmonizes with white, poor ; gray, poor ; maize ; cherry ; gold, or gold 
color ; crimson ; scarlet, and white or black ; gold color and crimson ; 
yellow or gold, scralet and white. 

Myrtle harmonizes with old g dd ; bronze ; red, blue and yellow ; mulberry, 
cardinal, gold and light green. 

Mulberry harmonizes with old gold ; gold ; bronze ; pearl. 

Mode harmonizes with pearl and mulberry. 

Maroon harmonizes with yellow, silvery gray and light green. 

Navy blue harmonizes with light blue and gold ; gen d'arme and pearl ; maize, 
cardinal and yellow. 

Orange harmonizes with bronze, agreeable ; chestnut ; lilac and crimson ; red 
and green ; purple and scarlet ; blue, scarlet and claret, and white and 
green ; blue and crimson. 

Pearl harmonizes with light blue and peacock blue. 

Pink is very effective when skillfully combined with other colors ; and, as is the 
case with blue and lavender, will transform an old white or black cash- 
mere or nun's veiling, or any soft wool dress, into a pretty evening toilet. 
Do not use too much of it, but let it show in facings, linings, in under 
6ide of pleats, in ribbons, etc . Pink combines prettily with all shades of 
olive or bronze. 

Purple should be worn sparingly in connection with other colors. Light shades 
may be worn with darker, and with the greens and yellows it combine^ 
very effectively. It also harmonizes with maize; blue; orange, rich; 
black, heavy ; white cold ; scarlet and gold color ; scarlet and white : 
scarlet, blue and orange ; scarlet, blue, yellow and black. 

Red harmonizes with white or gray ; orange and green ; yellow or gold color and 
black : olive ; drab ; slate and stone colors ; pearl ; bronze ; dark blues ; 
black and white. 

Sapphire harmonizes with bronze ; old gold ; cardinal ; light blue ; light pink ; 
corn; garnet ; mulberry. 

Scarlet harmonizes with blue ,• slate color ; orange ; blue and white : blue and 
yellow ; black and white ; shaded garnet and shaded gold. 

White harmonizes well with delicate blue, pink or Javender and also with most 
of the other colors, as cherry ; crimson ; brown ; scarlet ; gold color, poor. 

Yellow harmonizes well with black ; brown ; red ; chestnut or chocolate ; white, 
poor ; purple, agreeable ; violet ; lilac, weak ; dark blue ; crimsoD ; pur- 
ple and crimson ; purple, scarlet and blue ; maroon ; wine color ; and 
black. 



DINNER PARTIES. 




HE subjects of eating and dressing doubt- 
less occupy raore of the attention of man- 
kind than any others. Savages, in their 
" struggle for existence," think much of 
what they shall eat, or, rather, what they 
can get to eat, but the manner of eating 
it gives them little concern, and they 
greedily devour their food. Civilized men, 
however, carefully consider not only what 
they shall eat, but, also, how they shall eat it, or the 
manners of the table. It would be interesting to trace 
the art of dining through its various phases. In olden 
times our ancestors carved their food with their hunting 
knives, and the joints, in their transit from the kitchen 
to the dining hall, had to be guarded by ushers, who, 
with rods, beat off the " letchers " as they attempted to 
seize the dinner from the cooks. 

The Anglo-Saxons lived largely on bread, and hence 
the domestic was called a " loaf -eater," and the lady of 
the house the " loaf -giver." The bread was baked in large, 
flat cakes, which the superstitious cooks marked with a 
cross, to preserve them from the perils of the fire! 
Milk, butter and cheese, were also eaten in those days, 
and bacon was the principal meat. Roasted meat was 
served on the spit, or rod, on which it was cooked, and 
the guest tore or cut off a piece to suit himself. A spoon 
was furnished each guest, and he used his hunting knife, 
which he drew from his belt, but forks were undreamed 
of. What need was there for forks when men had 

(160) 



EXPLANATION 

OF 

OUR PLAN OF DINNER TABLE. 



Our illustration is intended to show the proper method of setting a table 
for a company of six. where the carving is to be done by the host, which is the 
most approved American plan. In cities, when an elaborate dinner is given, a 
caterer is often employed, and then, of course, he manages all the details ; but 
our purpose is only to outline the most approved plan of serving a dinner to 
those who are not versed in all the points involved. When it is desired to 
carve at the sideboard, the plates, instead of being set before the host, are 
distributed at each place; but otherwise the same general arrangement 
prevails. 

Our illustration shows two knives and two forks at each plate. Three or 
more are sometimes placed in this way, but two is a good rale ; and if more are 
needed they can be brought in as required. The edges of the knives should be 
towards the plates. 

The napkin folded square, with a piece of bread an inch thick and three 
inches long, or a small cold bread-roll in the folds or on top of the napkin, is 
placed on each plate, or in place of the plate, as shown in our illustration. 

Instead of the individual salt cellars shown at each place in our illustra- 
tion, salt stands are often placed at each end of the table, together with the 
pepper stands. The different fancy spoons needed may be crossed by their 
side. 

At the right of each plate is arranged a goblet of water, and as many wine 
glasses as are needed. Our illustration shows two. More are often set. Total 
abstinence families of couree do not use any. The water goblet is filled just 
before the dinner is announced. Glasses of any kind are never placed upside 
down. In some families water is served from the sideboard, and in others a 
water carafe for every two or three persons is placed on the table. At a party a 
small boquet would be at the place of each lady, and a button-hole boquetat 
that of each gentleman. 

The grapes, fruit, nuts, raisins, candies, bon-bons, fancy cakes, etc. 
(whatever is intended for the dessert), are placed in two or four fancy dishes 
around the centerpiece— our illustration shows four. 

The butter may be made up in neat balls and placed, with sufficient 
individual butter plates to supply the company, near to the hostess, who will 
serve it. It is not passed until after the soup dishes are removed. Some 
families place the butter on the sideboard, and have it served by the servant. 
We have omitted it from the table in our illustration. Of course more or less 
latitude is left for individual preference in these matters. 

The first course will be oysters (when they are served), with which comes 
lemon or vinegar. Five for each plate are enough. If they are not served, the 
oyster-fork shown in our illustration will, of course, be omitted in setting the 
table. 

The next course will be soup, which is served by the hostess. It should 
only be moderately hot, and is brought on by the servant and placed in the 
manner shown at the right of our illustration, in form number two. 

The third course will be fish, which is served by the host. The servant 
brings it on and places it before him, as shown at the left of our illustration, in 
form number three. 

The other courses follow in their order, as we have fully explained 
elsewhpre. 

W« desire to say that the method of serving dinner outlined herein is 
followed daily by hundreds of our best bred people, and there is no good reason 
why it can not be followed by most families in respectable society, at least 
approximately. When once the habit is acquired, it is no more work to serve a 
dinner in good form than in a careless and silpshod manner ; and it will add 
wonderfully to its attractiveness. No great difference should be allowed 
between the forms observed every day and at dinnerparties. The dinner need 
not be so elaborate, but the method of serving it can be much the same. An 
ease of bearing comes from the habitual practice of the best social forms that 
can be acquired in no other way, aud which is of great value to any one. 



DINNER PARTIES. 161 

fingers — and used them? Before dinner was served, 
and again at its close, a servant passed a basin of water 
and a towel to each guest. Under the circumstances the 
need was apparent, and this was doubtless the origin 
of the modern finger-bowl. 

There has been a steady advance from those times to 
the luxurious, dinner table of the present day, and the 
studied and easy manners of the guests. A better ex- 
ample of the constantly changing and growing refine- 
ment of manners could hardly be found, but we have 
not space to further discuss the subject here. The 
growth of luxury in the last few years is strikingly illus- 
trated in the preparations for a modern dinner party, 
the whole world being often ransacked for novelties 
and delicacies. A thousand dollars is no unusual price 
for a single dinner for one or two dozen guests, and occa- 
sionally ten, or even twenty times that amount is spent. 
But rare dishes and choice wines will by no means en- 
sure an enjoyable dinner, and the great majority of 
dinner givers greatly over-estimate their importance. 
Quite as much (the writer has frequently thought more) 
real pleasure is often derived from the modest enter- 
tainments given by those in moderate circumstances, as 
from the ostentatious affairs given by the very rich, — 
which may console some of our not over-wealthy readers. 

The three essentials to a successful dinner are, good 
company, good waiters, and good cooking. 

THE INVITATIONS. 

The invitations should be sent ten days or two weeks 
in advance. They are issued in the name of both host 
and hostess, and after the form given in our chapter on 
" Invitations, Acceptances and Regrets" (which see). 

Whether written or engraved, they should be on the 
finest note paper, with envelopes to match. The paper 



162 DINNER PARTIES. 

should be plain and free from all ornaments, unless there 
be an initial or monogram stamped upon it. 

Seven o'clock, or from seven to eight, is the most 
usual hour for dinner in this country. Invitations, and 
acceptances or regrets, are sent by messenger, unless 
the distance makes it very inconvenient to do so, when 
the post may be used. An invitation to dinner is the 
highest social compliment, and should be answered im- 
mediately, and in the most formal manner, as given in 
the chapter on "Invitations" (which see). It is better 
to decline than to accept, if in doubt about being able 
to attend. If accepted, the engagement must be scru- 
pulously kept. If sickness, or other unforeseen cause, 
prevents attendance after having accepted an invitation, 
the hostess should be notified at the earliest possible 
moment, so that she may make other arrangements. 

When a verbal invitation is given, the plain infer- 
ence is, that it is to be an informal affair, with plain 
dressing, a small company, and early hours. 

THE NUMBER AND WHOM TO INVITE. 

The question of whom to invite will cause much de- 
liberation. While dinners are usually regarded as 
entertainments for married people, a few young persons 
will often add to its interest. Those invited should be 
of the same social standing, and a hostess with tact will 
be careful not to invite those who are known to be ene- 
mies, or who are disagreeable to each other, at the same 
time. Such persons can be invited on different occa- 
sions, and thus the feelings of both will be spared. 
Those invited need not necessarily be acquainted ; the 
invitation may offer them a good opportunity to become 
so. Then, too, the conversational powers of the guests 
should be considered. Some good talkers, and some 



DINNER PARTIES. 163 

good listeners, should be invited, aud they should be so 
cleverly selected that they will affiliate readily. 

Then, again, the number to invite must be consid- 
ered. The old saw is, that the number should not be 
less than the Graces (three), nor more than the Muses 
(nine); but nine would bring four on one side of the 
table and three on the other, and either number would 
leave one odd lady or gentleman. Evidently no worse 
numbers than these could be selected. Many people 
also have a superstition (unfounded beyond doubt) that 
if thirteen meet at table one will die within a year. 
The sensible hostess must decide the number to invite, 
and the size of the dining room and table will be taken 
into the account. It is wise to test the table, so that no 
more will be invited than can be seated comfortably. 
To try and squeeze sixteen in, where only fourteen can 
be comfortable, is not pleasant. For a small dinner, ten 
is a good number. When four, eight, twelve, sixteen, 
or other numbers divisible by four, are invited, two gen- 
tlemen and two ladies must sit together, when the host 
and hostess sit at the head and foot of the table, which 
has always been the objection to these numbers, but the 
guests can be easily arranged if the numbers six, ten, 
fourteen, eighteen, etc., are invited. 

Never invite a gentleman without his wife, nor a lady 
without her husband. There are exceptions to all rules, 
and to this the exception would be an emergency im- 
peratively demanding another guest, and great intimacy 
of the parties. No more than three are invited from 
the same family. 

THE TABLE APPOINTMENTS- 

The French and the Russian methods of serving din- 
ners are the two principal styles. In the French method 
the dishes are set on the table just as they are cooked, 



164 DINNER PARTIES. 

and are carved and served by the host and hostess ; while 
in the Russian method they are carved and served by 
the servants, leaving the host and hostess free to engage 
in conversation. 

The nsual plan of serving all formal dinners at pres- 
ent is a la Russe (the Russian style); that is, the ser- 
vants pass everything. The table cloth should always be 
white, and of some material that will wash. It may be 
plain damask, or some elaborate open work pattern, but 
no one can go astray in using damask. The plan of 
putting a colored cloth underneath an embroidered one, 
to show off the open work, is thought by many to be 
inelegant, and is of questionable taste. It is always a 
good plan to spread cotton-flannel, or white felt, over 
the table, before putting on the table cloth. 

In decorating the table few rules can be given, as it 
is so largely a matter of taste, but one very popular 
form is to have a small silver-edged mirror in the centre 
of the table, either round or oval, on which rests a cut- 
glass bowl, holding a carelessly arranged bunch of roses 
and buds and maiden-hair ferns. This centre decora- 
tion is not removed during the meal, and its prevailing 
color dominates the plate bouquets and the decorations 
of the room. 

The table decorations should be so low that people 
on opposite sides of the table can readily see over them, 
or so high that they can see under them, never obstruct- 
ing the view of the guests. Flowers that have a strong 
fragrance, like the tuberose, jasmine and hyacinth, are 
not as suitable as pinks, violets, roses, etc., which please 
the eye without emitting too strong an odor. A very 
popular style of ornamentation is a low, flat, round or 
oblong centre piece, with bouquets at each corner which 
correspond with the central design. There is almost no 
limit to the figures and designs in which flowers, fruits 



DINNER PARTIES. 165 

and mosses may be arranged, to add to the beauty and 
attractiveness of the table. In these days almost any 
known flower can be supplied at any season of the year, 
if the florist is only notified early enough that it will 
be wanted. Those of moderate means can produce most 
graceful ornaments with wild ferns, moss and bark, if 
only they have a little taste in arranging them. 

Flowers that are wilted can be restored to freshness 
by cutting their stems and inserting them in water that 
is very hot. Preserved in this way, they can sometimes 
be kept bright for a week, which is much better than 
throwing them away at the first symptoms of fading. 

At each lady's plate there may be a small bouquet, 
and at each gentleman's, two or three flowers for a but- 
ton-hole bouquet or bouionni&re. 

Flowers are so often wilted by the heat and light 
that they should not be put on the table until immedi- 
ately before serving the dinner. 

For lighting the table, candles and lamps are now 
often used instead of gas, following an English fashion. 
Elegant branching chandelabra and beautiful lamps are 
used, but too much light on the table dazzles the guests, 
and it is better to have much of the light come from 
chandeliers and the sides of the room. The ventilation 
of the room should be carefully looked after, as the lights 
often over-heat it. A carpet should be on the floor to 
deaden the sound of feet. If one of the tissue paper 
shades, now so common, takes fire, it is so light that it 
will burn itself out without harm if left alone, but an 
attempt to blow it out may spread the flames to other 
shades. 

Carafes, or water bottles, are placed for every three 
or four persons, and a salt cellar for each one. The 
napkins are folded square, or else in a sort of triangle, 
and each one holds a small, thick piece of bread. This 



166 DINNER PARTIES. 

bread should never be in slices, but always in thick 
short pieces, say an inch thick and three inches long. 
The napkins should never have anything to suggest the 
"hotel" in their appearance, and they should be large, 
fine and serviceable. They should on no account be stiff 
with starch, nor folded in any novel device whatever — 
that is "hotel style." 

At each plate there are usually placed two knives, 
three forks and a soup spoon, and a small knife and fork 
for fish, and a smail " oyster-fork " for oysters. The 
knives and forks are never placed across the table, but 
the knives are at the right and the forks at the left of 
the plate, except the '•' oyster-fork," which is at the right. 
A goblet for water is placed at the right of each plate, 
and claret, wine, hock and champagne glasses, when 
wine is used. For sherry and Madeira, very thin glasses 
are now used, and as they are easily broken, they are 
not put on till dessert is served. At the sideboards there 
should be knives, forks, table and dessert spoons, sauce 
ladles, tumblers, wine glasses and the reserve dinner 
plates, the coffee cups and saucers, tea spoons and finger- 
bowls. 

The dinner is served from the side table, which may 
be in the hall or pantry, if the room is small. On enter- 
ing the room the guests see nothing on the table but a 
few wines, the bon-bons and fruit, the decorations and 
the "covers" — that is the place at table arranged for 
each person. 

ARRIVAL OF THE GUESTS. 

The guests should reach the house promptly on 
time. If too early they are in the way, and if too late 
they disarrange the whole plan of the dinner. Fifteen 
minutes is the limit of time allowed to wait for a tardy 
guest. At formal dinners, each gentleman finds a card 



DINNER PARTIES. 167 

in the hall giving his name and that of the lady he is to 
escort, and also, sometimes, a small boutonniere (button- 
hole bouquet), which he fastens on the lapel of his 
coat. At small informal parties, the hostess may say to 
each gentleman, just before dinner is announced, "Mr. 
Blank, will you take down Miss So-and-so?" 

In entering the drawing room upon their arrival, the 
rule is for the lady to precede her escort, not taking his 
arm. When a chaperon escorts a young lady, she takes 
the gentleman's place. In passing out of a room the 
same rule prevails. When two ladies enter or leave the 
room together, the eldest takes precedence. In France 
the rule is inflexible that the lady should be several 
steps in advance of the gentleman, and a violation of 
this rule by a lady of rank, on entering her drawing 
room, was resented by Madame McMahon, and led to a 
bitter quarrel. 

INTRODUCTIONS. 

A gentleman should ask the hostess to introduce him 
to the lady he is to escort to dinner, if they are unac- 
quainted, and before entering the dining room he should 
endeavor to establish easy relations with her. Guests 
should secure an introduction to the one in whose honor 
the dinner is given, and any members of the family with 
whom they are unacquainted. Strangers finding them- 
selves side by side at the table, may converse freely 
without an introduction, but no introduction should 
take place at the table. 

ANNOUNCING DINNER. 

To ring a bell to announce that dinner is ready is 
not good form. The butler should enter the drawing 
room and quietly say, "Dinner is served;" or, better 
still, catch the eye of the hostess and bow. The host 



168 DINNER PARTIES. 

and hostess should have used their utmost tact in trying 
to select an agreeable partner for each guest, and when 
dinner is announced the host offers his right arm to the 
lady he is to escort. This should be the one in whose 
honor the dinner is given, or the bride, if there is one 
present, or the oldest lady, or the one he wishes to 
especially honor. She is seated at his right at the 
table. The other guests follow in order, each gentle- 
man offering the right arm to his lady, and the younger 
falling back to allow the older to take precedence. 
The hostess comes last with the gentleman she wishes 
to place in the seat of honor, which is at her right. 
The next best seat is at her left, and the second best 
seat for a lady is at the left of the host. The host 
and hostess may sit opposite each other at either the 
ends or the middle of the table. Husbands do not 
escort their wives, nor brothers their sisters. In Eng- 
land, the guests enter the dining room in accordance 
with their rank, the highest going first, but that rule 
will not work in America. 

All remain standing until the hostess is seated, when 
they take the seats assigned them. This is usually in- 
dicated by a card (the guest-card) laid at each place, 
on which is the name of the guest for whom that seat 
is designed. Many fanciful designs are often prepared 
for these cards. They may be hand-painted, with fig- 
ures of flowers, landscapes or birds, or have beautiful 
etchings, or bronze and silver ferns, or have some design 
in consonance with the giving of the dinner. 

The menus (or bills of fare) are a trifle larger than 
the guest-card, and are often hand-painted also, and a 
tiny bouquet of one or two roses, or a rose and bud, 
may be laid on each menu, which is placed beside the 
guest card. At other times the menu is put in a pretty 
menu holder. It may be proper to add, that some peo- 



DINNER PARTIES. 169 

pie do not consider a menu appropriate at a private 
house, but this question must be settled by the taste or 
preference of the hostess. The present style requires 
that the bouquets laid on the menus shall be small. 
Those written in English are much better than those in 
French, as all can understand them. 

SERVING THE DINNER. 

Eaw oysters, with a piece of lemon in the center, and 
served on an oyster or majolica plate, are placed at each 
" cover " before the guests arrive, and the bread, folded 
in the napkin, is at the left. In England, raw oysters 
are not usually served at dinner, and in American cities, 
where oysters are not readily obtained, they will, of 
course, be omitted, and the soup will be the first course. 
Clams are sometimes substituted for oysters. 

After the oysters are eaten, the plates are removed 
and soup is served. Half a ladleful is enough for each 
guest. At very elaborate dinners two soups are some- 
times served — white, and brown or clear. Pur&e is a 
thick soup, while a clear soup is consomme". 

After the soup comes fish. When this is eaten the 
plates are removed and hot plates should be ready, on 
which all the meats are served, The entrees (pro- 
nounced ong-trays — that is, ''those dishes which are 
served in the first course after the fish") come next, 
and then the roast, followed by Boman punch (if it is 
served, as it is only appropriate for very elaborate din- 
ners), and this is succeeded by game and salad. The 
most substantial should come first, when more than one 
meat is served, the roast preceding the boiled. 

The salad is served in various ways ; sometimes with 
the game, at others with cheese, bread and butter, and 
at still others it is made a separate course by itself. 



170 DINNER PARTIES. 

The bread should be cut very thin, arid is sometimes 
buttered, and sometimes not, before it is served. 

Cheese is occasionally made a course by itself. 

Only one or two vegetables are served with a course, 
and sometimes asparagus, sweet corn, macaroni, etc., 
are made courses by themselves. Indeed, the tendency 
is to serve each dish by itself at the modern dinner table, 
but this fashion may easily be carried too far. 

After the cheese, or with it, comes the pastry or 
pudding. 

The ices and sweet dishes follow the pastry and 
cheese, and then comes the fruit. 

The finger bowls come with the fruit, and should 
contain water slightly warmed and perfumed, and a 
doily is laid between the bowl and plate. 

After the fruit has gone round, the nuts, raisins and 
sugar plums are passed, before the coffee. A little 
dried ginger makes a very pleasant conserve with the 
bon-bons. 

As our readers will see, the usual order for dessert is 
pastry (or pudding), ices, fruits, nuts and raisins, and 
bon-bons. 

At a sign from the hostess the guests all rise from the 
table, and ladies goto the drawing room, where they chat 
and drink coffee, and the gentlemen remain a short time 
at the table, smoking, drinking wine and talking. 

The coffee, which is passed after dinner, is poured 
ont in the pantry or kitchen, and passed around in tiny 
cups on a salver, without cream or milk, but with lump 
sugar and little gold or silver spoons. The strong, black 
coffee (cafe noir is the French name), should be served 
for this occasion. 

The different courses may be served on china of dif- 
ferent styles and decorations, or from a complete service 
of silver. Rare porcelains are more approved and 



DINNER PASTIES. 171 

costly, each cup, saucer, plate, and the various other 
dishes, being a work of art. They are copied from the 
china made in the most famous factories abroad, and no 
two specimens are alike. Each course has dishes appro- 
priate in design and shape. Thus oysters may be served 
on Koyal Worcester or Limoges china, in scallops, and 
pale cream color. Dishes" decorated with aquatic plants 
in pale sea green, may be used for the fish course ; the 
game dishes may have designs of birds in the borders; 
dishes with a division for the plant and stalk may be 
used for asparagus, and so on, to the elegant little cups 
for the coffee. But the styles of dishes constantly vary 
from year to year, and the prevailing style can be easily 
learned at any time. 

Wines are appointed for each course, and are served 
by the butler. For the soup, sherry is the most appro- 
priate; for the fish course, hock, sauterne and chablis 
are used; and with the roast comes claret and cham- 
pagne. Madeira and port come after the game, when 
they are used, and sherry, claret and Burgundy are 
offered with the dessert. Wines of superior quality are 
served after dessert. The sparkling wines, like cham- 
pagne and hock, are kept in ice pails, and opened as 
required, instead of being decanted. Two or three 
wines are quite enough for a small dinner, and there is 
no better selection than champagne or claret with the 
roast, and sherry with the soup. 

FAVORS AND BOUTONNIERES. 

The giving of favors and bouionni&res (pronounced 
boo-ton-ne-airs) has come to be quite an important 
feature of modern dinners, and much taste and ingenu- 
ity are expended in their selection. These luxuries add 
greatly to the elegance of the entertainment and there is 
almost no limit to the length to which the wealthy often 



172 DINNER PARTIES. 

go to secure attractive novelties. There is an almost 
endless variety of articles which are used for this pur- 
pose, and, while quite expensive favors are often given, 
people of moderate means can easily prepare pretty and 
appropriate little presents, which may be presented to 
guests, and which will add greatly to their pleasure and 
delight, for who does not enjoy looking over, at the end 
of the season, the pretty keepsakes which serve as 
pleasant reminders of the delightful occasions on which 
they were presented? Doylies worked with pretty fig- 
ures; silk handkerchiefs with borders; parasols of flow- 
ers, or palm-leaf fans painted by some member of the 
family; or cards ornamented thus with some pretty 
design; reticules of bright silk, and painted ribbons — 
these, and numberless other things, may be prepared 
without much cost by any one with taste, while those 
who do not need to consider the expense will find many 
novelties to excite the admiration and please the fancies 
of their guests. 

DUTIES OF THE SERVANTS. 

The butler is a very important personage on these 
occasions. He wears a full dress costume — dress coat, 
white tie, etc. The other servants wear livery. The 
butler makes the salad about half an hour beforehand 
and sees that the dinner is in readiness, and an- 
nounces it to the hostess at the proper time. One who is 
active and capable will dish out the soup, carve, and 
pour out the wine, but some ladies will not allow their 
butlers to do anything but pass the wine. 

The number of servants required depends on their 
ability and training. At a large dinner party one ser- 
vant to every three guests is the usual estimate, and 
sometimes there is one for every guest, but that is osten- 



DINNER PARTIES. 173 

tatious. In all our cities additional waiters can be easily- 
procured for these occasions. A very efficient servant 
will sometimes attend to eight or ten persons, and a 
butler and two servants will often wait on a party of 
twenty. 

The good servant is never awkward, nor does he 
cough, breathe hard, step on a lady's dress, drop or spill 
anything, or set down the dishes noisily. He should 
wear thin-soled shoes to make his step light. Servants 
should approach the guests on the left, so that they can 
take the plates with the right hand. Gloves are no longer 
worn by servants, but each one carries a napkin with 
one corner wrapped around the thumb, to keep it from 
touching the plate. 

In passing the dishes the servants begin with the 
lady sitting at the right of the host, and end with the 
hostess; and then serve the gentlemen, beginning with 
the one at the right of the hostess, and ending with the 
host. Another plate is substituted as soon as one is 
taken away at the end of a course. Sometimes all the 
courses are served from the side tables, but usually the 
entries are passed to the guests, and they are allowed 
to help themselves. As one servant passes the meat to 
each guest, another should follow at once with the 
proper sauce or vegetables, so that it may be eaten hot. 

The wine should never be served by an inexperienced 
servant, as it should be done adroitly. This should 
always be passed at the right of the guest, instead of to 
the left, as is done with other courses. The ovp.r-nlling 
of glasses, especially those of ladies, should be avoided. 
The champagne is passed often during the dinner, but 
should be given only to those who wish it. A napkin 
should be wrapped around the bottle, as it is usually 
covered with moisture from the ice chest. The servant 
should never put ice in any one's glass without first ask- 



174 * DINNER PARTIES. 

ing if he wishes it. An ice-bowl, containing broken 
ice, is often passed around before the champagne, and 
the guests help themselves. 

The butler should have some means of signaling to 
the kitchen when he wants anything, and of notifying the 
cook to serve another course when one is finished. The 
guests should not be disturbed by the clatter of dishes 
during the dinner, and the plates, etc., should therefore 
be washed at some distance from the dining room, and 
one or two servants should be in readiness to carry them 
away and return them. So much china is used that an 
abundance should be provided. 

A servant should never reach across a person seated 
at the table to remove or pass a ay thing, but should 
always approach guests from the left, whatever the haste 
may be, except in passing wine, which goes to the right, 
as before explained. 

The custom of having the servants pass dishes to, and 
receive them from the guests, on little silver or brass 
trays or waiters, which is becoming the style at present, is 
certainly more elegant than the old method of passing 
dishes with their hands Servants are expected to be 
better trained and to wait on guests more constantly and 
quietly now than formerly. 

DUTIES OF THE HOST AND HOSTESS. 

The hostess must be calm and self-possessed always 
It is better not to try new dishes at a dinner party, nor 
to attempt one on such an unaccustomed scale as to be in 
constant fear that something will go wrong. All the 
guests should be greeted pleasantly, the late comers as 
cordially as the others, and they should be made to 
feel at ease at once. In case of any mishap, her equa- 
nimity must be undisturbed, and the servants must not 



DINNER PARTIES. 175 

be reproved in the presence of the guests. If by any 
oversight a servant inconveniences a guest, he should be 
spoken to with a quiet dignity, that will not attract the 
attention of the others- Nothing should be allowed 
to mar the pleasure of the occasion. 

The host must be ever on the alert to assist the 
hostess. He must watch the conversation, suggest new 
topics when it flags, direct it away from unpleasant 
topics, draw out the reticent and encourage the shy. 
The host must always aim to hring out others, while he 
should never shine supreme at his own table. He should 
possess a knowledge of the world that nothing can sur- 
prise, and a calmness and suavity that nothing can ruffle 
As far as possible the wants of all should be anticipated, 
and " the host who has compelled a guest to ask him for 
anything he needs is almost a dishonored man," says 
one author. Neither host nor hostess should dress so 
elegantly as to eclipse their guests. 

The hostess should never allow her plate to be re- 
moved until all the guests have finished eating. 

Even formal dinners, with many courses, should not 
be prolonged unreasonably, and two hours is now the 
longest time allowed for them, an hour, or an hour and 
a half, being bett°r. 

The hostess should not appear to pride herself on 
her table, and should never press her dishes on her 
guests. She should neither praise her viands nor apolo- 
gize for them. She offers the best she has, and allows 
her guests to judge of their quality for themselves. 

At the close of the meal, when the hostess sees that 
all have finished, she looks at the lady seated at the 
right of the host, and the guests rise. They retire to 
the drawing room in the order in which they are seated, 
without precedence. 

It is a growing custom to have music in the drawing 



176 DINNER PARTIES. 

room at the end of the dinner, instead of during its 
progress. 

WINES. 

A well trained servant mentions each wine before 
pouring it ; do not allow him to fill your glass with wine 
you do not want. You can check him by touching the 
rim of the glass, if he pours more of any wine than 
you desire. A wine glass should be held by the stem, 
instead of the bowl. Do not drink a whole glassful at 
once, nor drain the last drop. The drinking of toasts is 
out of date, but occasionally people drink one another's 
health. When invited to drink with another, you can 
look him in the eye, bow slightly, touch the glass to your 
lips, and then bow again as you set down your glass. 
After having partaken of wine, you may decline to have 
the glass filled again. However poor the wine may be, 
it should never be criticised. 

No one in these days can be insensible to the claims 
of the temperance reform, which is making such grati- 
fying progress. Those who do not wish to drink wine 
may, with perfect propriety , decline it, saying to the 
servant who passes it, "not any, thank you." Wine 
should always be declined quietly, and without the least 
ostentation, however, for an ostentatious assumption of 
temperance principle would be very vulgar. So far as 
the verdict of good breeding is concerned, there is no 
difference between an ostentatious display of contempt 
for, or adherance to, total abstinence. Both would be 
equally coarse and ill-bred. If wine is placed beside 
your plate without your being asked to accept it, you 
can leave it untouched. A thoughtful hostess will some- 
times omit wine when entertaining a guest of well known 
temperance principles. No one who declines wine 
should ever be pressed to accept it. 



DINNER PARTIES. 177 

Total abstainers can, with perfect propriety, give a 
dinner without wines. Of course, this may cause sur- 
prise when people are invited who are known to use 
them, but any guest is bound to respect the principles 
of his host. Without, in this place, entering into any 
discussion of the total abstinence question, our readers 
will often be faced with these problems, and so we give 
the rules of etiquette regulating them. 

DRESS. 

At all formal dinners the ladies wear elegant full 
dress costumes, with diamonds and jewelry. The dresses 
are now cut low — so low that much moralizing is in- 
dulged in by many modest conservatives. Yery long 
gloves are now worn. 

The gentlemen wear the evening dress — low cut vests 
with immaculate shirt fronts, " claw-hammer " coats, 
and light colored gloves, which are not removed until 
they are seated at the table. 

LEA7E TAKING. 

On departing, guests may express the pleasure the 
occasion has afforded them, but further thanks are now 
considered old fashioned. 

RETURNING HOSPITALITIES. 

Those who accept hospitalities from others should 
avail themselves of the first opportunity to return them. 
Those who fail to do so will be judged quite harshly by 
society. While true hospitality is free and generous, 
and cannot and should not keep a strict debit and credit 
account, it is yet true that those who give entertainments 
should, after receiving an invitation, extend one in 



178 DINNER PARTIES. 

return before expecting another It is not necessary to 
refuse hospitalities because of limited means, or the 
feeling that an equally magnificent entertainment can- 
not be given in return, for when one's circumstances 
are known and favors of this kind are shown, they 
should be accepted in the spirit in which they are offered; 
and yet no suitable opportunity should be lost to make 
such returns as are within one's power. To show a 
mean, niggardly or indifferent spirit, after receiving 
kindnesses from others, is an evidence of a coarse and 
uncultivated nature. 

AFTER CALLS. 

Whether an invitation to a dinner is accepted or not, 
all those invited should make an after-call within a very 
short time after the entertainment. Sending a card is 
not a sufficient acknowledgement of an invitation to a 
dinner. 




TABLE MANNERS. 




HERE is hardly any better criterion of the 
social standing of ladies or gentlemen 
than to watch their manners at the table. 
We shall endeavor to give in this chapter 
those rules with which all should be 
familiar, and which all should observe, 
but when in doubt about any point, the 
best way is to notice the others, and " in 
Rome do as the Romans do." 
It seems quite surprising at times to notice how 
many people appear to be ignorant of the simplest 
matters in table manners. Well-dressed and apparently 
well-to-do people, will at times be guilty of the most 
revolting acts, which offend and even disgust their 
neighbors. The well-bred person regards not only his 
own comfort but he also considers the feelings of his 
neighbors, and is careful not to offend them when it is 
possible to avoid it. For this reason we commend the 
suggestions which follow to the consideration of our 
readers. 

Each gentleman pulls out his lady's chair and assists 
her to draw it to the table as she assumes her seat 
(unless there are servants in attendance to perform that 
duty), before he takes his own seat. 

The gloves should be removed as soon as seated, the 
roll taken from the napkin and laid at the left of the 
plate, and the napkin laid across the lap. Never tuck 
it under the chin, nor in the vest pockets. Lift one 

(179) 



180 TABLE MANNERS. 

corner only to wipe the mouth, but gentlemen with 
moustaches must, of course, be particular to wipe them 
clean, and they may handle their napkins more freely 
than others. 

If oysters are served, begin eating at once, as it is 
not fashionable to wait for others. 

Never ask for a second plate of soup. Take soup 
from the side of the spoon, instead of the end. To 
make any noise in eating it is the extremity of rude- 
ness. Don't tip the plate and drain it of the last drop. 
If you do not wish to eat soup, leave it untouched until 
the servant removes the plate, instead of declining it 
when served, which is bad form. 

Sit upright at the table, without bending over or 
dropping the head to get each mouthful. Do not get 
too close, nor too far away from the table. 

Never butter a slice of bread and bite into it like a 
hungry school boy, and do not cut the slice into halves 
or quarters with your knife, but break off a piece, when 
wanted, and then butter and eat it. Do not break 
the bread into your soup. 

As in serving the courses, each plate, with a knife 
and fork upon it, is set before you, remove the knife and 
fork instantly, and lay them beside the plate. To 
neglect this will force the servants to remove them, and 
delay the progress of the dinner. 

Decline dishes you do not want with a simple " not 
any, thank you," or a similar remark, but do not add 
explanations, such as, " tomatoes do not agree with me, 1 ' 
or anything of that kind. 

Fish is eaten with the small silver fish-knife and 
fork, which are provided for it at all formal dinners. 
With this, as with soup, a second plate should not be 
asked for, as it delays the service of the meal. Remove 
the bones before conveying the fish to the mouth, but if 



TABLE MANNERS. 181 

a bone gets into your mouth, never spit it onto the plate; 
quietly transfer it with the fork. 

If you wish a servant, try and catch his eye, and a 
nod or sign will bring him at once; then quietly state 
what you desire. Ask a servant, rather than a neighbor, 
for what you want. Do not apologize to a waiter for 
calling him. It is his business to serve you. 

The mouth should be kept closed in eating, and no 
noise whatever should be made by the mouth in either 
eating or drinking. 

Keep your elbows by your side in eating, and never 
spread them out in cutting meats. Be careful and 
never touch your neighbor at the table with your elbows. 

Avoid all appearance of greediness or haste. To 
bolt food after the railroad eating house, " ten minutes 
for lunch" style, is very vulgar. Never take large 
mouthfuls, nor cram the mouth with too much food. 
Never take up one piece of cake, or any other article of 
food, and lay it down for another. Never display hesi- 
tation or indecision in selecting your food. Do not try 
to talk with a mouth full . 

The old custom of placing dishes, beautifully garn- 
ished, on the table, before they were carved, is now out 
of date. It saves time to omit this display. 

Do not wipe your fingers on the table cloth, nor 
smack the lips, nor make any noise with the mouth when 
eating, nor hitch up your sleeves, as though preparing 
for a boxing match. 

Do not drum on the table with the fingers, nor make 
any other noise. Do not fumble your knife and fork, 
nor twirl a goblet, nor manifest any restlessness or un- 
easiness. 

In the intervals of the meal, chat pleasantly with 
your neighbors. A fund of small talk for such an occa- 
sion is a desirable accomplishment, but a sullen silence 



182 TABLE MANNEES. 

is boorish. The guest at your side may be addressed 
without any introduction, and should not be neglected. 
An introduction, however, should never take place at 
the table — pleasant relations will be established with- 
out it. Do not lean forward and talk across your 
neighbor, nor turn your back on those sitting next to you. 

Be careful and not soil the table cloth, nor litter it 
with bones or fragments 

At a long and elaborate dinner those courses may be 
declined which are not wanted — except soup, which 
should be taken, but need not be eaten, unless desired. 
Menu cards enable guests to select their dishes. If a 
course is put before you which you do not want, do not 
touch it. 

It is now the custom to begin eating each course at 
once as it is served, without waiting until all are helped. 

It is no longer good form to decline the last piece of 
bread or cake on the plate. It implies a fear that the 
hostess has not enough for the meal. Take the last 
piece, and more can be ordered. 

If you upset or break anything, do not appear dis- 
concerted, nor apologize while at the table. Preserve 
your calmness and self -composure at all times. 

When the ladies leave the table at the end of the 
dinner, the gentlemen always rise. After the ladies 
have retired to the drawing room, they resume their 
seats and smoke and drink wine. They do not stay long, 
however, and to over-indulge in wine is very ill-bred. 
Excess in drinking is not now regarded with the tolera- 
tion of olden times. Gentlemen who do not wish to 
remain and smoke or drink, may go to the drawing 
room with the ladies. In some circles, the custom of 
remaining to drink and smoke is going out of style. It 
is an English custom which the French consider bar- 
barous. 



TABLE MANNERS. 183 

The present style is to keep a plate that is handed 
you, instead of passing it. 

Authorities differ as to whether a knife and fork 
should be left on the plate when sending it back for a 
second supply, or retained in the hand. The custom of 
leaving them on the plate seems to be gaining, but, as a 
rule, we should say remove them. 

Never reprimand the waiters ; that should be left to 
the host. 

When a dish is passed you by another guest instead 
of the servant, help yourself before passing it to the 
next person. 

Do not pour tea or coffee into the saucer before 
drinking it, nor blow soup to cool it. 

All the ladies at your table, including the members 
of your own household, are served before serving the 
gentlemen. 

Don't eat with your knife, nor put it into your mouth, 
and never help yourself with your knife, to butter, salt, 
or any other dish. 

Pies, and everything that can be cut without a knife, 
should be eaten with the fork alone. 

Do not bite fruit, but peel and cut it with a knife. 

At meals served a la Russe, as it may delay the 
whole dinner, it is not customary to ask for another dish 
of anything, unless it is passed a second time, when, of 
course, more may be taken, if it is wanted. 

Ladies should gather up their skirts at table out of 
the way of servants and others. 

Learn to drink gracefully. Don't throw the head 
back and raise the glass perpendicularly, as though 
eager for the last drop. Carry the glass to the lips, and 
by lifting it to a slight angle you can drain its contents. 

Don't scrape the last morsel of food from your plate, 
nor dip your bread into the gravy or preserves* 



184 TABLE MANNERS. 

Never wipe the forehead, face or nose, with the nap- 
kin — to do so is very vulgar. Use your handkerchief, 
but never wipe the nose at table, unless it is really 
necessary, and then do so as quietly as possible. 

Don't lean the elbows on the table, nor lounge back 
in your chair. 

Do not scratch your head at the table. 

Bits of bone, or other substances which cannot be 
swallowed, should not be spit out onto the plate. Re- 
ceive them on the fork, and so convey them to the 
dish. 

Never pick your teeth at the table if it can be avoided, 
but if you find it necessary, hold one hand over the 
mouth, as you remove the obstruction with a tooth-pick 
held in the other. 

To drink from the saucer is considered very vulgar. 
Drink from the cup. 

Guests place napkins loosely on the table, instead of 
folding them, when through, at formal dinners. At the 
family table, where fresh napkins are not provided for 
every meal, they should be folded. Visitors who are 
uncertain about the habits of the family they are vis- 
iting, can not do better than to watch the hostess and 
imitate her. 

In using the finger-bowl, dip the fingers in lightly, 
pass them thus moistened across the mouth, and wipe 
both fingers and mouth delicately on the napkin — usu- 
ally a fruit napkin — which has been provided. 

Onions and garlic should never be eaten before going 
into company. To inflict such odors on others is very 
inconsiderate. 

While a gentleman will see that the lady he escorts 
to the table is helped to whatever she wants, he does not 
help other ladies who have escorts. At an ordinary 
meal, a gentleman will be attentive to the wants of a 



TABLE MANNERS. 185 

lady or elderly person beside whom he may be seated. 
Such regard for others is always acceptable. 

Do not allude to unpleasant or offensive subjects, nor 
introduce unpleasant topics of conversation at the table. 

Do not try to be over-nice, as you will only appear 
affected, and an occasional mistake is better than that 

If your preference for a particular dish, or part of a 
fowl, is asked, state it quietly and promptly, but other- 
wise you should express no choice. 

Do not talk loud, nor laugh boisterously, nor mon- 
opolize the conversation at the table. 

As an invitation to dinner is the highest social com- 
pliment, to afterward ridicule or speak slightingly of 
the meal, or the host or hostess, is unpardonably rude, 
and will lower the one who does it in the estimation 
of all right minded people. 

Be scrupulously neat always, and careful not to soil 
the clothes by dropping food on them. Never at any 
time go to a table with an incomplete toilet 1 ; It shows 
a want of respect for the others. 

Do not cough, sneeze or spit at the table. By firmly 
pressing the upper lip sneezing may be prevented, and 
a napkin should be held before the mouth if a cough or 
sneeze cannot be avoided. In case of a violent fit of 
coughing, it is best to leave the table until it is over. 

Never drift into heated discussions, nor introduce 
heavy or abstruse topics of conversation. The table is 
the place for light and cheerful chit-chat. 

No one but the host should call for a toast or a song 
at a gentleman's party 

The mistress of the house presides at a dinner given 
to gentlemen exclusively, but at once retires at the con- 
clusion of the meal, leaving them to smoke, etc. 

Never criticise nor appear to closely and hesitatingly 
examine the food. To do so is very rude. 



186 TABLE MANNEBS. 

For English-speaking people, menus, or bills of fare, 
in English, are much better than those in French. 

It is very rude to flourish the knife and fork by way 
of emphasizing one's conversation, or to drum on the 
table with them in an absent-minded way. 

For a host or hostess to press food upon guests, or 
urge them to eat any food they have declined, is very 
ill-bred. 

As some people cannot eat new bread, a hostess 
would do well to provide both old and new when enter- 
taining guests of whose tastes she is ignorant. 

Keep the hands below the table when unoccupied, 
instead of thrusting them into prominence by resting 
them on the top. 

At any meal, do not leave the table before the others 
without asking to be excused. 

If you send for a second cup of tea or coffee, place 
your teaspoon in the saucer, instead of leaving it in 
the cup. 

Gentlemen do not pare fruit for ladies, unless they 
are requested to do so. 

Place your knife and fork side by side on your plate 
when you have finished a course. 

Do not whisper or have confidences, nor talk across 
another at the table. 

A guest may compliment a good dish, but it should 
be done delicately and without any approach to fulsom 
flattery. That is always disgusting. A story is told of 
an old lady in Vermont who prided herself on her 
ability to make the finest biscuit of any cook in town. 
One day her pastor took tea with her, and as she passed 
him some of her famous biscuit, she said deprecatingly, 
" They are not as good as usual ; I fear they are not fit 
to eat." "Indeed," said the good man, "then I won't 
have any." " Well, I guess they are good enough for 



TABLE MANNERS. 187 

you/' was her indignant rejoinder. An adroit man of 
the world would have taken a biscuit, and after tasting it, 
would have said, "They may not be as good as usual, but 
I never ate better," which would have made the old lady 
happy and gained her lasting devotion, — and probably 
would not have stretched the truth much. 

ON EATING VEGETABLES, FEUIT, BERRIES AND 
OTHER DISHES. 

It is important to all those who would appear well- 
bred to know how to eat the various articles of food 
gracefully, and so we offer a few suggestions regarding 
the most correct method of eating many of the more 
common dishes. 

Potatoes, squash and nearly all vegetables, are now 
eaten with the fork. 

Asparagus is taken in the fingers, unless too much 
covered with sauce. 

Artichokes are also taken with the fingers, and cel- 
ery is almost invariably so eaten. 

Green corn is a problem, some people thinking it 
perfectly proper to eat it from the cob, and others 
thinking that style barbarous. In such cases it is best 
to conform to the custom of the company you are in. 
The late plan is to attach a little spike-like arrange- 
ment to each end of the cob and so hold it, with handles, 
so to speak, while the corn is bitten from the ear. 

Croquettes, patties and all similar dishes are eaten 
with a fork. 

In eating the hard cheeses, one may break off a small 
piece and convey it to the mouth with the thumb and 
finger, although some authorities recommend eating it 
with a fork, but that is not necessary. All the soft 
cheeses, however, are eaten with a fork. 



188 TABLE MANNERS. 

Strawberries and cream, are, of course, eaten with a 
spoon, but the English serve strawberries on the stem, 
and then take one up in the fingers, dip it in sugar, and 
eat it. Some foreigners pour wine on strawberries, but 
that destroys their flavor, and the American method of 
eating these delicious berries is much better. 

Peaches and cream, preserves and all stewed fruits 
are eaten with a spoon, and so are all juicy melons which 
cannot be eaten with a fork conveniently. 

A spoon is used in eating Roman punch. Ices are 
sometimes eaten with a fork, but usually with a spoon. 

In eating lettuce, the knife and fork must both be 
used if the leaf is large, but the fork must be used to 
convey it to the mouth. A piece of bread may be used 
in gathering the lettuce onto the fork. 

With salad, bread, butter and cheese are served, and 
a salad knife and fork are important. It is in bad form 
to cut up salad very fine on one's plate. Let that be 
done, if at all, before it is brought to the table. 

Olives may be placed on the table before the guests 
arrive, or they may be brought on after the soup is 
served. They may be taken with a spoon from the dish 
in which they are served, and eaten with a fork or with 
the fingers. It is considered equally proper to eat them 
either way. 

Canned tomatoes, corn, etc., are eaten with a spoon 
usually, although with the growing use of the fork some 
people now use that. 

Pineapple is cut with the knife and conveyed to the 
mouth with a fork. 

A silver knife is used in eating apples and pears. 
They are peeled, cut into quarters, and eaten with the 
fingers usually, but if the fruit is very juicy, like some 
pears, it is better to use a fork. It is always better to 
use a fork, even at the peril of seeming affected, than to 



TABLE MANNEES. 189 

offend the taste of another by making a mess with the 
lingers, as some careless people often do. A steel knife 
is never used in eating fruit because the juice stains the 
steel, and it gives an unpleasant flavor to the fruit. 

Oranges are peeled and separated into their natural 
sections, although they are sometimes cut instead. 
They are often pared with a spoon by English people. 
To eat an orange gracefully requires some practice and 
skill. 

Bananas are peeled and sliced with a knife and eaten 
with a fork. 

A whole grape is put into the mouth. The skin and 
seed are ejected into the half closed hand, which for the 
time being conceals the mouth, and they are then con- 
veyed by the hand to the plate. Never spit the skins 
and seeds directly onto the plate, without thus receiving 
them into the hand. 

THE KNIFE, FORK AND SPOON. 

To eat gracefully, at the present day, is an art, and to 
handle the knife, fork and spoon elegantly, and without 
offending the sensibilities of any of the fastidious guests, 
requires some study by those who had not the advantage 
of careful early training. 

The Knife- — This is the easiest of the three to 
handle, and is now little used except for cutting meats, 
etc. Do not grasp it too far down on the blade, nor 
hold it too tightly. Never use it to convey food to the 
mouth. To see a guest eat with his knife, and thrust it 
into his mouth, will send the cold chills up and down the 
spine of many hostesses. 

It may be of interest to some of our readers to know 
that the aversion to the use of the knife is of compara- 
tively recent origin, and is not now universally felt 
among civilized people. In England and her colonies, 



190 TABLE MANNERS. 

and in France, Austria and America the "knife line" is 
strictly drawn; but the Russians (except those who 
adopt the French manners), the Poles, Danes, Swedes, 
Italians and Germans, often thrust their knives into 
their mouths and do not consider it inelegant. 

Salt may be taken from the individual saltcellars on 
the point of the knife. 

The Fork. — This is quite a recent invention. It was 
not known in the days of Queen Elizabeth, except a 
dainty little thing used for eating preserved fruit at des- 
sert. The earliest now to be found dates not earlier 
than the middle of the reign of Charles II. The first 
forks were three- pronged, and the four-pronged forks 
appeared about the time of the reign of George III. 

The fork is much more difficult to handle than the 
knife — in fact it is at present the favorite of fashion, 
and having supplanted the knife it is rapidly trespas- 
sing on the domain of the spoon. Mrs. Sherwood tells 
of a wag who, noticing the increasing use of the fork, 
said that about the only thing not eaten with it at pres- 
ent was afternoon tea! Nearly all the food is now 
carried to the mouth with the fork — the only exception 
being the limited number of articles still left for the 
spoon. But little food should be carried to the mouth 
at a time. To overload the fork, and then with a sud- 
den toss to throw its cargo into the mouth, is uncouth, 
and savors of the cheap restaurant style. Coolness and 
deliberation are essentials of graceful eating. Again, 
the fork should not be carried around until it stands at 
right angles to the mouth, and then be thrust vigorously 
in, as you would thrust a sword into an adversary's body. 
The correct way is to keep it nearly parallel with the 
mouth as the food is delivered. The fork is also used 
to convey back to the plate fish bones and other articles 
which cannot be readily swallowed. 



TABLE MANNEBS. 191 

The Spoon. — This is used for all the dishes which 
are too liquid for the fork, such as soup, preserves, can- 
ned fruits, berries eaten with cream, puddings, custards, 
Roman punch, water ices, tea, coffee, and so on. Soup 
should always be drawn from the side instead of the end 
of the spoon, and care should be exercised not to thrust 
the tea-spoon and dessert-spoon too far into the mouth, 
nor should they ever be twisted in the mouth or licked 
with the tongue in childish fashion. The spoon should 
always be taken out and laid in the saucer, and not left 
standing in the teacup. A very small spoon is served 
with the after dinner coffee ; a large one would not har- 
monize with the tiny cups. 

CABVING. 

Everyone should know how to carve . While the but- 
ler does the carving and relieves the host in the present 
a la Busse style of dinner there are the many informal 
and family dinners, picnics, and so on, where he is not 
thus relieved from service, and as much of the pleasure 
of a good dinner depends on the carving it is a desirable 
accomplishment for all. Formerly in England there were 
regular schools where this art was taught, and at one time 
the duty of carving devolved on the lady of the house, 
while the host dispensed the wine. Lady Mary Wortley 
Montague took lessons three times a week, and then she 
dined an hour or so in advance of the others so that she 
might perform this office at her father's table, and other 
ladies did the same in those days. We offer a few sug- 
gestions on the art which maybe helpful to some of our 
readers. 

To carve well the knife must be sharp, which should 
be attended to before going to the table, and it should 
be made of the best steel. The fork should be furnished 
with a guard, and be long and strong. 



192 TABLE MANNEBS. 

Carving Joints. — Probably the best way to carve a 
ham is to begin in the midle of the ham and cut across 
it. The knife should be very sharp, and thin, even 
slices, should be cut, always cutting clear to the h< % 
A more economical way, and one which is often prac- 
tised, is to begin at the large end and work down. 

In carving a sirloin of beef, it will be found a great 
advantage if the knife is inserted just above the bone, 
at the bottom of the meat, and run sharply along be- 
tween the bone and meat, thus separating them, and 
also divide the meat from the bone in the same way at 
the side of the joint; the slices will then come away 
more readily. In carving the upper part, many carvers 
cut across the sirloin, but a better way is to cut it length- 
wise. The slices should be thin, even, and should go to 
the bone. The underside, or tenderloin part, should be 
cut thin, lengthwise, and a little of the soft fat given 
with each piece. As the underside is usually considered 
the choicest part, a little should be given with each 
plate, or else ask the guest whether the outside or under- 
side is preferred. 

Less skill is required in carving a round of beef than 
any other piece. Cut a thick slice off of the top to 
leave the surface smooth, and then thin, 3ven slices, 
should be cut across the round, parallel with the top, 
and a little of the fat should be served with each piece. 

Eibs of beef are carved much the same as the sirloin, 
before described. Separate the meat from the bone 
first, and then cut in thin, even slices. 

A fillet of veal is cut in the same manner as a round 
of beef. Have the slices thin and even. A little of the 
stuffing, and a little fat, should be given with each plate. 
As the brown outside is preferred by some people, an 
honored guest may be asked if he prefers it. 

A leg of mutton is carved by beginning in the mid- 



TABLE MANNERS. 193 

die, instead of either end, and cutting across the leg. 
Have the knife sharp and cut thin, deep slices, and give 
each one a little of the fat, and some of the brown or 
outside. 

A saddle of mutton is carved in thin, even slices, 
running from tail to end, beginning to carve close to the 
back bone. Cut each piece quite down to the bone, 
and give some fat from the sides on each plate. 

A haunch of mutton is carved by first cutting quite 
down to the bone on the knuckle (or small) end, and 
M en slices are cut the whole length of the haunch, much 
the same as in the saddle of mutton. 

In carving a fore-quarter of lamb, the shoulder 
should be first cut away from the breast and ribs by 
passing the knife under and around the shoulder, being 
careful not to cut away too much meat with it. Then 
cut the nbs from the brisket, or gristly part, and the 
guests may be helped from the shoulder, brisket or ribs, 
as they prefer. 

A roast pig should be cut in two before it is sent to 
the table. In carving, the shoulder is first cut from the 
carcass by passing the knife around it. The leg is then 
cut off in the same way. The ribs are then separated. 
As some prefer one part and some another, the tastes of 
the different guests should be consulted in serving them. 

Poultry. — In carving a goose, first cut thin, even 
slices, from the breast A hole should then be cut with 
the knife in the " apron," and some of the stuffing given 
with each plate. The fork is placed inside the leg, and 
it is gently forced away from the body, and this enables 
the carver to readily find the joint and cut through it, 
when he wishes to cut away the leg. The wings, side 
bones and neck, are then cut off. Skillful carving con- 
sists in getting as many slices as possible from the 
breast, and it is singular how many more a good carver 
will provide than a bad one. 



194 TABLE MANNERS. 

Carving a turkey is much the same as carving a 
goose. The carver begins by cutting thin slices from 
the breast, cutting down towards the wing and working 
up towards the breast-bone. Serve guests with the part 
they prefer, but gravy should never be poured over 
white meat, as it spoils its delicate appearance. 

In carving a fowl or chicken, first cut the legs from 
the body. Next take off the wings, and then carve the 
breast. 

Small game birds are usually carved by simply cut- 
ting them in two from the neck to the tail. If very 
small, they are often served whole. 

There are various ways of carving a rabbit. A good 
way is to pass the knife along both sides of the back- 
bone, from head to tail. Then divide the sides cross- 
ways and nearly in the center, and then cut off the legs 
and shoulders. 

A tongue is first cut in the middle and across the 
tongue, and good slices, not too thin, are cut out until 
the best portions of the tongue are served. The fat lies 
near the root of the tongue, and a little can be served 
to those who like it. 

Fish — Care should be exercised in carving fish to keep 
it in perfect flakes, as to break them destroys the beauty 
of the fish. As steel knives and forks impart a very 
disagreeable flavor to fish, they should never be used in 
carving them. Silver or plated fish-knives are the best. 
In carving large fish the knife should first be run down 
close to the back-bone and the whole length of the fish, 
thus cutting it in two. Then cut regular slices across 
the fish for the guests. Small fish, like brook-trout, are, 
of course, served whole. 



LUNCHEONS, BREAKFASTS AND 
SIMPLE DINNERS. 




1NNEE parties are usually such formal and 
ceremonious affairs, involving so much 
trouble and expense, that many people hesi- 
tate about giving them, or attempt them 
very rarely. Various less formal affairs are, 
therefore, quite popular, as they involve little 
care or expense, and yet enable people to 
manifest the spirit of hospitality, for it has 
been felt in all ages and among all nations, 
savage as well as civilized, that to entertain another was 
a peculiar evidence of good will, which would cement 
friendship and heal animosities. 

LUNCHEONS. 

Luncheon is a meal of comparatively recent date. 
It may be quite a formal affair — a dinner in all but the 
name ; or it may be a very informal and friendly gather- 
ing. Any meal taken between or after the regular meals 
is now called a luncheon. The invitations to a luncheon 
may be given verbally, or written, or, for very formal 
occasions, engraved. To a formal invitation a prompt 
answer should be sent, and if unable to attend after 
having accepted, the hostess should be promptly noti- 
fied. Many who dread the pomp and ceremony of a 
" dinner," take refuge in a luncheon, and entertain their 
friends in a sort of formal-informal way. A colored 
table cloth, which a strict and elegant taste would forbid 
for a dinner, may be allowed at a luncheon, but even 

(196) 



LUNCHEONS, BREAKFASTS, ETC. 197 

here the white are the handsomest cloths. In some in- 
formal affairs the table-cloth is dispensed with alto- 
gether, and the lunch is served on the mahogany table, 
but this is unusual. One who has elegant china can 
display it to great advantage in the broad daylight of the 
afternoon lunch. The strict punctuality of a dinner is 
not required at a luncheon, unless it is a very formal 
affair. The ordinary luncheon permits of an irregular 
number of guests, and an excess of either ladies or gen- 
tlemen — in fact, as the gentlemen are usually engaged 
in business at the most common lunch hour, the ladies 
generally predominate, and not infrequently have it all 
to themselves. The elegant dresses of ball room and 
dinner parties are never worn by ladies at luncheons. 
Sometimes an elegant reception dress is worn, and again 
a tailor-made street costume, and all varieties of dress 
between are common. Hats and bonnets need not be 
removed by ladies, but gloves should be pulled off be- 
fore taking a seat at the table. Gentlemen may wear 
the morning dress, or even a lawn-tennis suit, at a wat- 
ering place. Guests go to the dining room separately, 
instead of arm-in-arm, but the ladies go first. It is im- 
material where they sit. 

Guests may help themselves and one another, and 
the gentlemen may wait on ladies. In America, most 
hostesses prefer to have one servant remain during the 
whole meal, but in England the servants usually leave 
the dining room after serving the first courses. The 
butler should wear the morning dress, but never the 
full evening dress, which he dons at a dinner party. If 
there is a second servant, he may wear livery or not, as 
the hostess prefers. The host may, or may not, be pres- 
ent, as he finds most convenient, and children who are 
not old enough to fully understand the manners of the 
table, should dine elsewhere. 



198 LUNCHEONS, BREAKFASTS ETC. 

If the lunch is an informal one, the usual arrange- 
ment is to have at each cover two knives, two forks and 
spoons, two wine glasses — one for sherry and another 
for claret — and a water goblet, a napkin, folded with 
bread in it as for dinner, and a small salt cellar. At an 
elaborate lunch there may be three knives and forks, 
and a fork for oysters at each place. Table mats are not 
used at either dinner or lunch — they are out of date — but 
the waiter wipes each dish, before putting it on the table, 
with a towel which is kept for that purpose in the pan- 
try. At luncheon menu cards are never used. In Eng- 
land wine is given instead of tea and coffee, but in 
America tea and coffee are sometimes given without the 
wine, especially when ladies alone lunch together. Bouil- 
lon is occasionally, though rarely, offered in summer. 
Tea and coffee both are not necessary. Either one, or 
chocolate, will do. At a formal lunch they are passed 
around on a salver by a waiter, while another follows 
with the cream and sugar, but if it is informal, the hos- 
tess pours them out. 

At luncheon the bill of fare may be varied in- 
definitely, but some hot dishes or soup are usually 
desired by most people. Cold meats and salads, how- 
ever, are always in order, and so are oysters, which are 
always popular in America. Fish, croquettes, French 
chops and vegetables, may be served. For the dessert, 
the plainer loaf cakes, puddings, ice cream, blanc 
mange, jellies and tarts, are appropriate. Chocolate is 
most suitable in the middle of the day, being rather 
heavy for evening. 

Formal lunches are usually served a la Russe, and 
a bouquet or some pretty favor is placed beside each 
plate. The waiters pass each course, beginning with 
the lady who sits at the right of the host. When only 
members of the family are present, the mistress is 
served first. 



LUNCHEONS, BREAKFASTS, ETC. 199 

It is not usual to remain long after the close of a 
lunch, unless the friends are very intimate, or music, 
or some other entertainment, is provided, half an hour 
being long enough. 

Calls are made after a formal lunch the same as after 
a dinner, whether the invitation was accepted or not ; 
but after informal affairs ihey are not required. 

" Luncheons " and '* Lunches.'" — A question is some- 
times raised as to the difference between "lunches" 
and " luncheons." In America, custom recognizes very 
little difference between the two, and the terms are used 
interchangeably. Some conservative people insist that 
the word lunch is alone proper, but the great majority 
do not observe their rule. The English use the word 
" luncheon " very generally for the mid-day meal, and 
Americans are adopting that term. Some authorities 
insist that the word " lunch" should be applied to the mid- 
day family meal, and " luncheon" confined to those enter- 
tainments given after breakfast and before the dinner 
hour, but an invitation to a "ladies' lunch," or "a lunch 
party," is very common, and our readers will not be far 
amiss in using either term. 



BREAKFASTS. 

"A French breakfast" is a meal served a little 
earlier than the lunch. In some circles a late breakfast 
is coming into fashion, to which people are invited, in- 
stead of to lunch. There is little difference between 
them except the hour at which they are held — as the 
breakfast may be at twelve o'clock, while a lunch would 
come at one, or later. Any fruit that may be in season 
is usually offered for the first course, and eggs, cooked 
in various ways, are quite generally served. 



200 LUNCHEONS, BREAKFASTS, ETC. 

Social breakfasts are now popular in American cities. 
The hours are from nine until twelve, ten being the 
most popular time. The hour debars business men, but 
literary men, and men of leisure, find it a convenient 
time. Invitations may be sent four or five days in 
advance, or may be quite informal. They are usually 
very social and informal gatherings. The toilets are 
very simple, and the bill of fare consists of but few 
courses, which should be of the best and tastefully 
served, but nothing elaborate is attempted. The hostess 
pours the tea, coffee or chocolate, and the host serves 
the other dishes, or they are served from the side table. 
The guests leave soon after the close of the meal, and 
no after-calls are required. 

For the more formal affairs occasionally given, the 
invitations are more elaborate, and the guests dress more 
handsomely, but without wearing the full evening cos- 
tumes. The entrance, going to the dressing room and 
thence to the drawing room, and the greetings to the 
hostess, are the same as for the formal dinner. Each 
gentleman is assigned to a lady, and, on reaching the 
table, their places are indicated by cards. The guests 
take their leave soon after the meal is over. An after- 
call is required. Ladies may call on the reception day, 
if the hostess has one, and gentlemen can call some 
evening — or send cards, if prevented by business from 
calling during the conventional hours. 

SUPPER PARTIES. 

Supper parties, given late in the evening or at the 
close of the opera or theatre, are coming into vogue. 
Some physicians have objected to late suppers, while 
others, equally eminent, assert that they are conducive 
to balmy sleep, so that it is an open question whether 



LUNCHEONS, BREAKFASTS, ETC. 201 

they are really injurious, and each individual must be 
" a law to himself." At this meal everything should be 
dainty and attractive. The service is much the same as 
for dinner. Game of any kind is served, and oysters, 
lobsters, salads, fruit and ices. Cheese is not usually 
offered, although some think it necessary. Beef is not 
served, unless in the form of a fillet, and even that is 
objected to by many as being too heavy. The table may 
be decorated with flowers, and the glass and china should 
be arranged to make it look as elegant as possible. The 
plates, knives and forks, are removed after each course, 
and clean ones supplied. 

A simple and inexpensive supper is often given after 
the theatre, or on returning from a sleigh ride or tobog- 
gan slide, when only oysters, and cold chicken or turkey, 
lobster or other salad, and ice cream is offered. Only 
one servant is needed, but the plates, knives and forks, 
are changed the same as at a more formal meal. Hot 
coffee, in small cups, may be given, and some old fami- 
lies offer hot mulled wine. 

SIMPLE DINNERS. 

Many people who are endowed with all the qualifi- 
cations for giving and receiving social enjoyment, are 
deterred from giving dinners by the feeling that they 
must adorn their tables with all the extravagant acces- 
sories of the luxurious dinner givers, if they attempt to 
entertain at all. This feeling is foolish. Some of the 
least expensive dinners are the most charming and 
pleasurable. Those who can entertain but do not, de- 
prive both themselves and their friends of much rational 
enjoyment, and society is a great loser thereby. An 
invitation to dinner is an evidence of good will, but the 
eating should promote instead of retarding social inter- 



5J02 LUNCHEONS, BREAKFASTS, ETC. 

course. The hostess should write her own invitation:., 
and but few things are really necessary to a good dinner. 
A clean, white table cloth, equally fresh napkins, china, 
glass and cutlery that are spotless, a few flowers to orna- 
ment the table, a comfortable room, well cooked food 
and a light dessert served in good taste — these are all 
that are needed. Two wines, claret and champagne, are 
enough for those who supply wine, and in these days 
many do not offer them at all — they are never necessary 
on the tables of those who object to their use on prin- 
ciple. 

Much tact is necessary in selecting the guests for an 
informal dinner. As the intercourse is free and social, 
only agreeable elements should be brought together. 
The important dishes are put on the table, and the hostess 
can dish out the soup and the host can carve. A French 
roll should be folded in each napkin. If there is only 
a single maid servant to wait on the guests, she should 
be carefully trained beforehand, so that no awkward 
mistakes will be made. The plates should be hot, as any 
dinner is spoiled if hot meat is put on a cold plate, and 
the servant should have a napkin around her thumb, as 
even simple dinners are marred by any lack of neatness. 
Before serving the dessert the table should be cleared 
of everything but the fruit and flowers, and the crumbs 
brushed on to a tray with a brush or crumb-scraper — 
the latter is the best, because usually the neatest The 
plates, knives, spoons and forks, may then be laid at 
each plate for dessert. The dinner should not last more 
than an hour. 

The use of the knife, fork and spoon, and the other 
points of table etiquette, are the same as those we have 
elsewhere given, under the heads of " The Knife, Fork 
and Spoon," " Table Manners," etc., to which we refer 
our readers. 



THE FAMILY TABLE. 




EBFECT ease at the table is only acquired 
by constant practice. The rules of etiquette 
should be strictly observed at home, and 
then there will be no fear of appearing awk- 
ward when in society. At meal times, all 
the members of the family should meet to- 
gether around a common table, and cheerful 
conversation should enliven the meal. Even 
in families of moderate circumstances, the 
table should be made as tasteful and attractive as possi- 
ble. A few flowers and spotless linen will be an excel- 
lent appetizer, and few families are too poor to afford 
these. Among the wealthy there has been a marked 
increase in the elegance of their table appointments in 
the last few years. To greet those in the room when 
you arrive with a " good morning," or " good evening," 
is a mark of politeness. 

To wear gloves at any meal, breakfast, luncheon, 
dinner or tea, is considered "bad form," and of course 
all understand that they are never worn at formal meals. 

BKEAKFAST. 

At the breakfast table, a tinted table-cloth and nap- 
kins may be used. The breakfast napkins are not quite as 
large as those used at dinner. Fruit is regularly served 
at breakfast in some families, and there is an old adage 
that " fruit is gold in the morning, silver at noon, and 
lead at night." More freedom is allowed at breakfast 
than at any other meal. The morning paper, corres- 

(203) 



204 THE FAMILY TABLE, 

pondence, or books, may be glanced over, which is not 
allowable at other meals, and any member of the family 
may leave the table, as business or inclination dictates, 
without waiting for the others. Gentlemen, however, 
should never come to the table in their dressing gowns. 
They should wear their morning suits, and the toilet of 
the ladies should be carefully made. Any approach to 
slovenliness is always vulgar. 

LUNCHEON. 

In all our cities it is becoming the custom to have a 
luncheon in the middle of the day, and the dinner is re- 
served until evening, as the gentlemen of the family are 
away during" the day attending to their business. A 
tinted table-cloth and napkins are allowable for lunch, 
the same as for breakfast, and yet for any meal nothing 
is more elegant than white napery. The meal is usually 
informal, and the children and ladies of the family enjoy 
it together. The food may be all placed on the table, 
and those present can help each other. 

DINNEE. 

For dinner a fresh snowy-white table-cloth should 
always be used. A heavy canton flannel undercloth 
will protect the table and make the cloth lie smooth. 
Large napkins are used. In the homes of the wealthy 
the same napkin is never used twice without being 
washed, so that napkin rings are out of style. Those 
with large families and in moderate circumstances can- 
not afford this prodigality ; but napkins should be 
changed often. When fresh napkins are provided for 
every meal, they are merely laid on the table unfolded 
when through eating; otherwise they may be folded 
and put in the napkin rings — if rings are used. Stran- 



EXPLftMTION 



OUR PLSN OF BREMFSST TfiBLE, 



A plate, knife, fork, spoon, goblet, egg-cup and neatly folded 
napkin are set at each plate at the table. The illustration shows 
the manner of arranging them. The goblet and egg-cup should 
never be upside down. The edge of the knife is toward the 
plate. Instead of the individual salt-cellars shown at each plate 
in our illustration, some prefer to place two salt-stands beside 
the pepper-stands shown in our cut. Instead of having a butter- 
plate at each place, as shown in our illustration, some prefer to 
have them all together beside the butter-dish. The butter 
will then be served by the hostess. In many families 
polite, at present, butter is kept on the sideboard and served by 
the servant; but on these points each family must folio w its own 
preferences. Casters are out of date. The pepper-stands and 
vinegar-jug are shown in our cut. The two water carafes shown 
in our illustration should be filled with fresh cold water just 
before breakfast is announced. In some families the water is 
placed on the sideboard. 

Three courses are enough for breakfast at any time. The 
first course will consist of oatmeal, cracked-wheat or fruit. The 
second will consist of the substantials — meat, potatoes, etc. 
For convenience, our illustration shows the arrangement of 
the dishes for the second course, with the meat placed before 
the host at one end of the table, and the coffee-service before 
the hostess at the other end. The third and last course will be 
the cakes or waffles. 

The arrangement of the table for a lunch or supper would be 
very similar to that of the breakfast table. 



THE FAMILY TABLE. 205 

gers visiting in a family, if uncertain about the rule of 
the house, can watch the hostess and imitate her. 

When fruit is provided, on formal occasions certainly, 
fruit napkins should be brought in with the dessert- 
They keep the white napkins from being stained, and 
may be brought in on the dessert plates, laid beside or 
on top of the finger-bowl. 

Individual salt and pepper stands have taken the place 
of the old-fashioned casters, which formerly stood in the 
center of the table. The caster is out of style. Oil and 
vinegar are put on the table in pretty little glass bottles 
or jugs. At very formal meals the mustard, oil, vinegar, 
etc.J are not permitted on the table. They are kept on 
the sideboard, as they are seldom needed, the proper 
seasoning being provided for each dish. 

The old-fashioned spoon-holder is also going out of 
style. On tables polite it is now rarely seen. As tea- 
spoons are supplied like the knives and forks at fashion- 
able tables, the spoon-holder is not needed. 

Mats have been banished from tables polite. This is 
not an unmixed blessing, as the old mats served as a 
guide to the servants in placing dishes on the table, and 
they also protected the cloth from being soiled. Fancy 
napkins made of linen or crash, embroidered or fringed, 
are spread on the table by many people, as they are a 
great protection to the table-cloth. Large napkins are 
used for the same purpose by some people. Of course 
each dish is wiped carefully before going to the table. 

Individual butter plates should be provided for each 
person, as they are much better than to put the butter 
on the edge of the dinner plate to run down and mingle 
with the food. A new custom is to banish butter to the 
sideboard, and pass it around when sweet corn, sweet 
potatoes, etc., are served. 

Salt may be taken out of the individual salt cellars, 



206 THE FAMILY TABLE. 

now so popular, on the point of the knife, when no salt 
spoon is provided, but the salt should then be changed 
after each meal. For further suggestions on table eti- 
quette see the article on "Table Manners" elsewhere, 
discussing the subject at length. 

It is an old idea that cheerfulness at the table aids 
digestion, and the utmost sociability and good feeling 
should prevail at the family dinner table. Cares should 
be laid aside, for the time being, and all should look 
forward to the dinner hour as the pleasant social reunion 
of the day. 

TEA OR SUPPER. 

In those families where the principal meal or 
"dinner," is served in the middle of the day (which is 
the usual rule in the country and in small cities), the 
etiquette of the tea or supper is much like that of lunch - 
eon. The gentlemen have returned from business, and 
cheerful conversation and little formality is the rule. 
Tinted napery is occasionally used, but many families of 
refined taste prefer plain white. 




TABLE-CLOTHS AND NAPKINS. 




HE napejy of a table is so important a 
matter, and does so much to make or mar 
a meal, that it may be well to devote a 
few words to the subject. The fashion of 
using napkins and table-cloths is very old 
and widely spread. The Japanese and 
Chinese magnates use elegantly embroid- 
ered and fringed silk napkins, which by 
some process unknown to us, they wash 
and restore to their original beauty. Elegant lace- 
worked napkins, which cannot be rivaled to-day, graced 
the tables of the early Italians, and Queen Elizabeth 
had beautiful napkins, made in Flanders, and edged 
with lace. Even the most sumptuous repast will be 
ruined by soiled and wrinkled linen, and the plainest 
and simplest meal will gain a certain attractiveness 
from a smooth and spotless table-cloth and napkins. 

The best of napery is the cheapest to buy, as it will 
outwear the cheaper grades. Irish linen, unadulterated 
with cotton, will last for years. "Very handsome napkins 
are made at the South Kensington schools in England, 
and by the Decorative Art Society in New York ; and 
those with drawn thread and knotted fringe, made at 
Berlin, are very beautiful ; but, for refined elegance, no 
napkins are superior to the plain, very thick, fine 
damask. 

For breakfast or tea, colored or tinted napkins may 
be used, and they may be smaller than those used for 
dinner. On formal occasions, at which guests are 

(207) 



208 TABLE-CLOTHS AND NAPKINS. 

invited, however, the large white dinner napkins should 
be used. This colored napery gives variety to the table, 
but it will nearly all fade with repeated washing, and it 
is no more economical than the white. 

For dinner the large white napkins are used — colored 
ones never. It is considered in bad taste to fold napkins 
into any of the fanciful designs adopted at hotels. Fold 
them simply and place one at each plate. A piece of 
bread is always folded inside of the napkin at formal 
dinners, as explained elsewhere. Damp napkins should 
never be put on the table, and those stiffly starched 
are harrassing instruments, unpleasant for the face — 
don't use them. No taint or smell of the laundry should 
ever linger about the table linen. It should be well 
aired before being used. 

Colored fruit-napkins, placed beside the finger-bowls 
on the dessert plates, are brought in with the fruit, the 
other napkins having been removed by the waiters with 
the dinner dishes. These fruit-napkins are taken from 
the plate and spread across the knee, or laid at the 
right hand ready for use ; but the elegant little doylies, 
which are brought at the same time, may be admired 
but should not be used. They are for ornament merely. 

People who live elegantly, now change their napkins 
at every meal, never using the same napkin twice with- 
out its being washed ; but those in moderate circum- 
stances will hardly adopt this custom, and yet their 
napkins should be frequently changed. 

At luncheon the large white dinner napkins are pre- 
ferred by many, reserving the small colored ones for 
breakfast and tea. 

The napkin should not be tucked under the chin, 
nor in the vest pockets. It is laid across the knees 
lightly, not spread over the whole lap at formal meals, 
but at the family table that is allowable. It is used 



TABLE-CLOTHS AND NAPKINS. 209 

simply to wipe the hands and mouth. At fashionable 
entertainments the napkins are never folded at the close 
of the meal. On ordinary occasions watch the others 
and follow their example. 

At breakfast and tea colored table-cloths may be 
used, with napkins to match, but at dinner only spotless 
white is suitable. Heavy and coarse linen may do at 
the ordinary family table, but at entertainments the 
linen should be fine. The table-cloth should be well 
ironed, well aired and starched very little, so that it will 
lie smoothly on the table without humping up. A 
heavy canton flannel cloth underneath will be a great 
addition to its appearance. If the table-cloth is soiled 
during a meal by any accident, like upsetting a plate, 
or spilling coffee, the dSbris is cleared away and a 
clean napkin spread over the spot. 

Table linen which is not being used should be care- 
fully folded and laid away in a drawer or chest. A 
sweet-smelling herb, like lavender or orris root, or the 
fragrant heliotrope, laid with it, will impart that pleasant 
odor which so many admire, when it is taken out for 
use. At least once a year it should be washed and aired 
to keep it from becoming yellow and mouldy; and it is a 
most excellent idea to spread it out on tl 3 grass for a 
good bleaching once a year. Residents of cities could 
send their linen to the country for this purpose, and 
they would find that it would keep much better for the 
trouble. 

When table linen is stained with anything like coffee, 
wine or fruit, the stains should be removed before 
wetting it, as soapsuds, washing fluid, etc., will fix many 
stains past removal. A coffee or fruit stain may be 
removed by placing the part stained over a bowl or pan, 
and slowly pouring a stream of boiling water on the 
spot until it disappears. A wine stain may be removed 



210 TABLE-CLOTHS AND NAPKINS. 

by holding it over the fumes of burning sulphur, and 
afterwards wetting it in warm chlorine water. The 
sooner the remedy is applied to any of these stains the 
more effectual the restoration. Table linen should never 
be boiled ; and to avoid this it is best to wash it on some 
other than the usual wash day. After being well rubbed 
in clear warm water, it should be put into a large dish, 
have soap shaved in thin strips strewn over it, and then 
covered with boiling water and put away to cool. When 
cool enough to wring out with the hands, it should be 
rinsed thoroughly in clear water and hung out to dry. 
When thoroughly dry it should be put into a tubful of 
water, slightly blued, and with a few lumps of starch 
dissolved in it, and then wrung out again and allowed 
to get about two-thirds dry. Then it should be snapped 
well, folded straight and pressed with hot heavy irons. 
If these directions are followed you will be proud of 
the appearance of your table linen. 




ETIQUETTE OE BALLS. 




ALLS and dancing parties are now so popular 
that the etiquette of balls and the ball-room 
is quite an important item in the training of 
well-bred young people. It is no part of 
our purpose to discuss the ethics of dancing. 
It may be said, however, that the old puri- 
tanical prejudice against this form of amuse- 
ment is passing away, and in " society " that 
prejudice now finds little countenance. It 
brings young people together for innocent recreation, 
and they enjoy " the poetry of motion " and the brilliance 
and gayety of the occasion. The scruples of those who 
are conscientiously opposed to this form of amusement 
should be respected by all, however, and none but very 
ill-bred people will ridicule or sneer at them . In giving 
a ball the primary object of the hostess should be to 
provide a pleasant and delightful evening's entertain- 
ment for her guests. As one authority says, " The 
requisites for an agreeable ball are, a well-bred hostess, 
good ventilation, good music, a good supper, guests who 
know their duties, and not too large a number of them." 

THE INVITATIONS. 

The invitations should be sent out from ten days to 
three weeks in advance. In our chapter on " Invitations, 
Acceptances and Regrets,'' we gave the forms for invita- 
tions. Occasionally, when a young lady is introduced 

(211) 



212 



ETIQUETTE OF BALLS. 



into society by means of a ball given at some rented 
hall, an engraved form similar to the following is used : 



1 


a^d Csv^-l'J 


. MiZ<^ned C^rttztzi^id 






4-et^ued/ /foe 


A/ea-du.'ie #ff 






■^^u^l c^-T^t/i^^n^ vn 


Qy^£€edtZ€Z<ij- e^e^n^z^-, 




dsvigay /T/f^' 


<%>/ 'Msvie 


& e/ccJZ. 








^^fy/fori, <z-/ /en. 






^Je/i^n^iteo- d. 




<%?. <&. 


<% 


9>. 



Sometimes at such occasions the card of the young 
debutante is inclosed with the invitation, but not always. 
If these are sent as first invitations to new acquaintances, 
or strangers in the city, the cards of the host and hostess 
are enclosed with the invitations sent to ladies and 
gentlemen, and the card of the host is enclosed with 
those sent to gentlemen. 

As previously explained, the word "ball" should 
never be used in invitations to any private entertain- 
ment. 

As many of those invited always decline, the hostess 
is safe, as a rule, in inviting one-fourth more guests 
than her rooms will accommodate, but it is better to 
give two or three entertainments in order to include all 
her list, than to over-crowd her parlors and have a 
crush that will render the guests uncomfortable. " No- 
thing makes so many enemies as giving small parties " is 
a current saying. The reason is that as all are not invited, 






ETIQUETTE OF BALLS. 213 

some of those left out will be offended. To avoid 
this, many people who can do so give one large enter- 
tainment at the beginning of the season, to which they 
invite all their acquaintances. Having thus discharged 
their social debts they give such small parties as they 
choose later in the season. 

Those who have been invited may with perfect pro- 
priety solicit an invitation for a distinguished stranger, 
or for a visitor, or for an unexceptionable young man 
who is a good dancer, but invitations for a married 
couple should rarely be solicited — and never if they 
reside in the same town. The hostess may at any time 
say that her list is full, and no one should feel offended 
at a polite refusal, as the hostess may have more demands 
than she can meet. 

The English custom of sending both the invitations 
and answers by mail is very sensible, and is coming 
into vogue in America also, although many still adhere 
to the old style of sending both by messenger. 

A verbal invitation to a large party or ball is con- 
sidered discourteous. From those families who do not 
observe the social rule that no more than three from one 
family should accept invitations to the same entertain- 
ment, the hostess invites only those whom she wishes 
to see. She should be careful not to omit any to whom 
she is under a debt of obligation from having accepted 
previous hospitalities ; but otherwise no one should feel 
hurt at not receiving an invitation, as it may suit the 
convenience of the hostess better to invite them on some 
other occasion. As to whom it is proper to invite to a 
first ball, the tact of the hostess can alone decide. 

An invitation should always be answered at once on 
its receipt. For the proper form see our chapter on 
" Invitations, Acceptances and Regrets." A verbal an- 
swer merely, should not be given to a formal invitation. 



214 ETIQUETTE OF BALLS. 

PREPARATIONS FOR A BALL. 

The preparations for a ball should be very handsome 
and well planned. As it is the gayest of all social 
occasions the rooms should be well lighted, and there 
can hardly be too great a display of flowers. Many 
modern houses have rooms especially prepared for 
dancing, but others, whose homes are not suitable, 
sometimes engage a public hall for the occasion. The 
custom of covering the carpets with crash has proved 
very unsatisfactory, on account of the fine fuzz which 
the dancing throws out from it, and it is better to take 
up the carpets if the floor is at all suitable. The music 
sounds much better if the walls are bare and the room 
nearly clear from furniture ; and yet the European 
custom of lining the walls of the dancing room with 
seats, for the chaperons and others who do not dance, is 
much better than the American custom of removing the 
seats, so that many are forced to stand. It is more 
thoughtful to provide seats for all who need or wish 
them. A ball room should always be well ventilated. 

A carpet and awning to protect the guests should be 
stretched from the front door to the carriage steps. A 
servant stands on the sidewalk to open the carriage 
doors and assist unattended ladies to alight, and another 
servant stands at the hall door to open it as the guests 
arrive, and direct them to the different dressing-rooms 
provided for the gentlemen and ladies. A maid should 
be in attendance to assist the ladies in making their 
toilets, and toilet articles of all kinds will be provided 
by the thoughtful hostess, as well as needles and thread, 
with which any rents or tears occurring during the even- 
ing may be repaired. Confusion may be prevented by 
numbering each lady's wraps, etc. A man-servant 
should also be in the gentlemen's room, to take charge 



ETIQUETTE OF BALLS. 215 

of their coats, hats, etc., and assist them in any possible 
way. 

Good music is of the first importance, and without 
it a dance will certainly be a failure, and all chance of 
enjoyment by the guests will be gone. For a very small 
party a skillful pianist is often enough ; but the violin 
and piano are always the mainstay of dancing music, 
with the addition of a harp, flageolet and horn, according 
to the size of the room. The musicians are apt to be 
in the way, and a simple plan to dispose of them is some- 
times arranged by having a little hut outside the window 
in which they sit, where, by taking out the window 
frames, they are heard distinctly. 

The programme is carefully arranged beforehand, 
and for large balls cards are printed, giving the dances 
in their order and with blank lines in which the engage- 
ments can be recorded. In Europe it is customary to 
open balls with a waltz, followed by quadrilles, lancers, 
and so on, but square dances should always be inter- 
spersed with round dances, to give an opportunity for 
those to appear on the floor who object to round dances, 
of whom there are some in nearly every circle. 

THE ARRIVAL, AND ENTERING THE DRAWING-ROOM. 

On arriving, the guests proceed directly to the 
dressing-rooms, and arrange their toilets. 

It is proper at balls and large parties to give a small 
fee to the servants in the dressing-rooms. 

Having completed their toilets, ladies join their 
escorts and proceed to the drawing-room. In going up 
or down stairs the gentleman will precede by three or 
four steps, unless the lady takes his arm, which she 
may do or not as she prefers. In accepting a gentle- 
man's assistance a lady takes his right arm, which leaves 
her right hand free to manage her train. A bouquet or 



216 ETIQUETTE OF BALLS. 

fan may be carried in the hand which rests on the 
gentleman's arm. In France the rule is imperative 
that a lady must precede a gentleman by several steps, 
in entering or leaving an apartment, and Americans are 
adopting the French custom. When several ladies 
enter at once the eldest takes precedence, and a mother 
precedes her daughter. 

The first duty on entering the drawing-room is to 
greet the hostess, and those receiving with her, This 
should be a simple exchange of kind enquiries, when, 
by passing on, the hostess is left free to greet other 
arrivals, and then the guests move about and engage in 
light conversation until the dancing begins. To detain 
the hostess long is bad form. Gentlemen should then 
find the host and greet him also. 

The first duty of those who arrive late, after the host- 
ess has left her place, is to hunt her up and greet her, 
and a gentleman should then find and greet the host. 
A stranger, who received his invitation through some 
friend, will get his friend to introduce him to the host- 
ess, and also to the host and to the young ladies of the 
family. He will request the pleasure of a dance with 
them if he is polite. 

The fashion of arriving late at balls is, happily, going 
out in many of our best social circles. It doubtless 
arose in England among those who attended several 
dances the same evening, and were, therefore, necessarily 
late at some of them; but in America it is a pure affecta- 
tion, and affectations are never in the best taste. 

EECEIVING THE GUESTS. 

A hostess may ask two or three friends to receive 
with her and relieve her of part of her duties. The 
host does not receive with the hostess, although he 
should remain within sight until most of the guests 



ETIQUETTE OF BALLS. 217 

have arrived. The sons, as well as the daughters and 
the host, should look after the interests of the guests, 
and try and provide partners for the ladies, and prevent 
any from becoming " wall-flowers." If two or three 
young men are selected to act as aids to see that part- 
ners are provided for those who wish to dance, it often 
adds to the success of the occasion. The hostess now 
usually greets her guests with a sweeping courtesy, 
instead of shaking hands with them. 

THE SUPPEE AND REFRESHMENTS. 

Refreshments are usually served all the evening, 
from a buffet or side table in a small room, or some 
convenient place. The table may be elegantly arranged 
with flowers, fruit, cut glass, china and silverware, and 
supplied with oysters cooked in any style (raiv oysters 
are not now served at balls), boned turkey and chickens, 
partridges, grouse, canvas-back duck, terrapin, turtle, 
cold salmon, salads of all kinds, oyster and game patties, 
biscuits, jellies, creams, fruits, bon-bons and ices, and 
wines. In England the refreshments are served cold, 
but in America custom sanctions serving them either 
cold or hot. A regular supper may be served if the 
hostess prefers, and at such time as she directs, although 
from twelve to one o'clock is the usual hour. When it 
is announced, the host leads the way with the most dis- 
tinguished lady guest, or the one on whom he wishes 
to bestow special honor, and the other guests follow, 
the hostess going last or remaining in the ball-room to 
see that all is going well. Until every lady is provided 
with an escort no gentleman should enter the supper- 
room alone. At such a time a gentleman may offer his 
arm to a lady who is an entire stranger, if she is without 
an escort, the roof being a sufficient introduction for the 



218 ETIQUETTE OF BALLS. 

time being. In these days of temperance the presence 
of wine, once imperative, is no longer required. If wine 
is provided, anyone may politely decline it, and no 
offense should be taken, nor should any one be urged 
to partake, or ridiculed for refusing. An ostentatious 
display of conscientiousness, or a failure to respect a 
display of principle, are equally ill-bred. 

LEAVE-TAKING. 

If the invitation was a first one, and the hostess 
is unoccupied, it may be a graceful thing to express the 
pleasure the occasion has given you ; but the rule is 
that it is not necessary to take formal leave of the 
hostess at a ball. To pay your respects on entering, 
and be as agreeable as possible while there, is all that 
is required. 

THE AFTER-CALL. 

An after-call should be made on the hostess as soon 
after the ball as possible, not later than two weeks at 
longest. If unable to call personally a card should be 
sent. Those unable to attend should call the same as 
others, in acknowledgment of the proffered courtesy, 
and express their regrets. If the hostess sends the 
invitation with her card for one or more reception days, 
it means that the after-call may be made then. 

THE DRESS FOR BALLS. 

A handsome dress is expected at a dinner, but a ball 
demands it. The rule that the hostess should not dress 
so elegantly as to outshine her guests is waived on this 
occasion, and she shines resplendent in her richest 
robes and most elegant jewelry. White or light deli- 



ETIQUETTE OF BALLS. 219 

cate colored dresses are most suited for young girls, 
and they should wear jewelry sparingly. Rich velvets, 
silks and jewelry are reserved for the chaperons and 
elderly ladies. Young ladies should reserve their 
elaborate displays of jewelry until they have been 
several years in society. The ladies, old and young, 
may carry a profusion of flowers, to add to the brilliancy 
of the occasion. Debutantes should understand that 
the best form requires them to dress youthfully, which 
many of them seem loth to do. If they have a number 
of bouquets they may be suspended from the arm by 
different ribbons. Some young girls prefer ball dresses 
made of some silken material, as they are more durable. 
Deep flounces, aprons of point lace, etc , are not suitable 
for very young girls. Elderly or married ladies may 
wear rich laces. 

Gentlemen wear the full evening dress. The vest is 
low and the shirt front immaculate. White or very 
light tinted ties are worn, and white or very light tinted 
gloves. Of course light shoes are worn, or carried, and 
put on in the dressing-room. 

THE DUTIES OF AN ESCORT. 

A gentleman who is to escort a lady to a ball may 
send her a bouquet during the day, if he desires, and it 
is always well to do so. On the evening of the party he 
must call promptly and escort her to the entertainment, 
assist her to alight from the carriage, instead of allowing 
the servant to do so, and go with her to the dressing-room. 
When she is ready he must join her there again, escort 
her to the reception-room, go with her as she greets 
the hostess, and claim the first dance with her. He 
should see that she is provided with partners during 
the evening, look after her enjoyment of the occasion, 



220 ETIQUETTE OE BALLS. 

and escort her home at any time she desires to go. On 
reaching her home, if she invites him in he should 
decline. Within two days he is expected to call on her. 
When escorting a lady home from any entertainment, 
the gentleman should always ring the bell for her and 
see her enter the house. To leave her at the foot of 
the steps, to get in as best she can, is rude and ungentle- 
manly. 

HINTS TO GENTLEMEN. 

Having greeted the hostess on entering the ball- 
room, a gentleman should at once find the host and 
present himself. If there are any members of the 
family with whom he is unacquainted, he should obtain 
an introduction. To go to a ball and leave it without 
seeking out and greeting the host, is very ill-bred. 

Young gentlemen should pay their first attentions 
to the young ladies of the family, and ask them for the 
first dances. If they are well acquainted with any other 
young ladies present, they should not fail to solicit at 
least one dance during the evening from them. 

A ball-room introduction to a gentleman presumes 
that he will show the lady some attention, and either 
dance or walk with her, or talk to her through one 
dance if they do not take the floor. 

A gentleman who goes to a ball without having 
previously selected a partner, should go to the hostess 
and ask to be presented to ladies with whom he can 
dance. 

Young gentlemen should endeavor to render any 
services in their power to the ladies present, such as 
ordering their carriages, or escorting them to a seat or 
the dressing-room in case of an accident, or any of the 
little attentions a gentleman can pay a lady. No intro- 
duction is needed for such services. It will often aid 
the hostess to ask her to introduce them to any ladies 



ETIQUETTE OF BALLS. 221 

who may be without partners, or say to her, " I shall 
be most happy to serve you. Call on me for anything I 
can do." 

In America, if a gentleman wishes to dance with a 
lady with whom he is unacquainted, he should get some 
mutual acquaintance to ask her if she will accept an 
introduction to him. She may assent or decline . If 
she assents, they are introduced, and he asks for the 
pleasure of a dance. It is not allowable to ask her for 
a dance without first being introduced. In Europe a 
gentleman may ask any lady in the room for a dance, 
"the roof being an introduction." Unless previously 
engaged, she nearly always accepts, but the acquaintance 
ends with the occasion. 

If a gentleman cannot get the partner he wants he 
should not selfishly decline to dance at all, and so neg- 
lect the other ladies. It is much better to take some lady, 
even if she is not his first choice . 

A gentleman should secure his partner for a dance 
before the music strikes up. No special form of invita- 
tion is necessary. " Shall I have the pleasure of the next 
waltz ?" Or, " Will you grant me the pleasure of a 
dance ?" or something of that kind will do. Never ask, 
" Are you engaged for the next quadrille ?" This may 
force the lady to confess that she has had no invitation, 
and is prompted by a selfish desire to avoid a refusal. 

When asking a lady for a dance, a gentleman should 
always bow ; and at the conclusion of the dance both 
parties should bow and say, " Thank you." 

White gloves, or those of a very light tint, should 
always be worn at a ball, and an extra pair, to use in 
case of accident, will be carried by the thoughtful. 

Loud talking or boisterous laughter, or anything to 
make one conspicuous, is ill-bred ; and any display of 
anger or ill-temper is unpardonable, 



222 ETIQUETTE OF BALLS. 

As it will often soil a delicately tinted dress for a 
gentleman to press his hand, if at all moist, against it 
while waltzing, he should hold a handkerchief in his 
hand to shield the dress. 

To hold a lady's hand on the hip, when dancing a 
round dance, or behind the back, or to hold it out sway- 
ing in the air, is awkward and ill-bred. 

After dancing with a lady, a gentleman may walk 
once around the room with her and then escort her to 
her chaperon, or leave her with some friend and plead 
another engagement. He is under no obligation to 
stay longer. In European society a young lady must 
be escorted directly to her chaperon at the close of the 
dance, without any strolling about the room. 

Gentlemen should not smoke in their dressing-room 
— it is ill-bred. If a smoking-room is not provided by 
the host (which is usually done) they should forego the 
pleasure until after they have escorted their ladies home. 

To over-eat at the table, or to indulge in too much 
wine and become boisterous and rowdyish, may have 
been tolerated in past and coarser generations, but it is 
unpardonable now. 

Gentlemen should be careful not to tread on a lady's 
dress. Should they inadvertently do so, an apology 
should at once be made, and the lady escorted to the 
dressing-room to repair the damage. 

When supper is announced, a gentleman should offer 
to escort the lady with whom he chances to be at the 
time, or the last one with whom he danced. If the lady 
is accompanied by a chaperon he escorts her also. If 
the one he escorted to the ball is unattended, he escorts 
her. To leave the lady he escorted to supper, without 
returning to the ball-room with her, would be very 
rude. 

Engagements for dances should be scrupulously 



ETIQUETTE OF BALLS. 223. 

kept. If forgotten, a prompt apology is required, but 
even an apology is awkward in such cases If the lady 
forgets an engagement, her apology should be readily 
accepted. 

It is not customary for married people to dance 
together in society, but there is no good reason why 
they should not do so if they choose. A gentleman 
should not, however, confine his attentions to his wife 
to the exclusion of others. He can entertain his wife at 
home — in society he should be attentive to others also. 

Those who can dance and will not, are out of place 
at a ball. 

Do not confine your attentions to one lady, but cir- 
culate freely and be polite to all. As a rule do not ask 
more than two dances from one lady the same 
evening. 

If a lady shows symptoms of weariness at any time, 
stop at once and offer to escort her to a seat. No offense 
should be taken if a lady manifests a desire to stop at 
any time. If when escorted to a seat she releases the 
gentleman to find another partner, he should not accept 
the release. 

No gentleman will encircle the waist of his partner 
for a waltz until the music begins, and as soon as it 
stops he drops his arm. He should never appear to 
embrace the lady, although he should hold her lightly 
and firmly. 

A ball-room introduction, given merely for the pur- 
pose of dancing, does not entitle the gentleman to 
further recognition unless the lady desires it. On 
meeting again he should wait for her to bow before 
venturing to speak to her. This is not the rule on the 
continent, but it is the one generally accepted in England 
and America, although some authorities insist that such 
introductions constitute an acquaintance. 



224 ETIQUETTE OF BALLS. 

While one dance is in progress do not make arrange- 
ments for another. 

HINTS TO LADIES. 

If you decline an invitation for a dance, do not after- 
wards accept an invitation for the same dance from 
another gentleman. It displays a want of regard for 
the first gentleman which can hardly escape notice, and 
is an unlady-like rudeness 

On no account forget a ball-room engagement. 
Promptly apologize if such a thing inadvertently occurs. 

A lady should not give her fan, bouquet or gloves to 
a gentleman ( unless he is her husband, brother or escort), 
to hold during a dance. 

It is not proper for young ladies to ask gentlemen 
to dance with them. 

Young ladies should not join in every dance. This 
is especially true of the daughters of the hostess. They 
should look after the enjoyment of the guests, and give 
them opportunities to appear on the floor. A chaperon 
should not dance while her young prot&g&e is without 
a partner. 

An amiable young lady who cheerfully accepts such 
attentions as are tendered her, without showing vexation 
when not invited out for every dance, is much less likely 
to be a " wall-flower " than one who allows her mortifi- 
cation at what she considers a want of attention to ruffle 
her temper. 

When a ball is given for a young lady at the begin- 
ning of the season, her chances of obtaining partners 
afterward are much improved. 

A lady should not decline an introduction to a gen- 
tleman without good reason, although it is her privilege 
to decline at any time, without being questioned as to 
her motives. 



ETIQUETTE OF BALLS. 225 

We have elsewhere discussed the matter of chaper- 
onage, but most mothers prefer to accompany their 
daughters to all except balls at private houses. Some 
insist that if the mother cannot go, the father should go 
in her place. The chaperons stay as long as their 
charges do. Married ladies go with other married ladies 
when not accompanied by their husbands. 

It is fair to presume that the guests invited are peo- 
ple of respectability, so that a cold and indifferent man- 
ner, and a disposition to repel civilities, is an evidence 
of ignorance of the customs of society,- rather than of 
superior breeding. When the eye of an acquaintance 
is caught the recognition should be instantaneous. 

Ladies do not walk across a ball-room unattended, 
nor do they criticise or ridicule any peculiarities of 
the others in attendance. To boast of one's popularity, 
or to raise the voice in loud conversation or laughter, is 
very ill-bred. 

No one now takes steps in a quadrille. They glide 
through it with an easy motion. To courtesy gracefully 
is an art every lady should acquire, but it can be best 
learned from a master. Dancing is now so universal 
that a lady can hardly go in society much without acquir- 
ing the art. 

THE VARIOUS DANCES. 

We cannot discuss the various dances at length in a 
work like this- The german, now so popular, was first 
danced after the battle of Waterloo, at the German 
court. In this cotillon no lady can refuse to dance with 
any gentleman present, so that it is only suitable for 
private parties, and is not adapted to public balls. Invi- 
tations to this fashionable dance are issued the same in 
form as those we gave for other dances. A good leader 
is indispensable, as on his skill and familiarity with the 
figures the success of the evening depends. It is usual 



226 ETIQUETTE OF BALLS. 

to devote the early part of the evening to other dances, 
and close with the german. Select circles are some- 
times formed to practice this dance, and then cards may 
be printed, which all the members can use, with blank 
spaces to be rilled in with the date and the name of the 
lady at whose house they meet. The invitations are 
issued in the name of the young lady's mother. Each 
member may in turn entertain the club, and in this way 
the new figures can be learned. 

It is entirely proper for a lady to take out a gentle- 
man with whom she is unacquainted, in the german, 
because she must take out some one, and it is not best 
to repeatedly call on her friends, which she must do if 
she has but few acquaintances present. A gentleman 
may very properly seek an introduction to a lady with 
whom he thus danced. 

Most good waltzers who are quick-witted and observ- 
ant may safely try the german, but those not familiar 
with the figures should take their places near the foot. 
No one not thoroughly familiar with the dance should 
attempt to lead, as it may involve a mortifying denoue- 
ment. 

The polka is a dance of Hungarian or Polish origin, 
which was introduced into western Europe as a fashion- 
able dance about 1841. It has been quite fashionable 
of late. The music is very pretty. The step is spirited 
and is described by dancing masters as " a hop, three 
glides and a rest." The steps are modified to different 
times, to produce the polka redowa and the polka ma- 
zourka. 

The quadrille is a dance of French origin. The 
name doubtless arose from its being danced in sets of 
four couples. Many people who object to waltzing on 
principle, enjoy the quadrille, although at present the 
tendency is to introduce waltzing into the quadrille 



ETIQUETTE OF BALLS. 227 

more and more. A fund oE small talk is quite a neces- 
sity in this dance. Those ignorant of the figures should 
learn them from a dancing-master, but all ages and con- 
ditions can join in this sociable and stately amusement. 

The waltz is a German dance which is said to hare 
originally come from Bohemia. In the early part of 
this century it first became fashionable in other coun- 
tries. A modification of the original waltz, called the 
valse a deux temps, is the one now usually adopted. 
It is very graceful, and is undoubtedly the most popular 
of dances. The waltz has excited much opposition in 
some quarters, and its morality has been seriously ques- 
tioned, but the prejudice against it seems to be modify- 
ing of late. No one should continue to dance when 
dizziness occurs, as that is often a sign of heart affection. 
It is said the Eussians will go through a waltz so quietly 
that they can carry a glass of champagne full to the 
brim, around the room without spilling a drop. There 
are, however, probably no better waltzers in the world 
than the young Americans. To waltz well requires nat- 
ural grace, a good ear for music, and long practice. 

The minuet was first danced in Paris, in 1653, by 
Louis XIV. In 1710 it was first introduced into Eng- 
land, by Marcel. It was revived in 1845, by Queen 
Victoria, after a long period during which it was little 
practiced. It is not at present as popular as many of 
the other dances. 

We cannot discuss the matter further here, but 
dancing is almost as old as the world, it is said. The 
oldest records of the race, sacred and profane, allude to 
it. In most ancient nations it was part of their religious 
rites. The primitive Christians certainly danced at 
their religious meetings. Aristotle ranked dancing 
with poetry, aud Socrates took pains to learn the art. 
The Spartans passed a law requiring parents to train 



228 ETIQUETTE OF BALLS. 

their children in dancing after the age of five years. 
The modern dances practiced for amusement are, how- 
ever, much quieter and less exciting than the old dances 
associated with religion and war. 






PARTIES, RECEPTIONS AND 
OTHER GATHERINGS. 




YNICS may rail at the weaknesses and foi- 
bles of society, and proclaim that " vanity 
of vanities, all is vanity ! " but all society 
worthy of the name is at heart an exchange 
of civilities, and is designed to give pleas- 
ure and culture to those who participate in 
it. We see the first rude attempts at hos- 
pitality in the savage tribes, and at the 
very dawn of human history the duty of 
"entertaining strangers" was recognized 
and enjoined by the wise and good. The mere display 
of fashion and finery is a small part of the parties and 
balls, receptions, kettledrums, afternoon teas, lawn-ten- 
nis and garden parties, christenings, anniversaries and 
so on, which make up the great round of entertainments. 
Over and above all this, society brings together the wise 
and the ignorant, it draws out the silent and the shy, it- 
arouses the dull mind and gives stimulus to the active 
intellect. It is both a moral and an intellectual force. 
By it prejudices are dispelled, arrogance is rebuked, and 
vulgar pretense is humbled. Its weaknesses are those 
of human nature, but it is a great school for developing 
and polishing its members. 

EVENING PARTIES. 

One writer has very cleverly defined the difference 
between the evening party and the ball by saying that 
at the party there may or may not be dancing, but at 
the ball there must be. 

(229) 



230 PARTIES, RECEPTIONS AND OTHER GATHERINGS. 

The invitations for these elaborate and formal affairs 
should be sent out ten days or two weeks in advance. 
They are issued in the name of the hostess alone. 
Names and addresses on invitations must not be abbre- 
viated, except by using the initials in the names. Fig- 
ures may be used in the address always, and in the date 
also, if more convenient. To include two or more friends 
or all the members of a family in one invitation, using 
one card, displays ignorance of the proper form, but a 
husband and wife should be invited together, addressing 
the envelope to "Mr. and Mrs. John W. Greely;" and 
if there are several daughters, they may be included in 
one invitation as l * The Misses Greely." But each son, 
if there are more than one, sometimes receives a separate 
invitation. To invite "Mrs. Brown and Family," or 
" Messrs. Hodge and Grinnell," would be in bad form. 
To invite the husband to an entertainment where there 
were any ladies, without including the wife also, would 
be a direct insult. The invitations may now be sent by 
post. For forms of invitations see our chapter on 
"Invitations, Acceptances and Regrets." 

A hostess is under no obligation to invite any 
except those to whom she is indebted for previous hos- 
pitalities, When omitted, such persons may feel "cut," 
but no one else has any right to complain. The hostess 
consults her own convenience, and invites some of her 
friends at one time and some at another. If a family is 
large, she may invite some of its members and not 
others, and those omitted should presume there is some 
good reason and "think no evil." And yet a woman 
with tact will try and manage so as to give no needless 
cause for offense. 

The rule that an invitation of this kind should be 
answered at once, and either accepted or declined, is 
imperative. A prompt answer is not a sign of over 



PARTIES, RECEPTIONS AND OTHER GATHERINGS. 23 L 

eagerness to accept the proffered civility — it is nothing 
but a proper acknowledgment of the courtesy, and it is 
due to the hostess, so that she may know whom to expect. 
A first invitation should always be accepted if it is pos- 
sible to attend. In declining, to use any short and in- 
definite form, as to "regret that they cannot accept," or 
to send "compliments and regrets for December tenth," 
is to return a proffered courtesy with rudeness and 
incivility. It is always better to give the exact reason, 
as "the sickness of a daughter" or "intended absence 
from the city," or whatever it may be. As we have 
elsewhere stated, it is a rule in society that no more 
than three members of one family should accept an 
invitation to the same entertainment. 

Dressing for a Party. — The dressing may be very 
elegant, and the full evening dress is worn by both 
ladies and gentlemen. See our article on dress. 

Entertaining the Guests. — The guests are enter- 
tained usually, before supper, with conversation, cards, 
music, etc. After supper the dancing begins (when 
there is dancing), and those who do not dance are pro- 
vided with opportunities for conversation, games, and 
so on, in other rooms. 

Time of Departure of Guests. — In this busy country, 
where the gay cavaliers of the evening will be actively 
engaged in business the next day, earlier hours should 
be kept than among the leisured classes of Europe, 
who have no other business than social enjoyment, and 
the guests should all depart by one o'clock. 

Receiving the Guests, etc. — The provisions for 
receiving the guests, the arrangement of the dressing- 
rooms, etc., and the duties of the hostess in receiving 
her guests, and of the guests in greeting the hostess, 
are the same for the large party as for a ball (which see), 
and the arrangements for the supper are also the same. 



232 PARTIES, RECEPTIONS AND OTHER GATHERINGS 

The After-Call- — An after-call is required the same 
as after a dinner party, and is as necessary for those 
who decline as for those who accept an invitation. 



AND KETTLEDRUMS. 

The distinction between afternoon teas, kettledrums 
and receptions are not very clearly drawn, and the names 
are used inter-changeably. Stricly speaking, the after- 
noon reception, or the "at home," or the "morning 
reception," as it is usually called, although it is held in 
the afternoon, is the most formal of these gatherings, 
and the kettledrum is next, while the afternoon tea or 
the "five-o'clock," is the least ceremonious of these 
occasions. The origin of the term "kettledrum" is 
uncertain, some ascribing it to the entertainments given 
by the wives of army officers, who used a drum for an 
impromptu tea table ; and others to the fact that an old 
fashioned entertainment was called a " drum," and the 
tea suggested the "kettle," and so the name of "kettle- 
drum" arose. Be that as it may, however, the term 
" kettledrum" is not often used in invitations now. These 
afternoon entertainments appear to have been intro- 
duced into England a few years ago, by the Princess of 
Wales, and to have been thence imported to America. 
They have been very fashionable, and well deserved 
their popularity. The original idea was that of an inex- 
pensive and informal affair, where acquaintances could 
meet for friendly intercourse. The term " kettledrum," 
by the way, is not used in English society, but a drum 
is a sort of polite slang for a reception. 

The term " kaffee-klatsch" (coffee-drinking) has 
been lately adopted by a few seekers after novelty, but 
its use is not likely to become general. The English 
also have an entertainment which they call " high-tea." 



PARTIES, RECEPTIONS AND OTHRR GATHERINGS. 233 

Occasionally this term is applied to a " kettledrum " by 
a thoughtless American lady, but this is a mistake, as 
the high-tea proper is a very different affair. 

The invitations may be issued on the lady's visiting 
card, thus: 



<ld. Jdz>€&it7-e ^fj'isfr'Ztm. 



Friday, December third, 
Four to Seven. 



T 



It is not good form to add the years or the letters 
p. m. Those, of course, are inferred. 

When the cards are written, figures may be used for 
the date and hour ; if they are engraved, the present style 
is to have them as above. The invitations may be sent 
by post, and unless the initials <c K. S. V. P." are added, 
no answer is required. The hours for these entertain- 
ments are from four o'clock until seven — no one staying 
later than seven. 

At the afternoon reception the hostess may wear a 
handsome demi-toilet cut low in the throat if she wishes, 
and made of satin, silk or velvet; but she should not 
wear the full evening dress, nor her expensive jewelry 
or laces. She may have two or three friends to receive 
with her. The guests wear handsome reception dresses, 
or the tailor-made street costumes now so popular (much 
freedom of choice being allowed), and they are expected 



23 i PARTIES, RECEPTIONS AND OTHER GAPHERINGS. 

to keep their bonnets and gloves on, The tea-gowns 
which are worn on the Continent are not in keeping 
with the American idea that flowing robes should not 
be worn out of one's dressing-room. The tight-fitting, 
high, plain dress is much more appropriate. 

The gentlemen wear the morning dress on all these 
occasions. Overcoats and umbrellas should be left in 
the hall or dressing-room, when one is provided, but 
hats may be carried into the drawing-room. 

Visitors do not usually stay more than half an hour 
at these receptions, although when they are especially 
interested they often stay an hour or more . They circu- 
late freely, talk with each other, or listen to music or 
whatever is provided for their entertainment. 

The refreshments are light, as the guests usually 
care more for the social intercourse than for anything 
else. Tea, coffee, chocolate or bouillon, with ices, cakes, 
fruits and sandwiches, which may be served by mem- 
bers of the family, or servants from a side table often, 
are all that is provided as a rule,, although occasionally 
a table is set with a more bountiful supply, and renewed 
from time to time. 

Each visitor leaves a card to serve for the after-call, 
so that no additional call is needed. Those who were 
invited but were not able to attend, call and pay their 
respects within a few days. 

The terms " morning reception " or " morning party," 
our readers of course understand, are applied to those 
entertainments given in the afternoon, or in the daytime, 
in contra-distinction probably to the " evening party," 
which, as its name implies, is always given in the even- 
ing. For general suggestions about various forms of 
invitations, see our chapter on " Invitations, Acceptances 
and Regrets." 

Morning receptions are given for an honored guest 



PARTIES, RECEPTIONS AND OTHER GATHERINGS. 235 

sometimes, and the invitations are issued in the follow- 
ing form : 



GPV wiet 


/ (Z/f^^'dd U^Ua. GFsta^/. 


CsV^M. £2fl&wci<l€/ J&et/z/ed, 




erf/ 0$™™, 


yjfetwied 


t/ez-if, (Z^b^ew^e^l tev-iMi, 


fri&wi 


wPles /# ffwe & c/fro/z. 


Sy CJ&cac/e C &t^/. 




<^.-ef.&@ 1 . 



We prefer writing the name of the honored guest 
above that of the hostess, as given in the above form, 
rather than after the address as is sometimes done. 

The etiquette of these occasions is similar to that of 
other morning receptions, except that each caller is, of 
course, introduced to the guest. 

Morning parties or ''afternoon teas " are often given 
in the country and small country towns with less form- 
ality than is observed in the large cities. Music and 
amusements maybe provided, and the hostess introduces 
those guests who are unacquainted, or who are likely, 
from similarity of tastes, to be entertaining to each 
other, 

A HIGH TEA. 

A " high iea" as it is called in England, is like the 
old New England tea party, with the addition of some 



286 PARTIES, RECEPTIONS AND OTHER GATHERINGS. 

cold dishes. The lady may sit at one end of the table, 
with the tea-tray before her, and the gentleman at the 
other, with a cold chicken or some similar dish to carve. 
It gives a solid meal to those who are accustomed to 
dine at that hour, as salads are usually passed, and 
occasionally scalloped oysters, together with hot bis- 
cuits, cakes, etc. This meal is frequently served on 
Sunday evening to relieve the servants ; but, while it 
is easier for the cook, it does not relieve the others, as 
there are quite as many dishes to wash, and as much 
service is needed. 

INFORMAL ENTERTAINMENTS. 

These are at present often a snare to the uninitiated. 
The word has become fashionable, and is frequently 
added to invitations to "At Homes," " Eeceptions," etc. 
Let not the innocent recipient of one of these invita- 
tions imagine that it will be what its name implies — a 
simple and really informal affair. We have known a 
lady to be much mortified on accepting such an invita- 
tion, and interpreting it literally, to find a most elabor- 
ate entertainment, with carpets and awnings at the door, 
and the guests in elegant "full dress," making her 
modest dress seem sadly out of place. The word " in- 
formal " is misapplied, and it is a pity it cannot be 
changed. Those of our readers who reside in the large 
cities, at least, should bear in mind that the increasing 
luxury of the times, to which we have elsewhere alluded, 
has made these " informal" entertainments expensive 
and luxurious affairs, and should not be deceived by the 
word into the expectation that they can attend in a 
really "informal" way without appearing like black 
sheep in the flock. We hope this caution may save 
some reader from the mortification of mistaking the 
purport of some such invitation. Of course the word is 



PARTIES, RECEPTIONS AND OTHER GATHERINGS. 237 

sometimes used in its true sense, but in certain circles 
it is habitually misapplied. 

OPERA AND THEATRE PARTIES. 

Bachelors of means, but who have no homes in which to 
entertain their acquaintances, often discharge their social 
obligations by giving opera or theatre parties, and ladies 
and families occasionally give similar entertainments. 
In the elaborate and formal affairs given by bachelors, 
the first thing to do is to secure a matron — usually some 
lady relative, if he has one who can assume the duty. 
He then proceeds to invite the guests in person, explain- 
ing to the mothers, who is to chaperon the party and the 
gentlemen who will attend. The number invited is 
rarely over ten or twelve, and frequently less than that. 

The dinner is usually at six o'clock, and the ladies 
are escorted to the place (generally a hotel or restaurant 
or the house of a relative) by father, brother or waiting 
maid, and the coachman is told at what hour to return. 
Each gentleman acts as escort during the evening, for 
the lady to whom he is assigned by the host, and the 
lady relative acts as chaperon for the party. 

After dinner the host provides carriages to convey 
the party to the theatre or opera, and at the close of the 
performance they are conveyed in the carriages back 
to the house, restaurant or hotel, and light refreshments 
are served, when each gentleman escorts his lady to her 
carriage. If some male relative comes for the lady he 
does not escort her home, otherwise he must do so. 
The young lady guests call after the entertainment and 
express their thanks to the matron who acted as 
chaperon, and the host calls on the mother and daugh- 
ter, and expresses his thanks for the pleasure he 
derived from the young lady's presence ; and these 
after-calls are imperative for both parties. 



238 PARTIES, RECEPTIONS AND OTHER GATHERINGS. 

A simpler, less expensive and fully as delightful an 
entertainment may be given by a bachelor host. If his 
invitation is accepted, he furnishes two tickets to each 
lady, one for herself and the other for her father, brother 
or other relative who should attend her, and the party 
meets at the box in the theatre. After the performance 
the party goes to partake of a supper, which may be at 
the house of a friend, and dancing may follow the 
supper. The after- calls are the same as for the last- 
described entertainment. 

A MME. TUSSAUD RECEPTION. 

New entertainments are devised by society from time 
to time, to give life and variety to social gatherings. 
One of the newest of these is the Mme. Tussaud recep- 
tion. It derives its name from the well-known Mme. 
Tussaud' s exhibition in London. The hostess who gives 
the entertainment issues her invitations as for other 
evening parties. Some of her friends are induced to 
assume certain characters and to dress themselves appro- 
priately, and before the arrival of the guests they are 
arranged in groups, like the wax- work figures in a mu- 
seum. The guests, on arriving, are shown to the dress- 
ing-rooms, and, when ready, they go to the room set 
apart for the " exhibition." Placards are posted up out- 
side, such as "No Smoking Allowed," "Opera Glasses 
for Kent," " Beware of Pickpockets," and similar signs 
usually seen at a museum; and on entering the door the 
guests are handed catalogues explaining the different 
figures on exhibition. Such characters are often perso- 
nated as Anne Boleyn, Henry VIII., Mary Queen of 
Scots, Marie Antoinette, Empress Josephine, Charlotte 
Corday, John Alden, Priscilla, Miles Standish, George 
Washington, Lord Cromwell, etc. There is almost no 
limit to the characters which may be assumed. The 



PARTIES, RECEPTIONS AND OTHER GATHERINGS. 239 

guests derive much amusement from inspecting the dif- 
ferent characters, and at the close of the 4; exhibition'* 
the "wax figures" and the audience select partners and 
dancing begins, and the entertainment becomes an ordi- 
nary dancing party, at which a supper is served, and so 
on. Guests wear the full dress and go prepared to 
dance. 

PINK AND BLUE DINNERS AND TEAS- 

The "pink and blue" teas and dinners consist sim- 
ply in having the table ornaments, etc., all of one color, 
as pink for a pink dinner or tea, and blue for a blue tea 
or dinner. While they are not as fashionable now as at 
one time, they may again spring into popularity. 

SILVER AND GLASS DINNERS. 

At the " silver" and " glass dinners " the table is res- 
plendent with plate, or gorgeous with crystal vessels of 
endless variety and beautiful shape, but a harmonious 
blending of color is much more beautiful than a mono- 
tone, and while these fancies can be resorted to oc- 
casionally to give variety, they are oddities that will not 
be common. 

SUNDAY HOSPITALITIES. 

The best society in America regards Sunday as a day 
of rest and religious observance, and receptions and 
parties on this day are not in good form. Friends may 
visit each other in an informal way, but no formal hos- 
pitalities are attempted, and gay amusements and festivi- 
ties are so obviously out of place as to need no further 
comment. Gentlemen always wear the morning dress 
on Sunday, whether at home, at church, or when calling 
on friends. In Europe, dinner parties are given, the 
opera-house is open, and Sunday is much like other 



240 PARTIES, EECEPTIONS AND OTHER GATHERINGS. 

days ; but in America this is not countenanced by " good 
society." Some Europeans who have come to America 
have brought their European customs with them, but 
the above is the universal rule in the best distinctively 
American society. 

MATINEES AND SOIREES. 

In France any social entertainment before dinner is 
called a matin&e (pronounced mat-tee-nay), while a 
gathering in the evening is called a soirSe (pronounced 
swor-ray). In America, by one of those changes so com- 
mon in transplanting foreign words, the term matinee has 
been generally applied to an afternoon performance at 
the theatre, but now ladies sometimes adopt the term 
and issue invitations for a matinee musicale (pronounced 
mew-zee-karl), meaning a musical matine'e, or a matine'e 
dansante (pronounced daw-sawnt), meaning a matine'e 
for dancing; but these terms are rare. 

To skillfully manage a matinSe is a very difficult 
affair. If music is provided it should be good, and not 
by some half-fledged amateur who has been induced to 
inflict herself on the guests for the occasion. On the 
other hand, to expect professional singers to come and 
entertain your guests " without money and without 
price," when their talent is as much their source of living 
as a doctor's medical or a lawyer's legal knowledge, is 
like asking the doctor to prescribe for nothing or the 
lawyer to plead a case gratis. The hostess should know 
the character of those she invites to perform, and much 
tact will be needed not to give offense, as musicians are 
notoriously sensitive. She should also endeavor to issue 
invitations to those who are fond of music and who will 
enjoy the selections rendered. 

The first effort should be to secure the right kind of 
talent, and the next to arrange the programme and assign 



PARTIES, RECEPTIONS AND OTHER GATHERINGS. 241 

each performer to the proper place. \Ve would suggest 
that the simple pieces should come first, aud the more 
elaborate ones and the best performers last. The hostess 
should announce the different pieces, see that the music 
is turned for the ladies who play, and that the audience 
is quiet during the performance. It is the height of 
rudeness for a guest to make any noise which will disturb 
the others present. Those w r ho do not appreciate music 
had better stay at home than to attend and mar the 
pleasure of the others by wdiispering or laughing. To 
manifest enjoyment and appreciation of the entertain- 
ment, on the other hand, is a compliment to both the 
hostess and the musician. 

At a musicale the dress is the same as for a reception, 
except that bonnets and wraps are more generally laid 
aside. A substantial supper is often provided, after the 
entertainment, for those who took part ; an attention 
they are sure to appreciate. 

The following is a suitable form for an invitation : 





Csffif-ia 


. J&e^ltze -& MsVf-t/tzwi. , 








CsfZ ' &fc*ne, 








frit-fit 






CsfpttkUt. 


/// S 


tA-i€f€y/l 


-&Aee/. 



The hours may be from two to four, if more con- 
venient. The hours between two and five are the most 
common and popular. 



242 PABTIES, EECEPTI0N8 AND OTHER GATHERINGS. 

The soir&e was at first intended to serve the same 
purpose as the old " evening party." It is a very 
different gathering from a ball, although there may be 
dancing. It should call out the best elements of society 
— mature and thoughtful men and women, artists and 
editors, business men and preachers; for it is the aim 
and intent of society to bring together the various ele- 
ments of which it is composed and brighten them up by 
an exchange of ideas and a display of friendly feeling. 
The quiet, easy-going and somewhat unpretentious 
soiree, to which all classes may go and meet on equal 
terms, need not involve great expense if one has the 
instinct of entertaining. To give an elaborate supper is 
not the main thing — that can be bought at any restaurant; 
nor is an officious and ostentatious effort to draw out the 
guests what is required so much as the tact to bring the 
right elements together and then allow them some free- 
dom to entertain themselves The model hostess is rare, 
and no one can impart the talent to another ; but a 
woman of tact .will be the pervading spirit of the 
assembly, without appearing to interfere with guests. 

Invitations may be issued one or two weeks in 
advance and the forms are the same as those we have 
given for other entertainments,, the "at home" form 
being most commonly used. 

Refreshments may be served, but they may be more 
like the simple lunches prepared for the matine'e than 
the elaborate supper given at balls. 

The guests should dress carefully for soir&es, and 
the ladies should wear pretty and becoming dresses, but 
they should never keep their bonnets on as at the 
matine'e. To do so displays ignorance of the social laws, 
and will give offense to the hostess. Gentlemen may 
wear the morning dress, but their toilet should be care- 
fully made. The guests should arrive and depart early, 



PAETIES, RECEPTIONS AND OTHER GATHERINGS. 243 

as the early hours are one of the attractions of these 
affairs to our busy and over-worked people. 

PRIVATE THEATRICALS, CHARADES, TABLEAUX, ETC. 

When the long evenings of fall and winter arrive, 
private theatricals, charades and tableaux provide popu- 
lar and interesting amusements. Invitations may be 
issued the same as for other evening entertainments 
(see "Invitations"), and the word "Theatricals," or 
"Charades," or whatever it is, written in the lower left- 
hand corner. If a drama is attempted, more expense is 
entailed than for charades or tableaux. The host or 
hostess should not assume a leading part unless it is 
urged by all the others, as no hostess should ever try to 
eclipse her guests. The performers should be consulted 
and an effort made to assign each one to a part that will 
be acceptable. Those invited to take part should endeavor 
to assist the hostess in every way possible, and should 
manifest a willingness to assume any character that will 
help on the entertainment, even if it is not as important 
as some others. Having accepted a part, an effort 
should be made to learn it perfectly and perform it as 
well as possible, and thereby contribute to the evening's 
enjoyment. Some people have decided natural talent 
for acting, but all should do their best. If prevented 
by sickness or other unavoidable cause from performing, 
after consenting to do so, the hostess should be notified 
as early as possible, so that the part may be taken by 
some one else. Sickness or some other equally good 
reason should alone prevent the keeping of an engage- 
ment of this kind when made. Music is sometimes 
interspersed, and at the conclusion of the theatricals 
both performers and guests are served with refresh- 
ments, followed by social intercourse or dancing. 



244 PAETIES, RECEPTIONS AND OTHER GATHERINGS. 

Charades and Tableaux, though involving less work 
and requiring less tact and skill on the part of both host 
and performers, are often very pleasant, and may be 
managed much the same way. 

For Authors' Parties, invitations should be issued 
in the name of the hostess, and should be sent out three 
or four weeks in advance, so that time to study the parts 
may be given. It is best to select characters from well- 
known books, like the works of Dickens, with which 
people are generally familiar. 

Each guest should assume some character and 
endeavor to personate it as well as possible. If these 
parties are well planned and managed, a great deal of 
innocent amusement, and often some instruction, may 
be derived from them. 

The answers to invitations for any of these entertain- 
ments would of course be in the same form as those for 
other gatherings, and both invitations and answers may 
be sent by mail. 

ETIQUETTE OF CARD PLAYING. 

At parties and social gatherings it is very common 
to introduce cards to contribute to the evening's amuse- 
ment. The guests, however, should not suggest the 
game — that should always be done by the hostess. 
New, clean cards, should always be provided for such 
occasions. Elderly and married ladies should always 
be given the choice of seats, if there is any choice, 
rather than the younger members of the party. Those 
who seem unwilling to play should not be urged to do 
so, as they may have conscientious scruples against it. 
Manifestations of principle should always be treated 
respectfully. No one should ever refuse to play when 
he is needed to make up a game, unless playing cards 



245 

is against his principles, or he has some other equally 
good reason. Never bet even small amounts on cards. 
It is demoralizing and coarse. Those who cannot play 
should decline, as a novice easily destroys the pleasure 
of the others ; but if urged to try it by the others who, 
knowing one's ignorance of the game, promise assist- 
ance, it is best to attempt a hand. An obliging dis- 
position is always in good form. 

Regarding the etiquette of card playing, we offer the 
following hints : 

Do not wet the fingers in dealing. 

Leave the cards on the table until all are dealt, and do not 
finger them during the dealing. 

Partners should not exchange signs or prompt each other. 

Those who play should do their best, out of respect for their 
partners' interest. A manifestation of indifference is an affront to 
the others. 

Loud and boisterous talking or laughter is very rude. 

Do not converse on other topics while playing, nor introduce 
subjects that will excite argument. 

Do not criticise the others, nor hurry them by making remarks 
to spur them on. 

Always observe the rules of the game . To cheat is the height 
of ill-breeding. If others are detected doing so, their attention 
should be quietly and politely called to the fact by inquiring if 
they made a mistake, or some similar remark. 

Never lose temper or display impatience when playing. It is 
better to excuse yourself and stop playing than to wrangle. 

If you have a poor partner, smooth the matter over and mani- 
fest no annoyance, and never reflect on the playing of your 
opponents. 

Those who succeed should not boastingly exult over the 
unsuccessful ones, and those defeated should manifest no 
irritation. 

Those who have played much together and so understand 
each others playing, should not be partners in general company- 
it is not fair to their opponents. 

When playing whist especially, no remarks should be made 
that will distract the attention of the players. 

It is ill-bred to violate the rules of the game . 



246 

GARDEN OR LAWN PARTIES. 

A successful garden party is a very pretty sight, 
with its gaily dressed company wandering under the 
trees, or strolling over the smooth, green lawn and 
among the flowers, or playing croquet or lawn tennis, or 
displaying their skill at target shooting. The requisites 
for success are a pleasant day (of course), good grounds, 
a congenial party, good music and something to eat. In 
the summer months, when everyone likes to be in the 
open air, no pleasanter entertainments than these can 
be given. 

Invitations are usually sent out about two weeks 
in advance, although more informal affairs are often 
arranged only a day or two beforehand. The form of 
invitation is about as follows : 



C^fw. ^eJU/ C7%. ^t^t^d 




■i^e^t^edM £%€■ j/i^etzd-t44<e #ff 




(Zsvh-l. u^i*/ (ZTft'ip^d. i^WIW ^/^j^ d c&'tiwMz-'n-'W , 


wi {Jfetawedtzkz^, C/^^%f^/ -Mffffiv, 




<z€ /frlti €>■ €4&c4z. 




-/ytf (Qt€ofoa CsPv&nsMse. 




J&tK-ld&y?, <z/<z.-t€<2f. 





Or the " At Home " form, given in the chapter on 
invitations, may be used. Invitations may be issued in 



PARTIES, RECEPTIONS AND OTHER GATHERINGS. 247 

this country to include others beside a gentleman and 
his wife, and the following is the form : 



4-d. (0%€4,<m(Z tzmfr C 
-id. <^4<z^^4&*t 



J2z>ti4-ize'< 



This would include all at Mrs. Strong's who cared 
to attend. If the party is held at a suburban town 
directions may be given those invited, about the railroad 
to take, the trains, etc. Something like the following 
might be printed on the cards : 

Carriages will meet the 3:15 train from the Alton depot. 

Carriages, on arriving, should drive to the door of 
the house, so that the guests may go to the dressing- 
rooms and remove their wraps and arrange their toilets. 
If it is a garden party proper, however, it will be held 
out-of-doors entirely, and the hostess will receive on the 
lawn. After making their toilets, the servants at the 
house can direct the guests to the place where the lady 
is receiving. It is proper to ask an invitation for a 
friend, the same as for a ball ; but a refusal should not 
give offense, as it would not be given without good 
reasons, although they may not be explained. The form 



248 PARTIES, RECEPTIONS AND OTHER GATHERINGS. 

of answers to these invitations would, of course, be the 
same as for other entertainments, and we have already 
given them. 

In preparing for the party the hostess should have 
t, e g rou nds in good order, and games for the amuse- 
ment of the guests should be provided. Lawn-tennis 
and croquet sets, archery implements, and sometimes 
bean-bags and base ball implements, or even checkers 
and cards are interesting. Musicians should be on 
hand, and dancing on the turf, or on a prepared plat- 
form if that is not suitable, is nearly always in order. 
Turkish rugs may be spread on the lawn to protect the 
delicate and rheumatic from taking cold, and chairs may 
be arranged on the piazzas overlooking the grounds, for 
the amusement of the elderly people present. 

Ladies have usually worn short dresses, but as gay 
and bright as they chose. Those who play lawn-tennis 
or croquet, or try at archery, should, of course, dress 
accordingly. If a dance is expected, the ladies dress 
with that in view ; but the "full dress" is never worn, 
although long trains are a late " new departure," follow- 
ing an English style. Both hostess and guests always 
wear their bonnets. 

Gentlemen wear the morning dress, unless they go 
dressed for lawn-tennis. 

The refreshments are usually served out-of-doors, 
although it is often just as pleasant and more convenient 
to have them in the house. All the fruits in their season : 
strawberries, grapes, melons, pineapples, peaches and 
so on, are enjoyed, as well as the more substantial 
dishes, as cold turkey or chicken, lobster salad, jellied 
tongue, sandwiches and hot rolls. Lemonade, soda- 
water, Appollinaris water and wines are provided for 
the gentlemen, on tables where they can help them- 
selves frequently ; and tea and coffee are served with 



PAETIES, RECEPTIONS AND OTHER GATHERINGS. 249 

the refreshments. Small tables can be conveniently 
arranged on which the guests may deposit their plates. 
The neatest way to serve the ices is in small paper cups 
placed on ice plates ; and strawberries, when served, 
should have a small napkin placed between the plate 
and saucer, and a dessert-spoon and fork on each plate. 
So many accidents occur that the prudent hostess will 
not use her best china or cut glassware ; indeed, it is often 
better to hire the crockery for the occasion. Servants 
should be instructed to use the utmost care in passing 
dishes not to upset any on the ladies' dresses, as acci- 
dents are quite too frequent and are always unpleasant. 
The guests usually separate between seven and 
eight, or at the approach of dusk, unless dancing is pro- 
vided for those who wish to stay and enjoy it. 

PICNICS AND EXCURSIONS. 

It is very doubtful if older people do not get quite 
as much enjoyment out of these free and easy excursions 
as the children for whom they are so often given. 
There is a subtle charm for all in the green fields, the 
shady trees, the babbling brook, the joyously singing- 
birds and the fresh air and sunshine — besides which 
the change and novelty of such a day to the busy mer- 
chant or the hard- worked housewife, is a source of 
pleasure and a real gain. If the picnic is given by a 
club or society it is a good plan to make a list of the 
contributors and notify each one what he or she should 
provide. Let one bring lemons, another sugar, another 
fruit, banannas, apples, etc., another cold tongue, and 
so on with all the members. This will prevent having 
a surfeit of one thing and none of another, as so often 
happens when no such plan as this is adopted. If the 
picnic is a private one, arrangements must be made for 
getting the guests to the place fixed upon, and the lunch 



250 PARTIES, RECEPTIONS AND OTHER GATHERINGS. 

and amusements must be looked after. It is better to 
send the baskets, croquet sets, etc., in a separate car- 
riage, with the servants to look after them. The ideal 
picnic should be free from formality ; and yet, while 
all relax and unbend, no one should cease to be cour- 
teous and polite. Gentlemen should look after the 
pleasures of the ladies, and assist them by carrying 
baskets, baiting fish-hooks, getting flowers and all the 
numberless little things which the thoughtful man so 
readily does for the fair sex. But a frigid and stilted 
manner on such an occasion, when all are expected to 
unbend, is stupid and foolish in the extreme. 

We offer a short list of suitable dishes for refresh- 
ments, although of course it is far from complete : — 
Cold tongue, chickens, turkey, ducks and game, ham, 
pressed tongue, veal patties, lobster salads, sandwiches, 
pickles, cheese, jam turnovers, blanc-mange in moulds, 
plain biscuits, rolls, doughnuts, cakes of various kinds, 
cookies, pies, butter, pepper and salt, and fruit of all 
kinds. To drink : — tea and coffee in bottles (as it is 
not often convenient to make them on the grounds), 
lemonade, soda and Appollinaris or other mineral 
waters. Ice-cream can easily be carried out in freezers, 
and dished out on the grounds. 

HUNTING PARTIES. 

For hundreds of years hunting has been popular in 
England, and each generation has had its enthusiastic 
devotees of the chase. The hunt has been an important 
factor in English country life, and descriptions of hunt- 
ing scenes figure largely in the novels' and stories of the 
people. This sport has been little practiced in America, 
but recently it is being taken up by some of the young 
men and ladies, who follow an anise-seed bag instead of 
a fox, but the real fox may come in time. The space 



PARTIES, RECEPTIONS AND OTHER GATHERINGS. 251 

devoted to this subject in English books of etiquette is 
needless here. Those who attempt to ride a hunt must 
be good riders and thoroughly at home in the saddle, 
and this comes only by constant practice. No indifferent 
rider should venture on a friend's horse, for the true 
hunter will much sooner forgive an injury to himself 
than to his favorite animal. A lady's hunting dress 
must be plain and serviceable, but may be very becom- 
ing. A dark-colored, tight-fitting habit, with a not very 
long skirt, a plain linen collar ( which may be fastened 
with bright ribbon), linen cuffs and leather gloves, with 
a hat in the prevailing style, constitute the costume, but 
a stiff hat has saved many a fair head from injury. 

COACHING. 

Another sport recently adopted in America is coach- 
ing. In our chapter on " Dress " we have said a word 
about the appropriate costume for a lady who would 
ride on a coach. The comic papers have made much 
sport of the coaching mania, and much of the ridicule 
was well deserved; and yet the drift among Americans 
to out-door amusements is a cheering sign to most 
thoughtful people. To spend a pleasant day on top of 
a coach in the open air is a healthy amusement, and 
refreshments are often carried in hampers and served 
by the valets. Potted meats, cold beef and tongue, 
sandwiches, game pies and so on, will be eaten with the 
sauce of hunger at such a time. 

ASPARAGUS PARTIES. 

These parties appear to have originated in New 
York. They are a kind of picnic. Parties are formed, 
and they drive out to some convenient locality where 
this vegetable can be cut fresh, and dinner is serve 1 
with the asparagus in abundance, while the drive out 



252 PARTIES, RECEPTIONS AND OTHER GATHERINGS. 

and back on a clear, pleasant day, makes a very enjoyable 
occasion. There is no reason why other similar and 
very pleasant parties might not easily be arranged for 
other things — like a "melon party," for instance. 

ARCHERY. 

Archery has hardly become established as an Ameri- 
can sport, and yet it is an excellent amusement for both 
ladies and gentlemen. It is graceful, healthful, and 
calculated to develop the muscles and expand the chest 
and give gracefulness of carriage. Many archery clubs 
have been formed in recent years, and the amusement 
may grow in popular favor. The ladies wear short 
dresses, so made as to give free play to the chest and 
arms. They may be brighter than the ordinary walking- 
dresses, and are frequently trimmed with green and 
gold color, and a lively jacket is often worn. Of course 
the players must conform to the rules adopted by the 
clubs to which they belong. 

LAWN-TENNIS. 

Lawn-tennis, although a very ancient game, has 
become very popular in recent years, and has largely 
supplanted croquet in popular favor. It is equally 
adapted to both sexes, and certainly furnishes a very 
healthy amusement. For ladies, a jersey is necessary, 
as it allows the arms freedom of movement, and the 
players wear flannel costumes made for the purpose. 
The gentlemen should manifest a polite interest in the 
ladies' welfare in this, as in all other games, and no 
unfairness or disputing should ever be indulged in. 
Such things are always ill-bred. The rules of the game 
can be obtained from almost any dealer who sells lawn- 
tennis supplies. 



PARTIES, RECEPTIONS AND OTHER GATHERINGS. 253 
CROQUET. 

Croquet, which was once so fashionable, has yielded 
largely in late years to lawn-tennis, and yet it will prob- 
ably never entirely lose its popularity. Short dresses 
should be worn, but they may be bright and gay. Stout 
boots should also be worn. Gentlemen will of course 
assist their partners at every opportunity, but well-bred 
persons will never take an unfair advantage of an adver- 
sary, and in cases of dispute the truly polite will control 
their tempers and respect the rights and opinions of 
others. Heated disputes are always ill-bred. 

BOATING. 

Boating is a popular amusement where there are 
bodies of water suitable for the purpose. It is certainly 
a healthy and pleasant exercise, and many ladies become 
quite expert with the oars. When gentlemen take 
ladies out rowing, one should stay in the boat and steady 
it, while another assists the ladies to step in. Before 
starting, care should be taken to see that the ladies' 
dresses are so arranged that they will not get wet. 
Inexperienced rowers should be careful not to endanger 
the safety of others by attempting to row, especially if 
ladies are in the boat. The "stroke oar" is the seat of 
honor, and the owner of the boat should offer it to his 
guest. A lady dressing for a row should wear a short 
dress free from needless drapery, which will allow 
free play to her arms, and stout boots ; also, a hat with 
a broad brim, that will shield the face from the sun, 

YACHTING. 

Yachting is an exciting amusement, and very popular 
with those fond of the water. There is more danger in 
sailing than in rowing, however, and it requires much 



25 i PARTIES, RECEPTIONS AND OTHER GATHERINGS. 

skill to manage a sail-boat or yacht properly. Ladies 
should never be invited out for a sail unless some one is 
along fully competent to manage the boat. Yachting 
dresses should be warm and durable and made out of 
serge or tweed (something that will not be injured 
by water), but they may be jaunty and gayly trimmed. 
Of course no young lady should go out alone with a 
gentleman either yachting or rowing. 

The reason is plain. In yachting, we have known a 
boat becalmed, and the parties forced to stay out on the 
water for hours, sometimes far into the night ; and no 
prudent lady should do anything which would cast even 
a shadow on her reputation. A lady cannot be too 
discreet in such matters. 

FISHING. 

Fishing parties may be very enjoyable affairs where 
there is a lake or stream plentifully stocked with fish. 
Luncheon may be carried, and if some of the newly- 
caught fish can be cooked they will give much zest to 
the occasion. Gentlemen should always render every 
assistance possible to the ladies, putting together their 
rods, disentangling lines, baiting their hooks, etc., and 
a gentleman should always be ready to lay down his 
own rod and help a lady. 

SKATING. 

When winter blankets the earth in white and covers 
the waters with ice, skating parties are planned with 
great delight. The gentleman should be as chivalrous 
as an olden knight to the lady he escorts, and carry her 
skates to and from the pond or stream, fasten them on 
for her, and guide, support and instruct her if she is a 
novice at the sport. The ladies, on the other hand, 
should try and not needlessly task the patience of their 



PARTIES, RECEPTIONS AND OTHER GAPHERINGS 255 

instructors, and all attentions should be acknowledged 
with appropriate thanks. It is proper for a gentleman 
to assist a lady who needs it, even though they have not 
been introduced. 

COASTING PARTIES. 

Coasting parties are another exhilarating amusement 
enjoyed in some parts of the country. The etiquette of 
these lively parties simply requires the gentleman to 
provide for the ladies' comfort and amusement as far as 
possible. All should dress warmly ; but tight boots or 
shoes will cause cold feet. 

TOBOGGANING. 

Tobogganing, which has sprung into such sudden 
popularity, is only a form of coasting. The true gentle- 
man always considers first the interests of the ladies, 
the same as in coasting, and will be at all times polite 
and attentive. The toboggan suits of the present day 
are very bright and picturesque, so much so as at times 
to be hardly becoming — particularly those worn by the 
men; but the dress is thick and warm, the latter being 
very essential. There is no more exciting and exhila- 
rating sport for ladies and gentlemen than this on a 
clear, cold winter evening. 






ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. 




ELL-BRED people never reserve their 
politeness for the drawing-room, or any 
special occasions. With all such, polite- 
ness is habitual and almost instinctive. 
It includes both equals and inferiors. 
In the daily intercourse with others, in 
the shops and offices, on the streets, in 
public conveyances and at places of 
amusement, everywhere and at all times, 
that deferential regard for the wishes and feelings, as 
well as the rights of others, which is the surest mark of 
the refinement of nature which constitutes the true 
gentleman or lady, adds wonderfully to the pleasure of 
life and makes the social machinery run smoothly and 
agreeably. While we cannot, of course, touch on all 
the little points which arise in the daily contact of 
individuals, we will endeavor to mention the more 
important of those well-established customs of good 
society which our readers should observe in public 
places. 

STREET ETIQUETTE. 

When a funeral procession is passing, do not attempt 
to cross the street between the carriages. To do so is 
disrespectful. 

When walking on the street keep to the right. A 
gentleman walking alone, however, should give prefer- 
ence, when it would be acceptable, to ladies, elderly 
gentlemen, or any one heavily burdened. 

(257) 



258 ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. 

A lady does not take the arms of two gentlemen at 
the same time, nor should two ladies, as a rule, each 
take one arm of a gentleman. When two gentlemen 
walk with a lady one should go on each side. Nothing 
is more absurd than to see a gentleman escorting two 
ladies in the rain, and " sandwiched " in between them 
with only one umbrella, thus giving him perfect pro- 
tection while they are exposed to the storm. At such 
times he should give the ladies the umbrella and take 
the outside. 

Acquaintances meeting each other on the street bow 
the instant their eyes meet. It is better that each 
party should bow at once, on recognizing an acquaint- 
ance, than to stand on too much formality and either 
wait for the other. A bow necessitates no further 
acquaintance, and a cut direct should not be given 
without good reason. 

It is not necessary to introduce your companion to 
every acquaintance you meet when walking, or in 
the street cars or elsewhere. These indiscriminate 
introductions serve no good end, and are entirely need- 
less. Introductions should be desired before they are 
given. 

The custom which prevails in some country districts 
of bowing to the strangers one meets in the road is very 
polite, and almost any stranger is pleased with such a 
courtesy. 

Hints to Gentlemen. — A gentleman walking with a 
lady offers her his right arm. The old custom of offering 
the left arm arose in the days when a gentleman kept 
his sword-arm free to protect himself or the lady he 
escorted. Now, however, the passing is all to the right, 
and a lady taking his right arm is shielded from the 
jostling of the crowd, while her right arm is free to 
manage her train or hold her parasol. If the street is 



ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. 259 

very crowded, however, and the lady would be better 
protected from jostling on the left arm, that is offered. 
All rules have exceptions, and must be interpreted by 
common sense. 

It is not customary for a lady to change from one 
arm to the other, after crossing the street, unless she 
would be better shielded by so doing. The custom of 
giving the "wall" or "inside" to a lady, arose in olden 
times when sidewalks were unknown, and such a custom 
was needed to shield the lady, but it is out of date now. 

Try and keep step when walking with another. When 
arm in arm it is easily done. 

A gentleman walking with a lady offers her his arm 
in the evening, or whenever her comfort or convenience 
requires it ; but it is very rarely done in the day-time, 
unless they are married or engaged, or closely related, 
as parent and son or daughter. As a rule it is best to 
avoid creating remark by a needless public parade of 
attention, and to offer the arm to a lady in the day- 
time is unusual in the best society. 

A gentleman precedes a lady in going through a 
crowd, thus opening a path for her. On entering a 
door a gentleman holds it open while the lady enters 
first, and this is true even if he is unacquainted with 
the lady. In going up-stairs the gentleman goes first ; 
in going down the lady takes precedence. 

When a gentleman walks with a lady, it is her privi- 
lege to select the route. 

When a gentleman meets a lady on the street with 
whom he wishes to converse, he should turn and walk 
with her, instead of standing on the sidewalk and 
obstructing the passage of others. He should bow and 
lift his hat when he leaves her. 

It is ill-bred to refuse to return the bow of a lady 
who salutes you. If she is a stranger she may have 



260 ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. 

mistaken you for some one you closely resemble, 
and to return the bow relieves her of embarassment. 
If you do not care to continue a lady's acquaintance, 
avoid her by turning the head ; but if your eyes meet 
and she bows, return it at once. The bow will do you 
no harm, and you need not further seek her acquaint- 
ance. If she sees your manner is cold she will not 
seek to keep up the recognition. 

No young man should fail to return the salute of an 
elderly gentleman. Always respect age. 

It is better to turn the head and avoid looking at an 
undesirable acquaintance than to refuse to respond to a 
bow. A gentleman always returns a bow made to a 
lady he is escorting, whether acquainted or not with the 
one who bows. Gentlemen lift their hats when bowing 
to another gentleman who is accompanied by a lady, 
and when with an acquaintance who bows they lift the 
hat also. 

When entering stores, hotel corridors, etc., gentlemen 
do not remove their hats, but it is " good form" to remove 
them on entering an elevator where there are ladies. 

Any little acts of politeness that are tendered ladies, 
such as picking up a package that one has dropped, or 
other similar acts of courtesy, should be accompanied 
by lifting the hat. A respectful salute gives grace to 
the attention. 

In crossing a slippery or muddy street, or walk, a 
gentleman may assist a lady who is an entire stranger 
with perfect propriety, and he may precede or follow 
her as is most convenient. 

Gentlemen do not offer to shake hands with ladies 
they meet on the street. Let the lady make the first 
advance. If the hand is tendered it is not necessary to 
take off the glove, nor make any apology for not doing 
so, such as " excuse my glove." That is out of date. 



ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. 261 

Gentlemen do not stand on the steps of a hotel, or 
at the door of a church, or on a street corner or other 
public place, and gaze at passing ladies They do not 
ridicule peculiarities of dress or manners in others, and 
they never tarn and stare at ladies they have passed. 

If you stop another gentleman to speak to him step 
to the side of the walk, out of the way of passers-by. 

A gentleman who is smoking removes the cigar from 
his mouth before saluting a lady. No gentleman will 
smoke in any place where it will be offensive to others, 
and when walking with ladies gentlemen do not smoke. 
When on the street or in public vehicles, to puff smoke 
in the faces of others is very rude. As this can hardly 
be avoided in crowded streets, the refined gentleman 
will not smoke when walking on them. Neither will a 
gentleman hawk and spit when walking with ladies. If 
he must spit when on the street, he goes to the edge 
of the sidewalk and spits in the gutter. 

Never carry an umbrella or cane under the arm 
horizontally, or in any way that will endanger the eyes 
and comfort of others. 

To eat fruit or anything else in the public streets is 
ill-bred, and is the next thing to the gum-chewing 
idiocy, for chewing gum on the street is almost idiotic. 

Always apologize if you run against others, or cause 
them any inconvenience. Avoid annoying others in 
any way at any time. 

Gentlemen are considerate to ladies always, and 
carry their packages, help them adjust their wraps, or 
assist them in any other way they can. 

If you have a disagreement about the fare with a 
hack-driver, take his number and make your complaint 
to the proper authorities. Do not dispute with him 
and keep a lady waiting, as that would be very rude. 

The questions of strangers should be politoly 



262 ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. 

answered, and any possible information given cheer- 
fully and clearly. 

Do not manifest curiosity about the business or 
bundles of a friend you meet. Intrusive curiosity is 
always offensive and indicates lack of breeding. 

Gentlemen do not pass in front of ladies on the 
street if they can avoid it, nor on entering a store, house 
or room ; they hold the door open and allow the lady to 
enter first if practicable. 

Gentlemen do not join ladies on the street and seek 
to walk with them, without first ascertaining that it will 
be agreeable. 

Hints to Ladies. — A lady never seeks to attract the 
attention of the other sex or form their acquaintance on 
the street. To do so would forfeit all claims to consid- 
eration as a lady, and would justify a suspicion of her 
virtue. Neither by dress nor manner should she render 
herself conspicuous. To wear showy dresses or brilliant 
colors on the street is not good form, and the whole 
modern tendency is toward quiet and simple attire for 
street wear. 

Public flirtations are not only rude and vulgar — they 
are dangerous. The ladies of America are allowed 
great liberty, but they should avoid even the appearance 
of evil. 

In large cities no lady ventures out alone in the 
business streets after dark. In the suburbs and in small 
towns more freedom is allowed, and a lady can easily 
inquire and find what the local rules of society are. It 
is best to be careful in such matters and err on the side 
of caution rather than on that of boldness or freedom of 
manners. The host, a relative or a servant, can be 
secured as an escort almost any time. 

No lady can demand the services or attentions of 
friends or strangers as a right. When voluntarily 



ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES 263 

tendered they are courtesies, to be accepted graciously 
and acknowledged with thanks. 

Ladies do not shout or call across the street. 

Do not extend the hand to another when half a block 
away. Wait until you meet before trying to shake 
hands. 

A lady who is detained by a friend on the street 
when she has an engagement elsewhere, may frankly 
excuse herself with perfect propriety. 

Deference to age is always a mark of good breeding, 
and when two ladies meet in a hall or doorway the 
younger gives the elder the precedence. 

A lady may accept the assistance of a perfect stranger 
in entering or alighting from a public conveyance, or in 
crossing a crowded or muddy street, but the courtesy 
should be acknowledged with thanks. 

It is only ill-bred ladies who chew gum on the streets 
or in a public conveyance. 

It is only those who feel uncertain of their position 
who fear to recognize those whom they consider below 
them in the social scale. To pass without recognition 
because of their uncouth appearance, country people, 
or anyone who has done them a favor, is vulgar and 
contemptible ; so, also, it is rude and unfeeling to pass 
servants without notice. 

For a lady to run across a street in front of an 
approaching carriage is both dangerous and undignified. 

A young lady should always return the bow of an 
elderly or married lady. A direct " cut" of any one is 
rarely justifiable. As the best American usage expects 
the lady to bow first, it is of course her privilege to pass 
without recognition a gentleman whose character is 
notoriously bad — to recognize him, even, might com- 
promise the lady — but as a rule " cutting " should be 
avoided. 



264 ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. 
ETIQUETTE OF RIDING. 

The exercise of riding is one of the most exhilarating 
and healthful in the world. It is doubtful if any other 
exercise is of more benefit to invalids or those of seden- 
tary habits. A lady who rides gracefully never appears 
better than when in the saddle, but the first attempts to 
ride should not be made in public. Perhaps we hardly 
need to say that no true lady or gentleman will abuse a 
horse. 

The gentleman who escorts a lady should be punctu- 
ally on time. He should see that her horse is gentle 
and reliable, as it will not do to risk her life on a vicious 
and unmanageable animal. He should inspect her saddle 
and bridle and see that they are secure, and not trust 
to the groom or stable-men. Before mounting himself 
he must see that the lady is comfortably seated on her 
horse. 

The duty of assisting the lady to mount belongs to 
the gentleman who escorts her, and not to the groom. 
In mounting, the lady stands on the left side of the 
horse, facing his head, and close to him. Her left hand 
holds her gathered skirts, and her right rests on the 
pommel of the saddle. The gentleman will stand at the 
horse's shoulder and facing the lady. He offers his 
right hand, into which she places her foot, and then as 
she springs he gently lifts her into the saddle, being 
careful not to throw her too far by a violent effort. He 
then adjusts her foot in the stirrup, smoothes her riding 
habit, hands her the reins and her whip, and he is ready 
to mount himself. 

In dismounting after the ride the lady first lifts her 
knee from the pommel, and her foot from the stirrup, 
and sees that her clothes are free from the saddle. The 
gentleman then takes her left hand in his right, and 



ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. 265 

receiving her foot in his left hand he lowers her gently 
to the ground, saving her the jar of springing from the 
saddle. 

The lady's right hand is the whip hand, and the left 
is the bridle hand. The left side of the horse is called 
the near side, and is the one on which the lady rides 
and on which everybody mounts. The beauty of riding 
is to accommodate yourself to the movements of the 
horse and ride him as though he was a part of yourself. 
The elbows should be carried near the body, but not too 
stiffly ; to carry them out at a sharp angle and let them 
sway up and down with the motion of the horse is very 
awkward. 

Every lady who rides much should understand the 
construction and fastenings of her horse's equipments 
and be able to adjust them herself in case of necessity. 
A groom who accompanies a lady rides a little distance 
in the rear. 

The riding costume suitable for a lady we have 
discussed in our article on " Dress." 

A gentleman should not touch a lady's horse except 
in case of need, but he is always alert and ready to 
assist in case of an emergency. 

There is a style of riding a horse by gentlemen 
which is fashionable in some circles, although we hardly 
know why, unless it is because it is an imitation of a 
foreign style — and affectations of foreign manners are 
"so stylish, you know!" It consists in bobbing up 
and down on the horse as one rides. It is a most 
awkward and ungraceful style of riding, and tiresome 
if long continued. Our Western cowboys or frontier- 
men are hardly considered models of deportment, but 
there are probably no better riders in the world. They 
are on horse-back constantly week after week, and they 
will sit in a saddle almost as though they were glued to 



266 ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. 

it. They grasp the horse with the thighs or upper 
part of their legs, and accommodate themselves to the 
motion of the animal. It is a pity all gentlemen who 
ride cannot learn their style, for it is both graceful and 
easy. 

All the courtesies of the road, the best horse, the 
best side, etc., are given to an elderly gentleman by a 
younger, when riding with one. 

The gentleman rides at the right of the lady, as his 
horse may rub against her if he rides on the other side. 

If there are two ladies, he rides at the right of both. 
The lady chooses the pace at which she will ride, and 
the gentleman always looks out for her interests, giving 
her the easiest and shadiest side of the road, opening 
gates, paying tolls, and so on. 

In passing others, always turn to the right. 

If friends are met or overtaken, the gentleman will 
ascertain if his presence is desired before attempting to 
accompany them in their ride. If he meets a lady who 
is on foot, with whom he wishes to converse, he will 
dismount and stand beside his horse while talking with 
her. 

ETIQUETTE OF DKIVING. 

A gentleman who drives with a lady will assist her 
to enter the carriage, and will guard her skirts from 
rubbing against the wheels. He sees that the lady is 
comfortably seated, that her dress is protected from the 
dust and mud, and that she has her parasol, fan or 
shawl, and then he enters the carriage, being careful 
to so enter as to save turning round. He should avoid 
treading on the lady's dress, or shutting it in the door 
of the carriage. In a two-seated vehicle he takes his 
seat opposite the lady, with his back to the horses, and 
he should not presume to sit beside a lady unless 



ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. 287 

requested to do so. The right-hand seat facing the 
horse is the one of honor, and belongs to the hostess, 
or she may give it to a guest she wishes to honor. As 
riding backward is disagreeable to many ladies, the 
gentleman always takes the seat with its back to the 
driver. 

When mounting a tally-ho coach, the lady goes first 
and the gentleman follows a step or two behind her, 
and keeps her dress in place with his cane. In 
descending both go down backward, the gentleman 
going first and keeping her dress in place as before. 
On board ships ladies and gentlemen go up and down 
the companion-ways in the same manner. 

When the carriage stops the gentleman jumps out, 
even if he has to pass in front of the lady (being careful, 
however, not to step on her dress) and assists her to 
alight. If a servant is present he may hold the door 
open, but the gentleman should assist the lady out. He 
then walks up the steps with her, and rings the door 
bell. If a lady wishes to step out of the carriage for 
any purpose, the gentleman must alight and assist her 
out, and if she re-enters he must again alight and assist 
her to do so. The gentleman conveys the lady's orders 
to the coachman. 

It is an insult to be promptly resented by a well-bred 
lady, when a gentleman attempts to put his arm on the 
back of the seat, or take any liberties with her when 
driving. 

A lady who is invited to drive with a gentleman 
cannot offer to take a friend, although ladies often have 
a grcom along in lieu of a chaperon. 

To drive with a gentleman later than 9 p. m., is of 
questionable propriety, for obvious reasons. 

To interfere with a driver is very rude. A sugges- 
tion may be made politely, and with an apology, if you 



268 ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. 

think he needs it. If the driver is reckless, you can 
decline to go again. Ladies should learn to drive, and 
drive well. The universal rule is to "turn to the right" 
on meeting another carriage when driving, and it must 
be observed by every one to avoid collisions 

A gentleman should wear gloves when driving with 
a lady, and sit at her right. He should regard her 
comfort and fears, and not drive so as to spatter mud 
on her clothes, nor destroy her pleasure by fast or 
careless driving. The object should be to give her all 
the pleasure possible, and her wishes should always be 
considered. 

When one gentleman takes out another, it is cus- 
tomary to offer him the reins, but, except to relieve the 
host for a time, this offer should not be accepted. 

A gentleman should walk to a lady's house, when 
he accepts an invitation to ride in her carriage, unless 
she volunteered to call for him. In the latter case he 
should be ready promptly, and not cause her to wait. 

ETIQUETTE OP TRAVELING. 

Traveling is in these days almost universal, and it 
has a very great educational value. To mingle with 
strangers whose habits, modes of thought and surround- 
ings differ from one's own, has a broadening influence 
on the mind, and is better than reading a multitude of 
books. It removes prejudices, awakens new ideas, and 
sharpens the wits. While it is pleasanter to travel with 
a companion it is often inconvenient to do so, and the 
proverbial gallantry of Americans to women makes it 
possible for them to travel anywhere unattended, and 
without insult if they are lady-like and reserved in 
manner. Ladies should be cautious about entering into 
conversation with strange gentlemen when traveling 
alone. 



ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. 269 

A gentleman who escorts a lady should either accom- 
pany her to the depot or meet her there early enough to 
secure the tickets and check the baggage before the 
train starts. He should obtain the best seat possible 
for her in the car, see that her packages are stowed 
away without inconveniencing her, and that she is com- 
fortably seated, offering her the choice of seats if he 
sits beside her. During the journey he must provide 
for her comfort in any way he can, help her in changing 
cars, and so on. On arriving at their destination he 
must see her safely in the company of her friends if 
they are expected to meet her ; and if not, he must see 
her comfortably seated in the ladies' waiting-room while 
he attends to her baggage and secures a hack. If pos- 
sible, he should escort her to the house to which she 
goes ; but if not, he should give explicit directions to 
the hack-driver, so that she will be relieved of all care. 
The next day he should call and inquire after her 
health, and see how she endured the journey. It is the 
lady's privilege to continue the acquaintance or not 
after this, but no further favors from him should be 
asked or expected if he is dropped, but unless his 
character was unexceptionable he should not have been 
entrusted with the care of a lady. 

Hints io Ladies. — One of the great plagues of 
traveling is the preposterous amount of baggage which 
many or most ladies persist in carrying with them. 
Experienced travelers learn to dispense with unneces- 
sary luggage. Especially avoid carrying numerous 
packages. Put everything in your trunks except the 
few little articles you may need on the journey, and 
carry those in a hand-valise. Ladies traveling alone 
will do well to observe the following rules : Study your 
route before starting on your journey, and learn the 
names of the hotels where you wish to stop. Get to 



270 ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. 

the depot in ample time to purchase tickets and check 
your trunks before the train starts. Do not trust a 
stranger to buy your tickets or check your trunks, but 
attend to it yourself. Carry money enough to provide 
for any emergency, but keep most of it in an inside 
pocket out of sight. Do not wear much jewelry. Be 
suspicious of over-officious strangers. If you want 
information about changing cars, checking baggage, 
etc., inquire of the conductor. It is his business to 
give such information, and he will always assist you. 
Make the inquiries some time in advance, however, 
instead of waiting until the last minute. Avoid chang- 
ing cars in the night when possible, Do not get fidgety 
or fussy, and keep cool and self-possessed at all times. 
If you take a sleeping-car engage your seat the day 
before you start, and so obtain the choice of berths. 

A coat, valise or other article, left in a seat, reserves 
it for the owner, and ladies should respect this rule as 
well as gentlemen. No lady can demand a seat which 
is occupied by a gentleman, but most gentlemen will 
offer their seats rather than see a lady stand. If the 
car is crowded do not attempt to hold more than one 
seat, as that is all that your ticket entitles you to. A 
selfish effort to secure your own comfort without regard 
to the convenience of others is very ill-bred. A lady 
traveling alone must be as self-reliant as possible, and 
any attempt at familiarity by the other sex will be 
repelled with dignity ; but a mere offer of assistance 
when it is needed, is perfectly proper, and should be 
acknowledged with thanks. There is a golden mean 
between a haughty and selfish exclusion on the one 
hand, and undue familiarity on the other, and a lady 
with tact will readily see how to act. 

Elderly ladies who have had experience as travelers 
should be especially kind and helpful to younger ladies 



ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. 271 

without escorts. The latter need to be particular not 
to accept any favors from unknown gentlemen, except 
such slight attentions as may with propriety be offered 
by any stranger. Courtesies extended while traveling 
do not warrant any future acquaintance, unless it is 
mutually desired. Dress plainly and comfortably. Any 
attempt at display is in bad taste. (See our article on 
"Dress.") 

Ladies who have escorts should give them as little 
trouble as possible. They do not burden them with many 
packages, nor harrass them with foolish fears. If they 
are nervous they should try not to show it. The escort 
may be supplied in advance with enough money to pay all 
expenses, or the amount needed to buy tickets, etc., may 
be given him when required ; or if he prefers he may 
defray all expenses and the bill may be all settled at 
once at the end of the journey, but in this case an exact 
account should be kept. 

On steamboats ladies may make themselves as com- 
fortable as possible. No attention should be accepted 
from strange gentlemen, however, except the most ordin- 
ary courtesies. If they need any assistance in walking, or 
for anything else, it is better to call on some of the 
attendants than to rely on strangers. During the 
monotony of long voyages one's good nature should be 
maintained. To give way to irritability and peevish- 
ness destroys the comfort of others, and is thoughtless 
and ill-bred. 

Hints to Gentlemen. — It is the duty of a gentleman 
to regard the comfort of a lady who may be without an 
escort. He may raise or lower a window, get her a glass 
of water, help her with her baggage, or otherwise pro- 
vide for her comfort. 

To crowd and scramble for tickets shows a lack of 
politeness. 



272 ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. 

No one has a right to keep a window open when the 
draft annoys or perils the health of another. 

No gentleman will selfishly look out for his own 
comfort to the disregard of others' convenience. Neither 
will he be over- civil and too apparently anxious to assist 
others, especially ladies. Assist them when they appear 
to need it, otherwise do not intrude upon them. 

Do not crowd or push when entering or leaving the 
cars, and do not rush to the eating-room and swallow 
your food like a half-starved boy. There is usually 
time enough to be cool and gentlemanly. 

If a lady offers to seat herself beside a gentleman 
he should rise and give her the choice of seats. While 
a lady cannot demand a gentleman's seat, most men will, 
if the car is full, surrender their seat rather than see a 
lady stand. 

A coat, valise, or other article left in a seat, secures 
it for the owner. 

Don't read in the cars — it will weaken the eyes. 
This at 1 east is true of cars which rock and jolt a great deal ; 
but the modern drawing-room cars are almost as quiet as 
one's own parlor, and to these the rule does not apply. 

Don't spit or throw apple or orange peelings, or 
bananna skins or peanut shucks on the floor of the car. 
Spit in a spitoon, and throw refuse out of the window. 
Don't swear, smoke or talk boisterously in the presence 
of ladies. Don't sprawl your feet in the aisle, nor 
embrace your lady companion, nor interfere with fyour 
neighbors. 

Assistance rendered a lady when traveling gives no 
claim for further recognition. 

MANNERS IN STREET CARS, OMNIBUSSES, ETC. 

Don't stand on the platform and obstruct the entrance 
or exit of ladies. It is very disagreeable for them to be 



ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. 273 

forced to squeeze by a lot of loafers when entering or 
leaving a car. 

Don't stretch your legs out into the way of those 
going in or out. 

Don't crowd or jostle others. 

Don't occupy more space than you need in crowded 
cars. 

If you think a hack driver is charging more than 
the lawful fare, it is better to take his number and 
report him to the authorities than to quarrel with him 
in the street, especially if you are accompanied by a 
lady. 

Gentlemen politely offer their seats to ladies when 
no others are vacant. The lady (!) who will take a 
seat thus surrendered without thanks for the courtesy 
(we regret that there are such), is very rude. 

Young ladies should give place to the aged, infirm 
or over-burdened, and young men should extend courte- 
sies to the old. Respect for age and infirmity is always 
a mark of good breeding. 

Gentlemen, though strangers, may assist ladies to 
enter or alight from omni busses or street cars. They 
may also pass up the fare and save the lady from rising 
to her feet. 

Any attempt at familiarity with strangers or to 
"scrape acquaintance," indicates very ow breeding. 

A heated discussion of politics or religion in a public 
conveyance is ill-bred. 

CONDUCT AT HOTELS. 

Hints to Ladies. — On going unattended to a hotel, 
you should enter by the ladies' entrance and go to the 
parlor. Send for the clerk and explain to him what 
accommodations you want, and how long you expect 
to stay. When you go to your meals dress simply, 



274 ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. 

as a showy costume is in bad taste. A waiter will 
meet you at the door of the dining-room and escort 
you to your seat, if requested to do so, and thus 
relieve you of the embarrassment of crossing the room 
alone. A sign or nod will attract the notice of the 
waiter, and then state your wants in a low and distinct 
voice. Loud talk or laughter, or any criticism of others 
at a hotel table, is very rude. (For the etiquette of the 
table see our article on table manners. ) It is better to 
have the meal sent to your room than to eat in the 
dining-room very late in the evening, without an escort. 

A lady should take no large sewing, nor anything that 
will create a litter, into the parlor. Everything of that 
kind should be confined to her own room. Do not play 
on the piano in a public parlor unless you are invited to 
do so. It will interrupt others who wish to talk, and if 
there are cultivated people present it will be very 
unpleasant for them to listen to the music, unless it is 
really fine. Certainly it is very bold and rude to thrust 
one's self forward uninvited. 

Many people do not like dogs, so do not take your 
pet lap-dog or poodle into the hotel parlor, or where it 
will interfere with others when it can be avoided. 

A newspaper may be carried to the breakfast table, 
but it is not well-bred to carry a novel to a hotel table. 
Newspapers or books found in the hotel parlors should 
not be carried to one's own room. 

Try and get a pleasant room, that will admit the 
sunlight and air, as it will add to your comfort. 

If you notice that the dress of another lady, though 
a stranger, is out of order — as, for instance, that a 
brooch is unfastened, or a collar falling off, or a shawl 
dragging on the floor — politely call her attention to it 
and, if need be, assist her to rectify it. While it is best 
to exercise prudence in making acquaintances among 



ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. 275 

strangers, it is not best to repel or rebuff all overtures 
from others. To do so betrays ignorance of the world, 
and even rudeness often. Any assumption of superiority 
is vulgar, and is only attempted by snobs. An acquaint- 
ance formed at a hotel ends there, unless it is mutually 
desired to continue it, so that overtures from other ladies 
should be received in a friendly spirit. 

If you wish to see any one who is staying at the 
hotel, send your card to his or her room by a waiter. 

A lady who is about going up-stairs should draw back 
and allow a gentlemen who is going up at the same time 
to precede her. In going down she does the same. 

If you have money or valuable jewels, hand them to 
the proprietor, that he may put them in his safe, instead 
of keeping them in your room. Lock the door of your 
room when you go out, and keep your trunks and valises 
locked. 

While staying at a hotel ladies pass in and out at 
the ladies' entrance only, and not at the general entrance. 
They do not linger in the halls or lounge in the parlors, 
and any coarseness of manner is as much out of place 
in a hotel as in a drawing-room. 

If a carriage is wanted, ring for a servant and have 
him bring it to the ladies' entrance. 

A lady who is stopping at a hotel alone should wear 
the most modest and inconspicuous dress appropriate to 
the time of day. 

Servants will usually attend to your wants promptly, 
but if they are rude or neglectful it is better to report 
them to the proprietor than to scold them. A fee to 
those who serve you the most will stimulate them to 
greater attention. In traveling, especially, money 
secures the comforts and attentions which without it 
cannot be obtained. If you want any information about 
the route to take, or the trains, or anything connected 



276 ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES- 

with your journey, do not hesitate to ask questions, but 
apply to the hotel clerk or the servants in preference to 
strangers or guests. 

When you wish to leave the hotel, or resume your 
journey, have your trunks packed and be ready to start in 
ample time to avoid all hurry and the confusion and 
mistakes which result therefrom. When the baggage is 
packed the servants should carry it all to the hack, as 
the lady is not expected to burden herself with it. 

ETIQUETTE OF SHOPPING. 

The purchasing of articles to supply the wants of 
life devolves on every one, and the display of courtesy 
while trading should be considered as important as it is 
when visiting, or attending a ball. One who is really 
well-bred is always polite. 

If you are merely looking, without any intention of 
buying, frankly tell the clerk so. He will, in most cases, 
show you his goods just as readily, in the hope that you 
will return again and buy. To stand behind a counter 
all day long and try to suit the tastes and humor the 
whims of all classes of people is very tiresome and 
trying. If you are polite to the clerk he will appreciate 
it, for his feelings are as sensitive as those of other 
people. 

Do not " beat down " the prices. If you are dissat- 
isfied with the price and think it too high, you can go 
elsewhere to buy. 

Do not offer comments on goods which a clerk is 
showing to another customer, nor interfere in any way 
with the trade. Do not take hold of a piece of goods 
which is being examined by another, but wait until she 
is through, when the clerk will show it to you. 

To treat a poorly-dressed customer rudely is very 
snobbish. 



ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. 277 

If you meet a friend in a store, do not interrupt her, 
but wait until she has completed her purchase if you 
wish to talk with her. When trading, do not stop and 
talk with a friend, and so waste the time of the clerk 
and detain other customers. Never offer your opinion 
or advice about goods unasked. 

Ask the clerk to " please sho^ " you the article you 
want, or use some other polite form of request, instead 
of rudely or abruptly calling for it. Do not sneer at 
or depreciate the goods you are looking at, nor draw 
offensive comparisons between them and those to be 
seen at some other store. 

Do not give clerks any unnecessary trouble, and do 
not tumble over a lot of goods you do not wish to buy. 
Be very careful not to injure the goods you examine. 
Do not expect a clerk to leave another customer to wait 
on you, as " first come first served" is the rule. Be 
honest with the clerks if you wish them to be honest 
with you. 

Loud and boisterous talk or laughter, whispering 
with the clerk or friends, lounging on the counter, 
crowding other customers or criticising their appearance 
or manner, are all very rude. 

If you make many purchases, avoid loading yourself 
with bundles by having them sent to your home, but it 
is snobbish and inconsiderate to ask the merchant to 
deliver little articles which you could just as well carry 
yourself. 

If you discover any mistake, return at once and have 
it rectified. Do not insinuate that any dishonesty was 
intended, for that would be the grossest insult. Mer- 
chants are always anxious to recitfy mistakes. If a 
mistake is in your favor you should be just as particular 
to have it righted as when it is against you, as it would be 
dishonest to knowingly keep goods you had not paid for. 



278 ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. 



CONDUCT AT CHURCH. 

Churches are dedicated by those who build them to 
the worship of God. The congregation attends with a 
devout and reverent spirit, and those who entertain a 
different faith, or who regard all religion with indiffer- 
ence, should carefully refrain from doing anything to 
wound the sensibilities of the worshipers. To scoff at 
or wilfully violate the observances of any church while 
attending its services, betrays a nature utterly coarse 
and ill-bred. 

Attend early, as it disturbs others to go in late. All 
well-conducted churches have ushers to seat strangers, 
so that if you are a visitor you should wait in the 
vestibule until the usher offers to show you a seat. 
Gentlemen remove their hats on entering the church. 

It has been the rule that a gentleman accompanying 
a lady to church should precede her, or walk by her 
side, up the aisle to the pew indicated by the usher, 
when he should bow slightly and allow her to enter 
first; but many well-bred people now insist that the 
lady should precede her escort. They walk up the aisle 
deliberately and without any appearance of haste. The 
lady always takes the inside, and the gentleman the 
outside seat. 

Strangers taking a vacant pew should go to the 
further end, to allow room for others who may come 
later. A gentleman does not now step into the aisle to 
allow ladies who are strangers to enter the pew, but he 
retains his seafc beside the lady he escorts, moving 
along to make room for new-comers. The place for the 
gentleman's hat is under the seat, when there is room 
for it in that place. 

Comply as far as possible with the ceremonies 
observed by the congregation, kneeling, rising, sitting, 



ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. 279 

and so on, when they do, if you are attending a church 
of a different denomination from your own. 

A gentleman who accompanies a Eoman Catholic 
lady to a church of her own faith, may offer her the 
holy water with his ungloved right hand. 

If anything strikes you as grotesque or absurd, let 
no smile or remark indicate your feelings to others 
while in the church. Always maintain a quiet and 
decorous manner in a place of worship. Do not drum 
nor make any noise with the feet or hands, nor whisper 
nor laugh. Do not turn around to stare at others or 
watch the choir. Do not appear anxious to see who is 
coming in, nor closely scrutinize the clothes of others, 
nor be diverted by any little noise. 

Books or fans should be passed quietly, and accepted 
or declined by a simple gesture of the head. 

If, on entering a church, you see a stranger waiting, 
you may invite him to enter your pew if you have room. 
Courteously see that a stranger is provided with books, 
and indicate the place of the day's reading, if he seems 
unacquainted with the service, If you have no separate 
book, you may offer to share your's with him. It is not 
necessary to speak in passing a book or fan, as a bow is 
sufficient. 

Ladies do not remove their gloves at church, except 
to use holy water, or the glove of the right hand at 
communion. 

Enter the church as quietly as possible if you are 
unavoidably late, so that you will not disturb others. 
It is often best, in such cases, to take a seat near the 
door. 

Except in case of necessity, do not leave the church 
until the services are over. Do not begin preparing to 
leave until after the benediction is pronounced. At the 
conclusion of the services leave the room quietly. Do 



280 ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. 

not stop in the aisle to converse with acquaintances and 
so obstruct the exit of others. 

Friends should exchange greetings in the vestibule. 
Loud or boisterous talk or laughter is always ill-bred in 
such a place. 

For several men, young or old, to gather in the 
vestibule or on the steps of a church and stare at or 
comment on the ladies who pass, is a practice that none 
but boors or buffoons will engage in. Don't do it. 

Those who visit a church merely to see it, should 
go when no services are being held. If, however, 
worshipers are present, engaged in their devotions (as 
often happens in Koman Catholic churches), care should 
be taken not to disturb them. 

CONDUCT AT OPERAS, THEATRES AND PUBLIC HALLS. 

When a gentleman invites a lady to attend the 
theatre, opera or other public amusement with him, he 
should send her an invitation a day or two in advance. 
If but slightly acquainted with her the invitation may 
be formal, written in the third person, and sent by a 
messenger, or by mail. The following is the usual 
form : 

Mr. Horace Howard requests the honor {or 
pleasure) of Miss Mary Brown's company for the 
opera of " II Trovatore" on Thursday evening, 
October tenth, at the Columbia Theatre. 

The lady should answer the note immediately, and 
either accept or decline positively, so that the gentle- 
man can make his arrangements accordingly, and her 
answer should be worded after the form and in the 
spirit of the invitation. The following is the form : 



ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. 281 

Miss Mary Brown accepts with pleasure Mr. 
■ Horace Howard's polite (or kind) invitation for 
the opera "II Trovatore" on Thursday evening, 
October tenth. 

Or, if the invitation is declined, use the following 
form : 

Miss Brown regrets that, owing to a previous 
engagement (or whatever the reason may be), she 
cannot have the pleasure of accepting Mr. Horace 
Howard's kind (or polite) invitation for the opera 
"II Trovatore," on Thursday evening, October 
tenth. 

If the invitation was sent by a messenger, send the 
reply by messenger also .; if by mail, reply by mail. 

The gentleman should know that the invitation is a 
compliment, and the lady should receive it as such, and 
accept or decline with thanks. Verbal invitations 
should be simple and direct, and free from high sound- 
ing phrases. 

If the gentleman is but slightly acquainted with the 
lady, or knows that she is being chaperoned (see our 
article on " Chaperons"), his invitation should include 
the chaperon also, and three tickets should be procured. 
As the enjoyment of the occasion will depend largely 
upon being able to see and hear well, the gentleman 
should procure good seats in advance. He can then 
select a desirable location, and avoid the crowding and 
delay to which he will be liable if he waits to purchase 
his tickets on entering. If the night is stormy, and it 
is an entertainment like an opera, at which the lady 
expects to dress elaborately, a carriage should be 
secured. Young men of wealth will almost always call 
in a carriage for the lady, whatever the weather. There 
is a large class of intelligent young men, however, who 



203 ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. 

are just starting in life, and whose salaries are small 
arjd their means limited, to whom the expense of a 
carriage is quite an item. Many such who are too 
proud to go without a carriage, and who are too poor to 
go " in style," stay away from amusements entirely, or 
go alone, and so they and their lady friends lose much 
innocent pleasure. The great mass of sensible young 
ladies whose parents are in only comfortable circum- 
stances, understand a young man's position perfectly, 
and do not expect a carriage. They are glad to go on 
the street cars, which run so frequently in all our cities, 
and no hack is needed except at those entertainments 
where a fine dress is worn, which, in stormy weather, 
of course, would be injured without the protection of a 
carriage. 

Arrive at the hall before the entertainment begins, 
as it is very rude to go in late and so disturb others. 
The gentleman should get programmes on entering the 
hall, or if it is an opera he should get a libretto for the 
lady. In walking up the aisle to the seats, the gentle- 
man either precedes or walks by the side of the lady, 
but on reaching them the lady enters first and the 
gentleman takes the one nearest the aisle. A gentleman 
does not yield his seat to any other lady, as his sole 
duty is to the one whom he escorts. His place is by 
her side during the evening, chatting between the acts 
and trying to make the evening pleasant for her. It is 
almost needless to say that to go out between the acts 
" to see a man " and come back with the breath redolent 
with cloves, is an insult to the lady. At a promenade 
concert the lady may be invited to promenade during 
the intermission, but if she declines the gentleman must 
retain his seat by her side. 

Gentlemen who find it necessary to pass before ladies 
at theatres, concerts or other public places, should turn 



ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. 283 

their faces toward them and beg pardon for causing 
them disturbance. 

Perfect quiet should be maintained during the per- 
formance, and the attention should be fixed on the 
stage. To whisper or do anything during the enter- 
tainment to disturb or distract the attention of others, 
is rude in the extreme. It is proper to applaud, when 
pleased, as that encourages and gratifies the performers, 
but do not stamp w r ith the feet — to clap the hands is 
much better. During the intermissions it is in order to 
converse in a low tone 5 but loud talk or laughter, or 
displays of affection, or anything to arrest the attention 
of others, is always in bad taste in any public place- 
Chewing gum, eating peanuts or anything of that kind, 
is very vulgar. 

To impudently stare at another through an opera 
glass is ill-bred, but a general survey of the house is 
proper. 

Do not make a noise towards the close of the per- 
formance by gathering the things together preparatory 
to leaving. This w r ill annoy others, and is therefore 
rude. Wait until the performance closes before leaving 
the hall or preparing to do so. 

In leaving the hall the gentleman precedes the lady 
or walks by her side, which ever will best shield her 
from the jostling of the crowd. Avoid all pushing or 
crowding at such times. 

It is proper to invite the lady to refreshments at 
the close of the performance ; and, although it is not 
obligatory, it is often a flattering attention. 

"When they separate, the gentleman asks permission to 
call the next day, which is granted, of course. The lady 
should express to her escort the pleasure the invitation 
has given her, and should praise rather than criticise 
the performance. 



284 ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. 



CONDUCT AT CHUKCH FAIRS. 

At church fairs and bazaars gentlemen should always 
remove their hats. Loud talk or laughter, that will 
attract the attention of others, is ill-bred. Do not make 
any unfavorable comments on the articles you see 
offered for sale, as the donor may be near and be hurt 
by the remark ; neither should you complain of the 
price or attempt to "beat down." The price may be 
intentionally high, as the money is for a charity. Praise 
any good features you may see, and if you purchase any 
article you may donate the change to the charity if you 
feel so inclined, but otherwise you need not do so. 
Never on any account say anything that will interfere 
with a sale. Ostentatious displays of money and 
extravagant purchases are very snobbish. Enter into 
the spirit of the occasion, and help it forward as much 
as possible. 

Those who wait on the tables should never attempt 
to retain the change unless it is voluntarily donated by 
the purchaser. Any appearance of begging is in bad 
taste; and so, also, is it to importune any one to buy. 
Do not increase the price for the purpose of extorting 
money from an acquaintance. Any appearance of flirt- 
ing at such a time is very ill-bred. In short, be as 
polite and courteous at fairs as elsewhere. 

CONDUCT AT PICTURE GALLERIES AND STUDIOS. 

When visiting picture galleries do not make criti- 
cisms or comments on the pictures to attract attention 
or display your knowledge of art — you will be much 
more likely to show your ignorance. Do not stand in 
front of a picture so as to obstruct the view of others ; 
and if you wish to converse with a friend, withdraw to 



ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. 285 

one side where you will be out of the way. Do not 
point with cane or umbrella at a picture or statue, and 
never touch one. 

An artist's studio should not be visited except by 
special invitation or permission, as you should not dis- 
turb him at his work. If you make an appointment 
to sit for your portrait you should be promptly on hand, 
as a delay may be a loss to him, and you should pay 
him for his time. As many artists are nervous and 
easily annoyed, you should not stand behind them and 
watch them as they work. Do not touch or disturb the 
drapery on any article in the studio nor attempt to 
examine a picture that is covered, or which has its face 
turned toward the wall. The artist will exhibit the 
picture if he wants it seen. Do not offer extravagant 
praise, as it will disgust instead of please a sensible 
person ; but a quiet word of praise, calling attention to 
a real merit, will cheer and encourage the worker. 
Never criticise or disparage the paintings. Do not ask 
the prices out of idle curiosity ; but if you wish to pur- 
chase, be clear and business-like in your negotiations. 
If you think the price too high, you may give your 
reason and state what you are willing to pay, and leave 
the artist to accept or decline. 

Children should not be taken to artist's studios. 
They may do mischief ; and if not, they will almost 
certainly annoy the artist. Dogs, also, should not be 
taken to a studio. 

A lady should not visit an artist's studio alone. 



SCHOOL-ROOM ETIQUETTE. 




UEING childhood a large part of the time 
is spent in the school-room, under the 
influence of the teacher. The characters 
and habits of the children are forming at 
this period, and many of those in the public 
schools have very little instruction at home 
on the subject of politeness. Teachers, 
therefore, have it in their power to exercise 
a very powerful influence by taking pains 
to teach their pupils those common rules of etiquette 
which would often be a benefit in all after life. 

A teacher always gives " tone " to the school. The 
pupils must be treated politely if they are expected to 
be polite. Perfect order must be maintained ; and 
while the fewest possible rules are laid down, those 
which are made should be explained to the scholars, and 
they should be enforced. 

Pupils should be taught to be particular about their 
personal appearance. They should be required to have 
their faces and hands clean, their hair combed and their 
clothes as neat as possible. Habits thus formed may 
go with them as long as they live. The school-room 
should be kept as neat and attractive as possible, as 
that will make the children more anxious to appear 
well. Have a mat at the door, and require them to 
wipe their feet on entering the room ; and also teach 
them to open and shut the door without needless noise, 

(287) 



288 SCHOOL-ROOM ETIQUETTE. 

and to enter and cross the room quietly. Pushing, 
crowding and hurrying at such times should be pro- 
hibited. 

Do not reprove a child in such a way as to wound 
his self-respect, or lower him in the eyes of the other 
pupils, if it can be avoided. Children often err through 
ignorance, so explain to them patiently what to do. 

A quietly expressed approval of polite acts, and an 
equally quiet reproof of rudeness, will soon affect the 
"tone" of the school. 

Eequire the pupils to treat each other politely, and 
do not allow the wealthy scholars to treat the poor ones 
disrespectfully nor ridicule them. Extend no special 
favors to the children of the rich. 

Never speak slightingly of a child's parents. The 
effect can hardly fail to be bad on the scholar. Teach 
children to respect their parents, and assume that they 
would be displeased at any wrong conduct of the child. 

Impress on the children that rowdyism, slang, false- 
hood, selfishness, profanity, vulgarity and egotism are 
unmanly and impolite, and will lower them in the eyes 
of all right-minded people. 

Do not allow the children to say curtly and abruptly 
"yes," "no" and "what," while in the school -room ; 
but require them to say, " yes, ma'am," " no, sir," 
"what, sir," and so on ; and also require them to 
address you as "Mr. Brown," or "Miss Jones," and 
never as " teacher." The habit of saying " good morn- 
ing" and "good night" to the teacher is a very pleasant 
one, and can usually be developed in the school. 

Inspire children with the desire to be polite by being 
polite. Address the young misses as " Miss Julia," or 
"Miss Estey," and the young boys as "Master Thomas," 
etc. Trifles create the atmosphere of the school, and 
the teacher who awakens the pride and interest of her 



SCHOOL-ROOM ETIQUETTE, 289 

scholars, and stimulates them to appear well, may feel 
confident of success. 

The necessity of order and punctuality will be felt 
all through life, and it will tend to start children aright 
to require them to keep their desks in order, and to be 
punctual in their attendance. 




ETIQUETTE OF THE HOME. 




F ALL tlie civilizing influences at work in 
the world marriage is the most powerful 
and important. Take away the refining and 
elevating influences of the home, and men 
would soon relapse into barbarism ; and we 
are convinced that while good manners and 
politeness are demanded in society, they 
are equally important in the home circle. 
Marriage should be a life-long companion- 
ship, based on mutual confidence and respect. Perfect 
fidelity to each other, and perfect frankness and truth, 
will strengthen the cords of love ; but any attempt at 
deception will surely weaken the ties of affection and sap 
the foundation of wedded happiness. 

Beware of confidantes, and let no one wring from 
you the secrets of your married life. Whoever speaks 
slightingly or disrespectfully of one's life mate should 
be set down as a dangerous enemy, and as such system- 
atically shunned. All have faults and eccentricities 
which their friends must wink at and overlook, but no 
well-bred man or woman will tell io others, outside the 
family, the foibles which should be covered with the 
mantle of love. To do so is very unwise, and betrays 
an indifference to the proprieties of life. 

Secure a home of your own at the earliest moment 
practicable . Any one familiar with boarding-house life 
will tremble for the happiness of a newly-married couple 
who begin their wedded life in such an atmosphere. 
Such houses are too often sepulchres of young married 

(290) 



ETIQUETTE OF THE HOME. 291 

hopes. Their closets are filled with skeletons, and the 
ghosts of departed happiness stalk chattering through 
their doors. The prying eyes and the gossipy, meddle- 
some tongues of the average city boarding-house should 
be shunned like a plague. Few characters are strong 
enough to withstand the demoralizing influences of such 
environments. For young people to begin their married 
life by boarding with the parents of one or the other is 
much better than to live in a boarding-house, but even 
this is not so pleasant or so conducive to that harmoniz- 
ing of interests, and that dependence on each other, 
which should mark the first few months of married life, 
as it is to found a new home and live together, isolated, 
to a large extent, from old associations. 

Many women who before marriage are very careful 
about their dress and appearance, especially when a 
beau is expected, relax their attentions after marriage 
and become careless and indifferent about their dress 
and personal appearance. No woman can do this without 
running the risk of losing her husband's regard. To 
dress well in society and carelessly at home, indicates 
a stronger desire to make a favorable impression on 
other's than on one's husband. Men take pride in the 
appearance of their wives, but they value neatness more 
than flashiness, so that a clean and tidy appearance is 
all that is really needed to retain their admiration. No 
true wife who values her husband's allegiance should 
ever dress like a sloven at home. 

Another thing which most men value very highly is 
comfort, and a bright and cheerful home. After a day of 
toil or harassing business cares, men look forward to the 
restfulness of home at its close with quiet delight. 
Women make the home, and the wife who makes her 
own so attractive that her husband goes to it with 
pleasure and leaves it with regret, has learned a great 



292 ETIQUETTE OF THE HOME. 

lesson in the art of happy and successful living, while 
she who allows the charm of restfulness and comfort to 
depart from her rooms is risking her own happiness by- 
destroying her husband's, for one writer has very wisely 
said that to make a husband uncomfortable, mentally or 
physically, is the unpardonable sin in his eyes. 

The tongue is a little member, but it should be 
jealously guarded. Harsh and cutting things should 
not be said after marriage any more than before. In 
cases of differences of opinion, charity and tolerance 
should be shown, within the family as much as without. 
Coarse and unrefined conversation can never be indulged 
in without a loss of respect which involves a loss of 
influence and power. Fits of temper and hysterics 
shouljl be controlled and conquered, as they are 
destructive to the peace of the family. Any deception 
of one by the other will destroy all faith and render a 
perfect union impossible. 

In money matters the wife should be economical and 
prudent. A man struggling for a start in life will be 
handicapped if he has a wasteful and extravagant wife 
at home, while a prudent and judicious wife will be a 
real helpmate, encouraging and sustaining him in his 
struggle. To contract bills without the husband's 
knowledge, and conceal expenditures, is a habit that 
cannot be too severely condemned and will in the end 
lead to disaster. 

The husband should be as studiously polite when at 
home as when in society. In fact, no man can be a 
true gentleman without being habitually polite and 
considerate at home. A chivalrous regard for his wife, 
and a deference to her wishes and comfort, is a sure 
indication of refinement, and will go far towards holding 
her love and allegiance. His own personal comfort 
should be cheerfully sacrificed to her happiness. He 



ETIQUETTE OF THE HOME. 293 

should take her to social gatherings when he attends 
himself, and be at all times considerate of those things 
which will give her pleasure. His evenings should be 
spent at home and in her society. 

Men often make a great mistake by not being frank 
enough with their wives about their own financial 
condition. Yery few women will spend money extrava- 
gantly if they know their husbands are not able to afford 
it, and most women will take pride in keeping their 
expenditures within their income if they only know 
what it is. A husband, by giving his wife his confidence, 
and arousing within her a sense of responsibility at the 
outset of married life, can help to develop her character 
and fit her for her work. Do not interfere with her in 
her own domain. Praise her when she acts wisely, and 
she will take pride in doing her best. 

In governing and instructing the children there 
should be perfect harmony between the parents. Any 
clash of authority and allowing the children to appeal 
from one to the other will destroy all government, and 
be a serious detriment to the children. Perfect 
obedience should be required, and a firm, but uniform 
and pleasant manner maintained that will allow their 
exuberant spirits much liberty, without running into 
license. Children are quick to notice and imitate their 
parents, and the influence of example is often more 
potent than words. See, therefore, that they have good 
examples to follow. An impious, profane or vulgar 
thought may leave a stain on a child's character that 
will blot it for years. 

The period of courtship is the period of romance. 
Love throws a veil over its object, and lends it a peculiar 
charm. It is a great pity that, in after life, this charm 
should ever be broken. What sight is more beautiful 
than to see two people in middle or later life manifest- 



294 ETIQUETTE OF THE HOME. 

ing the same considerate devotion to each other which 
marked the period of their courtship ! Even when the 
fuller knowledge of after years reveals the fact that they 
are not in all points adapted to each other, a chivalrous 
politeness, and an effort to please each other, will go 
far towards making life pleasant and endurable, even if 
it does not restore the interest and zest which love so 
generously bestows upon its victims ; while a coarse 
and brutal indifference to each other's happiness will 
soon wreck any home, and destroy the last vestige of 
that joy and peace to lose which is to lose one of the 
greatest prizes of life. 

Those who are blessed with children cannot be too 
careful in their early training. " Whatever care is used 
in the education of children," said a distinguished 
French mother, " it is still too little to answer the end." 
The manners, the morals and the mental endowments, 
should all be carefully considered. We shall have more 
to say about the manners of children elsewhere ; but 
that child is to be pitied whose opening life is cast 
among coarse and unintelligent home influences. It 
is an old saying, that great men have exceptional 
mothers. Kant, in his old age, ascribed to his mother 
all the good that was in him ; and Cuvier said of his 
mother, "I used to draw under her superintendence, 
and read aloud books of history and general literature. 
It is thus that she developed in me the love of reading 
and that curiosity for all things which was the main- 
spring of my life." A modern writer has well said, 
"The mother has it in her power to make those books 
that her riper judgment selects as suitable, the com- 
panions and friends of her children, and to impress on 
them the truths found in their pages, by conversing with 
them about the moral lessons or the intellectual instruc- 
tion that they contain." 



THE MANNERS OF CHILDREN 




ERY few people fully realize the importance 
to children of early home training. The 
character is then plastic and it is easily 
moulded. Children, like the young of all 
animals, are imitative, and if they can only 
be started right in the journey of life they 
will be saved much trouble, mortification 
and suffering in later years. The wise men 
of the world have long seen this, and it has 
found expression in many proverbs and say- 
ings that we might quote if we had the space. " As the 
twig is bent the tree is inclined" is one that is so well 
known that it is almost trite. " Train up a child in the 
way he should go," says Solomon, "and when he is old 
he will not depart from it." Nor can this training ever 
begin too early. A clergyman was once asked by a 
mother when she should begin to educate her child. 
"How old is he?" asked the clergyman. " Three years," 
replied the mother. " Then you have already lost three 
years," was the answer. Southey says: "If easy and 
graceful manners are not acquired in early life, they 
will scarcely ever be possessed at all;" and Ralph 
Waldo Emerson, seeing the importance of good manners, 
says: "Give a boy address and accomplishments and 
you give him the mastery of palaces and fortunes 
wherever he goes." 

Those children are very fortunate who in early life 
are trained by cultured parents, familiar with the usages 
of the best society; but those who are denied these 
advantages, and find themselves at maturity ignorant of 

(295) 



296 THE MANNERS OF CHILDREN. 

those forms, need not despair, as patient effort will 
overcome most deficiencies in life. 

Children should never, by word or act, be taught 
two sets of manners — one for company and the other 
for home. Politeness should become habitual with them 
at all times and in all places. 

A child should be taught from the first to say 
"please," "thank you;" and "what ma'am" and "no 
ma'am," instead of the abrupt "yes " and "no." 

Teach a child early the value of prompt obedience, 
but harshness should not be resorted to. Parents can 
be firm without being harsh. 

Children should be taught to be respectful to their 
parents and all those older than themselves ; to be polite 
to their equals, and kind and thoughtful to those weaker 
and smaller than they are. To take advantage of 
another's weakness is to show the spirit of a bully, and 
no bully can be a gentleman. 

To swear, smoke or chew, or use big or slangy 
words, is no evidence of manliness, although many boys 
think it is. Impress this upon them. 

One child should not ridicule another because of his 
poverty or deformity, The well-bred will protect the 
weak, be attentive to the deformed and courteous to the 
poor and ignorant. 

Teach children, in playing, to play a fair game, to 
concede the rights of others, and to keep cool and main- 
tain their tempers even when imposed upon. That is a 
hard lesson to learn, but the child who learns it has 
mastered one of the greatest lessons of life. The best 
guaranty of our own rights would be for all to respect 
the rights of others, and he who can keep cool in trying 
moments can oftenest control the situation. 

Children should early learn to be kind to animals. 

Don't let them slam doors, clatter around the house 



THE MANNERS OF CHILDREN. 297 

in heavy boots, or shout at people up or clown stairs. A 
quiet manner is an especial evidence of good breeding. 
Don't let boys wear their boots in the house or run in 
with muddy shoes. Teach them while young to wipe 
their feet before entering a house. 

Perfect neatness in dress and appearance is of the 
first importance, and cannot be too earnestly impressed 
upon them, as many children are naturally slovenly and 
careless about these things. 

Do not encourage children in gossip, nor allow them 
to say mean and spiteful things about their playmates. 
Don't let them boast of their own achievements, and 
teach them the importance of perfect truthfulness. 

Boys should be taught deference and respect for 
girls. Chivalrous treatment of women is an American 
trait, but it can be still further developed by proper 
training of the young. 

To interrupt any conversation is very ill-bred, but 
impetuous children are generally guilty of this rudeness, 
and they should be early broken of the habit. Also 
teach them not to ask direct personal questions, such as, 
"Where are you going?" ""What have you got in that 
package ?" etc., and not to manifest too much curiosity 
about the affairs of others. 

Teach boys to keep their hair combed, their boots 
blacked, their finger-nails clean and their clothes neat. 
These habits, if early formed, will follow them through 
life, and they are essential to gentlemen. 

Teach children not to stare at people ; not to meddle 
with things belonging to others ; not to look over 
another's shoulder when reading, nor into their letters, 
and not to gaze at peculiarities of dress and appearance. 

An habitual teaie is ill-bred. 

Break children of all the little offensive personal 
habits, such as picking the nose, or wiping or blowing 



'298 THE MANNERS OF CHILDREN. 

it with the fingers (only very low-bred people do that), 
or scratching the head or any part of the person, or 
cleaning the ears or finger-nails in public, or sprawling 
in a chair, or lounging in the presence of others. Teach 
them to suppress a yawn when in the presence of others, 
or conceal the mouth with the hand. 

It shows a serious lack of training when a child is 
allowed to speak of elderly people without using the 
prefix "Mr.," "Mrs." or "Miss," as, for instance, to say 
that " Smith said so," instead of " Mr. Smith said so." 

If slovenliness is ill-bred in a boy, it is absolutely 
intolerable in a girl. Certainly all girls should be 
taught to have the clothing which is unseen as neat as 
that which is seen. 

Have girls learn early what to do with their hands 
when in company — that is, to bring them together in 
front and let them fall naturally into position. 

To be prim and precise is not to be graceful and 
well-bred. An uncertainty about just what to do often 
makes ladies prim. That is far removed from the easy, 
frank and cordial manner of a well-bred person, which 
only comes from an acquaintance with the habits of 
good society and the habitual practice of good manners. 

To converse well is a great accomplishment for a 
young lady. The insipid twaddle indulged in by many 
girls is very stupid. Men may endure it, but they never 
admire it. Wise mothers should try and overcome all 
such faults in their daughters, and inspire them with an 
ambition to become qualified to express themselves 
clearly and well on the topics of the day, for women 
create society and become the social leaders. 

Teach girls the vulgarity of any approach to the 
"fast'' style of manners. They possess no charm 
superior to a modest air, and a character above the 
breath of suspicion. 



THE MANNERS OF CHILDREN. 299 

Awaken the pride of children, and inspire them with 
ambition to appear polite and well-bred. 

Do not scold or reprimand children in the presence 
of strangers, and be very careful not to punish them 
unjustly. 

Children should not be allowed to visit on the invita- 
tion of other children. Invitations should come from 
the parents. 

Do not take children with you when calling, or 
attending parties, or visiting art galleries, or when 
going to any place where they will be liable to disturb 
others. 

If you think your child is bright, do not arouse its 
vanity by trying to have it "show off" in the presence 
of others. Do not bring a child into the drawing-room 
when you have callers, unless they ask for him, and 
never allow a child to handle a visitor's jewelry, or 
examine ornaments in a room when you are calling or 
visiting accompanied by one. 

And, finally, train every child for some useful occu- 
pation in life. Eiches are uncertain, and incompetence 
is the first cousin of crime. Even if it never becomes 
necessary for the child to earn his or her own living, 
the discipline and developement of character which comes 
from such training will be an inestimable advantage. 

Our increasing knowledge of life and its laws is 
making it very clear that all our faculties are developed 
by use, and if neglected and unused they become feeble 
and wither away. For this reason parents should help 
their children, as their school days draw to a close, to 
select some employment that will occupy and develop 
their mental life. He who engages in no business or 
social occupation that will make some human being 
happier or better, is leading a life of utter selfishness — 
and a life of selfishness is a life of sin. There is no 



300 THE MANNERS OF CHILDREN- 

truer proverb than the old adage that " Satan finds some 
mischief still for idle hands to do." The benefactors of 
this world have been workers. "My Father worketh 
hitherto and I work, 1 ' said Christ. Men like Franklin, 
and Lincoln, and Grant, and women like Harriet Marti- 
neau and Harriet Beecher Stowe, and scores of others 
who have left their imprint on their nation or their age, 
were disciplined and developed by labor.. Would you 
see the strong and honored men and women of to- 
morrow ? They can be found in the field and factory 
and office of to-day, gaining that patience and toughness 
of mental and physical fibre which does noble deeds aud 
conquers success. Still further, labor will relieve any 
one from the ennui that follows in the footsteps of idle- 
ness. Labor is not only a duty, it is a necessity of our 
nature, and in the end it ministers to our spiritual 
growth. Let no parent, then, encourage a child to look 
forward to a life of idleness. Life is a school, and he 
who lives an idle life misses its most valuable lesson. 

TABLE MANNERS. 

Teach children to be punctual at meals. As soon 
as they are old enough to come to the table begin to 
teach them to eat properly. Show them how to take 
soup noiselessly from the side of a spoon, and drill them 
on the use of the knife, fork and spoon. (See our 
articles on those subjects. ) Teach them how to use the 
napkin, and to wipe their mouths both before and after 
drinking. Teach them how to break a potato with a 
fork, as in refined society it is considered ill-bred to 
touch it with a knife. Never allow them to dip their 
bread in any sauce, nor in their tea or coffee, before 
eating it. Do not let them scrape their plates clean 
with bread — it looks as though they were hungry for 



THE MANNERS OF CHILDREN 301 

more. Teach them to pass a pitcher with the handle 
toward the one to whom it is handed. 

Don't let them tip up their glasses too far, or 
breathe, or gulp, or make any noise when drinking. 
Don't let them drum on the table, nor play with the 
aapkin-ring, knife, fork, or any other article while 
waiting to be served. Teach them to break bread instead 
of cutting it. Teach them not to pick out the largest 
slice of cake, nor take up one biscuit or piece of bread 
and then exchange it for another. Teach them to eat 
as great a variety of food as possible, as in after years 
it will be a great convenience to be able to eat the 
different kinds of food provided at meals. Don't let 
them make inquiries about what is coming, nor speak 
disparagingly of the food that is furnished. 

Teach them to eat fruit gracefully, and to use the 
finger-bowls properly ; that is to dip the tips of the 
fingers in the bowl and then pass them gently across 
die mouth while wet, and then to wipe both fingers and 
mouth on the napkin the fruit napkin when one is 
provided. 

Don't let them eat too fast (hungry children are in 
danger of this ) ; nor eat with one hand and pass a dish 
with the other ; nor read at the table ; nor talk or laugh 
with the mouth full. 

Teach children never to leave the table with the 
mouth full, or at any time before the close of the meal, 
without asking to be excused. 

Teach them to keep their lips closed while eating. 
It can easily be done. To open and close the lips while 
chewing is extremely vulgar. 

Teach them not to yawn without trying to suppress 
it, or concealing the mouth with the hand ; and not to 
pick their teeth at table or make any unnecessary noise 
when eating. 



302 THE MANNERS OF CHILDREN. 

While it is not advisable to rigidly enforce the old 
rule that "children should be seen and not heard," and 
so forbid their speaking at all, they should not be 
allowed to interrupt others nor monopolize the con- 
versation. 

To train a child properly it should have a good 
example to follow, an 1 that means that the parents 
should be themselves polite and well behaved. The 
fact that their children are watching them should 
furnish an additional motive for correct conduct, if an 
additional motive is needed. " Like parent, like child, 
says the old proverb. Virtue is the child of good 
habits ; and it may be said that the formation of correct 
habits constitute almost the whole work of early training. 



TREATMENT OF SERVANTS. 




HE servant girl question, in this country, 
is a problem, and confessedly one of the 
most difficult, intricate and perplexing pre- 
sented in modern life. The housekeeper 
who has a faithful and competent girl has 
a treasure indeed. The girls who would 
make the best servants — the bright, intelli- 
gent American girls — will not accept such 
positions, pref ering to work in stores, offices 
and factories, on almost starvation wages often, to earning 
an honorable living as domestics in cultivated families. 
It is not our purpose here to discuss the causes which 
operate to produce this state of things, but only to offer 
such suggestions on the treatment of servants as would 
properly come within the province of a book on 
etiquette. 

Much misunderstanding and trouble can often be 
saved by having a distinct understanding with a servant 
at the time she is engaged, about what her duties and 
privileges are to be. Many a poor discouraged house- 
keeper, after a set-to with an ignorant or insolent servant, 
has been brought to the point where she could almost 
say with the little fretful girl, that " the world is hollow, 
my new doll is stuffed with bran, and I don't want to 
live any longer ! " And yet the servants are not always 
wholly to blame. An insolent and overbearing mistress 
will have trouble where a polite and considerate woman 
will get along harmoniously. If women could learn 
that servants are human, that they are made of flesh 

(303) 



304 TREATMENT OF SERVANTS. 

and blood and not out of steel or stone, and that they 
have both feelings and rights which should be respected, 
much pain and hard feeling could be avoided. That man 
or woman is at bottom essentially coarse and brutish who 
is polite to guests and rude to servants. 

Servants should never be reprimanded in the 
presence of guests. No matter what goes wrong, a calm 
and imperturbable exterior shou] d be preserved. A quiet 
direction should be given when needed, but that is all ; 
wait until the departure of the guests, and then discip- 
line the servants for their carelessness or other fault. 

Servants are very apt to ape their employers, so that 
an insolent mistress will have insolent servants, and 
vice versa. 

Servants should be taught to be scrupulously neat 
in their dress as well as in their work. They should be 
taught not to slam doors, rattle china or stamp around 
with heavy shoes. House servants should always wear 
thin shoes and step lightly. 

A good housewife should take pride in under- 
standing all the details of her housekeeping, and in 
supervising it, for servants are quick to detect incom- 
petence, and learn when they can shirk their work and 
presume on the ignorance of the mistress. 

Servants sometimes err through ignorance, and the 
mistress should kindly and patiently explain their duties 
in such cases. There is no better evidence of good 
breeding than civility and courtesy to servants and 
dependents. 

Leaders and commanders are a little like poets — 
born rather than made, and yet the mistress of a large 
household, employing many servants, has need of 
executive ability of no small order. Firmness and tact 
are essential. The comfort of the family will be pro- 
moted by hiring a competent housekeeper to manage 



TREATMENT OF SERVANTS. 305 

the servants when the mistress is deficient in these 
qualities. A mild and pleasant, but firm, way of giving 
orders, without an offensive parade of authority, is the 
best. 

Train servants to answer the door-bell properly. 
Require them to treat all comers politely, and be careful 
to explain to them your rules about the "not at home" 
formula. A perfect understanding between the mistress 
and servant on this point may save some very embar- 
rassing complications. If, through a misunderstanding 
on this point, a servant admits a caller when you are 
"not at home," it is better to cheerfully see the visitor, 
and train the servant better for the next time, than to 
risk giving offense by declining to appear. Never allow 
servants to be rude and uncivil to any caller. They 
need not be, and if they understand it is against " the 
rule of the house," they will usually be more careful 
than if they are left to their own inclinations. 

Servants are so notoriously jealous of each other that 
the duties of each one should be clearly defined. 

A systematic arrangement of the duties of the house- 
keeping will be a great economizer of time and labor. 
Have a regular day for washing; another for ironing; 
another for the general sweeping, scrubbing of floors, 
etc.; another for baking pies, and so on. Punctuality 
and order will contribute greatly to the smooth running 
of the domestic machinery. 

Servants will work better for one whom they respect, 
and as the wise old saying is that " familiarity breeds 
contempt," they should be treated kindly and courteously 
without descending to familiarity. 

The religious convictions of servants should be 
scrupulously respected. Protestant families employing 
Catholics should allow them reasonable opportunities 
to attend church. It may at times be somewhat incon- 



306 



TREATMENT OF SERVANTS. 



venient to do this, but self-sacrifice to accomplish it will 
be doing as we would be done by, and may be as pleasing 
to the Maker of us all as it is to give to the missionary 
cause' and send hymn-books and "stove-pipe" hats to 
the heathen 

A fair, honorable ana attentive regard for the "privi- 
leges "of servants should be the rule with all. They 
should not feel that their rights are disregarded or 
encroached upon. "The evening a week and every 
other Sunday afternoon" sho f uld not be denied them. 
It means much to them, and a few extra privileges, 
voluntarily given in the right spirit, will often bring a 
rich return in the shape of better and more devoted 
service 

As "A .9 fear this book may not oe consulted by 
servants 'as much as we would like, we will reserve our 
chapter to them for another occasion. 






$&<<-*• 
^^f-^ 



BUSINESS ETIQUETTE. 




E LIVE in a business age. The thoughts 
of men are more occupied with trade than 
ever before. Young men look forward to a 
life of business and aspire to success. Of 
course many qualities of mind and charac • 
ter are essential to those who win in the 
race, but politeness is by no means one of 
the least important. The leading business 
men, as well as the lawyers, doctors and 
other professional men, owe their success, in part, at 
least, to their manners. So well known is this that it is 
often said that* if you want to be politely treated in 
business you should go to the head of the firm ; if you 
want to be snubbed, go to his clerk. It is the lackey, not 
the lord, who is rude, the world over. 

Form the habit at the start of treating all, whether rich 
or poor, men or women, with uniform politeness and 
courtesy. The polite merchant draws the best trade, 
and keeps it. Learn also to be cheerful and to keep 
your temper at all times, as there is great power in it- 
He who commands his temper commands the situation 
nearly always. Never allow yourself to say mean and 
bitter things. You will regret it afterwards and they 
leave wounds that rankle often for years. 

Let your business integrity be above suspicion, and 
make your word as good as your bond. Meet all bills and 
drafts promptly. If utterly unable to do so, explain the 
reason to your creditor frankly, and state when you can 

(307) 



308 BUSINESS ETIQUETTE. 

meet the obligation. If lie has reason to believe your 
statement he will endeavor to accomodate you. Do not 
misrepresent your goods, nor allow any employ^ to do 
so. It will ruin your business. 

Be scrupulously prompt and punctual in keeping 
your appointments. It shows your regard for your own 
word, and also your desire not to compel another to 
waste his time by waiting for you. If unable to meet 
the appointment, send a note or a messenger promptly, 
and explain your reasons. When through with your 
business, do not linger, as business men do not wish to 
be needlessly detained during business hours. 

Courtesy requires that you should enclose a stamped 
envelope for a reply when you write another for infor- 
mation that benefits you but does not concern him 
particularly. Answer all letters of inquiry promptly 
and courteously. 

Do not manifest any curiosity about any business 
matters which do not concern you. Do not listen to the 
conversation of business men who are talking over 
business matters together, nor try to examine the books 
or papers of another which may chance to fall under 
your eye. 

An employer should be polite to his employes. By 
regarding their feelings, and manifesting some interest 
in their welfare, he will win their regard and obtain 
better service from them. No gentleman will ever 
needlessly wound the feelings of a servant. 




ETIQUETTE OF PRESENTS AND 
BORROWING. 




RESENTS should be given as an evidence of 
affection or esteem, and without any thought 
of receiving others in return. Emerson says: 
"Our tokens of love are for the most part 
barbarous, cold and lifeless, because they 
do not represent our life. The only gift is 
a portion of thyself. Therefore let the 
farmer give his corn; the miner his gem; 
the sailor coral or shells; the painter his 
picture and the poet his poem." Some trifling present 
thus given is much better than a costly gift. Except in 
the case of a parent to a child, or of some near relation- 
ship, a costly present should rarely be made, as its 
propriety would be questionable. When a present is 
made ostentatiously with a hope of getting something in 
return, or of gaining some advantage, it partakes of the 
nature of bribery. People of true refinement do not 
make gifts which are not prompted by kindly feeling. 

A note should be sent, or a verbal expression of 
thanks should be given, at once on receipt of a present. 
That should always be devoted to the purpose for which 
it was given, and no other. If it is an ornament for the 
center-table, place it there. If it is an article of dress 
or jewelry, wear it in the presence of the giver on the 
first opportunity. If it is a book, read it as soon as pos- 
sible, and allude to the pleasure it gave you on meeting 
thedonor. If it is fruit or flowers, refer to them the 

(309) 



310 ETIQUETTE OF PKESENTS AND BORKOWING. 

next time you see the sender. To give away a present — 
at least without obtaining permission of the giver — is 
mean and dishonorable. It is better never to do it. To 
ask the giver what an article cost, or where she bought 
it, is very rude. 

Some persons who receive gifts which they think are 
made with a mercenary motive, or who do not like to 
receive a present which they think will place them under 
obligations to the donor, return a gift of equivalent 
value as soon as possible. This at once implies a sus- 
picion of the motive in making the gift. It is better 
not to do this, as if the gift was prompted by sincere 
friendship the feelings of the sender will be hurt ; and 
if the motive was mercenary, disappointment will be 
felt at receiving nothing in return. 

As a rule, the only gifts permitted between ladies 
and gentlemen who are not relatives, are books, flowers, 
music and confectionery. On sending a present to a 
lady a gentleman should always attach his card, with 
"With the compliments of" written over his name. A 
card is sent with Christmas gifts. Loaned books or 
music, when returned, should be accompanied by the 
borrower's card* 

Gifts tendered in the spirit of kindness should be 
accepted, unless you feel that owing to some peculiar 
circumstances you cannot, with propriety, receive them. 
If you accept them, do so with expressions of gratitude. 

No gentleman who is not sadly ignorant of the refine- 
ments of society, would ever offer a young lady to whom 
he is not engaged, or closely related, anything more than 
a bouquet, a book, or some trifling memento that derives 
its chief value from its associations. To offer to present 
a young lady with articles of jewelry, dress or orna- 
ment, is an offense. No modest or dignified woman 
should accept them, and she should rebuke his ignorance 



ETIQUETTE OP PRESENTS AND BORROWING. 311 

or insolence by firmly but civilly refusing to become 
his debtor. Even to the lady to whom he is engaged 
a gentleman should not, as a rule, make very costly 
presents nor articles of ornament. 

A married lady may receive a gift from a gentleman 
who is under an obligation to her for hospitality received. 
If she makes a present to a gentleman, it should be in 
the name of both herself and her husband. Some 
article made with her own hands is the most appropriate 
gift from a lady. Unless you have reason to believe 
the gift was not received, do not allude to a present you 
have made. Do not make costly presents beyond your * 
means. The recipient will be apt to think you should 
have kept the value for yourself, although restrained by 
politeness from saying so. If the recipient praises your 
gift, say that you are glad it gave him pleasure, or some- 
thing of that kind, but do not depreciate it. Neither, 
on receiving a gift, should you intimate that you think 
it is too valuable for the donor's means by saying, "I 
fear you rob yourself," or anything of that sort. 

If you have an article which is of no special value 
to you, but which, because of his calling, studies or 
tastes, would be very acceptable to another, you may 
make him a present of it, even if he is a stranger to you. 
Give children articles that will be of lasting amusement 
to them, as tops, marbles, tools, etc., to boys, and dolls, 
etc., to girls. 

Wedding presents we have discussed elsewhere. 

At christenings it is the sponsors only that are 
expected to make presents to the child. 

BORROWING. 

It is always better to buy any article you need for 
frequent use than to borrow it. Any article you own 
will be always at hand for use, and you will incur no 



312 ETIQUETTE OF PRESENTS AND BORROWING. 

responsibility for its safety. Any article which is 
borrowed, however, should be treated with the utmost 
care and be returned promptly and uninjured. A bor- 
rowed article should never be loaned to another, at least 
not without obtaining the consent of the owner. If an 
article is lost or injured while in your possession, it 
should be promptly replaced by another equally valuable, 
and on returning a borrowed article the owner should 
be thanked for the favor of the loan. 

When a book is borrowed it is well to cover it with 
paper at once, to preserve the cover from injury. Be 
scrupulously careful about soiling it in any way, for a 
dirty book is always an eyesore to its owner, and to get 
a book finger-marked or dog's-eared while in your 
possession is well-nigh unpardonable. Do not mark a 
borrowed book with a pencil nor write any comments 
on the margin. Never loan it to another without the 
owner's permission. If while in your possession a book 
becomes injured, purchase another copy for the owner. 
If that cannot be obtained, another book of equal value 
should be bought and presented as the only reparation 
you can make, but such substitutions are always 
awkward. The lender should never be made to suffer 
by your carelessness. Do not leave a borrowed book in 
a hotel parlor or in any place where it will be liable to 
be lost. 

Magazines should be used carefully and returned 
promptly, as they may be part of a set, and if lost they 
may be difficult to replace. Even a newspaper should 
be promptly returned, as the owner may wish to file it 
away or send it to a friend. If a paper or magazine is 
lost or defaced while in your possession, send to the 
publisher for another and give it to the owner. 

If you examine an engraving, handle it carefully with 
both hands and avoid cracking or wrinkling the paper. 



ETIQUETTE OF PRESENTS AND BORROWING. 313 

To examine or show an engraving, spread it out 
smoothly on a table and keep it flat by means of books 
or other weights placed on the corners or sides. 

If a friend loans you a collar or any other washable 
article, see that it is laundried carefully before you 
return it. An article of jewelry should be returned 
with your own hand, to avoid all risk of loss. It is best 
not to try on a borrowed dress pattern, lest it become 
stretched or injured, A hat or cap that is not your own 
should be handled very carefully. Never try on another 
person's gloves. 

Some people are very careless about using borrowed 
umbrellas, and often they do not return them promptly. 
Carelessness or delay may seriously inconvenience the 
lender, and she should not be needlessly annoyed. A 
borrowed umbrella should be returned at the earliest 
possible opportunity, and if it is lost or injured it should 
be replaced with a new one equally valuable. 

Great care should be exercised in borrowing smail 
sums of money. Ladies should be careful about bor- 
rowing from gentlemen or putting themselves under 
obligations in any way to them. Loans should be 
promptly repaid, as, if they are really forgotten, the 
suspicion may rest on you of having intentionally 
avoided their payment. 

The habit of borrowing all sorts of household articles 
from one's neighbors is often a source of great annoyance 
to them, and it is a habit that should never be formed. 
Never trouble neighbors in this way when it can 
possibly be avoided. When it is necessary to borrow an 
article, return it promptly and in good condition. 



GOOD AND BAD SOCIETY. 




HAT constitutes good society, and what is 
bad society ? are questions that are often 
asked, and still oftener thought. How 
can one distinguish between the two? 
Young people, or those who have had 
little experience of the world, will often 
come in contact with persons surrounded 
with every appearance of wealth and 
luxury; they may give fine suppers and 
entertain in almost princely style, and yet they will 
manifest the most insolent pretense, superciliousness or 
unkindness to others; or the young men of the "set" 
may go to one of their suppers and get " beastly drunk," 
or at other times commit flagrant violations of the moral 
law; and the young women may dress flashily, spice 
their talk with slang, and allow the men to take coarse 
familiarities with them, and the inexperienced observer 
will ask, " Is that good society ? " To all such queries we 
unhesitatingly say, — No, it is not. Whatever their 
wealth and worldly position, such people are ill-bred, and 
a collection of such people does not constitute good 
society. When people of good character, education and 
breeding meet together for mutual entertainment, on a 
footing of equality, they constitute good society. Noth- 
ing else does. It is only the counterfeit aristocracy, 
the parvenus, who violate the laws of both propriety 
and morals. " Call no society good," says one authority, 
"until you have sounded its morals as well as its man- 
ners." Thackeray maintains that any society, claiming 

(315) 



316 GOOD AND BAD SOCIETY. 

to be polite., but which ignores arts and letters, is snob* 
bish; while Lord Chesterfield attempts to divide good 
society into two classes, — those who lead in courts and 
the social world, and those who possess merit or talent, 
and who excel in some art or science. Young people 
should be very careful about being deceived by false 
appearances. Those who desire to qualify themselves 
to enter good society cannot do better than to learn to 
obey the golden rule, and do as they would be done by 
at all times, and then try and cultivate such talents as 
they possess. 

Bad society has been divided by one writer, into 
three classes : First, that in which both morals and 
manners are bad. Second, that in which the morals 
seem to be good, but the manners are not. Third, that 
in which the manners are good, but the morals are bad. 
The first of these is low society, and so evidently low 
that it will present little temptation to any one who can 
see its defects. The second is vulgar society. A great 
many of the newly rich come under this head. Those 
who have with much effort gained admission to what 
they call " society," and who wish to forget their old 
acquaintances. "It is only the little people climbing 
up who are disagreeable," says Sully. They feel uncer- 
tain of their position, and they fear to compromise 
themselves by associating with those not in their new 
set. These, also, often manifest great eagerness to keep 
others out of their circle. Having themselves climbed 
the social ladder, they wish to kick it down so that others 
cannot ascend. Good society may recognize these 
people, but they do not constitute it. Vulgarity is not 
a high type of manners. The third class, in which the 
manners are good and the morals bad, is often the most 
dangerous. The manners may be easy and charming, 
while the immorality is cloaked and covered. There is 



GOOD AND BAD SOCIETY. 317 

an old sophism that " stolen fruit is sweet," and here the 
irregularities are sub rosa. This society is often very- 
seductive, and the young person thrown into such a 
circle walks a slippery path. But it is not good socieiy, 
for the really good society has both virtue and good 
manners. 

Those who have been deprived of early advantages 
should not ignore the high polish of cultivated society. 
It is the outgrowth of a high civilization. Tact, self- 
control, refinement of feeling and elegance of^manner 
are required of those who would lead the best society. 
The world respects those who have sterling characters, 
but are uncouth, and justly so; but, while the rough 
diamond is more valuable than the paste imitation, the 
polished diamond is the most attractive and valuable 
of all. 

Again we repeat that good society is composed of 
the very best people — the polished and cultivated, moral 
and religious, intelligent and accomplished people. A 
company of wealthy people lacking in cultivation, or 
of polished people lacking in morality, is not "good 
society." 






CONCERNING CHAPERONS. 




HEBE is a growing tendency in the higher 
circles of American society to introduce the 
European system of chaperonage. This 
tendency has been manifest for several 
years, and it has many earnest advocates. 
It is maintained that the freedom of inter- 
course which was permitted between the 
young people when the towns were small 
and every one knew every one else, where 
the children were neighbors and played together, and 
attended the same public schools and grew up sur- 
rounded by the same influences, is not suitable in 
large cities, where the young ladies go into society 
and come into contact with men of whom their parents 
know little or nothing. It is claimed that "society" 
is too often frequented by foreign titled rakes, and native 
rou&Sy who regard the innocent and inexperienced girls 
to whom they are introduced as their legitimate prey. 
To save these innocent and attractive young creatures 
from the dangers in their path, it is proposed to intro- 
duce the French system of chaperonage. It is further 
maintained that foreigners coming to this country 
criticise and entirely misunderstand our freedom of 
manners. Knowing that no young lady with any claims 
to respectability would ever be allowed, in their own 
countries, to act with such freedom from restraint, they 
judge us by their standard and put their own construc- 
tion on the matter — and that is the construction most 
unfavorable to the young ladies. 

(318) 



CONCERNING CHAPERONS. 319 

The best and most natural chaperon for a young 
lady is her own mother. If the mother is dead or can- 
not assume the role, some elderly and discreet woman, 
who is thoroughly familiar with the world and the 
usages of society, is the most suitable. In England the 
widows of army officers are the most popular chaperons, 
if they are well born and familiar with society, but in 
America we have no similar class. The model chaperon 
is like a poet — born rather than made. Her duties are 
difficult, delicate and onerous. Great tact and judgment 
are required. A woman, especially a young woman, 
who is inclined to flirtation, or who has an eye for her 
own chance, and seeks her own interest mainly, is not 
fit for the position. Certainly no parent should secure 
for chaperon a woman whose character has ever been 
questioned, or who has had the reputation of being a 
flirt or a coquette. A young married woman, who is bent 
on amusement, is not fit for the place. The chaperon 
should be old enough to be the young lady's mother. 
Some relative or friend with dignity and experience 
will often assume the trust, and discharge it most 
acceptably. 

The model chaperon should possess the tact and 
spirit of a society leader, the instinct of a general for 
marshalling her forces, and the self-denial of a saint. 
She is the Providence of her charge. On entering 
society the young lady must be carefully instructed in 
all its requirements. The chaperon must inform her on 
all points of etiquette, secure invitations for her, and 
see that the proper entertainment is given in return; 
learn the qualifications of the young men who approach 
her, and ward off undesirable acquaintances, while 
encouraging those who are eligible and who may 
develope into desirable suitors. She should bring 
forward her charge and give her an opportunity to 



320 CONCERNING CHAPERONS. 

display her accomplishments. If she is bright and 
possessed of good spirits, she may put the young people 
at their ease and help them to have a good time ; but 
she should not outshine or detract from hei protegSe. 
She must avoid saying sharp or cutting things ; and if 
other young ladies receive more attentions than her 
charge, she must appear unmoved and cheerful still. 

At a ball the young lady should sit by her chaperon 
until asked to dance, and as soon as the dance is over 
she returns to her side. It is not necessary for the 
chaperon to sacrifice her ease by staying until every 
ball breaks up, as it is better form to leave with her 
proUg&eiri good season. It is not best to acquire the 
reputation of being the last to leave. 

During the " season " the chaperon must accompany 
her charge everywhere — to the theatre, parties, balls, 
operas, the races, the skating-rink, yachting parties? 
lawn-tennis parties, and, in short, to all amusements 
and entertainments. A young lady should not go to a 
restaurant with a gentleman unless the chaperon is pres- 
ent, nor on excursions, and never sailing, unattended. 

In giving entertainments the invitations should be 
written by the chaperon, and not by the young lady. 
If, however, the young lady has a mother, the invitations 
should proceed from her. Even at home the chaperon's 
vigilance must not be relaxed, and whenever gentlemen 
call she must be present. It is said that " two is com- 
pany, and three is a crowd" at such times ; but strict 
etiquette requires that the young people should never 
escape from the " crowd." If there is a double parlor 
with folding doors, they may be left open, and the 
chaperon may busy herself with her work or a book in 
the other room during the call, but she must remain 
within sight and hearing. On no account should she 
retire until all callers have departed. 



CONCERNING CHAPERONS. 321 

After a young lady is engaged, she must still be 
accompanied by the chaperon everywhere. 

After a young lady has been in society for a few 
seasons, American etiquette relaxes the vigilance of the 
chaperon somewhat, but in Europe it is still maintained. 
Every year after she is twenty-five gives an American 
woman added freedom, but even then it is better to go 
in public with some friend than alone, especially if she 
is handsome and attractive. In traveling abroad it is 
highly desirable to have a chaperon, or at least a 
companion ; but in America a lady who is self-possessed 
and lady-like can go anywhere unmolested. 

Ladies who are engaged in business (like school- 
teachers, artists, dressmakers, physicians, music teachers, 
or in other self-supporting occupations), are released 
from the necessity of having a chaperon. So long as 
they carry themselves circumspectly, they will be 
respected and be free from insult. But when seeking 
recreation, if two can go together it is usually better for 
both. 

All invitations to dinners, parties or other entertain- 
ments should, of course, include the chaperon, and a 
gentleman who invites a young lady to any place of 
amusement should provide tickets for the" chaperon as 
well as the charge, and include both in his invitation. 

In the " fashionable " circles of society in our large 
cities to-day, the chaperon is undoubtedly gaining 
ground, and those who desire to mingle in those circles 
should recognize the custom. We have given the rules 
of etiquette which at the present time govern the 
chaperon and her charge. It remains to be said, how- 
ever, that outside of our cities, in the villages and small 
towns, the chaperon is almost unknown, and in the great 
middle classes in our large cities the need of chaperons 
is unfelt, and they are seldom seen. The great mass of 



322 CONCERNING CHAPERONS. 

young ladies whose parents belong to the well-to-do but 
not extremely rich classes, who attend our public schools 
and associate from earliest childhood with those of their 
own age of the other sex, develop thereby a self-com- 
mand, a self-possession and an ease of manner which is 
wholly unknown to the foreign or native young lady 
who is sent to a boarding-school to mingle only with 
those of her own sex, and who from earliest childhood 
is jealously shielded, like a hothouse plant, from all 
outside influences. The former may occasionally abuse 
her freedom and become bold and justly subject to 
censure, while the latter will be in danger of regarding 
marriage as an escape from prison. A large part of the 
undoubted charm which our young ladies possess for 
foreigners, comes from this same easy self-possession, 
and no one acquainted with the world would venture to 
say that their morals were less pure than those of their 
more closely-guarded sisters. But, as we said before, 
those who aspire to enter the " fashionable " circles of 
our large cities (and it is claimed that even in so large 
a city as New York what is technically termed " society " 
does not include over four or five hundred families, and 
some would even limit it to two hundred) must recognize 
the chaperon as a social institution that is slowly gain- 
ing ground. But outside of those circles etiquette does 
not yet require that all young ladies should be ceaselessly 
accompanied by chaperons, although it is entirely proper 
if they or their parents desire it. 



WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE. 




OCIAL life in Washington is peculiar, and 
differs from that of other cities. It takes 
its tone from official life. From the days of 
Washington to General Jackson's adminis- 
tration strict rules of etiquette were observed, 
but Jackson broke down the old barriers 
and inaugurated a series of popular recep- 
tions, to which all were admitted, and such 
^ rudeness was allowed as few gentlemen would 
tolerate in their own homes. Since then much confusion 
has existed, and a fixed social code has been sadly 
needed. 

THE PEESIDENT. 

Owing to his official position the President is entitled 
to precedence whenever and wherever he appears. He 
is under no obligation to return the calls he receives. 
To make his acquaintance no special formalities are 
necessary. When he receives, which is often in the 
morning, the visitor is shown to the room occupied by 
the President's secretaries. He then presents his card 
and waits his turn to be admitted. Those who have 
business are of course given precedence over those who 
call merely out of curiosity. On being admitted to the 
President's room such a visitor pays his respects, and 
at once makes room for others. Those going merely 
out of curiosity will do well to get some official to intro- 
duce them when possible. In conversation the President 
may be addressed either as " Mr. President," or " Your 
Excellency." 

(824) 



WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE. 325 

Any one is at liberty to attend the stated receptions 
given at the White House during the sessions of Con- 
gress. They are sometimes held in the morning and 
sometimes in the evening. On entering the reception- 
room the caller gives his name to the usher, who 
announces it. Some official who is charged with that 
duty, introduces him as he approaches, to the President 
and such other members of the family as receive with 
him. The introduction over the caller passes on, and 
then looks over the various rooms or chats with friends 
until he is ready to leave. Cards may be left on passing 
out. When the reception is held in the morning, the 
morning costume may be worn by both ladies and 
gentlemen. At an evening reception, however, the full 
evening toilet should be worn. In making an evening 
call a demi-toilet, at least, is usually worn, and no bonnet. 

When the President gives a state dinner, the same 
rules of etiquette are observed as at any other formal 
dinner, but the official rank of the guests decides their 
precedence. An invitation received from the President 
must be accepted, as it is considered in the light of a 
mandate ; and any other social engagement previously 
made must be cancelled to do so. As an invitation 
from the President takes precedence over any other, 
and its importance is universally recognized, it is con- 
sidered entirely proper to cancel any other on stating 
the reason, and no offense is taken. In case of sickness 
or the death of a near relative, the President's invitation 
may be declined, but the reason should be clearly given. 
The President's wife enjoys the same exemption from 
the necessity of returning calls as the President himself, 
but she may visit those whom she is disposed to favor 
with her calls. Social courtesies may be received and 
returned by the other members of the President's 
family. 



326 WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE. 

The New Year's receptions are the most ceremonious 
occasions of the season at the White House. The most 
elegant toilets appropriate to a morning reception are 
worn by the ladies who attend. The court dresses of 
their respective countries are worn by the members of 
the foreign legations when paying their respects on this 
occasion to the President. There are only two or three 
other occasions on which they wear their full court 
costumes in this country. 

ORDEES OF OFFICIAL RANK. 

The official who ranks next to the President is the 
Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. The position 
is held for life, and is freed from political influence, 
and is second to none in honor. Then comes the Vice- 
President, and next the Speaker of the House of Eepre- 
sentatives, who has much more power than the Vice- 
President. It is the duty of all others to pay first visits 
to these officials. Next in rank is the General of the 
Army, and then the Admiral of the Navy. All of the 
officials named receive first calls from members of the 
House of Eepresentatives. The rank and social prece- 
dence of each official is accorded to his wife. In the 
army and navy the ranks correspond as follows: Vice- 
Admiral to Lieutenant-General; Bear- Admiral to Major- 
General; Commodore to Brigadier-General; Captain (of 
the navy) to Colonel, and so on with the lower grades. 

The order of precedence, relatively to each other, 
observed by the cabinet officers, is as follows: The 
Secretary of State, of the Treasury, of War, of the Navy, 
the Postmaster-General, the Secretary of the Interior, 
and the Attorney- General. These officials all claim the 
same privileges, and it is only at official receptions, and 
other State occasions, that their order of precedence is 



WASHINGTON ETIQU'ETTE. 327 

thus defined. They all expect to receive first calls, but 
the point is now generally conceded that cabinet officers 
should call first on senators. 



BECEPTIONS AND RECEPTION DAYS. 

Public officials are considered in a sense as public 
servants, and certain days are set apart on which 
strangers are allowed to call first upon them, thus 
changing the usual custom that residents should call 
first on strangers. For this purpose Monday is Judge's 
day, and the Justices of the Supreme Court remain at 
home on that afternoon, and, assisted by the ladies of 
their families, receive calls from strangers and others. 
Tuesday is reserved for the members of the House of 
^Representatives ; Wednesday for the Cabinet officers ; 
Thursday for the Senators ; Friday for the Diplomatic 
Corps, and on Saturday the President's receptions are 
usually held. 

As it would be manifestly impossible for the wives 
of public officials to call first on all strangers who go to 
Washington, and as, in theory at least, each citizen who 
helps elect an official is entitled to social recognition at 
his hands, it has become the custom for our public 
servants to open their houses on the days mentioned 
above, and any one who chooses is at liberty to attend 
their informal receptions. But as Washington etiquette 
requires that all these calls shall be returned, a great 
burden is imposed on the hostess, as the number of calls 
is often very great. An attempt was recently made by 
the wives of the Cabinet officers' to release themselves 
from this thraldom, but it created much dissatisfaction 
and was finally abandoned. It would seem, however, as 
though some remedy should be found for this evil, and 



328 WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE. 

transient visitors should show some regard for the rights 
of their public servants and not demand too much from 
them. 

The visiting hours at Washington are usually from 
two until half-past five. Those who attend receptions 
should always leave a card with the usher in the hall. 
The wives of some officials have private secretaries, 
who keep a list of the calls received, those returned and 
those to be returned. 

The President and Cabinet officers are expected to 
entertain on their days, but the Senators, Representa- 
tives and other officials are at liberty to receive or not' 
as they choose. 

FIRST CALLS. 

While it is the rule in Washington, owing to the 
peculiar conditions of society, for strangers to call first 
upon residents, a proper self-respect should teach them 
not to intrude themselves upon people of another social 
circle, whom they would not venture to approach else- 
where, and who may not desire the acquaintance. Such 
visits are often, and very properly, not returned. 

ADDRESSING THE OFFICIALS. 

In writing to the President he should be addressed 
as " His Excellency, the President of the United States." 
Members of the Cabinet are addressed as " The Honor- 
able the Secretary of State," " The Honorable the Secre- 
tary of the Treasury,''' and so on with each of the others; 
but the words must be written out and not abbreviated in 
ceremonious notes. The Vice-President is addressed as 
"The Honorable the Vice-President of the United 
States," but in conversation he is simply "Mr. Vice- 



WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE. 329 

President," while the Chief Justice is "Mr. Chief 
Justice," and the Speaker of the House is called " Mr. 
Speaker." A senator is spoken to as "Mr. Senator,' 
and a member of the Cabinet as " Mr. Secretary." A 
congressman is introduced as " The Honorable Mr. 
Blank," but he is addressed as "Mr." unless some other 
title (like General) properly belongs to him. 

The wives of the officials are now usually addressed 
with the titles of their husbands, as " Mrs. General 
Grant," " Mrs. Secretary Whitney," or " Mrs. Senator 
Edmunds." 



•*- «*H 



4* 4 



COUNTRY MANNERS AND 
HOSPITALITY. 




O ADAPT one's manners to whatever cir- 
cumstances one may be in, and to appear 
perfectly at home and self-possessed, and 
place those with whom one comes in con- 
tact at their ease, is the perfection of good 
manners. As we have elsewhere stated, 
to attempt amid the simple surroundings 
of a country home to ape the grand style 
of the palace, is absurd. Shakespeare's 
Shepherd says : " Those that are good manners at the 
court are as ridiculous in the country as the behavior 
of the country is most mockable at court." When a 
country farmer "hitches up his team" and takes his 
wife over to spend the afternoon and "visit" some 
friend four or five miles away, any approach to, or 
imitation of, the formalities of a city " call " would be 
so manifestly out of place as to hardly need mention. It 
is the same in other respects. Manners are the out- 
growth of the needs of society, and are to be studied 
and observed as such. 

When a friend from the city is entertained in the 
country as a guest, no effort need be made to provide 
the same luxuries and comforts that he is surrounded 
with at home. We are all so constituted that we like 
a change at times, and it is a great relief to occasionally 
get away from the artificalities of city life and get a 
breath of God's pure air, and see the green fields, and 
the "mild-eyed" cattle leisurely chewing their cuds. 

(330) 



COUNTRY MANNERS AND HOSPITALITY. 331 

How delightedly we listen to the joyous notes of the 
birds calling to their mates or singing their vesper 
songs, or to the chirping of the crickets ! What denizen 
of the city does not enjoy having the fretted and anxious 
spirit calmed and soothed by the restful hush with 
which nature veils herself for her night's repose! 

When a guest arrives from the city she should be 
met at the train, greeted cordially, and driven to the 
house, where ample provision should be made with 
clean towels, fresh water, etc., for her to wash; and the 
dressing-case should contain comb and brush and all 
toilet necessities. The guest should also be allowed to 
rest a short time after the fatigue of the journey, before 
being summoned to meet the members of the household. 

In the country it may be very difficult to get the 
daily supply of fresh meat to which most city people 
are accustomed, but this shortcoming can be atoned for, 
in whole or in part, by chickens and fresh eggs, butter, 
cream, milk, fruit, berries and vegetables. These things 
will be a treat to most residents of cities. These should 
never be omitted, and pork and pastry substituted by 
any hospitable hostess. Hot biscuits, muffins, waffles, 
and honey and good home-made preserves can also be 
added in most country houses, and with the appetites 
which will come with the fresh air and out-door rambles, 
the simple meals provided will be feasts. At the sea 
shore fresh fish nicely broiled, lobsters, clams, etc., will 
be highly relished. 

The table linen should be scrupulously white and 
clean, and the table will be much more attractive if 
decorated with a few flowers, either wild or cut from 
the flower garden, when there is one. 

A very wholesome fashion which is now prevalent 
is to begin breakfast with a course of fruit. The country 
hostess can easily follow this custom, and set before her 



332 COUNTRY MANNERS AND HOSPITALITY- 

guests whatever fruit is in season, such as melons, pears, 
apples or peaches. 

In the country almost everyone prefers to dine early, 
in order to have the afternoon clear for riding, driving, 
etc. 

One other provision should be made for the comfort 
of a guest. She should be allowed to sleep in the morn- 
ing later than is usual in most country homes. Residents 
of cities are not in the habit of rising as early as people 
in the country (at least not in summer), and to call 
them early may spoil a customary morning nap. 

The house should be made bright and cheerful with 
flowers, and the children may gather wild flowers to 
ornament the rooms. Their delicate beauty will be 
novel and interesting to the denizens of the cities. The 
bright sunlight should also be allowed in the rooms, 
except in extremely hot weather, w T hen they may be 
shaded. A pale and faded carpet is preferable to pale 
and faded faces. 

Rides, drives and excursions may be planned, and 
rambles through the woods, or along the banks of a lake 
or stream. If mosquitoes are troublesome, immunity from 
their bites may be obtained by rubbing the exposed parts 
of the body, before going out, with a lotion made of one 
ounce of glycerine and fifty drops of dilute carbolic acid- 
A little lavender-water will disguise the odor of the car- 
bolic acid. If bitten during the night, an application 
of this lotion in the morning will afford immediate 
relief; or it may be rubbed on the hands and face 
before going to bed, to prevent insects biting. Any of 
the essential oils applied to the skin are also said to be 
effective in preventing the bites of insects. A mosquito 
net, to protect the bed, may be easily and cheaply made 
by covering an old umbrella frame with mosquito- 
netting, and then sewing around the edge a few breadths 



COUNTRY MANNERS AND HOSPITALITY. 333 

long enough to cover the bed and nearly reach the floor. 
This canopy can be hung up by a hook in the ceiling? 
and can be drawn up out of the way during the day time. 

In the evenings the guests should be allowed to sit 
under the trees, or on the piazza, if they seem so inclined, 
and not forced into the house to visit or play games. 
The charm of the country, to the residents of the dusty 
towns, is largely in its " outdoorness," and the still 
evenings are often the most delightful part of the day. 

The guests at a country home will, of course, be 
considerate of the convenience of their hostess. If the 
breakfast hour is a little earlier than that to which they 
are accustomed, they should endeavor to rise in time, 
even if it is at a little personal inconvenience. They 
should not demand too much of the hostess' time for 
excursions and drives, if she has duties to perform, as 
most country people have. All attentions should be 
accepted thankfully, and if the accommodations are a 
little rough at times, no notice should be taken of it. 
Neither by word or manner should any unfavorable 
reflections be made. 

If a lady wishes to work in her garden or flower-bed, 
or perform any household work, she should on no 
" account feel any shame at being seen thus engaged, nor 
offer any apology. If her dress, however, is slovenly, 
she may well feel mortified, for a little care and thought 
would easily prevent her looking shabby. The writer 
has seen ladies who did all their own work, and some of 
it necessarily dirty work, who always had a faculty of 
looking at least presentable. Labor and industry are 
no disgrace; rags and slovenliness are. 



ETIQUETTE OF CLUBS. 




LUB life in all American cities is coming to 
be a very important element of their social 
influences. The number of clubs is already 
large, and is increasing steadily. 

A new member, on joining a club, 
should familiarize himself with the rules 
of the organization and endeavor to obey 
them. While at the club a gentleman 
shows the same courtesy to others that he 
would at his own house. He should respect their 
opinions, avoid heated discussions or introducing excit- 
ing or disturbing topics of conversation, and in general 
refrain from giving offense to others. 

The club property should be treated carefully, and 
the books, magazines, newspapers, etc, should not be 
mutilated or taken from the club-house. No one should 
monopolize any article more t^an his share of the time. 
All should conform to the rules of the club about 
smoking, and no one should smoke in the rooms where 
it is forbidden. 

All should talk in a low tone of voice in the reading- 
rooms and avoid disturbing readers. 

The servants of the club should not be sent on 
private errands without first obtaining the permission 
of the superintendent or clerk. Well-bred members 
never demand an undue amount of attention from the 
waiters. 

(335) 



336 ETIQUETTE OE CLUBS. 

As dogs are objectionable to many members, they 
should never be taken to the club. 

Gentlemen should be very careful about referring to 
ladies while at the club-house, or indulging in any 
gossip or scandal. A lasting injury may thus be easily 
and often thoughtlessly, inflicted on a lady, or much ill- 
feeling aroused. 

A gentleman may wear the morning dress at a club, 
or in the evening he may wear the evening dress; but 
the rule now is that a gentleman should never wear the 
full evening dress before six o'clock. Many men of 
fashion prefer the evening dress, but the morning costume 
is equally proper at a club. The American rule requires 
a gentleman to remove his hat at luncheon or dinner, 
although the English rule allows members to wear 
them. 

A club member may introduce a friend at the club, 
but no one should be thus introduced for whose character 
he is not ready to vouch, as he will be held responsible 
for the guest's behavior, and, in some clubs, for any 
debts he may contract. Unless there is some special 
reason for doing so, or it is particularly requested, a 
formal presentation of a guest should not be made to 
the officers or members. 

The guest of a club should conform to the rules of 
the organization while at the club-house, but he may 
also avail himself of all the privileges of a member. 
He should not, however, introduce another stranger, as 
this would be a violation of all the rules of hospitality. 

In a small social club it is entirely proper for a 
member to blackball any applicant who is disagreeable 
to him, as the introduction of inharmonious elements 
would destroy the very object of the club, — namely, its 
social enjoyment. In larger organizations, however, the 
members are not necessarily thrown together, and no 



ETIQUETTE OF CLUBS. 337 

one should blackball another because of mere uncon- 
geniality. If there is any blemish on his character, that 
is good ground for objecting, but personal dislike is not. 

Members of small social clubs should not persist in 
introducing the names of those who have been black- 
balled. To do so is evidently trying to force on their 
associates uncongenial companions. 

The governing committees and members of large 
clubs should lay aside all prejudice and regard applicants 
purely from the standpoint of their fitness for member- 
ship and the interests of the club. 




ETIQUETTE OF CONVERSATION, 




O OTHEE accomplishment is so highly 
prized in modern society as that of con- 
versation. The accomplished musician, or 
artist, or writer, will not be sought after 
and welcomed in all circles like the ready 
and intelligent talker. Talking is the one 
universal accomplishment which all must 
practice ; and those who excel reap the 
reward of honor and esteem from others, 
and the pleasure they themselves derive from the exer- 
cise of their talent. Social contact is one of the greatest 
mental stimulants, and under its influence bright minds 
grow brighter and dull minds are quickened and aroused. 
Contact with others frees the mind from prejudice, sug- 
gests new ideas, and gives one breadth and tolerance. 
Bright ideas spring up spontaneously and unexpectedly, 
and flashes of wit often surprise the talkers themselves. 
There is hardly any one thing which contributes more 
to enjoyment and success in life than the ability to 
converse well. To amuse, instruct and entertain those 
with whom we are thrown in contact is indeed an 
accomplishment which is worth trying to acquire. 
Many men and women owe almost all their success in 
life to their ability to converse well, for it is not solid 
knowledge alone which wins in the world — the ready 
and adroit way of stating things, and the social qualities, 
are also important factors. We will endeavor to call 
attention to some of the faults and errors to be avoided, 
and also to give a few hints on the cultivation of the art 
of conversation. 

(389) 



340 ETIQUETTE OF CONVERSATION. 

PERSONAL APPEARANCE. 

Half the charm of conversation is in the appearance 
and manner. Uncombed hair, unclean linen, neglected 
teeth, or any lack of neatness will excite disgust and 
detract from the effect of what is said. Carelessness in 
these things indicates an indifference to the good 
opinion of those with whom one is talking, and a want 
of refinement of feeling. Anything flashy or ostenta- 
tious in the dress also indicates a certain vulgarity in 
the wearer, which will create an unfavorable impression. 
A brilliant person may succeed in society in spite of 
some such obstacles, but they are still obstacles to 
be overcome. 

VOICE AND MANNER. 

It was an axiom with the old Greeks that a loud or 
harsh voice indicated low breeding. Any one who will 
listen to the conversation of a company of low and vulgar 
people will be impressed by their loud unpleasant voices, 
while, on the other hand, in cultivated society the soft, 
sweet voices are noticeable. A pleasant voice will at 
once prepossess a hearer in favor of a speaker. Study, 
therefore, to modulate and control your voice, for it is 
almost indispensable in agreeable social intercourse. 

Beware of tricks and mannerisms in conversation. 
They will at once impress strangers, and even close 
friends are greatly annoyed by them. A perfectly simple 
and easy manner and use of language is the highest 
art, and the most agreeable to others. 

THE SUBJECTS OF CONVERSATION. 

A fund of information, or knowledge, is essential to 
a good talker. This knowledge may be either general 
or special. By special knowledge we mean that pos- 



'*!, 



ETIQUETTE OF CONVERSATION. 341 

sessed on special topics by certain persons, as that of a 
botanist, or geologist, or chemist, in his own field of 
study. Such men may be tedious and talk too long on 
their favorite subjects, but if judicious and fluent they 
are often very interesting. But probably the best quali- 
fication for conversation is a fund of general knowledge 
of the topics of the time, and of persons and places of 
interest. Wide reading and observation will furnish 
the one, and travel and mingling in society the other. 
All cannot travel extensively, but most of those who go 
into society can keep themselves informed on the topics 
of the day enough to discuss them intelligently. Tact 
and readiness will enable almost any one to converse 
agreeably, but solid information will win respect and 
consideration. Shallowness will show itself sooner or 
later. The best way to win success is to deserve it. 
Those who are ambitious to excel should expect to earn 
their success by study, observation and tact. 



MODESTY AND SIMPLICITY. 

There is no quality which more prepossesses others 
in one's favor than modesty. It is near akin to honesty. 
It is sometimes natural, and sometimes acquired — as, 
for example, by the scientist who sees so far into the 
great mystery of things as to realize the littleness of his 
own knowledge. But it always commands respect. True 
modesty, however, is a very different thing from prudery. 
The charm of simplicity consists in making others feel 
thafr they come into direct contact with the mind of its 
possessor. It is directly different from those artificial 
barriers which are raised by the formal and reserved. 
Bismarck is said to possess this quality in a marked 
degree, and to derive much of his power from it. 



842 ETIQUETTE OF CONVERSATION. 

SYMPATHY. 

There is no quality which conduces more to pleasant 
social intercourse than sympathy. People will unbend 
to a sympathetic listener, and their thoughts will flow, 
when they would feel awkward and constrained in the 
presence of one less appreciative. Women possess this 
quality more often than men, and there is no higher 
social talent — nor one more rare. Drawn out by this 
sympathetic interest, people will be surprised, often, at 
their own eloquence, and will go away all aglow with 
praises for the listener. But that excessive sympathy, 
the most expressive word for which is gushing, is apt 
to overshoot the mark and excite a contempt which is 
even worse than decided dislike. Especially among the 
cool-blooded English-speaking people is this excessive 
sympathy resented — it is more tolerated among the Latin 
races. One should be careful, therefore, to restrain the 
sympathy, and not give way to excessive displays of it. 

LISTENING. 

To succeed well in social intercourse it is quite as 
important to learn how to listen as it is how to talk. 
La Bruyere says: "The great charm of conversation 
consists less in the display of one's own wit and intelli- 
gence than in the power to draw forth the resources of 
others: he who leaves one, after a long conversation, 
pleased with himself and the part he has taken in the 
discourse, will be the other's warmest admirer." It is 
not only important to listen to others, but one should 
learn to seem interested in what they say. Even if one 
has heard the same thing before, if she can listen 
patiently, and offer no interruptions, she will captivate 
the talker. The habit of appearing to listen, while the 



ETIQUETTE OF CONVERSATION. 343 

thoughts are wandering elsewhere, which some people 
acquire, may lead them into awkward predicaments, 
and should, therefore, be carefully guarded against. 

CORRECTING OTHERS. 

Do not try to correct any little errors in the state- 
ments of others, unless there is some principle involved, 
or some one is likely to be injured, when one may 
politely state the case as he understands it. 

EGOTISM. 

One great fault to avoid is egotism. One who is 
always talking about himself and his own exploits 
becomes insufferable. Do not tart about your family, 
your friends or your wealth to others, nor attempt to 
parade your learning. If you are asked about a subject 
with which you are familiar, answer the question as 
simply and clearly as possible, but do not manifest 
anxiety to display your knowledge or state your 
opinions. 

STORIES. 

A story, to be interesting, should be new and appro- 
priate to the occasion. Because a story took well once 
is no reason for repeating it for fifteen or twenty times 
to the same parties. These unpleasant repetitions may 
be avoided by asking, " Did I tell you the story about 
so-and-so?" or, in the case of anecdotes confine yourself 
to those of recent occurrence. Learn to tell a story 
clearly and concisely; and do not tell more than two or 
three to the same party the same evening. Avoid per- 
sonal jokes and cutting remarks. Coarse and vulgar 



344 ETIQUETTE OF CONVERSATION. 

stories are not only tabooed in decent society, but even 
among gentlemen they are not u good form." Old 
stories in a new dress are almost sure to be detected by 
some one. 



PUNS. 



Puns are by many considered in bad taste. An 
occasional pun may be tolerated, but constant punning 
is very tedious and annoying, and is not " good form." 

QUESTIONS. 

Do not ask pointed personal questions. Do not ask 
others about their age, nor their clothes, nor their 
wealth, nor anything of that kind. Such questions are 
always impertinent. Some people think it a very clever 
way to draw others out without committing themselves 
to ask them questions. This often forces them to touch 
on subjects they do not wish to discuss, and is, therefore, 
rude, When questions are asked to elicit information 
that will be interesting or valuable to others, or to draw 
out the diffident, or general questions asked to start a 
conversation, they are entirely proper, but direct per- 
sonal questions are not- 

ARGUING. 

Avoid all heated discussions and arguments in 
society. Those topics on which people feel most 
strongly and are most easily excited, like politics and 
religion, should not be introduced in general society. 
Evidences of temper are always in bad taste, and a 
well-bred person will try to change the conversation 
when it becomes heated and excited. 



ETIQUETTE OF CONVERSATION. 345 

CONTRADICTIONS. 

Do not contradict others or express doubts of the 
truthfulness of their stories. It is not necessary to 
express your doubts, but of course you need not assent 
to anything you do not believe. Some people have a 
clever faculty of listening to very improbable things 
in a calm, good-natured way, that gives no offense, and 
which is quite an accomplishment. 

COMPLIMENTS. 

To be acceptable, a compliment should be neat and 
sincere If it is awkward, and its sincerity is doubted, it 
will offend, and may make an enemy. The flowery 
language of compliment, so common in a past genera- 
tion, is no longer allowed, and the reputation of being 
profuse with praises is not a good one. Judicious praise 
is a great stimulus in life. It encourages anyone; and 
when it is deserved, and is evidently sincere, it is almost 
always acceptable. Ladies are quick to detect hypoc- 
risy, and they soon despise the shallow flatterer, so that 
much tact is needed in complimenting them . 

GIVING ADVICE. 

Unsought advice is almost always unacceptable. 
Certainly to assume superior wisdom and thrust it upon 
others is very impertinent. It is a pretty safe rule not 
to offer any one advice until it is asked for. 

ABOUT HOBBIES. 

These should not be introduced into general society 
too much. A man with a hobby is sometimes a terror 
to others, and again he may be very entertaining. On 



346 ETIQUETTE OF CONVERSATION. 

the particular subject in which he is interested he may 
shed a flood of light, and yet it is a narrow mind which 
can only entertain one subject. Those who have a 
hobby should not ride it too often, and they should try 
and develop other tastes as well. In meeting people 
with hobbies one should listen to them patiently and 
learn all he can from them. 

"TALKING SHOP." 

It is a rule in good society that men should not 
"talk shop" — that is, talk about their own business. 
The doctor does not talk about his patients, nor the 
lawyer his clients, nor the merchant his customers. 
They should not intrude their private affairs on others. 
Occasionally, however, one may meet another whom he 
cannot draw out on any other subject, and in such a 
case he may get all the useful information he can from 
his companion by letting him talk about his business. 

ADAPTABILITY. 

Each one should learn to adapt his conversation to 
those with whom he comes in contact. One should not 
try to talk politics to ladies who are not interested in 
them, nor about crocheting and fancy work to a doctor 
of divinity. If one is talking with friends on any subject 
and another person approaches, he should explain the 
purport of the conversation to him. If a special subject 
is started, which is without interest to some of those in 
the circle, it is best to try and change it to a more 
general and more interesting topic. 

DRAWING OUT OTHERS. 

Many wise men, like Emerson, have made it a rule 
to try one subject after another until they started one 



ETIQUETTE OE CONVERSATION. 347 

on which their companion was well informed and could 
talk fluently, and then they would listen and learn all they 
could. This serves a double purpose; it pleases the one 
who has an opportunity to display his knowledge, and 
it conveys valuable information to the listener. 

DISPLAY OF TALENT 

It is always a foolish weakness to try and display 
one's knowledge. If one is onTy tolerably well informed 
the evident vanity of the attempt will make him ridicu- 
lous; and if he has superior knowledge it is not generous 
to impress others with a feeling of their ignorance. To 
exhibit any accomplishment merely for display is very 
vulgar. This is a very different thing from doing one's 
best when others are interested, and invite him to enter- 
tain or enlighten them. A cheerful readiness to do that 
is always a pleasant trait of character. The attempt 
should be made without needless urging or apology. 

WIT. 

' The one who can say witty and amusing things with- 
out being satirical or unkind, may be, and often is, very 
popular; but anyone who makes sharp and satirical 
remarks is like one wielding a sharp knife. People 
never know who will be cut next, and they often fear 
and dislike the operator. 

GOSSIP AND SLANDER. 

It is almost needless to say that gossip and slander 
is unchristian, ill-bred, and the last resort of shallow 
and weak minds. No self-respecting person should 
engage in it. An intelligent person can easily find 
other themes of conversation. 



Si8 ETIQUETTE OF CONVERSATION. 



COARSENESS AND PROFANITY. 

The use of profane language is always ill-bred as 
well as wicked. Especially is this true in the presence 
of ladies, for no gentleman will swear in their presence. 
All indelicate and coarse expressions and allusions, and 
double ententes, mark the low-bred and vulgar person. 
It is usually best to pass such things by in contemptuous 
silence. 

SLANG AND EXAGGERATION. 

Slang is vulgar, and it is a blemish which only the 
young and uncultivated fail to see. Another failing 
near akin to it, is the tendency to exaggeration and 
inappropriateness of expression. A quiet unobtrusive- 
ness of speech is the surest evidence of good breeding. 
The use of all such expressions as "awfully jolly!" 
"perfectly beautiful!" "beastly!" "just too lovely for 
anything! " "hateful!" "horrible!" and similar phrases, 
are in very bad taste, to say the least. The women who 
use such exclamations as "the Dickens!" "goodness!" 
'•gracious!" "my crackey!" or others of like import, 
are vulgar and lacking in refinement of feeling. They 
often approach dangerously near to il female swearing." 

THINGS TO CULTIVATE. 

Speaking of the mistakes of young ladies suggests 
a few good points for them to cultivate in conversation 
which will add to their attractiveness. First — learn to 
listen patiently to dry and prosy talkers, and to smile 
sweetly at an old joke or twice-told tale. Second — learn 
to be tolerant of the opinions, prejudices and feelings of 
others. Third— learn to appear pleased with those 



ETIQUETTE OF CONVERSATION. 349 

around you, and gratified at what they do for you. 
Fourth — Learn to make little sacrifices for those near 
you of your own opinions and pleasure without apparent 
effort. 

AFFECTATIONS. 

Avoid all affectations and high sounding words and 
phrases. Do not use a word the pronunciation of which 
you are not sure of, and do not use foreign words when 
you can express yourself equally well in English. The 
foreign phrase may not be understood by some of those 
present. The charm of any conversation consists in its 
simplicity and naturalness, without any straining after 
effect. To use a foreign phrase and then translate it is 
to intimate that the listener would not understand it 
otherwise — which may not be complimentary. 

FORMS OF ADDRESS. 

In addressing persons with titles the name should 
always be added, as " What do you think of it, Doctor 
Brown? " not " What do you think of it, Doctor? " The 
latter form is too familiar, and is wanting in respect. 
Do not refer to people by an initial, as "Mr. B.," or 
"Mrs. C," but give the full name. Do not address 
people by their christian names unless you are very 
intimate with them. To assume familiarity with stran- 
gers is very ill-bred. Young ladies should not be 
addressed as "Miss Hattie," "Miss Mary," and so on, 
unless you are very intimate with them, or you wish to 
distinguish one sister from another. The frequent 
repetition of "Sir," "Ma'am," or "Miss," is not polite 
between equals, as these terms are employed to keep 
those of a different social position at a distance. Always 
give foreigners their titles. In speaking of distinguished 



350 ETIQUETTE OF CONVERSATION. 

people give them their titles, and say " General Sheri- 
dan," not "Mr. Sheridan;" or "President Lincoln," not 
" Mr. Lincoln." 

SOCIETY SMALL TALK. 

Any one who can talk at all can unloose his tongue 
and talk on special occasions to his friends, or to a few 
appreciative listeners; but to go into a company of 
strangers and make them feel at home, and overcome 
their natural coldness and diffidence, and start them on 
some theme of general interest, requires social talent of 
the highest order. Some people seem to be born with 
a faculty for touching lightly on various trifling things, 
until the ice is broken, and a friendly feeling created by 
hitting on some subject of mutual interest, and others 
who mingle much with strangers acquire the gift; but 
many people flounder hoplessly in their efforts to launch 
the ship of conversation and start it smoothly on its 
voyage. 

Many people ask, — " What shall I talk about on 
meeting strangers? " It is a hard question to answer. 
Some people prepare themselves in advance with certain 
general questions, such as, — " What do you think of 
Henry Irving's acting?" or "What do you think of 
George Eliot's novels?" or "Do you believe in premo- 
nitions?" Any general subject like these, of general 
interest, will do. By trying various questions on topics 
of the time, one may hit on some subject that will start 
her companion off on a fluent and intelligent discussion 
that will be of real profit and interest. To ask ques- 
tions in this way is much better than to start in by 
expressing decided views of one's own. Thus the adroit 
method would be to say, — " Have you read ' Robert 
Elsmere?'" If the reply is "Yes," the next question 
would naturally be, — "How did you like it?" Now, if 



ETIQUETTE OF CONVERSATION. 351 

the one thus addressed was really interested at all in 
the work, he will naturally either criticise it or express 
approval, and, the discussion thus started, it can pass to 
other books or other topics ; for, the wheels once set in 
motion, the conversation can ru 1 on. If, rn the other 
hand, a lady starts into the conversation by expressing 
her own opinion of " Eobert Elsmere," it may be that 
her companion has never read the book, and does not 
care two straws about it, and the opinions expressed 
may seem very dry to him, and he may be terribly bored 
by them, although too polite to show it. A lady with 
tact will try and gauge her companion, and start him 
on some subject in which he is interested. In talking 
with a musician, the subject of music may be intro- 
duced; if she finds herself beside a young man fond 
of fishing, that may be introduced, as, for example? 
by inquiring: "What kind of fish do you prefer catch- 
ing?" and so on. The writer once knew a young man 
who from a boy had possessed a great passion for 
engines. A certain young lady once found herself 
thrown in with him in society, and she started various 
subjects of conversation without avail. He was as 
dumb as an oyster. At last she hit on the subject of 
machinery by asking some question, and his whole 
appearance changed, his eyes began to shine, and away 
he went on a most enthusiastic discussion of his favorite 
theme. About all she did thereafter was to listen, and 
the young man went away with the feeling that he had 
met an unusually interesting young lady. She had no 
special knowledge of or liking for, machinery, but she 
had succeeded in making the young man enjoy himself 
in her presence, and had won his friendship — a very 
desirable thing to do. 

The most exasperating people are those who meet 
every advance with an "Oh!'' "Ah!" "Indeed!" 



352 ETIQUETTE OF CONVERSATION. 

"Really, now, I don't know!" But, fortunately, such 
sublime stupidity is not common. One who is ready 
with small talk is usually a favorite in society, and one 
can excel here without great learning or profound 
thought. If small talk does not furnish the motive 
power in society, it oils the wheels and helps the 
machinery to run smoothly. 

SUGGESTIONS ABOUT LANGUAGE. 

To converse well, one should avoid all stilted phrases 
and all appearance of affectation. The words should be 
well chosen, and the simpler the better. The frequent 
introduction of foreign words is in bad taste, and, fortu- 
nately, it is not at present the fashion. It is a well- 
known rule, in both speaking and writing, that, with few 
exceptions, the Saxon words are better than those of 
Latin origin. They are clearer and more forcible. It 
is very important that the grammar should be correct, 
as in cultivated society nothing will offend the listener 
more than to hear an ungrammatical expression. Any 
one who should say, — "I done it," or "I seen him," in 
good society, would be at once set down as an unculti- 
vated and ignorant person. Books of grammar, and the 
writings of the best authors, will teach one the correct 
use of language. In this country, fortunately, there are 
not many dialects, but all localisms and peculiarities of 
accent should be guarded against; and yet, while the 
speech is correct, it should be free, easy and spontaneous. 
It is better to make an occasional mistake than to 
appear to be straining after precision. Nothing is worse 
than a stilted boarding-school style. There are several 
books which may be purchased for a small price, which 
point out the more common errors of speech, and which 
may be well studied by those whose early education was 
limited. Some people who are striving for self- education, 



ETIQUETTE OF CONVERSATION. 353 

and who feel conscious of their own early disadvantages, 
and are very anxious not to betray their deficiencies, 
will over-do the thing. They will say "it transpired'' 
for " it occurred; " they never go to bed — they " retire; " 
they do not live in New York — they " reside " there ; and 
so on. These affectations make one appear very ridicu- 
lous. 

There is probably no other country so free from 
localisms as America. The dialects which are so plainly 
marked in many European countries are comparatively 
unknown here. There are a few peculiarities, however, 
such as the Yankee dialect, which Lowell preserves in 
some of his poems, the strong Southern dialect, etc. Any 
tendency to such peculiarities of speech should be over- 
come. A brogue is inelegant and offensive, and, with a 
little effort, can often be so outgrown as hardly to be 
noticed. 

A few of the common inaccuracies of speech which 
should be guarded against are the following: Do not 
say "I seen it," for " I saw it;" "He done it," for "He 
did it;" "Who did you see?" for "Whom did you see?" 
" If he had went," for " If he had gone; " "It was him," 
for "It was he;" "It is me," for "It is I;" "He is 
younger than me," for "He is younger than I." A 
common error is, "Between you and I," for "Between 
you and me." Never say "Henry and me are going 
out," for "Henry and I are going out;" nor use them 
for those, as "them chairs," or "them hats," for "those 
chairs," or " those hats." Don't say " Had not ought 
to," for "Ought not to." "Because that" and "but 
that" are not proper together, the word "that" being 
superfluous. " Try and make him " for " Try to make 
him " is a mistake often made. Don't say " yourn " for 
" yours," nor " no-how " for " by no means." " Tour " is 
pronounced "toor," not "tower." 



854 ETIQUETTE OF CONVERSATION. 

A common misuse of words is to confuse lay with 
lie, and sit with set, as " she is setting on the chair " 
for "she is sitting on the chair" (hens set, women do 
not); or "I will lay down" for "I will lie down." 
"Eight away" is an Americanism frequently used for 
" at once," as " I will go right away " for " I will go 
at once." Say " handfuls " or " spoonfuls," instead of 
"handsfull" or "spoonsfull." Don't use "drank" for 
" drunk," as " His health was drank " for " His health 
was drunk." Don't say "unhealthy food" when it 
should be "unwholesome food," nor use the word 
"lend" for "loan." Don't misuse the word "guess," 
by saying "I guess" for "I think, "nor "I expect" for 
"I suppose." To say " ain't" is always inelegant. 
Don't abbreviate "gentlemen" into "gents,' nor "pant- 
aloons " into " pants." We might extend the list indefin- 
itely, but we wish only to insist on the importance of 
correctness in the use of language. 

Among common errors of pronunciation we would 
mention clipping the final consonants in such words as 
coming, going, seeing, which are often pronounced 
comin\ goin\ seem', and so on. Yankees will sometimes 
say ketch for catch, and ken for can, and dew tell for 
do tell. The sound of o is often changed to that of e, as 
in saying feller for fellow, melleriov mellow, winder for 
window, and so on with similar words. Don't pronounce 
calm, palm and psalm as if they rhymed with jam. 
The a has the broad sound as in farthing, Simon 
Peter's provincialisms betrayed him to the residents of 
Jerusalem, and it was useless to deny his residence, for 
they said, " thy speech bewrayeth thee." So defects of 
pronunciation will often betray one's origin in spite of 
the most faultless outward appearance. The accent is 
a little thing, but it should be carefully watched by 
those who would mingle in polished society. 



ETIQUETTE OF CONVERSATION- 355 



PRONUNCIATION IN ENGLAND. 

In cultivated society in England the pronunciation 
of many words is very different from the apparent pro- 
nunciation, such as would appear to those who have 
only seen them in print. It may interest some of our 
readers to know the correct pronunciation, sanctioned 
by the usage of English "society," and so we append a 
list of a few words, giving first the word and then its 
pronunciation : 

Abernethy, Abemeethy ; Amherst, Am ' -must ; Bagot, Bag ' -got ; 
Beauchamp, Beecham ; Beaumont, Bo ' -munt ; Belgrave, Bel ' -griv ; 
Berkeley, Bark' -ly; Berkshire, Barksheh; Brougham, Broom; 
Bourne, Burn ; Broughton, Braw-tun ; Caius (the college at Cam- 
bridge) Kees ; Chatham, Chat ' m ; Chelsea, Cliel ' -sy ; Cholmonde- 
ley, Chumley ; Cockburn, Ko ' -burn ; Coke, Cook ; Conduit, Cun- 
dit; Coutts, Koots: Cowper (the poet), Kooper; Colquhoun, 
Koo-hoon' ; Cromwell, Crum' -ivell; Dalzell, Dee' -el; Derby, 
Bar' -by; Disraeli, Diz-ray-ly : Durham, Burr' -m; Ely, E' -lee; 
Evelyn, Eve'-lin; Eyre, Air; Geoffrey, Jef'-ry; Gloucester, 
Gloster; Gifford, Jif'-ford; Greenwich, Grin'-nich; Greville, 
Grev'-ll; Grosvenor, Grove 1 -ner; Harwich, Har' -rich: Hawar- 
den, Hay-war-den ; or Har-den ; Heathcote, Heth-cut ; Hertford, 
Har'-fud; Holborn, Ho' -bun; Knollys, Knoles; Ligh, Lee; 
Leicester, Les'-ter; Leitrim, Lee' -trim; Lewes, Lewis; Magda- 
lene (the college at Oxford) Mawd-lin; Majoribanks, March', 
banks; Marlborough, Mawl-bo-ro ; Mary-le-bone, Marry ' -bun : 
McLeod, McCloud ; Midhurst, Mid ' -dust ; Napier, Nay ' -peer ; Nor- 
wich, Nor' -ridge; Paget, Pad' -get; Pall-Mall, Pell-Mell; Pepys 
Pep ' -is ; Ponsonby, Pun ' -sonby ; Powell, Po ' -ell ; Powlett, Po- 
let; P 'arnell, Par-neW ; Ripon, Rip-pon : Rochdale, Roteh-dell; 
Rokeby, Rook ' -by ; Salisbury, Saivls ' -bry ; Shrewsbury, Shrows - 
bry ; Stanhope, Stan ' -up ; St. John, Sinjin ; St. Leger (race) 
Sallin ' -ger ; Strahan, Strawn ; Strachan, Stray ' -un ; Sydenham, 
Sid'-num; Teignmouth, Tin'-muth; Thames, Terns; Thorold, 
Thur'-rold; Tyrwhitt, Tir-ritt; Tichborne, Titch-bun; Trafal- 
gar, Tref-al-ger ; Vaughn, Vorn; Viscount, Vy' -co unt; Waltham, 
Wall' -tarn; Waldegrave, Wal -grave : Wemyss, Weems ; Wool- 
wich, Wool' -itch ; Worcester, Wooster ; Younge, Young. 



356 ETIQUETTE OF CONVEBSATION. 



A FEW "DON'TS!" 

Don't interrupt others when they are talking, nor let your eyes 
wander about to other things, but keep them on the speaker. 

Don't whisper or giggle or indulge in confidences in the 
presence of others. It is very rude. 

Don't correct another who makes an error in grammar or 
pronunciation, unless you do it so quietly as not to give offense, 
and in the absence of others. 

Don't be prudish, and affect excessive modesty. Don't say 
"limb" for "leg." 

Don't express your opinions too freely on all occasions — 
certainly not when you have reason to think they will give offense 
to others. 

Don't boast of your own achievements, nor your wonderful 
dog, nor your wealth, nor your family or pedigree. 

Don't address others, especially ladies, in a flippant manner. 
It is ill-bred. 

Don't gesticulate, nor fidget, nor fumble with your watch 
chain, nor twirl your eye-glasses, nor loll in your chair when 
talking. Be calm, quiet and self-possessed, 

Don't introduce politics or religion, or other disturbing 
questions, into a mixed assembly. 

Don't use satire or ridicule when they will hurt the feelings 
of others. Do as you would be done by. 

Don't hide the lips with the hand or a fan when talking. 

Don't appear absent-minded or indifferent when another 
person is talking to you. 

Don't try to shine in all companies and on all occasions. 

Don't have long private conversations with members of your 
own family when in society. 

Don't whisper or talk on private matters with any one in 
society. 

Don't begin to talk without knowing what you are going to 
say. 

Don't correct mistakes in the language, accent or statements 
of others. 

Don't lose your temper in society. 
, Don't mimic others, nor sneer at them or their affairs. 

Don't attack the character of others in their absence. 

Don't refer to the affairs of others when it will pain them. 



ETIQUETTE OF CONVERSATION. 357 

Don't ask pointed personal questions, nor pry into the private 
affairs of another. Don't a3k the price of articles you see another 
have. 

Don't button-hole an acquaintance. 

Don't say anything to remind another of the time when he 
was less genteel or affluent than at present. 

Don't brag in society of the time when you were poor, and of 
your great ability in getting ahead. 

Don't always take the opposite side in every question that is 
discussed. 

Don't talk to another in society in vague and ambiguous 
terms which he alone will understand. 

Don't tell long and uninteresting stories. 

Don't monopoJize the conversation or talk too much. 

Don't indulge in personalities in conversation. It is ill-bred. 

Don't exaggerate — it is near akin to falsehood. 

Don't be egotistical or conceited. It is not only ill-bred — it is 
evidence of a weak mind. 

Don't speak lightly of women. To do so is coarse and ill-bred. 

Don't betray the confidence of another under any circum- 
stances. 

Don't try to appear important. You will be ridiculed and set 
down for an impostor. 

Do not speak of persons who are absent by their christian 
names, unless they are relatives or intimate friends, but always 
refer to them as Mr. Blank, Mrs. Blank or Miss Blank. In speak- 
ing of a foreigner, give him his full name. Give your unmarried 
children, when speaking of them to any one except servants, their 
christian names only, or speak of them as "my daughter" or 
"my son." 






UNSETTLED POINTS OF 
ETIQUETTE. 




KNOWLEDGE of etiquette has been 
denned as a knowledge of the rules of 
society at its best. But society developes 
its own laws as they are needed ; and as con- 
ditions change social observances change 
also, and so we often find minor points of 
etiquette on which there is some difference 
of opinion and of observance even in the 
best circles of society. We have not in this 
country any courts to settle mooted points and set the 
fashion for all classes of society; but there never was a 
time when the great mass of the people were so fully 
alive to the importance of good manners, or so anxious 
to learn what the best social usages are. Writers on 
etiquette attempt to record and explain to their readers 
the customs of society; but, moving in different circles, 
and often occupying different stand-points, they some- 
times vary on a few minor questions. Uniformity is 
very desirable, as it prevents confusion and saves people 
from making mistakes which would lead others to 
ascribe ignorance and lack of breeding where there was 
only a difference of local custom. For this reason it 
may be well to mention a few of these unsettled points 
to our readers. 

THE RIGHT OR LEFT ARM. 

Mrs. Dahlgreen, in her admirable little work " Eti- 
quette of Social Life in Washington," says: "Dinner 
announced, the host offers his left arm to the lady," etc , 

(359) 



360 UNSETTLED POINTS OF ETIQUETTE. 

while Mrs. H. O. Ward, in her work entitled " Sensible 
Etiquette of the Best Society," says: " Then the dinner 
is announced, and the host offers his right arm to the 
lady who is to be escorted by hirn." Now here is a 
direct conflict of opinion, one authority saying the left 
arm should be offered, and the other the right. Which 
is right? The weight of authority is at present in favor 
of the right arm. The old rule used to be that gentle- 
men offered ladies the left arm on the street and in the 
house. The custom can be traced back to the time 
when men passed to the left, both on foot and on horse- 
back; and placing the lady on the left arm shielded her, 
and left his right arm free to grasp the sword, which 
was often needed in those days for self-protection. 
Now, however, men no longer wear swords to protect 
themselves from insult, and they always turn to the 
right in passing others. By placing the lady on the 
right arm she is saved from being jostled by those they 
meet, and it also leaves her right hand free to manage 
her train, which is often a matter of some importance. 
In some countries people still pass to the left, and still 
offer the left arm, but the prevailing rule in America at 
present is to offer the right arm to ladies. The advan- 
tage is obvious when the reason is understood. 

inside" or "wall." 

The old rule, still laid down in some books of 
etiquette, that ladies should be given the " inside " or 
"wall" when walking with a gentleman on the street, 
originated when there were no sidewalks and it was 
necessary to give the lady the wall to shield her from 
passing carriages and animals. It is sometimes said, 
also, that giving the lady the left arm will in many 
cases give her the wall, and that is advanced as one 



UNSETTLED POINTS OF ETIQUETTE. 361 

reason for offering her the left arm ; but in these days, 
with sidewalks everywhere, the rule no longer hold?. 
As we have said before, by keeping the lady on the 
right arm she is best shielded from unpleasant jostling, 
and it is not now customary to change her from one arm to 
the other, when a street is crossed, in order to. give her 
the " inside " or " wall." The time has come to discard all 
those old laws, which, while they were useful in their 
time, no longer contribute to the comfort or convenience 
of the individual or the community. 

WHO SHOULD BOW FIRST. 

Another point, about which there has been some 
discussion and uncertainty, is the rule regarding bow- 
ing. Many authorities insist that the lady should bow 
first, and the gentleman should always wait for her to 
do so. That has been the generally-accepted rule in 
America. Those advocating the custom claim that it is 
a safeguard to the ladies, allowing them to drop unde- 
sirable acquaintances, as a failure to bow is interpreted 
as a " cut " and a termination of the acquaintance. On 
the other hand, it is claimed that the rule was first made 
in England, to apply to introductions given at balls, and 
that it was never intended to become universal. It is 
further claimed that many ladies are forgetful of faces, 
or near-sighted, and that if a gentleman who has been 
introduced would bow on meeting the lady, it would 
serve to recall him to her mind, and that it is a very 
easy matter for a lady to repel a pushing acquaintance 
in other ways than by omitting the bow on meeting him. 
" Though a quickness for remembering faces and names 
is one of the hall-marks of good breeding," says Mrs. 
Ward in " Sensible Etiquette," "it is an impossibility for 
those whose circles are widely extended to remember all 



362 UNSETTLED POINTS OF ETIQUETTE. 

who have been introduced to them . . . while a gentle- 
man cannot fail to remember a lady whom he has known 
well enough by sight to ask for an introduction to her." 
Again, she says: "Pages written upon the subject 
would not exhaust the evils arising from this obnoxious 
rule, as foreign to the spirit of a republic as it is to the 
instincts of the well-bred." On the other hand, Mrs. 
Sherwood says, in her work on "Manners and Social 
Usages:" "A gentleman, after being introduced to a 
lady, must wait for her to bow first, before he ventures 
to claim her as an acquaintance." On the Continent 
the gentleman bows first, but Anglo-Saxon etiquette 
requires the lady to take the initiative. 

There are many reasons for hoping that the rule 
may be somewhat modified in future, for a bow hurts no 
one, and the rule often causes misunderstandings; but, 
at present, the rule for the gentleman to wait for the 
lady to recognize him seems to be so well accepted that 
to violate it might cause ladies to imagine that the 
gentleman so doing was either bold and pushing, or 
ignorant of the laws of good society. 

ON SENDING INVITATIONS, ETC. 

In America the rule has been that invitations, accept- 
ances and regrets should be sent by messenger, but in 
England it is considered respectful to send them by 
mail; and Mrs. Sherwood asks: "As our people are 
fond of copying that stately etiquette, why should they 
not follow this sensible part of it?" These missives, if 
sent by mail, would often be delivered more promptly 
and safely than when trusted to a tardy or careless 
messenger. The innovation has so many points in its 
favor that we wish it might be adopted; and all that is 
needed is to have the example set by a few of the social 



UNSETTLED POINTS OF ETIQUETTE. 363 

leaders, and it would become general, and it may be 
said that invitations are being sent by mail more and 
more every year. 

COUKTESIES TO OTHERS. 

One writer on etiquette says that it is no longer 
etiquette for ladies to say "thank you" for small courte- 
sies received, such as passing change in an omnibus, 
restoring a fallen umbrella, etc. When in New York a 
short time ago, a friend of the writer arose in a crowded 
car and offered a lady his seat. A gentleman who was 
with him, a resident of New York, called his attention 
to it afterwards, and said that, while it was etiquette in 
some cities to yield seats in that way to ladies, it was 
not in New York. Now any attempt to restrain anyone, 
lady or gentleman, from thanking a stranger for an act 
of courtesy, or to prevent gentlemen from showing a 
polite deference to ladies, is an effort to encourage bad 
manners. Courteous attentions to others are always 
"good form " with sensible people anywhere. 

CONCERNING CHAPERONAGE. 

Another unsettled point, which is exciting some 
discussion at present, is that of chaperonage for young 
ladies. A few writers are insisting that all young ladies 
must be accompanied by a chaperon, and in some 
wealthy circles in our cities the custom is undoubtedly 
gaining in favor. Many, on the other hand, insist that 
it is a useless custom in America, and that it is a foolish 
imitation of a custom which, even in Europe, is only 
observed by the few; and they claim that experience 
has abundantly proved that the young ladies who have 
grown up in attendance at our public schools, and from 
earliest childhood have associated freely with those of 



364 UNSETTLED POINTS OF ETIQUETTE 

their own age of the opposite sex, are not thereby 
demoralized or injured. On the contrary, they claim 
that to introduce the French system, and break up this 
freedom of intercourse, would do more harm than good. 
Again, they say that to adopt the custom generally, and 
insist that no young lady shall be seen, unaccompanied by 
a chaperon, at any entertainment or place of amusement 
or on the streets or ia the stores, will impose a heavy 
burden on the large class of well-bred persons of limited 
means who cannot spare the time to always accompany 
their daughters, nor afford to employ such a costly attend- 
ant; while the parvenu will glory in the opportunity of 
seeing her daughter thus accompanied. " I ain't no lady 
myself, but I can afford to hire 'em," said one of these 
arrogant parvenus who had engaged a cultivated and 
accomplished lady to chaperon her daughters. At 
present it must be said that the custom is mainly con- 
fined to a limited circle of people in the cities, but the 
great body of cultivated and well-bred people of limited 
means do not recognize the necessity of having their 
daughters followed and watched in this way. There is 
also another class of conservative people who are at 
present inclined to adopt a middle course in the matter, 
and, while not going to the full extreme of adopting the 
French system, they are inclined to restrict, somewhat, 
the freedom formerly allowed to the American girls. 
The chaperon may in time become a necessity to all who 
would appear well-bred, but she is not yet acclimated, 
and it will be some time, we suspect, before her sway is 
generally recognized — if the time ever comes in America. 
But in the ultra-fashionable society of our cities a chap- 
eron is the u proper thing" at present, and should be so 
recognized by all those who aspire to enter its ranks. 
The custom furnishes genteel and often profitable 
employment to many ladies of limited means to act as 



UNSETTLED TOINTS OF ETIQUETTE. 365 

chaperons, and it pleases the vanity of a certain class of 
parents and daughters, while in some instances a young 
lady may be instructed in the social forms with which 
she is not familiar, and so introduced into society that 
her social success will be more certain. 



ABOUT AFTEE-CALLS. 

Another point on which uncertainty exists in some 
minds is in regard to making calls after afternoon teas, 
receptions, kettledrums, etc. On this point the rule is 
now generally established that when one attends in 
person, or sends a card to any of these entertainments, 
no after-call is required. Those who attend leave a 
card on the table, and those unable to go may send a 
card, and. that is all that is needed. An after-call is 
always required after a dinner invitation; but, on other 
occasions, in New York and other cities, cards may now 
be left afterward in person, or sent by a servant, and 
this takes the place of the after-call. 




MISCELLANEOUS RULES OF 
ETIQUETTE. 




NDER the head of " Miscellaneous Rules of 
Etiquette" we shall offer a few general hints 
on the subject, which did not seem to come 
appropriately in the other chapters of our 
work. We have endeavored to treat the 
various branches of etiquette which are 
usually discussed in books of this character, 
and to touch on as many as possible of the 
points which are likely to arise from time to 
time, in the natural course of events, with the readers 
of our work, and in doing thus we have tried to be 
mindful of the wants of the various classes of society — 
not confining our suggestions to any one class. 

ADAPTABILITY. 

Learn to adapt yourself to the society in which you 
may be placed for the time being. " In Rome, do as the 
Romans do," is an old saying touching this point. Good 
breeding may at times require one to violate the minor 
rules of politeness, rather than to seem haughty or 
unsociable. 

Do not inflict your moods upon others, nor pour 
pathetic tales of your woes and pains into the ears of 
those with whom you are thrown in contact. Unless it 
is an intimate friend on whose sympathy you have a 
claim, you have no right to harrow up the feelings of 

(367) 



368 MISCELLANEOUS RULES OF ETIQUETTE. 

another needlessly. It is selfish. Do not enter society 
in a gloomy and morose spirit. If you caunot be cheerful 
and entertaining, send your regrets and stay away. 

When another person tries to make you the recipient 
of a woful tale, try and listen patiently, and, if possible, 
sympathetically. "Weep with those that weep, and 
rejoice with those that rejoice," is the apostolic injunc- 
tion. This may at times require a little effort, but it is 
true politeness. 

A WORD ABOUT MINUTE FORMALITIES. 

It is related of a certain old painter, that, in explaining 
his success in mixing his paints to one of his students, 
he said that he "mixed them with his brains." So, in 
consulting any book of etiquette, the readers must 
always interpret its rules more or less with their cwn 
common sense. The underlying principles of etiquette 
do not vary, but the minute observances do. They not 
only vary from year to year somewhat, but they also 
vary in different countries, and in different parts of the 
same country. There is, thus, not only a differenca 
between the social customs ox France, England and 
America, but there is also a difference between the con- 
ventionalities required in the wealthy circles of New 
York or New Orleans, and the simpler requirements of a 
little village in Dakota or Alabama. We beg our readers 
to remember that society evolves its own social laws as 
they are needed, and the mission of a book like this is 
to gather together as many of these rules as possible 
and state them for the benefit of those who are interested, 
and who desire to know what the requirements of society 
are. Again, while there is, of course, a good deal of 
difference between the minute formalities expected of 
the wealthy classes in our cities, and the less ceremo- 



MISCELLANEOUS RULES OF ETIQUETTE. 369 

nious manners of a farming district, or a small country- 
town, so there is, also, a difference between the style 
observed by a merchant prince supporting an establish- 
ment with a large retinue of servants, and the clerk or 
mechanic with an income of only seven or eight hundred 
dollars a year. It is foolish and snobbish for people of 
limited means to try and ape the grand style which is 
appropriate, and observed as a matter of course, by the 
very rich. Such conduct deceives no one and only 
makes the actor ridiculous. The most perfect etiquette 
would seem to require each one to understand his or 
her condition and surroundings, and conform to them. 
Bright young ladies or young men going from the 
country to the city will try and inform themselves about 
what the social customs of the place require, so as not 
to offend the taste of those whom they meet, or who 
may entertain them; while those who go from the city 
to the country may well lay aside some of their formali- 
ties and conform to the customs of those with whom 
they mingle. But no law of etiquette will require a 
country host, in entertaining a city guest, to try and put 
on an agonizing amount of style for the occasion. A 
reasonably clever guest will see through it, and be 
rendered uncomfortable by it; while a city host, enter- 
taining a " country cousin," will readily overlook any 
trifling shortcomings. A really high-bred person will 
accept kindnesses in the spirit in which they are offered. 
There is no higher law of etiquette than the golden rule, 
and all fastidious conventionalities must give way 
before it. 

EASE AND SELF-POSSESSION. 

It is an indication that you are ill-at-ease to be 
fidgety and fussy in any society in which you may be 
placed. Learn self-control and quietness of manner. 



370 MISCELLANEOUS RULES OF ETIQUETTE. 

Do not let your thoughts dwell on yourself, as that will 
usually increase your nervousness. People are apt to 
estimate the good breeding of any one by the ease and 
simplicity of his manners. Affectation is one of the 
brazen marks of vulgarity. 

THE RIGHT OF PRIVACY. 

The privacy of another should be sacredly respected. 
Never enter a private room, anywhere, without knocking, 
as no relationship will justify such an intrusion. Do 
not look over another's shoulder and read a letter or 
paper, nor pick up and read a private paper, whether 
the owner is present or not, without permission. Regard 
the boxes, trunks, bureau drawers, packages and papers 
of another, whether locked or unlocked, sealed or 
unsealed, as private and sacred. Books in an open 
book-case, or books or cards on a center table, or news- 
papers, are presumably free for inspection. Even 
members of the same family should respect the indi- 
viduality of each other, and the right of each one to 
certain hours and certain places which will be free from 
intrusion. 

PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF TALENT. 

No one should ever thrust herself forward and appear 
anxious to display any talent in the presence of others. 
If asked to sing or play in society, however, a ready 
consent should be given, unless there is some good and 
sufficient reason for declining, in which case the refusal 
should be polite but positive. Consent should not be 
given with a reluctant or condescending air. Accept 
the invitation as an honor, and esteem it a pleasure to 
entertain others. 



MISCELLANEOUS BULES OF ETIQUETTE. 371 

Never urge others to perform in public. Extend 
them a cordial invitation, and express the pleasure it 
will give you and the others to hear them; but if they 
decline, let the matter drop. 

COUGHING, SNEEZING, YAWNING, ETC. 

If it is necessary to cough or clear the throat while 
in the presence of others, do so as quickly and quietly as 
possible. Hold the handkerchief before the face when 
you cough. By pressing the thumb and finger on the 
sides of the nose, a sneeze may be checked ; if not checked, 
hold the handkerchief before the face when you sneeze. 
Suppress a yawn when possible; when not, hold your 
handkerchief over your mouth. Never spit, nor blow 
the nose loudly in society. Snuffing and hawking are 
very vulgar. 

GENEEAL HINTS. 

Never break an engagement unless it is absolutely 
unavoidable. Punctuality is an evidence of good breed- 
ing. 

Never refuse to accept "an apology. That must prevent 
an open quarrel, if it does not restore friendship. 

Any civil question should receive a polite and cour- 
teous answer. Crossness and surliness is an evidence 
of ill-breeding. 

It is only snobs who are uncivil to inferiors. 

It is very ill-bred to go into any society with the 
breath smelling of onions, garlic, cheese or other strong 
odors. 

Never be too familiar with a new acquaintance. It 
is better to be a little too formal. One can be courteous 
without being familiar. To address a mere acquaint- 
ance by his or her christian name is a presumption, and 
may give offense. 



372 MISCELLANEOUS RULES OF ETIQUETTE. 

Never read while in company, but one can look over 
a book of engravings. 

An air of abstraction in society is ill-bred, because 
it appears disrespectful to others. Any eccentricity 
will render others uncomfortable, and is, therefore, 
ill-bred. 

Do not appear intensely sensitive about your own 
rights and dignity, nor resent every little real or imaginary 
slight. Give precedence to those whose age or social 
position entitles them to it, and be more careful to give 
others their rank of precedence than to take your own. 

Do not introduce religious topics in mixed society, 
nor thrust your views on others. A respect for religious 
opinions and religious observances is an evidence of a 
refined mind. 

A sure mark of good breeding is the suppression of 
any undue emotion, such as anger, mortification, laughter, 
or any form of selfishness. Express your opinions with 
modesty and avoid heated discussion, as there is seldom 
any profit in it. 

Never look frequently at your watch or clock in the 
presence of others. It looks as though you were tired of 
their presence and longed for a release. 

Do not exhibit petulance or anger in the presence 
of others. 

Do not boast of your birth, money or friends, nor of 
your deeds or accomplishments. 

Dp not ask the age of another. 

To sneer at or notice the personal defects or deformi- 
ties of others is the height of rudeness and vulgarity. 

Do not pass between two persons who are talking 
together, and do not pass in front of another when it 
can be avoided. If absolutely necessary, apologize for 
so doing. 

Reproving anyone in the presence of others is impolite. 



MISCELLANEOUS RULES OF ETIQUETTE. 373 

As the time of a business man is valuable, do not 
consume it unless you have business with him. 

A commission from a friend should be scrupulously 
performed. It is better to decline than to neglect it. 

A slight bow may be made as a general salutation on 
entering a room, and then the different individuals may 
be addressed. 

Always enter a room quietly, without slamming the 
door, stamping with the feet or making any other dis- 
turbance. 

To scratch your head or any part of your body, or 
pick your teeth or nose, or clean, trim or bite your 
finger-nails in company, is extremely ill-bred. 

Never exercise your wit on your friends. A jest 
with a sting in it cannot fail to give offense. 

When calling or visiting in the house of another, do 
not handle or criticise the ornaments. 

Hints io Ladies. — A lady need never enter into 
explanations concerning, those whom for any reason she 
does not invite to her house. It would be completely 
relinquishing her own rights to do that. 

The gossip is either malicious or uncultivated, or 
both. 

Ladies do not offer or take the arm when escorting 
each other, except as a younger lady offers assistance to 
the old and feeble. 

The woman who knows how to grow old gracefully 
will adapt her dress to her figure and her age, and wear 
colors that suit her complexion. 

Never allow a gentleman to take a ring off your 
finger, or a bracelet from your arm, for examination. 
If you wish him to see them, remove them yourself. 

Do not slap a gentleman with your handkerchief 
nor tap him with your fan. 

Do not hold the arm or hand of a friend all the time 



374 MISCELLANEOUS RULES OF ETIQUETTE. 

she sits beside you, nor kiss and fondle her before 
others. 

Do not sit cross-legged. Do not keep slipping a 
ring up and down your finger. 

Do not drum on a piano aimlessly, nor hum a tune 
in the presence of others. 

Never manifest undue curiosity, nor try to pry into 
the private affairs of others. 

Hints to Gentlemen. — Never enter the presence of 
a lady, smelling of tobacco or wine. Never smoke in 
the presence of ladies without permission (it is better 
not to do so even then), and never smoke in a room 
which is frequented by ladies. 

Never sit in the house in the presence of ladies with 
your hat on. A true gentleman instinctively removes 
his hat as soon as he enters a house. Always remove 
the hat in the theatre or other public place of amusement. 
To remove the hat in an elevator when ladies enter, is an 
evidence of politeness; and the hat should be lifted 
when passing ladies who are strangers in corridors, on 
staircases and on entering public rooms. 

Never assail a woman's good name, nor mention her 
name lightly or sneeringly in any company. Lord 
Chesterfield says, "Civility is particularly due to all 
women; and remember that no provocation whatsoever 
can justify any man in not being civil to every woman; 
and the greatest man would justly be reckoned a brute 
if he were not civil to the meanest woman. It is due 
to their sex, and is the only protection they have against 
the superior strength of ours." 

A gentleman precedes a lady or walks by her side, 
when going up or down stairs. 

Chewing tobacco is a filthy and vulgar habit. 
To use profane or extravagant language is very 
coarse. 



PART II. 



LETTERS AND NOTES 



A Manual of Instruction in Writing Social and Business 
Letters and Notes of all kinds: giving full Directions 
for the use of Capitals and Punctuation Marks; 
explaining the Correct Forms for addressing 
all People with Titles, Native or Foreign; 
and giving Numerous Examples and 
Suggestions on the Composi- 
tion of Letters, etc., etc. 



LETTERS AND NOTES. 




T THE present day letter writing is almost 
universal. There are very few people who 
do not at some time write letters of business 
or friendship, and it certainly is a matter of 
no small consequence that they should know 
how to write them correctly. A clearly- 
expressed, well written letter will produce a 
favorable, while an illegible and ungram- 
matical epistle cannot fail to produce an 
unfavorable, impression. The days of long and gossipy 
letters have gone by. The lengthy and stately letters so 
common in our grandmother's days are rarely seen now. 
Our letters are more frequent and shorter. They are 
also more correct, and inaccuracies, if less common, are 
more noticed and criticised. It is often said that ladies 
excel as letter writers, and it is undoubtedly true that, 
for ease and facility of expression, and in social and 
friendly correspondence, they far surpass the sterner 
sex; and yet, few letters are free from mistakes in form 
or matter. There is certainly no good reason why so 
much time should be devoted to cultivating the various 
accomplishments which fit one for social life — such as 
music and dancing — and the art of correspondence 
should be neglected. Letters often reveal character 
more perfectly than conversation, as the writer is off 
guard and gives expression to the real feelings. What- 
ever is worth doing at all, is worth doing well, and this 
is emphatically true of letter writing; for, while spoken 
words may be ephemeral and soon forgotten, the written 

(377) 



378 LETTERS AND NOTES. 

word may last for years and perpetuate the evidence of 
one's ignorance or carelessness. 

THE PAPER TO USE. 

The old style of highly-colored paper, emblazoned 
with various figures and designs, is out of date. A few 
light tints are allowable, but there is one style, which 
is possibly the most polished, and which would be 
considered in good form in any part of the world, and 
that is fine, heavy, plain white English note paper, 
folded square and put into an envelope which just fits 
it. It is such paper that the Princess of Wales 
would use, and to such paper no critic would take 
exception. Odd shapes and striking colors may have 
occasional or temporary spells of being in fashion, but 
the former style is always in good form, year after year. 

Invitations should be written on rather small paper 
of the best quality. The envelope should be perfectly 
plain. 

The plan of having one's address engraved and 
printed at the head of the sheet is an excellent one, as it 
always gives the address of the writer — an important 
item which many people omit in their letters. The 
date and address should always be given at either the 
beginning or end of every letter; in notes, custom 
sanctions giving it at the close. At present, monograms 
are allowable, and so are a lady's initials stamped at the 
head of the letter, but the simpler forms are in the best 
taste. The square cards now often used for short notes 
are in good form. 

Except in business correspondence, where the regular 
letter-sheets are used, a letter should never be written 
on a half-sheet of paper. To use a torn, soiled or half- 
sheet of paper in social correspondence is very bad 
form. 



LETTEES AND NOTES. 379 

Paper that is very delicately perfumed may be used 
by ladies, but it is not appropriate for gentlemen. 

Many people think it a positive insult to receive a 
social or friendly note on a postal card. Their only 
recommendation is their cheapness, and for economy's 
sake to send personal notes open to the inspection of 
inquisitive eyes is not good form. For brief business 
notes, however — such as shopping orders sent by mail, 
etc. — they are perfectly proper, but they should not be 
used in social correspondence. 

Black-edged paper, with envelopes to match, is quite 
generally used by people in mourning, but some people 
dislike and never use it, and there is certainly no good 
reason why it should be used by those not inclined to 
do so. The width of the black border varies, being 
adapted to the nearness of the deceased relative, and the 
recentness of the bereavement. There was a black 
border nearly an inch deep on the letter of condolence 
sent by Queen Victoria to Mrs. President Lincoln after 
her husband's assassination. The black-edged paper 
should of course be discarded when the period of 
mourning is over. 

Letters of condolence need not be written on black- 
edged paper unless the writer is in mourning. Many 
people seem to erroneously feel that they should write 
such notes on mourning paper. 

Ruled papers are reserved for business correspond- 
ence. That used for invitations and private correspond- 
ence should be plain and unruled. Those who cannot 
write straight without a line to follow should use a 
sheet of heavily-ruled paper underneath the one on 
which they write, the lines of which will show through 
and serve as a guide. It is better, however, to learn to 
write straight without any such guide, and the ability 
can be acquired, with a little practice, by most people. 



380 LETTERS AND NOTES. 



THE USE OF SEALING WAX AND WAFERS. 

Sealing-wax is again coming into favor, although its 
use had almost died out. Many fastidious people 
prefer to use wax, but it is much better to use the regular 
gummed envelope than to make a great slovenly seal on 
an envelope. Every young lady should learn how to 
seal a letter neatly. A good impression may be 
obtained by covering the face of the seal with linseed 
oil, dusting it with rouge, and then pressing it firmly 
and rapidly on the soft wax. Either red or black wax 
is proper, but wafers should never be used — they are 
not in good form. 

THE INK. 

Clear black ink should always be used. The fancy 
colored inks, which were in vogue a few years ago, and 
which are now sometimes seen, are not considered 
elegant. No other color is so appropriate as black for 
all correspondence. 

FOLDING THE LETTER; 

A letter or note should always be folded carefully 
and put into the envelope correctly, that is, in such a 
way that it will not be necessary to turn the letter over 
to read it when it is taken out. The envelope should 
be directed neatly, legibly and in the proper form. Be 
careful always to have the address full and plain. The 
postage stamp should be put on straight and in the 
proper place, that is on the upper right-hand corner. 
It looks very slovenly and careless to see a stamp put 
on to an envelope in an unusual place, or in a crooked 
and irregular way. Little things like these always 
attract attention, and create an unfavorable impression. 



LETTEES AND NOTES. 381 



DATING LETTERS WITH FIGURES. 

In business letters a custom has grown up of dating 
letters with figures alone, as, for example, 14 — 9 — '88. 
This may be allowable in commercial correspondence, 
although it is objectionable even there, for many people 
cannot decide the date without making a calculation 
about whether August, September or October, is the 
ninth month; and the old method is certainly prefer- 
able because clearer. But in invitations and social 
correspondence, such abbreviations are not allowable. 

THE HANDWRITING, SPELLING AND GRAMMAR. 

Every one should cultivate an even, legible and 
graceful handwriting, "f he Horace Greeley style may 
be good naturedly condoned in a great man like him, 
but it is an insufferable nuisance in ordinary corres- 
pondence, and cannot fail to create an unfavorable 
impression of the writer, while a graceful and attractive 
note preposesses those who receive it in the writer's 
favor. The precise and characterless style of the 
writing master is, however, by no means desirable. 
Individuality is as important in penmanship as in other 
things. The spelling should be faultlessly correct. 
Errors in grammar and spelling stamp one's standing 
like the mark of Cain, and no excuse can obliterate 
or atone for it. 

BLOTTED AND SLOVENLY LETTERS. 

Never plead want of time nor any other reason for 
sending a blurred, blotted or slovenly note to anyone. 
To send such a missive is almost an insult to the 
recipient, and is certainly a disgrace to the sender. The 



382 LETTERS AND NOTES. 

paper should be clean and fresh, and never crumpled or 
stained in any way. Good stationery is not expensive 
in these days, and all who write at all can use it. By 
all means use fine stationery for letters and notes. 

THE WRITER'S STYLE. 

Few directions can be given regarding the style of 
writing. That should vary with the subject from the 
precise and formal to the easy and familiar style of 
old friends' or relatives. An easy and graceful style 
may be the result of natural aptitude, or of education 
and study. It may be acquired, in a measure at least, 
by most people, and is certainly worth striving for. 
One of the best rules is to write as you would talk if 
your correspondent was present. Think over what you 
want to say, and then try ancf arrange your thoughts 
systematically and express them as clearly and simply 
as possible. Avoid a stilted and affected style, and the 
use of large and many-syllabled words. Affectation is 
even worse in writing than in talking. 

THE USE OF ABBREVIATIONS AND FIGURES. 

Abbreviations are not allowable in formal notes, nor 
in social correspondence. To economize time business 
men adopt various abbreviations, and custom sanctions 
it, but the rule does not hold good outside of business 
circles. To use " Dr " for " Dear," " ans." for J 1 answer," 
"&" for "and," or any similar abbreviation, is in very 
bad form. Except in the date or in the address, as 
when giving the street number, numerals are not allow- 
able in notes or letters. The numbers should be written 
out; thus, in stating that "he passed three houses" it 
should never be written " he passed 3 houses." But it 



LETTEKS AND NOTES. 383 

is always proper to give figures in an address, as " 201 
Jackson street.' 7 To write it " two hundred and one 
Jackson street" would look very awkward, because 
custom prescribes the other form ; and, also, the former 
is much shorter and more easily written. 

The following are a few of the more common abbrevi- 
ations which are used and sanctioned in polite letter 
writing: Titles used immediately before or after proper 
names, — such as "Hon.," "Kev.," "Esq.," etc. (for a 
more complete list of these abbreviations, see further on in 
this chapter under the head of " Titles " ) ; when the day 
is given in figures, in connection with the month, as 
" Aug. 3d," "Sept. 1st," etc. (not really abbreviations) ; 
names of States, as Ala., Vt., etc.; "viz." for videlicit 
(meaning "namely," or "to-wit"); "i. e." for id est 
(meaning "it is "•■)■; " e. g." for exempli gratia (meaning 
"for example"); "etc." for et ccetera;" u ult." for 
ultima (last month); "inst." for instant (the present 
month); "prox." for proximo (next month); "a. M.," 
" M." and " p. m.," for forenoon, noon and afternoon; "v." 
for versus; "vol." for volume, and "chap." for chapter. 
There are many technical abbreviations (like those used 
in chemistry, for instance) which may be used with 
propriety, but we cannot attempt, in this place, to give a 
list of such abbreviations. The use of unusual abbrevi- 
ations (like "wh." for which, "dr." for dear, and so on) 
are not in good form in any correspondence. 



ABBREVIATIONS OF FRENCH PHRASES. 

There are a few French phrases that are often used 
in notes and invitations, and for the convenience of our 
readers we append those most common. The English 
phrases are, however, preferred by many. 



384 



LETTERS AND NOTES. 



French phrase. 


Abbreviation. 


Meaning. 


Bepondez sHl vous plait. 


R.S. 


V.P. 


Eeply if you please. 


Pour prendre conge. 


P. 


P. 


a 


To take leave. 


Pour dire adieu. 


P. 


D. 


A. 


To say farewell. 


En ville. 


E. 


V. 




In the town or city. 


Costume de rigueur. 








Costumes to be full dress* 


FBte champMre. 








A country (or rural) enter- 
tainment. 


Soiree dansante. 








A dancing party. 


Bal masque. 








A masquerade ball. 


Soiree musicale. 








A musical entertainment. 



POSTSCRIPTS AND UNDERSCORING. 

So much ridicule has been lavished on the female 
custom of always adding a postscript that it is hardly 
necessary to allude to it here. Postscripts, however, are 
in bad taste and should never be used when they can be 
avoided-as they nearly always can. Neither should words 
be underscored. Disraeli said that underscoring was the 
refuge of the "feebly forcible," and it is certainly in 
bad taste to continually underscore words; and yet it is 
a very frequent custom among a certain class of writers. 
While it might be too much to say that it should never 
be practiced, it is entirely safe to say that it should be 
resorted to very rarely, and the lavish use of under- 
scoring is in execrable taste. 

CROSSING THE WRITING. 



Another bad habit which is quite too common is that 
of turning a sheet half around and writing a second 
time across the page — making a kind of checker-board 
letter of it. This is always in bad form and should 
never be done. 



LETTERS AND NOTES. 885 



USE OF THE THIED PEESON. 

A very stupid but not uncommon mistake made by- 
careless writers is to confuse the first and third persons. 
A note begun in the third person should use that through- 
out, and not shift to the first person. Thus, to write 
"Mrs. Carrie Wyman regrets that she cannot accept 
Mrs. "Wilson's invitation to dinner. I am going out of 
the city," etc., would be an egregious blunder. An 
invitation written in the third person should be answered 
in the third person; but a missive written in the third 
person must never be signed. Thus, to write "Mrs. 
Williams will call on Saturday at Mr. Matson's store to 
select some diamonds. Yery truly yours, Helen E. 
Williams," would be grossly ignorant. Nor should any 
one ever write "Mrs. Johnson regrets that she cannot 
accept your kind invitation," etc. This would betray a 
sad lack of culture. A note begun should always 
continue in the third person, thus: "Mrs. Johnson 
regrets that she cannot accept the kind invitation of 
Mrs. Smith," etc. 

Notes to servants and trades-people were formerly 
written in the third person very often — as, for example, 
the following: 

Mrs. Brown presents compliments to Mrs. Black, 
and requests her to send the new dress by Thursday 
noon, if possible. 

28 Marshfield Ave. 

This is an indirect and undesirable form for such 
notes, and the tendency of the present age is toward the 
more direct, clear and business-like method, and there- 
fore such notes are rarely written in the third person 
now. 



386 LETTEES AND NOTES. 



GENERAL HINTS. 

Do not write a letter unless you have something to 
say. If you have little to say, be brief. 

Never write anonymous letters. If received, ignore 
them. A writer ashamed to give his name is unworthy 
of notice. 

Never write in a passion. The spoken word may be 
forgotten, but a written word cannot be recalled. 

Always address superiors, or those in office, with the 
utmost respect. Be cautious about assuming a familiar 
air to comparative strangers. 

"Write nothing on paper which you would blush to 
have "proclaimed from the housetops." 

In writing friendly letters imagine that your corres- 
pondent is present, and that you are talking to him. 

In trying to be brief do not become dry and curt. 

A letter which has caused weariness and trouble to 
the writer will be very apt to weary the recipient. 

Let your thoughts flow spontaneously, without 
straining after effect or primness. An occasional 
mistake is better than pedantry. 

Never write to another person about business of 
your own without enclosing a stamp to pay return post- 
age. Never send a letter on which the postage is short, 
as it is a near approach to dishonesty to compel another 
to pay part of your postage. 

THE HEADING FOR LETTERS. 

The heading of a letter usually consists of the date 
when, and the place where a letter was written. The 
position of these, however, depends somewhat on the 
character of the epistle. Business letters are dated at 
the top of the first page always. Notes and social letters 



LETTERS AND NOTES. 387 

are often dated at their close. In social letters the 
heading should not be too near the top of the page. 
About one-third of the way down, is a good rule. We 
give a few examples or models of the correct forms. 
The usual form is as follows : 

Binghampton, N. Y., Oct. 10, 1888. 

Or -give the county when it seems best as follows : 

Delavan, Walworth Co., Wis., 

Nov. 21, 1888. 

The full address, when in a city, is given as follows : 

450 Arch St., Parsons, Kas., 
Oct. 15, 1888. 

Or, if there is not room to get it all in two lines 
gracefully, the following is the form: 

289 West Harrison St., 

Evansville, Ind., 

Oct. 15, 1888. 

If writing from a hotel or college, the following is 
the form: 

University of Michigan, 

Ann Arbor, Mich., 

Nov. 1, 1889. 

Or, 

Hotel Richelieu, 

Chicago, III., 

Dec. 3, 1888. 

The heading should begin about the center of the 
sheet, and not too close to the top, and each succeeding 
line a little further to the right. When the date is 
given at the close of the note, the following is the form : 



388 LETTERS AND NOTES- 

Yours sincerely, 

Hattie M. Black. 
Boston, Aug. 9, 1888. 

Or, 

Yours sincerely, 

Hattie M. Black. 
580 Michigan Boulevard, 

St. Louis, Mo., 

Oct. 4, 1888. 

THE INTRODUCTION. 

This consists of the address and salutation, and 
should begin one line below the date. In business 
letters the full address is given at tiho opening of the 
letter, as well as on the envelope, as the latter may be 
mutilated or lost. In writing to those in large cities, 
the street and number is often given, as well as the 
name and town, and in small towns the county also is 
often added. The same address which' is placed on the 
envelope is used frequently. Custom requires the use 
of some title, such as "Mr.," "Mrs.," "Hon.," etc., but 
with few exceptions only one title should be applied to 
the name. One exception is when addressing a clergy- 
man whose christian name is unknown, when the " Mr.' 
may take its place, thus: " Rev. Mr. Brown," which, if the 
christian name was known, should be written " Eev. Amos 
Brown ;" another is when a married man has a title? 
professional or literary, prefixed to his name, and 
"Mrs." may be used before it in addressing his wife, 
thus: "Mrs. Secretary Whitney." But the rule is not 
to use more than one title; as, for example, to write 
"Hon. John Brown, Esq.," would be grossly ignorant. 
It should be " Hon. John Brown." Another common 
mistake is "Dr. John Brown, M. D.," which should 



LETTERS AND NOTES. 389 

always be " Dr. John Brown," or " John Brown, M. D.," 
— either is proper. Never use two titles which mean 
much the same thing — as, for example: "Mr. A. B. 
Young, Esq." 

Most of the titles used are abbreviations, and must 
therefore be followed by a period, as, — Messrs., Mr. f 
Mrs., Esq., Rev., Prof., Pres., Dr., Capt., etc. As Miss 
is not an abbreviation, no point follows it — to use one 
is an evidence of ignorance. 

In the salutation the amount of formality observed 
will depend on the character of the letter and the 
relations of the writer to the party addressed. In 
business letters the formula is " Sir," "Dear Sir," "My 
dear Sir," or "Gentlemen." Never abbreviate the 
formula into " Gents." or "D'r Sir." As the first word 
of the salutation begins a sentence, it is capitalized ; but 
if the words "dear," "esteemed," "respected," or similar 
words follow, they are not capitalized. Thus the 
salutation should be written "My dear Sir," and not 
"My Dear Sir," or "My esteemed Friend," and not 
" My Esteemed Friend." 

The ordinary salutation to a married lady in business 
letters is "Dear Madam." "Madam" is more abrupt 
and formal, while "My dear Madam" is a shade less 
formal, and is sometimes adopted when an acquaintance 
is well established. In social letters the customary 
greeting is "My dear Mrs. Brown," or "Dear Mrs. 
Brown; " or, to a gentleman, the greeting would be " Dear 
Mr. Williams," or " My dear Mr. Williams." As custom 
sanctions the use of the "My," it is considered more 
formal to drop it than to use it. When two friends 
have known each other for years, and their friendship 
is very close, they often adopt various familiar saluta- 
tions, and no rules except the good sense of the parties 
themselves apply to such cases. So, also, various terms 



390 LETTERS AND NOTES. 

of endearment are used between members of a- family, 
or between lovers, but in such cases it is hardly good form 
to become silly and use effusive terms of endearment. 

Some judgment is necessary in deciding between the 
use of "Sir " and "Dear Sir." In addressing strangers, 
nothing is lost by assuming modesty, but an assumption 
of too much familiarity will almost certainly give 
offense. " Dear Sir " is considered a graceful manner 
of addressing an inferior, but "Sir" is more respectful 
for the first advance, or when addressing a superior, or 
when soliciting a favor. After an acquaintance is estab- 
lished, "Dear Sir" is usually more appropriate. 

" Honored Sir " and " Respected Sir " are now some- 
what antiquated, but are occasionally used in addressing 
a person of advanced years, or by a poor person to a 
rich and powerful one, or in addressing a benefactor 
who has conferred great favors on the writer. 

For the proper formulas for addressing people with 
titles, see a full explanation further on in this article. 

In England, by the way, it is not good form to give 
the address of the party written to before the " Sir" or 
"Dear Sir," as is customary in America. 

In addressing an unmarried lady the formula is, 
"Dear Miss Brown," or "My dear Miss Brown," but 
among relatives or near friends the formula is often 
"Dear Mary," or "My dear Mary:" but of course the 
latter salutations are not proper between those who are 
only slightly acquainted. In business letters to unmar- 
ried ladies, to avoid the somewhat unpleasant repetition 
of the name, it is a frequent form to begin the letter at 
once after giving the name and residence thus: 
Miss Julia Robbins, 

Rochester, N. Y. 

Your favor of the 21st inst. is received, and, in reply, I 
would say, etc. 



LETTERS AND NOTES. 391 

We have not in the English language any designa- 
tion for an unmarried lady similar to the French 
Mademoiselle. It would be a great convenience if we 
had. 

We give a few examples of the usual forms of intro- 
ductions to letters. A good form for a business letter 
would be as follows : 

Messrs. Jones, Warwick & Co., 

Philadelphia, Pa. 
Gentlemen : 

Your telegram of the 10th inst., etc. 

Or, where the full address is given, three lines would 
be occupied, as follows: 

Mr. John Rogers, 

19 Temple Place, 

Cincinnati, Ohio. 
Dear Sir: 

I beg to acknowledge the receipt, etc. 

A letter to a married lady would begin thus: 
Mrs. A. G. Hooker, 

Boston, Mass. 
Dear Madam . 

We send you to-day, etc. 

In social correspondence the full address of the 
party written to is not given, and the introduction 
would be as follows: 

My dear Daughter, — 

I have just returned from, etc. 

Or a lady might address a gentleman thus: 
Dear Mr. Jones, — 

I saiv Mrs. Williams this morning, etc. 



392 LETTERS AND NOTES. 

Addressing a married lady the salutation would be : 
My dear Mrs. Blacky- 
Can you meet me to-morrow, etc. 

Or an unmarried lady as follows: 
Dear Miss Johnston, — 

I expect to leave the city Friday, etc. 

The forms of introduction are well established and 
should be followed in all correspondence, They give a 
finish to the letter, and show the writer's familiarity 
with the best social forms. In writing the introduction 
each line begins a little further to the right of the 
sheet, in giving the address ; but when the salutation 
"Dear Sir," or whatever it maybe, is given, it should 
begin near the left of the sheet, although it is below 
the third line. The only reason for this is that it 
improves the appearance of the letter. The punctuation 
is fully explained hereafter under the head of " Hints 
on Punctation." 

THE CONCLUSION. 

The conclusion consists of the complimentary close 
and the signature, and sometimes of the address, when 
that is given at the close instead of the introduction of 
the letter. 

The conclusion and signature to a letter should 
always correspond with its introduction. Thus, a letter 
to a daughter, beginning " My dear Daughter," would 
not be signed " Yours respectfully, Mary B. Williams," 
nor would a business letter beginning "Dear Sir," be 
concluded with " Yours affectionately." The tone of a 
letter should be uniform throughout, and all its parts 
should harmonize. 



LETTERS AKD NOTES. 393 

The usual forms of conclusion for business letters 
are "Yours truly," "Yours very truly," or "Very truly 
yours," "Kespectfully," "Yours respectfully," " Yery 
respectfully yours," etc. Some people begin each word 
of the complimentary conclusion with a capital, as, for 
example, " Yours Yery Truly," or "Yours Respectfully; " 
but the more correct form is to capitalize only the first 
word, thus, "Yours very truly," or "Yours respect- 
fully," The old formal conclusions, such as, " I have 
the honor to be, my dear Sir, your very obedient ser- 
vant," and similar ceremonious forms, are out of date 
and are not used except in formal communications. 

Friendly and social letters conclude with such forms 
as "Yours very truly," "Yours sincerely,'' "Yours 
cordially," "Faithfully yours," "Yours affectionately," 
"Your affectionate niece," and so on, according to the 
degree of intimacy existing between the parties. 

We have been asked whether or no a lady should 
use the prefix "Miss" or "Mrs." in signing her name. 
The rule has been, and is, that she should not. One 
authority says: "A lady signing her name in letters, 
documents, writings of a literary character, or in any 
way, must sign her own name (not that of her husband), 
with no prefix." This rule has long been well estab- 
lished in English society, so that no well-informed lady 
there would think of asking the question; thus, the 
signature would always be " Julia M. Higgins," and 
never " Mrs. George W. Higgins." At tho same time, 
when writing to strangers- some clue ought always to 
be given, by which the correspondent can know whether 
she is replying to a "Miss" or " Mrs." Every one who 
has had much miscellaneous correspondence with ladies 
must have felt, at times, the painful uncertainty about 
whether to address her new correspondent as "Miss 
Julia Brown" or "Mrs. Julia Brown." 



394 LETTERS AND NOTES. 

The writer knew a lady who was highly indignant at 
receiving a letter addressed to her as "Mrs. Fannie 
Smith," when it should have been " Miss Fannie Smith ;" 
and yet she had written a letter cf inquiry to a stranger 
and signed her letter simply "Fannie Smith;" and, in 
answering, the writer had to guess whether she was a 
"Miss" or "Mrs.," and, as the event proved, guessed 
wrong. Now, to prevent these perplexing uncertainties, 
a lady in addressing a stranger ought always to give 
information on this point. The proper way to do this is 
to give the correct address in another line, signing the 
letter as follows: 









Respectfully yours, 

Mary B. Hudson. 


Mrs. 


Mary 


B. Hudson, 

Arlington 


i, III. 




Or, 






■ 








Very respectfully yours, 
Helen 


Wright. 


iress 
Miss Helen 


Wright, 

Guildford, 


Vt. 





This will prevent all misunderstanding. 

When the date is given at the conclusion of the 
letter, as is often done in social letters, the following is 
the form: 



Yours sincerely, 

Hattie Meacham. 



Sandusky, Ohio, 

Aug. 5, 1890. 



LETTERS AND NOTES. 395 

When the name of the party addressed is given at 
the conclusion of the letter, the following is the form: 

Very truly yours, 

H. M. Hooker. 
To Mr. Charles B. Hill, 

University of Virginia, 

Charlottsville, Va. 

In business letters, certainly in those to strangers, 
the "Miss" or "Mrs." may be placed in a parenthesis, 
before the name, for the information of the corres- 
pondent, as in the following example: 

Yours respectfully, 

{Miss) Susan Brown. 

Or, 

Respectfully yours, 

{Mrs.) Hattie B. Jones. 

It is never allowable for an American gentleman to 
add " Hon.," or any other similar title, to his signature. 
Their titles are never written before their names by 
distinguished foreigners. 

In formal and official letters the conclusion assumes 
a more formal tone. The usual conclusion for very 
formal letters is, — "I have the honor to be, Sir (or 
Madam), your obedient (or humble, or both) servant;" 
or, "I have the honor to be, Sir, with the highest 
respect, your obedient, humble servant." 

The concluding sentence of a formal or friendly 
letter is usually some graceful expression of respect or 
esteem, like the following, for example: "Regretting 
my inability to comply with your request, I have the 
honor to be, Sir, with the highest esteem;" or, "Accept, 
dear Madam, the homage of my profound respect;" 



396 LETTERS AND NOTES. 

or, "I beg you, Madam, to receive the assurance of 
my respectful attachment;" or, "With feelings of the 
deepest sympathy, I remain," etc.; or, "Permit me to 
assure you of my tender est friendship." The forms are 
numerous, but the idea is to close with some appropriate 
expression of sympathy, attachment or respect. 

ILLUSTRATIONS OF THE OPENING AND CLOSING 
OF LETTERS. 

A little observation will soon familiarize any one 
with the well-recognized forms of correspondence, but 
for the benefit of such of our readers as may be still in 
doubt, we will give a few forms, showing the date, intro- 
duction and conclusion combined, and showing, also, 
what we mean by having the conclusion correspond with 
the introduction: 

A business letter would take the following form: 

Allegan, Mich. Oct. 6, 1888. 
Mr. John R. Briggs, 

475 Blanchard Ave., 

Philadelphia, Pa. 
Dear Sir: 

Yours respectfully, 

J. M. Locke. 

A lady would be addressed as follows: 

Freemont, O., Nov. 15, 1888. 
Mrs. Mary Ross, 

Ottumwa, Iowa. 
Dear Madam: 



Very respectfully, 

Henry B. Weeks. 



LETTERS AND NOTES. 397 

A friendly letter would be somewhat as follows: 

Rockford, III., Jan. 10, 1889. 
My dear Brown: 

*& vfc ffc 7fc yfc TJjr Tp 

Yours sincerely, 

A. B. Cline. 
To Mr. George Brown, 

Monroe, Mich. 

The following form would be appropriate for a 
relative : 

Topeka, Kas., Dec. 6, 1888. 
My dear Aunt: 

jfa <Jf. .Mft A- &- »te jfe 

7f? 7fC Tj? TIC -pfz -sf* 7p 

Yoitrs affectionately, 

John White, 
To Mrs. I. N. Fink, 
Toledo, O. 

To an unmarried lady the following form may be 
used if well acquainted with her: 

Norwalk, Ohio, Nov. 10, 1888. 
Dear Miss Bright, — 

PA -dfr ->fc sfc jfe jjLp £|& 

Cordially yours, 

E. D. Collins-. 
To Miss Hattie Bright, 
Eldon, Iowa. 



398 LETTERS AND NOTES. 

A stranger would be addressed as follows: 



49 Harrison Ave., 

Binghampton, N. Y., 

Oct. 25, 1888. 



Miss Hattie Bright: 



Very respectfully yours. 

George Williams. 
To Miss Hattie Bright, 

49 Irving Place, 

Wichita, Kas. 

Official letters are more formal, and the following 
would be an example of an appropriate form : 

Hudson, Mich., Nov. 15th, 1888. 
Hon. Geo. R. Davis, 

House of Representatives, 

Washington, D. C. 
Sir: 



I have the honor to be, Sir, 

Your obedient servant, 

David Stanley. 

In this class of letters there is occasionally some 
debate about whether to use the form "Sir" or "Dear 
Sir." Either will do, but in addressing those occupying 
superior positions it is always best for entire strangers 
to adopt a very respectful tone, and not to- approach 
familiarity. A more formal conclusion for a ceremonious 
letter would be: "I have the honor to be, Sir, with the 



LETTEKS AND NOTES. 399 

highest respect, your obedient, humble servant." The 
tact of the writer must at times dictate the amount of 
formality required, but it is best to err on the safe side 
and not seem lacking in respect — certainly not when 
addressing strangers or those occupying positions of 
honor. 

HINTS ON PUNCTUATION. 

The punctuation of the introduction and close of a 
letter should be as follows: The invariable rule is, that 
a period should follow all abbreviations, such as "Rev.," 
"Hon.," "Geo.," "Pa.," "Vt.," and so on. A period 
otherwise terminates a sentence, while a comma merely 
indicates a slight pause. In the heading of a letter, 
therefore, a comma follows the name of the town, the 
street, the state and the day of the month, while a 
period follows the year, as that closes the sentence. 
Thus, a letter giving the full address would be punctuated 
as follows: "276 Madison St., Eockford, 111., Dec. 20, 
1888." As "St." and "111." are both abbreviations, a 
period, of course, follows them; for, as we before stated, 
a period always follows an abbreviation, and as a slight 
pause follows each one, a comma should be used also. 
If, however, the "Street" was written in full, nothing 
but a comma would be used. It would then be written: 
" 276 Madison Street, Eockford, 111.," using a comma 
only, after the word "Street." So, also, the "111." is 
followed by both a period and comma ; but if there was 
no abbreviation, a comma only would be required, as, 
for instance, in the following date : " Toledo, Ohio, 
June 20, 1888." Here " Ohio," being no abbreviation, 
needs no period following it; again, after the "June," 
no punctuation is required; while "Dec," being an 
abbreviation, requires a period. The day of the month 
may be given in figures alone, or the suffixes " th," " st," 



400 LETTERS AND NOTES. 

or "d," may be added — either is proper. In either case 
a comma alone would follow the day of the month, for 
the suffixes "th," "st" or "d," are not intended as 
abbreviations, but are added to complete the word, and, 
not being abbreviations, no period should follow them. 
The two ways are as follows: "June 20, 1889," and 
" June 20th, 1889." The best usage, however, at present 
favors the first form, omitting the "th," "st" or "d." 
The same rules of punctuation apply to short dates, 
such as " Saturday, Aug. 2d," or " 9 o'clock, Monday.'' 
It is entirely proper to write "Street" or "St.," as the 
writer prefers. 

In the introductory address a comma follows the 
name, the street (when given), and the town, and a 
period follows the state, as that ends the address and 
sentence; for example, the following would be the 
correct punctuation: " Mr. Eichard Brooks, 279 Market 
Street, Chicago, 111." Of course, the same rule regarding 
abbreviations is observed as in the dating of the letter; 
for example, if the name of a firm was given, and the 
"Street" was abbreviated, the following would be the 
style: "Messrs. Brown, Williams & Co., 586 Clark 
St., Chicago, 111." "Messrs.," being an abbreviation, is 
followed by a period, the same as "Hon.," "Mr." and 
other similar titles. 

In the introductory salutation a comma follows the 
salutation, and a dash may follow the comma, or not, as 
the writer prefers; thus, it would be proper to start a 
letter "Dear Sir," or "Dear Sir, — " but the comma and 
dash both is the most usual form. (See the examples 
we have given elsewhere of the salutations used.) A 
colon is used instead of the comma in very formal or 
official salutations, thus, "Sir:" but a semicolon is not 
considered correct. These, at least, seem to be the 
rules sanctioned by the best usage. But it is proper to 



LETTERS AND NOTES. 401 

state that they are not absolute, and some authorities 
use the colon in ordinary letters, and a few others the 
semicolon. When the first sentence of the letter follows 
the salutation on the same line, it is customary to use a 
colon and dash both, thus, "Dear Sir:— I received your 
favor," etc. See some of the model letters we give 
hereafter. 

In the conclusion a comma should follow the compli- 
mentary close, and a period the signature, thus: " Yours 
very truly, Hattie B. Williams." In very formal 
conclusions the whole sentence is, of course, punctuated 
as it would be in ordinary writing, as in the following 
example : " I have the honor to be, dear Sir, with the 
highest esteem, your obedient servant, John Brown." 

Writing is now so common, and so many people are 
anxious to write correctly, that a few hints regarding 
punctuation and capitalization may be helpful to some 
of our readers. In general, it may be said that long 
and involved sentences require careful punctuation to 
make them intelligible; short, clear sentences require 
very little. The rules of punctuation and capitalization 
are not to-day very well established. The old rule was, 
that a comma indicated the shortest pause; the semi- 
colon, one twice that of the comma; the colon, one twice 
that of the semicolon; and the period, double that of 
the colon. But this rule is hardly considered sufficient 
at present. With newspapers, every office has its own 
rules, and even in book-work much variation is observ- 
able. It is much better for each one to have a rule of 
his own, and observe it, than to vary from one style to 
another. Especially is this true in printed matter, or in 
those letters written with type-writers, now so common. 
In written documents, irregularities are not so glaring, 
but, even in those, uniformity of practice is very desir- 
able. This, of course, refers to the minor points. 



402 LETTERS AND NOTES. 

The Comma (,).— This is the most generally used of all the punctuation 
marks. Its most common uses are : (1) To separate the parts of involved and 
compound sentences. (2) To separate words or terms of address from what 
follows; as, for example, Wait, I am coming; Go on, I will follow. (3) To 
separate from the context words used mainly for euphony ; as, for example, 
Well, what of it ? (4) To separate phrases used in contrast or comparison ; as, 
for example, He may be honest, but his conduct is suspicious. (5) To separate 
periods of figures ; as, for example, 100,000 bushels. (6) To indicate that a 
word or phrase is omitted ; as, for example, Toledo, Lucas County, Ohio ; 
which would be in full, Toledo in Lucas County in the State of Ohio ; John 
Brown, M. D., who is an being omitted. 

The Semicolon (;).— This is used mainly to separate the parts of complex 
sentences where commas have also been freely used, but the tendency at present 
is to tha use of the comma and period more and the semicolon less. Example : 
Everything that lives flourishes for a time, and then passes away ; everything 
has its growth, its maturity, its decay ; all life is transient, evanescent s fleeting. 

The Colon (:).— This is mainly ueed at the present day at the end of a 
sentence to indicate that something else is to follow ; as, for example, The 
following is the formula : Take oue quart of water, one ounce of borax, etc. 
The old use of the colon as an intermediate point in a sentence is rare at 
present. It is also used in bringing together hours and minutes, and degrees 
and seconds ; as, for example, 10 :45 A. M. When the squall struck the vessel she 
was 14: 10: 7w., 48: 31: 18n. 

The Period (.) .—This ends all sentences. It indicates abbreviations, such 
as Hon., Rev., Mr., etc. , and it is used as the decimal point in mathematics, as 
for example, $5.25. 

The Interrogation Point (?).— This is used when a question is asked. 
Also, in a parenthesis, it is sometimes used in a sentence to indicate that the 
words are not to be taken too literally ; as, for example, His sense of honor (?) 
is well known. After a question it would be, Where are you going? 

The Exclamation Point (!). — This is used, as its name indicates, after 
exclamations of wonder, admiration, surprise, etc., as, for example, How 
strange ! You surprise me ! Stop ! It is also inserted in sentences, inclosed 
in a parenthesis, like the interrogation point, to iDdicate doubt or ridicule; as, 
for example, Her amiable (!) disposition, and her fascinating (!) manners 
were what she relied on. 

The Dash (— ).— This is often used now as a sort of general utility sign. 
It is frequently used in place of the parenthesis, and after a comma or semi- 
colon to add to their force, and it is used to indicate the omission of letters, 

as, for example, Miss C p. It often indicates a pause in speech to increase 

the effect, and at the end of a broken line it is frequently used after a comma 
or colon. An abrupt or short turn in the meaning of a sentence is also properly 
introduced by a dash. Examples. — (1) His torn clothes, his disheveled hair— in 
fact, his whole appearance— indicated dissipation. (2) He was always talking 
of the three R's— Reading, 'Kiting and 'Rithmetic. (3) Sometimes he goes 
directly from his husiness to his home— more often he goes to the club. (4) I 
see the two paths before me— one leads to honor and renown, the other to dis- 
grace and misery. (5) He will do anything for money, beg, borrow, steal, any- 
thing but— work for it. 



LETTERS AND NOTES. 403 

The Apostrophe (').— This indicates the possessive case, and is used to 
indicate the omission of letters in contracted words, as, for example, (1st) 
Don't, o'er, I've, can't, etc. ; and (2d) George's hat, Brown's stove. To avoid the 
unpleasant hissing sound when the possessor's name ends in s, the s after the 
apostrophe is not given. Thus it would be Mr. Higgins' hat, and not Mr. 
Higgins's hat. 

The Hyphen (-) .—The principal use of the hyphen is to unite compound 
words or phrases, such as twenty-four, that always-to-be-remembered night, etc., 
and in separating the syllables of words at the ends of lines. 

Quotation Marks (" ").— These are placed at the beginning and end of 
word b or sentences quoted from others. Slang words and those of doubtful 
propriety, and words used in a peculiar way, are also placed in quotation marks. 
The use of quotation marks to make certain words or phrases prominent is in 
bad taste, like the frequent underscoring resorted to by certain crude writers. 
When a quotation occurs within another, a single quotation mark'only is used, 
and a third quotation within the second is distinguished by double marks. 
When several paragraphs are quoted, marks are used at the beginning of each 
paragraph, but only at the close of the last one. 

The Parenthesis ( ) .—This is mainly used to enclose subordinate words or 
phrases used in sentences, but which might be omitted without losing the sense 
of the text. Another use of the parenthesis is to enclose a quotation mark or 
exclamation point inserted in a sentence, as explained about those points. 

Brackets [ ] . —The use of brackets is now rare. A remark or explanation 
made within a quotation, but not belonging to it, should be in brackets. Ex- 
ample.—" After much hesitation [why hesitate ?] sue declined." 

HINTS ON THE USE OF CAPITALS. 

The free use of capital letters on a printed page gives it a sort of spotted 
appearance when held a short distance from the eye, and the tendency of the 
present day is to avoid their excessive use. On the written page their presence 
is not so observable, but the best taste even here would probably incline the 
same way. In a few instances, the use of capitals is demanded by all authorities. 
These are as follows: (I) The word beginning a sentence. (2) The names of 
persons and places. (3) The pronoun " I," and the exclamation " O." (4) The 
name of the Deity, as "God," "Lord," etc. (5) The first word in a line of 
poetry. 

On other points, much diversity of opinion and practice prevails. In 
quotations the rule is to begin them with a capital if a whole sentence or more 
is quoted, or if it is the title of a book, lecture, etc. Words and phrases not 
beginning a sentence are not capitalized when quoted. The first word of a 
question is often capitalized, when occurring in the middle of a sentence, as, 
for example: "And still we ask, Has it any value? " This use of the capital is 
condemned by some. It is one of the varying customs. Again, the capitaliza- 
tion of words formed from proper nouns, such as "china," "japan," etc., 
depends some on their use; thus, to speak of Japan wares (meaning articles 
brought from Japan) would require a capital, but japanned hardware (meaning 
iron with a peculiar black coating or finish) would not be capitalized. We 
might extend these illustrations indefinitely, but tastes vary so much that 
almost any uniform, deliberately-followed rule is allowed in these minor points. 



404 LETTERS AND NOTES. 



HINTS ON USING FIGURES. 

Inexperienced writers are often in doubt about the 
use of figures, and to such we offer the following sug- 
gestions: In business letters, where time is important, 
they are more often used than would be considered in 
good taste in private correspondence. 

Figures may be used in giving the number of the 
street, in an address; the hour of the day, as " 10 A. M.;" 
years; the day of the month; large sums of money, as 
"$100,000;" uneven sums of money over one dollar, as 
"$1.50;" in giving the per cent, as "50 per cent;" prices 
occurring in market reports, etc. ; and quantities occur- 
ring in the same way, as " 5,000 bu. corn." 

Write out any number or figures beginning a sen- 
tence; ages of people; quantities or numbers that can 
be stated in not over two words, as "sixty-five bushels," 
"twelve hours," etc. (instead of "65 bushels," "12 
hours," etc.); prices under a dollar, used only occasion- 
ally, as " ninety cents; " numbers used as the names of 
streets, as " 105 Third Ave ; " degrees of latitude, longi- 
tude or temperature, when under a hundred and the 
degree sign (°) is not used, as "forty degrees " (instead 
of "40 degrees"); fractions, used only occasionally, as 
" two-thirds." 

THE SUPERSCRIPTION. 

This is the address written on the envelope. The 
greatest care should be exercised to have it plain and 
clear. Hundreds of thousands of letters find their way 
every year to the dead letter office because of careless- 
ness in writing the address, and in numerous other cases 
the postal clerks are caused much needless trouble. In 
directing letters to small towns the county should be 



LETTERS AND NOTES- 405 

given, as well as the town, and in directing to cities the 
street and number should be given plainly. The 
importance of giving the county, as well as the town, is 
quite generally overlooked by the letter-writing public, 
and we would strongly advise its systematic adoption. 
In the larger towns the street and number is very 
important. 

Business houses sometimes use colored envelopes of 
various shades, but, in private correspondence, white is 
always the best. 

The foolish plan of writing diagonally across the 
envelope is in bad taste. The lines should be straight 
and parallel with the upper edge of the envelope. No 
pencil lines or other marks should be used for a guide, 
but those who need some such aid can slip a card, with 
heavy black lines ruled upon it, into the envelope, the 
lines of which will show through. A little practice will 
enable most people to write straight without any guide, 
and we advise all to learn. The open edge of the 
envelope should be the upper one as you write; other- 
wise the envelope will be upside down. 

The punctuation of the superscription is the same as 
that required for the inside address — the one usually 
given at the beginning of the letter. See the directions 
we have previously given for the punctuation of that 
address. 

The stamp should always be stuck on squarely, and 
in the upper right hand corner of the envelope. To 
have it pasted on irregularly or upside down looks 
careless, and when on any other part of the envelope it 
is inconvenient for the postal clerks and looks less 
symmetrical. A letter will not be forwarded at all unless 
one stamp is attached. Be sure and put on stamps 
enough to fully pay the postage, as it is very discourteous 
to oblige your correspondent to pay part of that for you. 



406 



LETTEKS AND NOTES. 



The first line should be near the middle of the 
envelope, and the others should follow at equal distances, 
and a little to the right, so that the last line will be near 
the lower right-hand corner. The following examples 
will illustrate both the proper arrangement of the lines 
and the punctuation, and can be studied by those 
interested. 

To a resident of a small town or city the following 
is the form: 







rrryr ^xz>0-. 



JL 



Sometimes the county is given directly under the 
town instead of in the left-hand corner, thus: 




id. 






LETTERS AND NOTES. 



407 



In addressing a person living in a large city where 
the street and number are required, the following is the 
form: 





( &/tz'wzA. 





When the letter is sent in the care of some one else' 
the following is used: 



Return in ten days to 




J. B. Smiley, Publisher^ 


-^r/c^-T^zJ^. 


Chicago, III. 


CPP$4d. {Jj. C?V. -47wne<ri<edf , 


^ptz-U <ffj#- *U- cfomwin, Odcp., 


2/f ^sCded (Zrfv&ntte, 


&Q?e?4ve'l, ip^A 



408 



LETTERS AND NOTES. 



In large cities where letters are delivered by carriers 
a letter mailed to another resident of the same city- 
would be addressed thus: 



Crffru. 






-&€€Z<W'l/i. . 





The following forms will illustrate addresses with 
honorary titles. The president would be addressed as 
follows : 




■id 0<zee / 6z#?ww , 



^edu/e<n/ &J? /dU (cAn-t/led -^ra-fed, 



i/it-ntfrfo 



LETTERS AND NOTES- 



409 



The Governor of a state would be addressed as 
follows : 





'^ftZ-M-V^l. 





A letter to a member of the President's cabinet 
shonld be thns addressed: 



-a^-z-o^ci'Z^ie 




-^/ee^e/a^l^- €^ fane 



he €^4e€z<Uf<lij , 



[^/V^d^^^t^/c^^ij 



%<$. 



410 



LETTERS AND NOTES. 



A person with an official designation is addressed as 
follows: 





<^ . 





The form for addressing a letter of introduction we 
give further on in this chapter in our section on " Letters 
of Introduction." 

A note entrusted to another for delivery is not sealed, 
and the usual address has been as follows: 



td4 



Kindness of Mr. O. A. Post. 



tZVK/WZtWZ, 



4 



LETTERS AND NOTES. 



411 



Or, " Addressed," " Present," or " Favor of Mr. H. 
Jones," have been used instead of the " Kindness of 
Mr. O. A. Post," but all these forms are going out of 
favor at present with many of the most polished writers, 
and nothing is put on the envelope except the address. 

On business letters the card of the writer is printed 
on the upper left-hand corner, and then if the letter fails 
to reach its destination it is returned to the sender. A 
letter without the " return in ten days " clause is sent to 
the dead-letter office if it is miscarried in any way. In 
social letters, however, the "return if not called for" 
card is not placed on the envelope. 

The superscription or address on letters to titled 
individuals is quite an important item in letter writing, 
and we explain the matter at length in the section 
following: 

ADDRESSING PEOPLE WITH TITLES. 

The correct use of titles in letter writing is a matter 
of some importance, and ignorance of the correct forms 
will often be quite embarrassing. An incorrect use of 
titles will create a very unfavorable impression on the 
recepient of a letter or note. In America we have no 
hereditary titles, or titles of nobility, but those in use 
may be classified under three heads, as Social, Scholastic 
and Official. 

The Social Titles in common use are, for ladies, 
Mrs. (from Mistress); Madam (from the French 
Madame, meaning my dame); Miss (contracted from 
Mistress); and for men, Mr. (for Mister, contracted 
from the Latin Magister); Esq. (an abbreviation of the 
English Esquire) ; Sir (derived from the Latin Senior, 
an elder, or elderly person); Gentlemen (derived from 
the Latin gentilis, a gens, or clan ) ; and Master, applied 



412 LETTERS AND NOTES. 

usually as a title of respect to boys, although it origin- 
ally meant one of eminent rank —a chief. Mr. is 
applied indiscriminately to all men, but Esq. was orig- 
inally confined to official or prominent persons, although 
it is now used quite generally in America without 
discrimination as to rank or importance. 

The Scholastic Titles are those acquired in the prac- 
tice of some learned profession, like that of M. D. 
applied to a medical practitioner ^ or those conferred by 
some institution of learning, as, for example, that of 
Doctor of Laws (LL. D.). 

The Official Titles are those belonging, by virtue of 
their office, to those in the service of the United States, 
or of the several States, in the civil, military or naval 
departments, such as Governors, Generals, etc. 

When writing informal letters to distinguished per- 
sons the form must be regulated by the intimacy of the 
parties. Friendly letters might begin " Dear Senator," 
or "My dear General," or "Dear Judge So-and-so," 
and conclude with "Yours sincerely," or any other 
similar form. The address on the envelope, however, 
would be the same for informal or friendly as for the 
more formal letters, and should give the titles prescribed 
by social usage. The commencement and conclusion 
for formal letters to distinguished persons, and the 
address on the envelope, is as follows: 

FOR GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS. 

The President. — Commencement, — "Sir, Your Excellency:" 
conclusion, — "I have the honor to be, Sir, your most obedient, 
humble servant, John Jones." Address on envelope, — "To His 
Excellency, The President of the United States, "Washington, D. C." 

The President's Wife. — Commencement,— "Madam:" con- 
clusion, — " I have the honor to be, Madam, your most obedient, 
humble servant, A. B." Address on envelope, — " To Mrs. President 
Hayes, Executive Mansion, Washington, D. C." 



LETTERS AND NOTES. 413 

The Vice-Presiden L— Commence,— " Sir: " conclude,—" I have 
the honor to be, Sir, your most obedient, humble servant." Direct 
the letter to " The Honorable [then give the name] , Vice-President 
of the United States;" or, to "The Honorable the Vice-President 
of the United States, [ then give the town and state ] ." 

The Vice-President's Wife. — Commence, — " Madam:''' con- 
clude, — "I have the honor to be, Madam, your most obedient, 
humble servant." Address on the envelope, " To Mrs. Vice-Presi- 
dent , [then add the town and state]." 

The Cabinet Officers.— Commence, — "Sir:" conclude, — "I 
have the horn r to be, Sir, your obedient, humble servant." Address 
the letter to "The Honorable [giving the name], Secretary of 
State;" or, to "The Honorable the Secretary of State [or of the 
Interior, or the Navy, or whichever it may be] ." 

Wives of Cabinet Officers. — Commence, — " Madam: " con- 
clude, — "I have the honor to be, Madam, your obedient, humble 
servant." Address the letter to " Mrs. Secretary Evarts [or what- 
ever the husband's name may be ] ." 

Senators. — Commence, — " Sir: " conclude, — " I have the honor 
to be, Sir, your obedient, humble servant." Address the letter to 
''The Honorable [give the name], Senator from [give the State], 
Washington, D. C." 

Senators' Wives. — Commence, — "Madam:" conclude, — "I 
have the honor to be, Madam, your obedient, humble servant.'' 
Address a letter to " Mrs. Senator [ give the name, then give the 
town and state ] ." 

Speaker of the House. — Commence, — "Sir:" conclude, — -"I 
have the honor to be, Sir, your obedient, humble servant." 
Address a letter to " The Honorable [give the name], Speaker of 
the House of Representatives;" or, "The Honorable the Speaker 
of the House of Representatives [ then give the town and state ] ." 

The Wife of the Speaker of the House. — Commence, — 
"Madam:" conclude, — "I have the honor to be, Madam, your 
obedient, humble servant." Address a letter to " Mrs. Speaker 
[ give the name ] , Washington, D. C." 

Representatives in Congress. — Commence, — "Sir:" conclude, 
— "I have the honor to be, Sir, your obedient [or humble] servant.'' 
Address a letter to "The Honorable [give the name], House of 
Representatives, Washington, D. C." 



414 LETTERS AND NOTES. 

The Wives of Representatives— Commence, — "Madam:" 
conclude, — "I have the honor to be, Madam, your obedient 
servant." Address a letter to "Mrs. Congressman [give the name, 
then give town and state ] ." 

The Chief Justice. — Commence, — "Sir:" conclude, — "I have 
the honor to be, Sir, your obedient, humble servant." Address a 
letter to " The Honorable [ give the name] , Chief Justice of the 
United States [give town and state];" or, to " The Honorable the 
Chief Justice of the United States." 

The Wife of the Chief Justice, — Commence, — "Madam:" 
conclude, — "I have the honor to be, Madam, your obedient, 
humble servant." Address a letter to "Mrs. Chief Justice [give 
name, add town and state ] ." 

Justices of the Supreme Court. — Commence, — "Sir:" con- 
clude, — "I have the honor to be, Sir, your obedient, humble 
servant." Address a letter to "The Honorable [give name], 
Justice of the Supreme Court [ add town and state] ." 

Wives of Supreme Court Justices. — Commence, — " Madam: " 
conclude, " I have the honor to be, Madam, your obedient, humble 
servant." Address a letter, — " Mrs. Justice [ give name, add town 
and state] ." 

Foreign . Ambassadors. — Commence, — " Sir, Your Excel- 
lency: " conclude, — " I have the honor to be, Sir, your Excellency's 
most obedient, humble servant." Address a letter " To His Excel- 
lency, , Ambassador from the Court of [ give the court or 

country];" or, it might be "Envoy Extraordinary and Minister 
Plenipotentiary to [ or from] the Court of [ or, ' H. M., the King of 
']•" 

A Foreign Consul. — Commence, — "Sir;" conclude, — "I have 
the honor to be, Sir, your obedient, humble servant." Address a 

letter " To , Esq., U. S. Consul to , [state the 

country, as, for example, 'Her Britannic Majesty'], at [give the 
place, as, for instance, ' Liverpool, England ' ] ." 

FOR STATE OFFICIALS. 

To a Governor. — Commence, — " Sir, Your Excellency : " 
conclude,— "I have the honor to be, Sir, your most obedient, 
humble servant." Address a letter "To His Excellency [give 
name], Governor of [give the state, then give the city and state]." 



LETTERS AND NOTES. 



415 



To a Governor's Wife. — Commencement and conclusion, the 
same as for the President's wife. Address a letter to " Mrs, Gov- 
ernor [give name, then give town, or city, and state]." 

To a Lieutenant-Governor. — Commencement and conclusion, 
same as for Governor. Address a letter to " The Honorable [ give 
the name], Lieutenant-Governor of [give state, then add the 
town, etc]." 

A Lieutenant-Governors Wife. — Commencement and con- 
clusion, the same as for the wife of the President. Address a 
letter to "Mrs. Lieutenant-Governor [give name, etc.]" 

A State Senator. — Commencement and conclusion, the same 
as for Governor. Address a letter to "T h e Honorable [ give name], 
State Senator [then give town, etc.] " 

State Senators' Wives. — Same form as for United States 
senators' wives. 

State Representatives. — Commencement, conclusion and ad- 
dressj same as for representatives in Congress. 

Wives of Representatives. — Commencement and conclusion, 
same as given for the wives of senators. Address a letter to 
11 Mrs. Honorable [ give name, town, etc.] " 

State Supreme Court Judges. — Same as for Judges of the 
United States Supreme Court. 

Wives of Judges of State Supreme Courts. — Same as wives 
of Judges of United States Supreme Court. 

Other State Officers. — Commencement and conclusion, the 
same as for Governor. In addressing a letter, give the title 
"Honorable," then the name, and then the office held; as, for 
example, — "The Honorable W. O. Blank, State Treasurer, 
Springfield, 111." " 

Other Official Persons, — In formally addressing any one with 
an official title (like the President of a Board of Education, etc., 
etc.), commerjce a letter with " Sir," as that is more formal than 
the "Dear Sir," and conclude with " I have the honor to be, Sir, 
your obedient [or humble] servant." In addressing the envelope, 
the title " Honorable " is given, then the name, and then the office 
he holds, thus: "The Honorable A. B. So-and-so, President of 
the Board of Education, Chicago, 111.;" or, "Chancellor of the 
State University, Syracuse, N. Y." A judge is of course addressed 



416 LETTERS AND NOTES. 

as "Judge Sidney Drake," and a mayor as "Mayor William 
Brown." The growing American custom is to address the wife 
with the husband's title, as, for example, — " Mrs. Judge Drake," 
or " Mrs. Mayor Brown." 

MILITARY OFFICERS. 

In addressing military officers the commencement of a formal 
letter is " Sir," and the conclusion is, " I have the honor to be, Sir, 
your obedient, humble servant." In addressing a letter always 
give the official title, as for example, " Brigadier-General John A. 
Smith," or "Colonel William Black," or "Lieutenant George 
Stone." The wives have their husbands' titles, as, " Mrs. Colonel 
Brown." The commencement and conclusion of letters to such 
ladies is the same as for the wives of Senators, which we gave. 

NAVAL OFFICERS. 

The same forms are used for the commencement and conclu- 
sion of letters as for military officers. In addressing letters to them 
the title is given, as " Rear-Admiral Porter," or " Lieutenant 
Briggs." The same forms or rules apply in addressing their wives 
as for those of military officers. 

THE CLERGY. 

An Archbishop : — Commence,—" My Archbishop: " conclude, 
— " I have the honor to be, with the highest respect, your Grace's 
most obedient, humble servant." Address the envelope " To His 
Grace, the Archbishop of — , [then give town and state]." 

To a Bishop .-—Commence.—" My Honored Bishop: " conclude, 
— "I have the honor to be, Bishop, your most obedient, humble 
servant." Address a letter,— "To the Right Rev. the Bishop of 

To Clergymen: — Commence, — "Reverend Sir: " conclude, — 
" I have the honor to be, Reverend Sir, your obedient [or humble] 
servant." Address a letter, — "To Rev. John Jones [then add 
'D. D.,' or ' LL. D.,' or both, if he is entitled to them, or address 
him as " Rev. Dr. Jones."] In addressing a clergyman whose 
christian name is unknown, the form is "Rev. Mr. Jones," when, 
if his name was known, it would be " Rev. John Jones." 



LETTERS AND NOTES.' 417 

One clergyman writing to another with whom he has little 
acquaintance beyond being in the same profession, frequently 
adopts the form, " Eev. and dear Sir." After exchanging one or 
two letters, he adopts the " Dear Sir." 

MISCELLANEOUS TITLES. 

Various titles of a miscellaneous character are used in 
addressing letters and notes of invitation, and we offer the follow- 
ing list, which will include most titles of that kind: 

His Excellency and Mrs. J. A. Garfield. 

Governor and Mrs. Richard Oglesby. 

Hon. and Mrs. William M. Evarts. 

Rev. (or Rev. Dr.) and Mrs. Leonard W. Bacon. 

Professor and Mrs. J. H. Mather. 

Dr. and Mrs. W. O. Brown. 

If the wife also has a title, one of the following may be the form: 
Drs. Geo. H. and Ellen O. Howard. 
Rev. O. B. and Mrs. Dr. J. E. Frost. 
Mr. W. H. and Mrs. Dr. H. F. Briggs. 

In addressing a lady alone the following are the forms: 
Mrs. Rev. John W. Sampson. 
Rev. Mrs. Geo. Stone, or Rev. Mrs. Julia F. Stone. 
Rev, Miss Abbey S. Smith, or Rev. Abbey S. Smith. 
Mies Dr. Mary B. Cole, or Dr. Mary B. Cole. 

His Eminence is applied to a Cardinal. 

His Grace is applied to an Archbishop. 

Right Rev. is applied to a Bishop. 

Very Rev. is applied to a Yicar General. 

Rev. is applied to a Clergyman, Priest or Rabbi. 

D. D. is applied to a Doctor of Divinity. 

LL. D. is applied to a Doctor of Laws. 

Dr. or M. D. is applied to a Physician or Surgeon. 

Dr., D. D. S., or D. M. D., is applied to a Dentist. 

D. M. is applied to a Doctor of Music. 

Prof, is applied to College Professors, Teachers and eminent 
Scholars and Scientists, who are specialists in any branch of 
learning. 

His Excellency is applied to the President «of the United 
States, the Governor of a State, and the Ministers to or from our 
country. 



418 LETTEES AND NOTES. 

The term Honorable is applied to the Vice-President, mem- 
bers of the Cabinet, Senators and Representatives, heads oi 
Departments and their Assistants, Lieutenant Governors, mem- 
bers of a State Legislature, Consuls, Mayors of cities and Judges 
of Law Courts. 

FOREIGN TITLES. 

The Queen (or King) .-—Commence— " Madam [or Sir]: " con- 
clude — " I have the honor to be, with the profoundest veneration, 
Madam [or Sir], your Majesty's most faithful subject and dutiful 
servant." Address the envelope — "To the Queen's [or King's] 
Most Excellent Majesty." 

Members of Royal Family .-—Commence—" Sir [or Madam]: " 
conclude — " I have the honor to be, Sir [or Madam], your Royal 
Highness' most obedient, humble servant." Address envelope 
—"To His [or Her] Royal Highness." 

A Duke or Duchess: — Commence— " My Lord Duke [or My 
Lady]:"conclude — "I have the honor to be, my Lord Duke [or 
Madam], your Grace's most obedient, humble servant." Address 

envelope, " His Grace, the Duke of ," or " Her Grace, the 

Duchess of ." 

Marquis or Marchioness : — Commence, — " My Lord Marquis 
[or My Lady]:" conclude, — "I have the honor to be, my Lord 
Marquis [or Madam], your Lordship's [or Ladyship's] most 
obedient, humble servant." Address the envelope, " The Most 
Noble, the Marquis [or Marchioness] of ." 

Earl or Countess: — Commence, — "My Lord [or My Lady]: " 
conclude,—" I have the honor to be, Sir [or Madam], your most 
obedient, humble servant." Address envelope, — "To the Right 
Honorable the Earl of [or Countess of] ." 

Viscount or Viscountess : — Commence, — " My Lord [or My 
Lady]:" conclude, same as for Earl. Address envelope, — "The 
Right Honorable the Viscount [or Viscountess] of -." 

Baron or Baroness : — Commence, — " My Lord [or My Lady] : " 
conclude, same as for Earl. Address envelope, — "The Right 
Honorable the Lord [or Lady] ." 

Archbishop : — Commence, — " My Lord Archbishop : " con- 
clude,— "I have the honor to be, my Lord Archbishop, with the 



LETTEKS AND NOTES. 419 

highest respect, your Grace's most obedient, humble servant." 
Address envelope, " To His Grace, the Lord Archbishop of — 



»5 



Bishop:— Commence,— "My Lord Bishop:" conclude, — "I 
have the honor to be, my Lord Bishop, your Lordship's most 
obedient, humble servant." Address envelope, — "To the Bight 
Kev., the Bishop of ." 

Widows of Peers, if the successors to the title are married, 

are addressed, " Her Grace, the Duchess Dowager of ," or 

"The Most Noble, the Marchioness Dowager of ." 

Baronets, in order to distinguish them from Knights, are 
addressed thus: "Sir H. Grey, Bart." 

A Knight would be addressed, " Sir J. Jones, Kt." 

Right Hon. is applied to the members of the Privy Council, 
the Lord Provost of Edinburg acd the Lord Mayors of London, 
York and Dublin, during their continuance in office. 

Honorary titles of "K. G.," " K. C. B.," "M. P.," etc., may be 
added to a name. When there is more than one title applicable 
to the same person, it is customary to give one only, and include 
the others under an " etc," Thus, for example, " H. R. H., the 
Prince of Wales, K. G., etc." 

The title Lady is prefixed to the name of those women whose 
husbands are Knights or higher in rank, or whose fathers are 
Earls or higher. 

All the sons of Dukes and Marquises, and the eldest sons of 
Earls, have the title of Lord and Right Honorable, and their 
wives are addressed accordingly. 

The younger sons of Earls, and the sons of Viscounts and 
Barons, are styled Esquire and Honorable. The daughters and 
sons' wives are also Honorable. 

ANSWERING LETTERS. 
It is as disrespectful not to answer a letter promptly 
as it is not to reply when spoken to. If a letter is 
disrespectful or insulting it should be returned at once 
to the writer, but otherwise it should receive a prompt 
answer. In business letters especially, promptness in 
replying is very important. 



420 LETTERS AND NOTES. 

In answering letters it is customary to first acknowl- 
edge the receipt, and mention the date, of the letter to 
which you are replying. In business letters the sub- 
stance of the letter is also frequently given before 
proceeding with the answer. Some form like the fol- 
lowing is often used: " I am in receipt of your esteemed 
favor of the 15th inst., inquiring the price of my -farm. 
In reply I would say, etc." Another form would be: " I 
have just received, on my return to the city after a short 
absence, the letter you did me the honor to write on the 
25th ulto." Friendly letters would begin more as fol- 
lows: "Dear Hattie, — I received on yesterday your 
welcome letter of the 14th inst." 

When several inquiries are made in a letter, a careful 
and detailed reply should be made to each one, going 
over the letter point by point. In business letters, 
certainly, one cannot be too careful and explicit. 

It is not good form for two persons to write in the 
same letter. Great intimacy with the one addressed 
may at times excuse it ? but it is rarely allowable. 

LETTERS OF CONDOLENCE. 

These are probably among the most difficult letters 
any one is called upon to write. Some people seem to 
have a natural gift for writing friends at such a time, 
but others are at a loss what to say. At such times no 
high-sounding or stilted phrases should be used, and 
all straining after effect should be avoided. The open 
wounds must be touched gently if they are to be soothed 
instead of irritated. Labored attempts to "administer 
consolation" are out of place. What is needed is a 
simple and genuine expression of sympathy. 

Letters of condolence should be written as soon as 
possible after hearing of the affliction or misfortune 
which has overtaken a friend. Some authors insist that 



LETTERS AND NOTES. 421 

letters of condolence should be written on black-edged 
paper, but others do not, and we do not think the best 
form requires it. 

Answering letters of condolence promptly is not 
demanded. The afflicted ones are often in little mood 
for writing, and their feelings should not be taxed to 
reply to all letters received at such a time. 

The following letter, sent by Thomas Jefferson to 
John Adams, on the death of the latter's wife, is a model 
in its form and spirit, and may interest our readers: 



Montioello, Nov. 13, 1818. 
The public papers, my dear friend, announce the fatal event of which your 
letter of October the 20th had given me ominous foreboding. Tried, myself, 
in the school of affliction, by the loss of every form of connection which can 
rive the human heart, I know well and feel what you have lost, what you have 
suffered, are suffering, and have yet to endure. The same trials have taught me 
that for ills so immeasurable, time and silence are the only medicine. 1 will 
not, therefore, by useless condolences, open afresh the sluices of your grief, nor, 
although mingling sincerely my tears with ycurs, will I say a word more where 
words are vain, but it is some comfort to us both that the time is not far distant 
at which we are to deposit in the same cerement our sorrows and suffering 
bodies, and to ascend in essence to an ecstatic meeting with the friends we have 
loved and lost, and whom we shall still love and never lose again. God bless 
you and support you under your heavy affliction. 

TH. JEFFERSON. 



LAFAYETTE TO JEFFERSON, ANNOUNCING THE 
DEATH OF HIS WIFE. 

Anteuil, Jan. 11, 1808. 

My dear Friend :— The constant mourning of your heart will be deepened 
by the grief I am doomed to impart to you. Who better than you can sympathize 
for the loss of a beloved wife? The angel who for thirty-four years has blessed 
my life, was to you an affectionate, grateful friend. Pity me, my dear Jefferson, 
and believe me, forever, with all my heart, 

Yours, 

LAFAYETTE. 

[Although not strictly a letter of condolence, this is a letter of mourning, 
and we place it under this head. It will doubtless interest many readers by its 
touching pathosj 



422 LETTERS AND NOTES. 



TO A DAUGHTER ON THE DEATH OF A CHILD. 

My darling Emma ;— Oh, how my heart aches for you! 1 feel as though my 
own loss was almost as much as yours. I cannot write much — I am blinded by 
my tears. Oh ! that I could be with, you, to hold you in my arms and mingle my 
tears with yours. May God comfort you, my darling— that is our only refuge. 

MOTHER. 

LETTER TO A FRIEND ON HEARING OF A REVERSE 
OF FORTUNE. 

Mobile, Ala., Dec. 5, 1889. 

My dear Mary:—I am deeply pained to hear of your husband's sad and 
sudden loss of property . I hoped that with his experience and knowledge of 
business he would not become involved in speculation. Do not look at matters 
as hopeless, but try and sustain your husband in his misfortune, and let him 
feel that his wife can cheerfully part with luxuries that are often more highly 
prized than they deserve. Your character is still unchanged, and your friends 
esteem you as highly as ever. By economy and well-directed effort your husband 
may soon regain his position. 

Trusting that your calamity may not prove as bad as at first anticipated' 
and that your prospects may soon brighten, I am, 

Your devoted friend, 

JULIA B. THOMPSON. 

To Mrs. Mary Blaok, Atlanta, Ga. 



TO A FRIEND AFTER SUSTAINING A LOSS BY FIRE. 

Frankfort, Ky., June 19, 1889. 

My dear Hopkins:-'! am sincerely sorry to hear of the destruction of your 
store by fire. I understand you were only partially insured, but trust you will 
not be eeriously embarrassed. The spirit with which reverses are met shows the 
mettle of the man, and with your ability and perseverance I doubt not you will 
soon be in better shape than ever before. In the meantime be assured of my 
warmest sympathy, and, if I can be of further assistance to you, do not hesitate 
to let me know. Very truly yours, 

JOHN W. DRAPER. 

To Frank Hopkins, 

Lexington, Ky. 



LETTERS OF GONGRATULATION. 

These may be written to a friend on receiving intel- 
ligence that any good fortune has befallen him, or upon 
the occurrence of any joyous event in his life. They 



LETTERS AND NOTES. 423 

may be brief, and should be free from all taint of envy 
or foreboding. No irrelevant matter should be intro- 
duced, and certainly no bad news, to mar the cheerfulness 
of the note. No high-sounding or insincere phrases 
should ever be used, but a merry — or, possibly, an 
exultant — tone may pervade the letter. 

Such letters should be sent as soon as possible after 
the occurrence of the events which call them forth. 

Unlike letters of condolence, these letters should be 
answered as promptly as circumstances will allow. 

A FORMAL LETTEE OF CONGRATULATION. 




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d-rie -z^£^£ dav'M, J*e ^ed/v-tee/ /& '/lei 



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95 Argyle Place, 

Dec. 15, 1889. 



FORMAL CONGRATULATION ON THE BIRTH OF 
A SON. 

Mr. and Mrs. Brownell desire to tender their hearty congratulations to 
Mr. and Mrs. Slason upon the fulfilment of their wish for a son and heir. 
Sunnyside, May 10, 1889. 

CONGRATULATING A YOUNG LADY ON HER 

BIRTHDAY. 

Memphis, June 20, 1889. 
My dear Hattie;—! awoke, this morning, with the recollection that this is 
your birthday, and I cannot allow the day to pass without sending you my 
sincere congratulations on the completion of another year of your snnny life. 



424 LETTERS AND NOTES. 



You are now just reaching an age when yon will be able to appreciate the 
benefits and pleasures of social life, and I sincerely hope that each recurring 
anniversary will bring you increasing happiness, and the possession of that higb 
health which will contribute so much to your enjoyment. 

Your sincere friend, 

MAY B. WILLIAMS. 
To Miss Hattie Brown, 95 Bishop Court. 



CONGRATULATING A FRIEND ON HIS MARRIAGE. 

Fort Worth, Texas, June 19, 1890. 
My dear George :— I have just received your card giving me notice of jour 
marriage. Accept my hearty congratulations on the joyful event. Knowing as 
I have, your long and devoted attachment, I am the more rejoiced at its happy 
culmination in marriage. I sincerely hope that each succeeding year may find 
you happier than the one before, and that life's richest blessings may be show- 
ered upon you. Cordially yours, 

FRANK CARROLL. 
To George Harding, Dallas, Texas. 



CONGRATULATING A FRIEND ON HIS GOOD FORTUNE. 

Atlanta, Ga., Oct. 3, 1890. 
My dear Jones:— I have just learned of your promotion to the position of 
cashier in the bank. No one has noted your rapid advancement with more 
pleasure than your old room-mate. I know you merit all the preferment you 
have yet received, and hope this is only the prelude to something much better. 
No one rejoices, or will rejoice more at your success, than 

Your sincere friend, 

JOHN GOBLE. 
To Henry Jones, Nashville, Tenn. 



SOCIAL AND FRIENDLY LETTERS. 

The easy, graceful and prompt letter writer will 
usually have many friends, and retain them. In these 
days, however, the long-drawn-out letters of olden times 
are not in favor, shorter letters having taken their place. 
In social and friendly letters a free, easy and uncon- 
strained style is the most suitable — a style free from 
formality and pedantry. In writing to one's friends, all 
sorts of little details may be given. These things give 
life to the picture and to those who feel a personal 
interest in one's welfare they are nearly always inter- 



LETTEKS AND NOTES. 425 

esting. Those &b home who write to absent members of 
the family can hardly be too minute, as there will be 
some association in memory with each little thing, while 
those who are among strangers and writing home will 
increase the charm of their letters by making the 
sketches of their new life and surroundings vivid. The 
limpid flowing style, however, which seems so easy and 
graceful when read, is not usually acquired without 
some effort. 

One thing about which people should be very care- 
ful, is scolding or fault-finding in letters. These things 
are bad enough when spoken, but on paper they are 
infinitely worse, and may rise up and face one long after 
the spoken word would have been forgotten. When 
angry, one should avoid pen, ink and paper, as he would 
a nest of vipers. So, also, the fretful and complaining 
spirit may prompt to the most unfortunate results, as in 
the case of the letters of Jane Welsh Carlyle. 

As cheerful a tone as possible should be maintained 
in letters. Of course, in seasons of misfortune and 
bereavement, any one who writes naturally, must allow 
his feelings to appear in his letters, and at such times 
one's friends are glad to sympathize and console, but on 
all ordinary occasions a cheerful and hopeful tone is 
vastly better than the doleful, dolorous style. 

Following is a letter written by Sir Walter Scott to 
his son, which is a very good specimen of a family 
letter. 

Abbotsfokd, 22d October, 1324. 
My Dear Charles .•— I am glad to hear you are 6af ely settled at college— I 
trust with, the intention of making your residence there subservient to the 
purposes of steady study, -without which it will be only a waste of expense and 
leisure. I believe the matter depends very much on a youth himself, and, there- 
fore, hope to hear that you are strenuously exerting yourself to hold an 
honorable situation among the students of your celebrated university. Yoar 
course will not be unmarked, as something is expected from the son of any 
literary man; and in this case I sincerely hope these expectations will be amply 
gratified. 



426 LETTERS AND NOTES. 

I am obliged to Mr . Hughes for his kind attentions in your favor, as I dare 
say that any one to whom he introduces you will be acquaintance worth culti- 
vating. I shall be glad to hear that you have taken up your ground at col Lege, 
and who are like to be your set . I hope you will make your way to the clever 
fellows and not put up with doldrums. Every man soon falls behind who 
does not aspire to keep with the foremost in the race. 

I have little domestic news to tell you. Old Maida died quietly in his straw 
last week after a good supper, which, considering his weak state, was rather a 
deliverance. He is buried below his monument, on which the following epitaph 
is engraved— though it is great audacity to send Teviotdale Latin to Brazenose: 

" Maidse marmorse dormis sub imagine Maida, 
Ad januam domini; sit tibi terra levis." 

Thus Englished by an eminent hand— 

" Beneath the sculptured form which late you wore, 
Sleep soundly, Maida, at your master's door." 

Yesterday we had our solemn hunt and killed fourteen hares, but a dog of 
Sir Adam's broke her leg, and was obliged to be put to death in the field. Little 
Johnnie talks the strangest gibberish I ever heard, by way of repeating his little 
poems. I wish the child may ever speak plain. Mamma, Sophia, Anne and I 
send love. Always your affectionate father, 

WALTER SCOTT. 



We also give a letter written by the poet, Thomas 
Gray, to his mother: 

Lyons, October 13 (N. S.), 1739. 
Dear Mother : —It is now almost five weeks since I left Dijon, one of the 
gayest and most agreeable little cities of France, for Lyons, its reverse in all these 
particulars. It is the second in the kingdom in bigness and rank ; the streets 
are excessively narrow and nasty ; the houses immensely high and large (that, 
for instance, where we are lodged has twenty-five rooms on a floor, and that for 
five stories) ; it swarms with inhabitants like Paris itself, but chiefly a mercan- 
tile people, too much given up to commerce to think of their own, much less a 
stranger's diversions. We have no acquaintance in the town, but such English 
as happen to be passing through on their way to Italy and the south, which at 
present happen to be nearly thirty in number. It is a fortnight since we set out 
from hence upon a little excursion to Geneva. We took the longest road, which 
lies through Savoy, on purpose to see a famous mountain called the Grand 
Chartreuse, and had no reason to think our time lost. After having traveled 
seven days very slow (for we did not change horses, it being impossible for a 
chaise to go post in these roads) we arrived at a little village, among the moun- 
tains of Savoy, called Eschelles, from thence we proceeded on horses, who are 
used to the way, to the mountain of the Chartreuse. It is six miles to the top; 
the road runs winding up it, commonly not six feet broad; on one hand is the 
rock with woods of pine trees hanging overhead, on the other, a monstrous 
precipice, almost perpendicular, at the bottom of which rolls a torrent, that 
sometimes tumbling among the fragments of stone that have fallen from on 
high, and sometimes precipitating itself down vast descents with a noise like 
thunder, which is still made greater by the echo from the mountains on each 



LETTERS AND NOTES. 427 



side, concurs to form one of the most solemn, most romantic, and the most 
astonishing scenes I have ever beheld Add to this the strange views made by 
the crags and cliffs on the other hand ; the cascades from many places throw 
themselves from the very summit down into the vale and the river below, and 
many other particulars impossible to describe ; you will conclude we had no 
occasion to repent our pains. 



LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION. 

Letters of introduction should be brief. They are 
always left unsealed, so that the bearer can easily see 
what is written. We explained in our chapter on " In- 
troductions" (which see) the etiquette regulating the 
giving, presenting and receiving of such letters. The 
envelope should be addressed in the following form : 

Mrs. Horace Williams, 

98 Newport Ave., 

St. Louis, 
Introducing Mo. 

Miss Alice Brown. 

It is always well to explain a little about the char- 
acter or business of the one bearing the letter of 
introduction, and some graceful and complimentary 
remark is always in good form. Such explanations give 
the recipient of the letter some clue to act upon. 

The form for a letter of introduction is usually about 
as follows: 

Boston, May 19, 1889. 
My dear Mrs. Mead :— I take great pleasure in introducing to you my old 
friend and schoolmate, Miss Ellen Fisk. She expects to spend a few months in 
your city, and I am confident you will derive much pleasure from her acquaint- 
ance. Any attention you can show her will be warmly appreciated by 

Yours sincerely, 
To Mrs. J. O. Mead, OLIVIA A. CARROLL. 

New York. 

A very terse form for a letter of introduction would 
be as follows: 



428 LETTERS AND NOTES. 

Springfield, Mass., May 9, 1889. 
Dear Mr. Brown:— The bearer of this note, Mr. A. B. Cole, is my old 
school teacher. Any courtesies you can show him will oblige 

Yours very truly, 
To Mr. F. 0. Brown, MARY B. HOLMES. 

Boston, Mass. 

INFORMAL INVITATIONS. 

In our chapter on "Invitations, Acceptances and 
Kegrets," we discussed quite fully the matter of formal 
invitations. Informal invitations, however, must, of 
course, be shaped largely by the relations of the parties 
and the nature of the occasion ; but, even in these, no 
lack of courtesy should ever be shown. We give two or 
three specimens, designed more for suggestion than 
anything else. They are designed merely to illustrate 
the informal style: 

INVITATION TO A PICNIC. 

Dear Hattie :— if the weather is propitious, we design, in connection with 
a few of our friends, to have a picnic at " The Dells " next Thursday. Carriages 
will start from Mrs. Crosby's at nine o'clock. Can we count on the pleasure 
of your company? Come if you can. We will retain a seat for you in our 
carriage. Sincerely yours, 

Oct. 19, 1889. CLARA GOBLE. 

INVITATION TO A CROQUET PARTY. 

My dear Tom .-—The girls are planning a croquet party for next Friday 
afternoon at three o'clock. Can we count on you? Miss Jones says she must 
play on your side, as otherwise she is sure of defeat. We shall be much disap- 
pointed if you can not come. Sincerely yours, 

To Thomas Hoeton. FRANK SPOONER. 

INVITATION TO A PICNIC PARTY.— A LADY TO A 

GENTLEMAN. 

My dear Mr. Brown .—My cousins frcm Hartford are visiting me now, and 
this perfect summer weather has induced us to plan a picnic to Ogden Grove 
for next Wednesday. We will start about ten A. M., and the present plan is to 
return by moonlight. If you can join us we shall be most happy to have you. 
We have a vacant seat for you in our carriage. Can we expect you? 

Yours sincerely, 

To Mr. G. G. Bnown. EMMA HARDING. 



LETTERS AND NOTES. 429 

ANSWER TO THE LATTER. 

My dear Miss Harding :— Your kind invitation for the picnic next Wednes- 
day is just received. I have been longing to spend a day in the country for 
some time, and it will afford me great pleasure to attend. 1 will call at your 
house promptly at 9:45. Yours sincerely, 

To Miss Emma Haeding, G. G. BROWN. 

92 Ogden Ave. 



ANSWER TO INVITATION TO LUNCH. 


@%y JecU (^U.J/kwed, ■ 


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/#■ dt-rie -t^-uA^ sM&it ;yie<z& {^/edwedt/a^- 


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--&<zdl4sU/ifr1f. 



BUSINESS LETTERS. 

Business letters should be brief, but clear and to the 
point. The time of business men is valuable, and they 
do not care to waste it reading long, rambling letters. 
At the same time clearness should not be sacrificed nor 
essential points omitted in the effort to be brief. It is 
always best to carefully read over a business letter 
before sending, to be sure that no mistake has been 
made, and that no essential point has been omitted. A 
copy should be kept of all important letters. 



430 LETTERS AND NOTES. 

The request to answer or forward goods " by return 
mail " has come to be regarded by many business men as a 
mere matter of form, and if any emergency really exists 
requiring promptness, it is better to state the reason; 
as, for example, in ordering a book one might say, "You 
will oblige me by sending it by return mail, as I want 
it for a birthday present on the 15th inst." Any mer- 
chant will exert himself to be prompt if he sees there is 
really some urgent reason for it. 

Do not send articles of value or money (except very 
small amounts) in an unregistered letter. Be sure the 
letter is correctly addressed, and that it has sufficient 
stamps on it, before mailing it. In every business letter 
have your name and address clearly given, so that a 
reply can be sent without trouble. Be particular to see 
that the envelope is clearly and correctly addressed. 

The following forms which we give are mainly 
intended to be suggestive to our readers: 

A LETTEE SUBSCRIBING FOR A MAGAZINE. 

Dayton, O., Dec. 22, 1889. 
Messrs. Harper & Bros., 

New York: 
Gentlemen : — I enclose herewith draft for four dollars, for which please 
send me the " Bazar " for one year, from Jan. 1st next. 
Address: Yours respectfully, 

Miss Jane Williams, JANE WILLIAMS. 

74 Hubbard Street, Dayton, O. 

LETTER ORDERING GROCERIES. 

Seneca, Kas., Oct. 5, 1888. 
Messrs. Jones & Black, 

Gentlemen .-—Please deliver the following groceries to the bearer, with bill 
for the same: 

2 lbs. Java coffee, roasted (not ground) ; 

3 lbs. granulated sugar; 
2 cakes Ivory soap. 

Charge to our account, and oblige, 

Yours respectfully, 

JULIA A. HUNT. 



LETTERS AND NOTES. 431 

LETTEE OF INQUIRY ABOUT A SERVANT. 

19 Adams St., Toledo, O., Dec. 10, 1890. 
Dear Madam /—Bridget Mahaffey applies to me for the position of cook, 
and refers me to you for information abont her character and competence. I 
am particularly anxious to get a reliable woman this time, as my last cook 
occasioned me much trouble . Any information regarding her qualifications 
will be thankfully received. I am, Madam, 

Your obedient servant, 
To Mrs. H. E. Claek, ANNIE SLOAN. 

18 Bishop Court. 



ANSWER TO THE ABOVE. 

Toledo, Dec. 11, 1890. 
Dear Madam .'—In reply to your favor of yesterday, asking about Bridget 
Mahaffey, I beg to say that she has served as my cook for about a year. I found 
her entirely competent, and believe her to be honest. She left me (much to my 
regret) on account of ill-health. I am, Madam, 

Your obedient servant, 
To Mrs. Annie Sloan, HELEN CLAEK. 

19 Adams Street. 



APPLICATION FOR A SITUATION. 

St. Louis, Mo., May 10, 1889. 
Messrs Hunt & Jones, 

Cincinnati, O. 
Gentlemen:— I am informed by my friend, Mr. J. G. Brooks, that he is 
going South on account of ill-health, and that you will need a type-writer to fill 
his position . I would like to apply for the situation. I have had three years 
experience, and refer you to my employers, Messrs. Hubbard & Spencer, 19 
Arch St., as to my ability. I prefer working in Cincinnati, as I have relatives 
there. Hoping you will consider my application favorably, I am, 

Respectfully yours, 

GEO. O. SLOSON. 



As every one should be familiar with the forms for 
notes and receipts, we give the forms herewith : 

A PROMISSORY NOTE WITHOUT INTEREST. 

$200. Dallas, Tex., May 4, 1889. 

Sixty days after date I promise to pay to William Spooner,or 
order, at the First National Bank, Two Hundred Dollars. Value 
received. John Howard. 



432 LETTERS AND NOTES. 

If the note is intended to draw interest, that should 
be added by saying, "with interest at six (or whatever 
it may be) per cent." Unless the interest is mentioned 
none can be collected. 



A JOINT NOTE. 

$100. Los Angeles, Cal., May 9, 1889. 

Two months after date we jointly promise to pay William 
Hammond, or order, One Hundred Dollars; value received. 

Geoege Hakding. 
H. O. Pratt. 



A KEOEIPT ON ACCOUNT. 

San Francisco, May 3, 1889. 
Received of Mary Curtiss, Four Hundred Dollars, on account. 

M. D. Walker. 



A RECEIPT IN FULL OF ALL DEMANDS. 

$500. New Orleans, June 18, 1889. 

Received of John Carruthers, Five Hundred Dollars, in full 
of all demands to date. S. M. Higgins. 



A DUE BILL. 
$100. Chicago, April 1, 1890. 

Due Helen Briggs, or order, One Hundred Dollars. 

George Caedy. 

A SIGHT DRAFT. 
$100. Boston, May 10, 1889. 

At sight, pay to G. O. Claflin, or order, One Hundred Dollars, 
and charge to account of William Slack. 

To F. E. Bryant, 

Tiffin, O. 



LETTERS AND NOTES. 433 

FORM FOR A TIME DRAFT. 
$300. Atlanta, June 12, 1890. 

At twenty days' eight, pay to David Strong, or order, Three 
Hundred Dollars, and charge the same to the account of 

B. F. Beackett. 
To Smith & Williams, 

New Orleans, La. 

FORM FOR A BILL. 

Richmond, Va., May 10, 1889. 
John R. Jones, 

To William Black, Dr. 

To 10 lbs. granulated sugar, @ 8c, $ .80 

" 15 " Rio coffee, @ 25c, 3.75 

" 2 " Japan tea, @ $1.00., 2.00 

$6.55 



NOTES ASKING OR DECLINING FAVORS. 

It is often necessary or desirable to ask favors of 
others. Such notes should be clear and simple, and, 
while avoiding all appearance of begging, there should 
be no indication of any lack of appreciation of the favor 
solicited. When a request is granted, it should be done 
without implying that the recipient is placed under any 
obligations thereby — rather intimate that it is a pleasure 
to grant it. A refusal should be delicately worded, and, 
if possible, the reason for refusing should be given. 
Never wound another's feelings when it can be avoided. 

REQUESTING THE LOAN OP A BOOK. 

Tuesday, Feb. 10, 18—. 
Dear Hattie :— Will you kindly loan me your copy of "The Treasury of 
Poetry? " I want to refer to some of the poems it contains, and I will return it 
in a few days. Assuring you I shall appreciate the favor, I am, 

Yours sincerely, 

MARY F. WELLS. 
To Miss Hattie Bemis. • 



434 LETTEES AND NOTES. 

BEPLY GRANTING THE FAVOR. 

Wednesday, Feb. 11, 18—. 
My dear Mary :— I am very glad to loan you the book you ask for, and senA 
it by the bearer. On March 1, I am to read some selections from it, but shall 
not need it until then. Hoping it will be of service to you, I am, 

Yours cordially, 

HATTIE BEMIS. 
To Miss Mary F. Wells. 

AN UNFAVORABLE ANSWER. 

Wednesday, Feb. 11, 18—. 
My dear Mary:— I regret that the book you ask for is already loaned t« 
another of my friends. If it is returned soon I will send it at once to you. Re- 
gretting that I am compelled to delay my compliance with your request, I am, 

Very sincerely yours, 

HATTIE BEMIS. 
To Miss Mary F. Wells. 

ASKING FOR A LETTER OF INTRODUCTION. 

Lexington, May 14, 18—. 
Bear friend Carrie: — I start for Richmond on the 20th, and expect to be 
detained there some three months. Will you kindly give me a letter of intro- 
duction to your old friend, Mrs. Vernon? I shall esteem it a great favor as I 
am unacquainted in the city. 1 hope to see you before I go. 

Your sincere friend, 

MARY F. CARROLL. 
To Mrs. Carrie Robbins. 

NOTE ASKING A LOAN OF MONEY. 

Cairo, May 15, 18—. 
My dear Sir:— I was unfortunately induced to sign a note with an old 
friend of mine, and find myself suddenly called upon to pay it. I find I need 
($200) two hundred dollars more than I have on hand to meet the demand. 
Can you loan me that amount until July 1st? The interest on my streets 
railway bonds is due on that date, and I can then easily repay you. If it will 
inconvenience you at all, pray do not hesitate to decline; but if it does not 
inconvenience you, the short loan will greatly oblige, 

Yours very truly, 

HOMER D. LOOMIS. 
To Mb. Seth Lamson. 

LETTERS OF RECOMMENDATION. 

As such letters are intended as indorsements o£ 
character designed to induce others to repose trust or 
confidence in another, they should never be given to 
unworthy persons from a good-natured indisposition to 



LETTERS AND NOTES. 435 

refuse. One should politely decline to give such a 
letter when there is the least question about the worthi- 
ness of the party desiring it. To knowingly induce 
another, although a stranger, to trust an unworthy 
person is to be a party to a fraud. 

LETTER RECOMMENDING A COOK. 

Frankfort, July 18, 18—. 
This is to certify that the bearer of this letter, Miss Mary Mahaffey, has 
been in my employ for three years, serving as cook. She does all kinds of 
cooking well, is honest and obliging, and gave me entire satisfaction. 

CAROLINE F. SANFORD. 

LETTER RECOMMENDING A BOOK-KEEPER. 

Erie, Pa., Jan. 3, 18—. 

Mr. Howard Williams, the bearer of this letter, has been acting as my 

book-keeper for the last five years. He is an excellent penman, a correct 

accountant, honest, industrious and a gentleman of most exemplary habits . I 

can cheerfully recommend him to anyone, and he certainly has my best wishes. 

JOHN M. FLOYD. 

NOTES RELATING TO GIFTS. 

As we have explained in our chapter on " Presents 
and Borrowing," it is usual to accompany a gift with 
the donor's card, or else to send a note. See page 67 
for a good form for a card accompanying a Christmas 
or New Year's gift. We give a few forms for notes. 

NOTE ACCOMPANYING A BIRTHDAY GIFT. 

18 Archer Avk., June 23, 18—. 
My dear Hattie :— Will you kindly accept the accompanying trifle as a 
token of my sincere regard? Wishing you many happy returns of your birth- 
day, I am, Very sincerely your friend, 

CARRIE S. HOLMAN. 
To Miss Hattie Fellows. 

NOTE ACCOMPANYING A NEW YEAR'S GIFT. 

17 Ogden Place, Dec. 31, 18—. 
Dear Mr. Snow: — Will you kindly accept the accompanying copy of 
Longfellow's Poems, together with my best wishes for a very prosperous and 
happy New Year? Cordially yours, 

MARY A. FORD. 
To Mr. John Snow. 



436 LETTERS AND NOTES. 

ANSWER TO THE LATTER. 

50 Ada St., Jan. 1, 18—. 
Dear Mrs. Ford:— The beautiful copy of Longfellow's Poems you so 
kindly sent me is just received. Longfellow has always been a favorite of mine, 
and I anticipate many hours of pleasure perusing this volume— a pleasure 
which, will always be increased whenever I think of the donor. Wishing you a 
very happy New Year, I am, • Sincerely yours, 

m „ ™ ^ J0HN SNOW. 

To Mbs. Mary A. Foed. 

NOTE ACCOMPANYING A BOUQUET. 

Miss Hanson sends kind regards to Miss Jackson, and begs her to accept 
the accompanying bouquet. 
86 Harrison Ave., May 24. 

ANSWER TO THE LATTER. 

Miss Jackson returns her sincere thanks to Miss Hanson for the beautiful 
bouquet, and gratefully appreciates her kind expression of good will. 
75 Ann St., May 24. 

NOTE ACCOMPANYING A SILVER-WEDDING GIFT. 

.35 Waverly Place, Oct. 9, 18—. 
My dear Mrs. Howard:— I have received your kind invitation to be present 
at your Silver Wedding on Tuesday next, and it will give me great pleasure to 
attend and offer my congratulations with the others present. Kindly accept the 
accompanying menu-holder, as a small token of my affection and esteem. 

Your affectionate friend, 

ELLEN M. BANGS. 
To Mrs. Mary Howard. 

ANSWER TO THE LATTER. 

45 Dkexel Ave., Oct. 10, 18—. 
My dear Miss Bangs :— The beautiful menu-holder which you so kindly 
sent me has been received. Please accept my warmest thanks for your kind 
remembrance, and the expressions of affection and esteem which accompany it. 
Mr. Howard joins me in kind regards. 

Sincerely your friend, 

MARY B. HOWARD. 
To Miss Ellen Bangs. 

NOTES OF APOLOGY. 

In the exigencies of life, notes of apology are some- 
times necessary. They should be prompt, clear, and 
evidently sincere, and the reason should always be given 
for failing to meet your engagement. Never delay in 



LETTERS AND NOTES. 437 

making an apology, as that would often be almost as 
bad as the original offense. A prompt apology, offered 
in the right spirit, should always be accepted. 

APOLOGIZING FOR NOT ATTENDING AN 
ENTERTAINMENT. 

28 Boylston Ate., Jan. 25, 18—. 

My dear Mrs. Brownell : — I fully expected to attend your party last even- 
ing, but during the afternoon I was seized with an unusually violent attack of 
sick-headache (to which I am subject at times), and I was utterly unable to go. 
I had looked forward to the event, and anticipated much pleasure, and I was 
sorely disappointed at my compulsory absence. 

Hoping all the others derived the highest enjoyment from the occasion, I 
am, Sincerely yours, 

CLARA O. WINANS. 

To Mrs. Mary Brownell, 86 Ashland St. 



APOLOGIZING FOR INJURING A BORROWED BOOK. 

43 Anson Plage, Jan. 18, 18—. 
My dear Mr. Higgins : — We had a very narrow escape from a very serious 
calamity at our house last week. A kerosene lamp in our parlor was upset, and 
the oil caught fire. Fortunately, it was extinguished before the flames extended 
to any other room, but I regret to say that the copy of Buskin's "Modern 
Painters " which you so kindly loaned me was completely drenched with water. 
1 send another copy herewith, and sincerely hope your copy was not especially 
prized as a gift, or from association. Assuring you that I highly appreciate 
your kind thoughtfulness in extending me the loan, and that I deeply regret 
that the book met with such a sad misfortune, I am, 

Very sincerely yours, 

JULIA M. BABNETT. 
To Mr. Balph Higgins. 



APOLOGY FOR NOT KEEPING AN APPOINTMENT. 

19 Ada Street, Aug. 15, 18 -. 
My dear Mrs. Howell :— I must apologize for not keeping my engagement 
with you yesterday afternoon, but about two o'clock a runaway horse upset a 
buggy in front of our house and threw the occupants on to the sidewalk. One 
of them, a lady, was picked up unconscious and carried into our sitting-room. 
A doctor was summoned, restoratives applied, and in the evening she was able 
to be carried to her own home. At first we feared the worst, but we now hope 
she will suffer no permanent injurious results from the accident. I extremely 
regret breaking my engagement, but, considering the circumstances, I trust 
you will pardon me. Cordially yours, 

FBANCES E. HOOD. 
To Mrs. Julia Howell. 



438 LETTERS AND NOTES. 

EXCUSING A CHILD FEOM SCHOOL. 

Thursday, Jan. 18, 18-. 
Miss Clara Adams :— Hattie has been confined to the house for two days 
with a very severe cold, and on this account you will please excuse her absence 
from school. Yours respectfully, 

MARY SNOWDEN. 



NOTES OP POSTPONEMENT. 

These notes should be sent out immediately, when it 
becomes evident that a postponement is necessary. 
Always state the reason for postponing the party — and 
the reason should be weighty enough to justify the 
change of plans. 

NOTE POSTPONING AN EVENING PARTY. 

Mrs. Brackett regrets that the sudden and severe illness of her daughter 
[or state whatever the cause may be] necessitates the postponement until her 
recovery, of her evening party of Thursday the 21st inst. 

NOTE POSTPONING A LAWN-TENNIS PARTY. 

August 11, 18—. 
My dear Mr. Jones .—The lawn-tennis party for next Thursday (the 14th) 
has been postponed until the following Wednesday (the 20th). Mr. Briggs has 
been suddenly called out of town for a few days, on business, so that he cannot 
be with us if we meet on Thursday; and, as he is so good a player and a general 
favorite, we think all would rather postpone the party for a few days than meet 
without him. 

Hoping you will meet with us on Wednesday the 20th, I am, 

Cordially yours, 

MARY O. HOWARD. 
To Mr. Hknby Jones, City. 



MISCELLANEOUS FORMS. 

While we cannot attempt in this work to give forms 
of notes for all the occasions arising in social and 
business life, we have endeavored to give such as will 
meet the ordinary needs of our readers, and we now offer 
a few miscellaneous forms which may be helpful and 
suggestive to some. 



LETTEES AND NOTES. 439 

LETTER ANNOUNCING AN ENGAGEMENT. 

Atlanta, May 16, 18—. 
My dear Helen:— 1 presume you will not be much surprised to hear that I 
am engaged to Archibald Holland. You once jokingly commented on his 
attentions to me, and we have recently become engaged. His character is 
unexceptionable, and his prospects for business success are now very flattering, 
although he has had many obstacles to overcome in getting his present start. 
I am confident you will be pleased at the announcement that we hope soon to 
be married. With kind regards to your sister, I am, believe me, 
Cordially your friend, 

GRACE MANNING. 
To Miss Helen French. 



ASKING A FRIEND TO ACT AS BRIDESMAID. 

Nashville, Tenn., June 15, 18—. 

My dear Mary :— As you well know, John has been anxious to have our 

wedding take place early in the fall, and we now expect it will occur Oct. 25th. 

Can you act as one of my bridesmaids at that time? I thought of asking all 

the bridesmaids to wear light tarlatan dresses. Would that be convenient for 

you? Assuring you that I shall be much disappointed if you cannot act, I am, 

believe me, Your sincere friend, 

JULIA A. GRAYSON. 
To Miss Mary Crowell. 



REQUESTING A GENTLEMAN TO ACT AS A 

PALL-BEARER. 

m m Albany, Nov. 18, 18— . 

Mr. William Taylor, 

18 Capital Hill. 

Dear Sir /—The funeral of Mr . John Mason will be held at his late residence, 

14 Lincoln St., on Saturday next, at three p. m., to proceed to Woodlawn 

Cemetery . It is the family's request that you act as one of the pall-bearers . 

Yours very truly, 

JOHN BROWN. 

LETTER ASKING A FRIEND TO STAND GODMOTHER. 

91 Ontario St., June 13, 18-^. 

My dear Mrs. Franklin:— My baby is to be christened at St. Paul's 
Church, on Thursday, the 18th. Presuming on our long friendship, I venture 
to ask you to act as godmother. I know very well how great a favor I am 
asking, but among all my friends there is no one whose character I would 
rather have my baby emulate, or whoee advice and counsel I would rather 
have her follow, 

Assuring you that I shall be highly gratified if you can grant the request, 

I am , Your sincere friend , 

m n/r ^ MARY A. FALLOWS. 

To Mrs. Augusta Franklin. 




MARIA HENRIETTA 
Queen of Belgium. 



SOPHIA, 
Queen of Sweden pnd Norway. 



MARIA PIA. 
Queen of Portugal, 



THE QUEENS OF EUROPE. 
(442) 



PART III. 



SUGGESTIONS 



ABOUT THE 



JOILET,BEAUTY.#HEALJH 



A Popular, yet Scientific Treatise on the Cultivation 
and Preservation of Beauty and Health, and on 
Remedying Physical Defects; giving Reli- 
able Recipes for Toilet Preparations 
of Various Kinds and discussing 
the Use and Abuse of 
such Articles. 



Publisher's Note. 



IT HAS been the Publisher's desire to have the subjects of the toilet and 
toilet preparations treated in this work in a thoroughly practical and 
perfectly reliable manner, if possible ; and so, after this article was in 
manuscript, he had it carefully revised by a skillful and highly educated 
physician, with instructions to allow no indorsement or recommendation of 
injurious or questionable preparations, and this physician made many additions 
and suggestions . Certainly great pains have been taken to prepare an article 
giving all needed information on these subjects, which may be consulted by 
its readers with entire confidence. We hope it may prove helpful to that 
large class who desire to treat these matters rationally ; and, while avoiding 
all injurious nostrums to avail themselves of the benefits of legitimate toilet 
preparations. 



(«*) 



ABOUT BEAUTY. 




E DOUBT if there is a woman on earth 
who does not desire to i)e beautiful. An 
instinct, deeper than reason, makes her 
crave it, for beauty is to a woman what 
strength is to a man, and it gives her a 
charm for the other sex which all women 
delight in. Long before the advent of 
man on earth, Nature began to develop 
in the direction of the beautiful. The 
flowers flamed out in brilliant colors which attracted the 
insects, and the birds and quadrupeds began to be 
influenced in their sexual selection by their sense of 
beauty. 

To the cultivated eye all Nature seems radiant with 
beauty. The delicate shades of blooming flowers, and 
the glowing tints of the sunset sky, are not exceptional, 
but only parts of the one great plan. Nature seems 
fairly prodigal with her loveliness. We see it alike in 
the lavish beauty of the butterfly's wing, in the radiant 
plumage of birds, and in the harmonious blending of 
the landscape hues. The flower that blooms only for a 
day, and fades away to be seen no more, is painted with 
an elaborate care worthy to last forever. Each changing 
season — spring, with its restful green and its blossoming 
buds; summer, with its ripening grain and blooming 
flowers ; autumn, with its mellow tints and its resplendent 
and changing foliage; and winter, with its marvelously 
beautiful crystals and its pure and glistening snow and 
ice — each comes to us clothed in robes of radiant beauty. 
Nothing is too ephemeral, or too deeply hidden from 

(445) 



446 ABOUT BEAUTY. 

the eye of man, to escape the delicate touch or the lavish 
care of Nature's art. The whole universe seems to be 
glowing with beauty as our eyes are opening to its 
entrancing loveliness. And in the midst of all this 
prodigal display of beauty in all its forms, shall women 
remain indifferent or content with less than their full 
meed? While it almost seems, at times, as though 
Nature was formed for beauty alone, so all-pervading 
and universal is it, shall women, fully sensible of its 
charm, be indifferent to its power, or is it wrong or 
foolish for them to seek to acquire it? 

At the very first glimpse we get of man on earth, we 
see him attempting to decorate and adorn his person 
before he began to think of dress. 

In all nations, men, with their unfolding aesthetic 
sense, have been led captive by beauty, and poets and 
painters have delighted to picture and sing its praises. 
No woman is conscious of being ugly without a feeling 
of mortification and a sense of loss. "An immense 
number of ugly women," says Mrs. Haweis, " are ill- 
tempered because they are ugly." Even those with 
brilliant intellectual endowments, which in some measure 
compensate for the lack of beauty, feel a sense of envy 
in beholding the charms of those more favored than 
themselves. Madame De Stael (see her portrait else- 
where), brilliant as she was, said she would gladly ex- 
change her mental endowments for Madame Eecamier's 
beauty, for, while she could only draw those of culture 
and learning, Madame Recamier led all classes of men 
captive. (We give her portrait elsewhere.) Now, an 
instinct which is thus deeply rooted in woman's nature 
must be well founded; nor can it be wrong for her 
to endeavor to supplement Nature's gifts, or supply 
her short-comings, within reasonable limits. Even the 
school-girl, feeling the advantage of an attractive appear- 



ABOUT BEAUTY. 447 

ance, seeks to enhance her charms with various devices, 
although, through ignorance of the best ways to produce 
effects, she often renders herself ridiculous. Beautiful 
women strive to retain their charms, and never realize 
that they are waning without a pang of regret. " The 
desire to be beautiful is instinctive, because we were all 
meant to be so," says Miss Frances E. Willard, " though 
so ruthlessly defrauded of it, on the material plane, by 
the ignorant excesses of our ancestors and the follies of 
our own untaught years." To try, as far as we are able, 
to help our readers to overcome the consequences of 
these u ignorant excesses," and to enlighten them, so 
that they may not commit more of these follies, is one 
of the aims of this work. 

Because many vulgar people have bedaubed and 
bedecked themselves with a coarse and revolting lack of 
taste, much contempt and contumely has been heaped 
on the arts of the toilet. Such practices cannot be 
defended . But why, on this account, should we hesitate 
to supplement or remedy defects of nature in these 
regards more than in others ? If a child is born with a 
club foot, we call in the aid of surgery and straighten it; 
if a tooth is out, we replace it; and why, on the same 
principle, should we not seek to cover and remove other 
blemishes? Every one knows of cases where it would 
be a positive relief to friends and acquaintances if art 
could hide some blemish that is an eye- sore. 

The care with which a young lady makes her toilet 
when expecting a call from some desirable suitor, shows 
her sense of the importance of making herself as attrac- 
tive as possible; but, after marriage, too many women 
become careless and indifferent about their personal 
appearance. If we could read the hearts of men, and 
reveal their secrets, we should find that much of their 
discontent and dissatisfaction with their wives has its 



448 ABOUT BEAUTY. 

source in their neglect of those little arts which add so 
much to their loveliness. No home can be what it should 
be while the wife and mother neglects all those little 
amenities which come from refinement and intelligence, 
and which combine to make her charming in person and 
manners. In saying this we have no desire to ignore 
those high qualities of mind and character which are 
the flower of our civilization. It is not the refined and 
cultured woman who is careless and indifferent about 
her appearance ; on the contrary, it is almost invariably 
the ignorant and uncultivated. 

Beauty of face and form alone — mere physical beauty 
— that is not enhanced by education and intelligence, 
and ennobled by religious principle, is like the jewel in 
the swine's snout — it loses a large part of its charm for 
the want of an appropriate setting. But while we by 
no means lose sight of the supreme importance of high 
character, we yet feel . that it is a duty to preserve and 
develop that beauty which has always been the delight 
of men, and for which, in all past ages, they have been 
willing to live and fight and die. " The road to lasting 
love is paved with lasting beauty," says Finck. 

The foundation of all beauty is health. Thus, Dr. 
Pritchard says that " the idea of beauty of person is 
synonymous with that of health and perfect organiza- 
tion." The rich color of cheek and lip, the bright and 
sparkling eye, the well-rounded form — what are these 
but the outward emblems of perfect health ? While the 
pale and sunken cheek, the dull eye and the emaciated 
form, betoken the presence of some wasting disease. 
Not only does disease thus show itself, but also all 
our emotions leave their imprint on the countenance. 
"There is not any virtue the exercise of which, even 
momentarily, will not impress a new fairness upon the 
features," says Mr. Buskin. Every smile of delight, 



ABOUT BEAUTY. 449 

every noble aspiration, every gleam of intelligence, 
impresses itself on the plastic features, while every 
scowl of hate, and every evil emotion, leaves its trace. 
We all know the coarse and repulsive features which 
are produced by a career of dissipation, and the calm 
and sweet expression which cOmes from a life of minis- 
tering to others. Compare, for instance, the faces which 
we give elsewhere in the pictures of the Madonna and 
St. Mary, with the brazen and furrowed features of 
some hardened slave of sin. The importance, therefore, 
of obeying the laws of health, and of developing the 
intellectual and spiritual faculties, will be apparent to 
all, for these things tend in the direction of physical 
beauty. We know of no art which will transfer the 
bewitching smile of innocence and virtue to the hardened 
face of vice, or the rosy glow and elastic step of health 
to the listless victim of dissipation. 

"If educators and parents," says Finck, "would 
impress on the minds of the young the great truth that 
good moral behavior and the industry which leads to 
intellectual pre-eminence are magic sources of youthful 
and permanent personal beauty, they would find it the 
most potent of all civilizing agencies, especially with 
women." 

"Without beauty it is impossible to win. It has 
been well and wisely said: 

* The beautiful are never desolate, 
But some one always loves them/ 

The truth of this saying early forced itself on my 
attention," writes Miss Frances E. Willard, who is 
undoubtedly one of the most brilliant women of our 
day. (See her portrait, which we give elsewhere.) 

In these pages we shall attempt to offer such practical 
suggestions as will help our readers to remedy defects, 



450 ABOUT BEAUTY. 

preserve from too early decay those charms which are 
the delight of their possessors, and develop those feat- 
ures essential to beauty. In compiling these hints we 
have endeavored to give the latest and best available 
information. 

. THE STANDARD OF BEAUTY. 

In various countries, and in different ages of the 
world, the standards of beauty vary. Among the Chinese 
a belle must be fat, with very small feet, small eyes and 
high cheek bones. In Abyssinia the women are admired 
in proportion to their size — the fatter the better. Among 
the savages, various deformities lend attractions to' their 
women — as the Arracan, for example, who desires a hole 
in the lobe of the ear of the fair damsel he idolizes, 
large enough to thrust his hand through; and other 
savage races pierce the lips, nose, etc These differences 
are, however, due to a lack of taste, and with the advance 
of culture there is a tendency toward a uniform standard 
of beauty. Thus, Mr. Buskin, in his " Modern Painters," 
says (speaking of the changes of opinion going on) that 
" those changes are from variations of opinion to unity 
of opinion — that, whatever may be the difference of 
estimate among unpracticed or uncultivated tastes, there 
will be unity of taste among the experienced;" and 
another writer says : " The more we become cultivated 
the more our tastes focus upon a single type.'' An old 
poem, written by Jean Nevisan, thus summarizes the 
physical requirements of beauty: 

"Three things white: the skin, the teeth and hands; 
Three black: the eyes, the eyebrows and lashes; 
Three red: the lips, the cheeks, the nails; 
Three long: the body, the hair and hands; 
Three short: the teeth, the ears and feet; 
Three large: the bust, the head and brow." 




MADAME RECAMIER. 
1451) 



ABOUT BEAUTY. 453 

BEAUTY OF FORM. 

The first thing to be considered is beauty of form. 
Schopenhauer insists that a beautiful form is even more 
potent as an inspirer of love than a handsome face. It 
is certain that a fine figure with a plain face is quite as 
strong an attraction as a beautiful face with a bad figure. 
Many of the defects of form are inherited, while others 
are the result of the manner of life of the individual. 
Bow or bandy legs may be caused by allowing the child 
to walk too young, and uneven shoulders by letting 
children lie chiefly on one side, or in adults by their 
manner of sitting at the desk or work. Sleeping with 
the head high is a frequent cause of round shoulders, 
and studying in a stooping position is another. So the 
work in factories, behind the counter, at the sewing 
machine, or whatever it may be, is apt to leave some 
trace if too long persisted in without some effort to 
counteract the deforming effect. Those who are relieved 
from the necessity of labor idle away their time and 
pine under the effects of indolence and ennui, letting 
their faculties wither away for the lack of that healthy 
exercise and effort which they need to maintain them in 
the full glow of health, and those who should be the 
pictures of womanly vigor fade away and languish as 
soon as their less favored sisters. That beauty is not 
always the accompaniment of wealth and worldly station 
is well known to every observer of life. See, for 
example, the portraits of the queens of Europe, which 
we give elsewhere. 

Those who would preserve or develop beauty of 
figure should take an abundance of exercise, and to 
obtain the best results therefrom it should be pleasure- 
able and in the open air. Gymnastic exercises, while 
beneficial, are apt to be monotonous, and often they are 



454 ABOUT BEAUTY. 

taken in badly ventilated rooms, which partly neutralize 
their good effect. All the out-door exercises, like riding, 
driving, rowing, skating, tennis, swimming, and so on, 
tend to develop the figure and give it that grace and 
fullness which is essential to beauty. To derive the best 
results from any exercise the interest should be excited 
and maintained. For this reason those exercises in 
which several can engage at the same time, or that 
special form for which the individual has special apti- 
tude, or liking for any reason, is always the most 
beneficial. Listless and perfunctory exercises lose half 
their value. 

Skating is a very healthy exercise. That high medical 
authority, the London Lancet, says: "Beyond question, 
skating is one of the finest sports, especially for ladies. 
It is graceful, healthful and stimulating to the muscles. 
. . . . To skate well is a very high accomplishment 
indeed, and perhaps one of the very best exercises in 
which young women and girls can engage with a view 
to healthful development." Dancing, also, which has 
been called the "poetry of motion," is an excellent 
exercise, giving grace to the carriage and developing the 
muscles. 

But there is one exercise which, take it all in all, 
probably surpasses any other, and which possesses the 
advantage of being within the reach of any one, and that 
is walking, When brisk and animated it calls into play 
more muscles than any other single exercise, and it 
necessitates the drawing of long breaths of fresh air, 
thus expanding the lungs and re-vitalizing the blood. In 
England walking is more fashionable and popular than 
in America, and it is undoubtedly one cause of the rosy 
complexion and healthful vigor of the English women. 
In all our cities, people, both young and old, take the 
street cars every day, when it would be far better for 



ABOUT BEAUTY. 455 

them to walk. When going clown town shopping, or 
when going to or from the day's work, if a large pro- 
portion of those who ride would walk, they would in a 
few months gain a store of health that would give a 
new interest and zest to life. In this place we can 
only call the attention of our readers to the value of 
walking as an exercise, and advise them to practice it 
whenever they can. The present popularity of all out- 
door amusements, such as tennis, is a very encouraging 
sign to the admirer of beauty in Women. 

Fresh air, cleanliness of person, sunshine, exercise 
and sleep — these are the five great necessities for the 
development of health and beauty. And they will not 
only produce their beneficial effects on the body, but the 
mind will also be calmed and re-invigorated, for many a 
sour and peevish woman is sour and peevish because her 
nerves are unstrung and her health is impaired. 



ON DEVELOPING BEAUTY AND 
GRACE IN CHILDREN. 




HERE is no mother who desires beauty for 
herself who does not also desire it for her 
children, and many of those who have 
been denied by nature the possession of 
this charm have learned its value and 
would gladly confer it, if possible, on those 
they love with all a parent's devotion. It 
is an undoubted fact that the body, as well 
as the mind, is more easily impressed and 
moulded in childhood than in later years, and those who 
wish to have handsome and well-formed children should 
devote attention to their physical as well as their intel- 
lectual and moral development. It is within the power 
of the mothers, by a little wise forethought and care, to 
largely mould the outward grace and beauty of their 
children. These things are not altogether mysterious 
gifts of the fairies — nor of Providence — but they come in 
obedience to certain laws, as do most of our blessings 
in life. One fact, which has been clearly brought out 
by modern investigation, is the power of heredity. Each 
child is but one link in a long chain of succession, and 
to remedy many of its defects it would be necessary to 
go back to the grand-parents. But while, in common 
with all intelligent writers, we recognize the full force 
of these laws, so that if asked how to have healthy and 
beautiful children we should say, " Begin with the 
grand-parents," we yet believe that many, or most of 
these defects may be largely overcome by judicious early 

(456) 



DEVELOPING BEAUTY IN CHILDREN. 457 

training. Did space permit we would like to write at 
length on this matter. But while we cannot here 
attempt to give an exhaustive discussion of the subject, 
we may, perhaps, in passing, throw out a few suggestive 
hints to our readers. 

And, first, we would urge on every mother desiring 
robust and comely children the duty of nursing them 
herself; that is, of course, if she is healthy and able to 
undertake the duty. If not, great care should be exer- 
cised in selecting a wet-nurse. The whole after life 
of a child may be influenced by thoughtlessness here. 
Scrofulous, cancerous and rheumatic tendencies, as well 
as diseases too horrible to name, may be conveyed in a 
nurse's milk. Negligence by the mother here is well- 
nigh unpardonable, and may entail a life- long woe. 
When weaned, the milk of cows, goats, or asses, with 
some light farinaceous food should form the staple of 
the child's food for at least a year. No kind of alcoholic 
drink should ever be given a child. Beer is very 
rjurious to the complexion. Mr. Milton, in his work 
"Hygiene of the Skin," says: "Of all the pestilent 
_*oits, that of giving boys and girls beer, is, perhaps, 
the'worst. There are other habits which do their work 
more rapidly, but .... the use of beer is every- 
where and always sowing the seeds of mischief. . . . 
The grown-up patient pays the penalty of a mistake 
begun, it may be, fifteen or twenty years before. In my 
own experience this has been particularly noticeable as 
affecting the skin, kidneys and nervous system. The 
skin becomes thick, muddy and pimply, a fact evinced 
by the speedy improvement which ensues from merely 
leaving off malt liquors, without making any other 

change Cider, though it does not induce so 

much visible disturbance of the constitution's almost 
as bad for the skin " The best drinks for children are 



458 DEVELOPING BEAUTY IN CHILDREN. 

milk and water — tea, coffee, cocoa and chocolate all being 
bad, causing heart-burn and headache, and having a 
tendency to render the skin yellow and opaque looking. 

Every morning a tepid bath should be given, using 
only the purest and best soap, and rubbing the child well 
from head to foot with a Turkish bath towel. The 
friction will stimulate the circulation and keep the skin 
healthy. 

If children are to have clear complexions and healthy, 
well-developed bodies, they should, from the earliest 
infancy, be supplied with an abundance of pure, fresh 
air and good nourishing food. The nursery should be 
well ventilated, spacious and light, and should face the 
morning sun if possible. Let the infants roll and 
tumble about on the floor as much as they like, but do 
not be too ambitious to set them on their legs or see 
them walk. The bones are then comparatively soft and 
plastic, and a strain may cause u bow legs," feeble 
ankles, curvature of the spine, or some similar deformity. 
They should not begin systematic gymnastic exercise 
before the age of five years, but as soon as they are 
strong enough they may begin some rhythmic exercise 
of the body, arms and legs. The clothes worn by children 
should hang from the shoulders, and the young body 
should never be cramped and deformed by corsets or 
any other artificial pressure. The stockings should be 
held up by suspenders from the shoulders, and never 
by garters, either above or below the knee. They 
impede the circulation and may cause varicose veins. 
Children should wear broad-toed shoes, with heels not 
more than half an inch thick. Never let them wear 
high-heeled or pointed-toed shoes, unless you prefer 
deformity to beauty. 

Give girls an abundance of out-door exercise. Those 
who live in the country may run and play in the fields 



DEVELOPING BEAUTY IN CHILDREN. 459 

and over the hills, but those iu towns should be encour- 
aged in all the healthful sports. Tennis and archery 
develop the muscles, and should be encouraged by par- 
ents. Swimming is a very healthy exercise, and those 
who live in a city would do well to send their girls to a 
swimming-school, if possible. During the summer 
holidays, if a trip is taken to the seashore, or into the 
country near a lake or stream, let them go in bathing 
often. Encourage them to stay in the open air and 
sunshine as much as possible during their holidays. 
Skating is a very healthy exercise. There is hardly 
any better for those who live in a climate where it can 
be enjoyed. 

Horseback riding is regarded by most physicians as 
one of the best exercises for girls. It will expand the 
chest, develop the muscles, and give tone to the system, 
and it inspires confidence and gives grace of movement. 
It is an excellent remedy in cases of general debility 
and a tendency to hysteria and nervous disorders. But 
girls should not ride much before they are ten or twelve 
years old. Do not mount a child on a tricky or vicious 
horse, but a good animal is in every way preferable to 
an old, lif»eless relic of a long-past youth. 

Dancing is a very healthy exercise, giving grace and 
freedom of motion, and developing the muscles. Still, 
the associations of the ballroom are such that many 
parents object to it. AYe are talking, now, purely from 
the standpoint of hygiene, and not of morals; but it is 
a pity the amusement could not be freed from its objec- 
tionable features. 

Walking is one of the best of exercises for girls, if it 
is brisk and made interesting. A daily walk, taken 
from a sense of duty, will not benefit any one half as 
much as one taken with some object in view. 

Another thing which will aid greatly in giving syni- 



460 DEVELOPING BEAUTY IN CHILDREN. 

metrical development to the body (and there is no beauty 
without this) is some system of in-door calisthenics or 
gymnastics. The Swedish or Ling system is as good as 
any, or that given in Taylor's " Health by Exercise," or 
Blakie's "How to Get Strong." The following is one of 
the simplest and best systems, and we submit it to those 
of our readers who do not hive access to larger works: 

First. — Describe a circular movement with each 
arm, twenty times in succession. Extend the arms for- 
ward, outward atid upward, thirty times in succession, 
taking eight or ten deep inspirations between each 
series. 

Second. — Execute a circular movement from the 
waist, swaying the upper part of the body slowly around, 
the hands resting on the hips, thirty times. 

Third. — Extend the leg as nearly at right angles with 
the body as possible, twelve times each side, taking 
eight or ten deep inspirations between each series. 

Fourth. — Extend and bend the foot twenty times 
each side; perform the gesture of reaping or sawing 
thirty times; bend each knee rapidly twenty times; take 
eight or ten deep inspirations. 

Fifth. — Kaise the arm swiftly and rapidly, as in the 
act of throwing a lance, twelve times in succession; 
throw out both arms simultaneously twenty or thirty 
times ; take eight or ten deep inspirations. 

Sixth. — Trot on one spot, resting the hands on the 
hips, and lifting the feet briskly, one to three hundred 
times. Take eight or ten deep inspirations. 

Seventh. — Jump, with the hands on the hips and the 
body erect, fifty or a hundred times. Take eight or ten 
full inspirations. 

These exercises should be performed in a well venti- 
lated room, uncarpeted and free from furniture, if 
possible; but where this is not convenient it is not 
necessary. The best time of day is before breakfast or 




THE MORNING OF LIFE. 
(461) 



DEVELOPING BEAUTY IN CHILDREN. 463 

during the forenoon, The dress worn must be light 
and free from ligatures, giving the body free play, and 
the shoes should be light and heel-less. The movements 
should be vigorous and hearty, with intervals of rest 
between them, and they should take a good half hour. 
The exercise must, however, be limited by the person's 
strength. For weakly girls, or those suffering from 
temporary and periodic indisposition, the movements 
must be modified or curtailed. All distress, pain or 
exhaustion, must be avoided. In taking the deep inspir- 
ations draw the breath in slowly through the mouth, 
keeping it nearly closed. Fill the lungs full, hold the 
breath an instant, and let it escape with a spurt. Some 
writers advise drawing in the breath at such times 
through a quill, but that is unnecessary. Puckering 
up the lips, as in the act of whistling, answers the same 
purpose — necessitating the drawing in of the breath 
slowly. 

Those who desire to rear children with full, round, 
well-developed chests, should teach them to practice the 
taking of these deep inspirations several times a day. 
It is surprising how rapidly flat and hollow chests will 
round out under this practice. This custom formed 
during their growing years will be of great benefit, even 
if the other exercises we recommend for developing the 
muscles are not practiced. A full, well-developed chest, 
is of very great value to both the health and beauty of 
its possessor. To stimulate children to practice this 
exercise it might be well to offer them a prize for each 
inch added to the circumfrence of their chests. Measure 
their chests with a tape and keep a record of the gain. 

Do not put stays of any kind on children before the 
age of fourteen or fifteen. During the years of growth 
the bones are comparatively plastic and the development 
of the figure should not be impeded by any artificial 



464 DEVELOPING BEAUTY IN CHILDREN. 

bandages, whether corsets, garters, or the weight of 
clothes hung from the hips. The clothes of children 
should depend from the shoulders. 

It will be readily seen that the object of the direc- 
tions thus far given is to develop the muscles and give 
rotundity, agility and suppleness to the limbs; to expand 
the chest and give increased capacity to the lungs; to 
equalize the circulation and to create and preserve 
beauty of form. The human figure as Nature designed 
it, and as painters and sculptors delight to represent it, 
is a Divine creation, and it is a shame to cramp, pad 
and distort it. The clothes should be made to protect 
and adorn the body, instead of cramping the body to fit 
the clothes, and the fashion (now fortunately going out 
of date) which prefers the wasp-like waist to the one 
planned by Nature, is better violated than observed. 
Those Greek maidens who swam and dived like sea- 
nymphs, who ran in their public games, and who even 
hunted on foot, as did Arcadian Atalanta, were justly 
renowned for their beauty, grace, and the magnificent 
contour of their forms. And when they became wives 
and mothers they gave birth to a race of men who for 
their manly strength and vigor, their patriotism, their 
intellectual quickness and philosophical insight, and 
their artistic taste and power of execution, will stand as 
ideals for the human race for all time to come. 

Miss Frances E. Willard, in her little work on " How 
to Win," gives extracts from her girlish diary which 
show the free, romping, untrammeled out-door life which 
she led as a child, and which undoubtedly contributed 
largely to that firm health and physical development 
which has been no small factor in enabling her to 
accomplish her very remarkable work of later years. 

While children should be allowed to play in the 
open air, it is best to protect the faces of girls with 



DEVELOPING BEAUTY IN CHILDREN. 4C5 

broad- brimmed hats or sun-bonnets, to keep tliem from 
becoming freckled, as these blemishes are sometinits 
hard to remove. An excellent preservative for the 
complexion is to rub a little cold cream, or almond oil, 
on the exposed parts — face, neck and hands or arms — 
before going out into the sun. Cold cream or glycerine 
rubbed on the face and hands at night, and washed off 
in the morning with pure soap, will remove the traces 
of a day's exposure to the wind and sun. Dirt will also 
affect the skin, and the use of oatmeal and plain food 
promotes the health and improves the child's com- 
plexion. 

The teeth should be brushed regularly. Use a soft 
brush, as the enamel is delicate in childhood and easily 
injured by a very stiff one. On the first appearance 
of decay take the child to a dentist and have the tooth 
filled. The traditional " stitch in time " may save the 
tooth, the loss of which would be a permanent disfigure- 
ment. If the teeth are irregular they can often be 
straightened by frequent efforts to push them into their 
place. In time they will yield to the pressure and 
assume the desired position. 

A luxuriant head of hair is considered a great orna- 
ment to women, and a little attention bestowed on that 
of children will well repay the time and trouble. The 
hair maybe kept short for the first few years of life, and 
the head frequently washed and brushed. Never use the 
fine tooth comb, so popular with some. It irritates the 
scalp. Wash the head frequently (at night is the best) 
with soft water, into which a little ammonia is poured — 
about three tablespoonfuls to a basin of water being the 
best proportion. There is no better tonic for the hair 
for children or adults. Dry the head thoroughly after 
washing it. After the age of five or six years the hair 
may be allowed to grow, but it should be carefully and 



466 DEVELOPING BEAUTY IN CHILDREN. 

regularly washed, dried and brushed. If the end of the 
hair is cut off frequently, say once a month or so, it will 
grow much longer than if it is left uncut. It is only 
necessary to trim off a very little — perhaps half an inch 
— clipping off all split or forked ends. 

HOW TO CURE A PUG NOSE 

A pug nose is often a source of great mortification, 
but it can be easily cured in childhood by a very simple 
appliance that any one with a little ingenuity can make 
and use. All that is needed is a piece of elastic wood, 
about 1J in. long, § in. thick, and 1 in. deep. Cut out a 
wedge-shaped piece a little less in diameter than the 
thickness of the nose at its center or fleshy part. It will 
then be something like a clothes pin. Its method of 
use is to spring it open and then slip it over the bridge 
of the nose on to the flesh below. It will be held in 
place by its elasticity. It should be applied at night 
and left on until morning. Do not have it so tight as 
to be painful. The gentle pressure will in time force 
up the depressed or sunken part of the nose, and with 
patience a pug can easily be converted into a Grecian 
nose, or almost moulded at will by perseverance. Metallic 
machines are made for this purpose, but they are some- 
what expensive, and the simple appliance described 
above will do the work nearly as well. As the cartilages 
are soft in childhood, daily manipulation with the 
fingers — that is pressing on the side of the nose and 
trying to crowd it up in the center — will in time mould 
it into better shape. 

A SUGGESTION ABOUT LARGE EARS. 

Large ears often have a most disagreeable way of 
standing out from the head, thus bringing them into un- 



DEVELOPING BEAUTY IN CHILDEEN. 467 

fortunate prominence. If they are trained to lie close to 
the side of the head they will not be so noticeable. If 
any one thus afflicted will wear a band — an elastic band, or 
strap of webbing — from the lower part of the back of the 
head obliquely up across the ears to the top of the brow, 
for a few hours each day, they will in time train the 
ears to stay back near the head. The wearing of caps 
and hats by children which rest on the ears and crowd 
them away from the head, will often cause them to stand 
out in an unsightly manner, and parents should carefully 
guard against this. 






THE COMPLEXION 




N DISCUSSING the subject of the toilet one 
of the first things to interest our readers, 
we doubt not, will be the complexion. No 
face can be really beautiful without a fine- 
complexion ; and this is not usually attained 
without some attention to the conditions 
which favor it. Madame Eecamier, who 
had a most delicate complexion, was reared 
by a mother versed in all the arts of the 
toilet, who took the utmost pains with her daughter. 

Among the blemishes most fatal to the complexion 
are sunburn, tan, freckles, roughness, wrinkles, eruptions, 
moth-spots and various discolorations caused by dis- 
orders of the health. These various affections will be 
treated on hereafter, under their appropriate heads; 
but as many of the discolorations of the skin can be 
directly traced to imperfect action of the liver, it is very 
important that the diet should be properly regulated, 
sufficient exercise taken, and any tendency to constipa- 
tion at once attended to, as that is a primary cause of 
most of the eruptive skin affections. 

Another point to which we would call attention is 
the importance of frequent bathing of the entire body, 
to remove impurities and keep the pores of the skin 
open and in healthy activity. No invariable rules for 
bathing can be laid down, as the constitutions of differ- 
ent individuals vary so much. Skin which is neglected 
until the pores become clogged cannot perform its 
functions properly, and the system must suffer in conse- 

(468) 



THE COMPLEXION. 469 

quence. It is essential to the health that the whole 
body be thoroughly washed with soap and water at 
least once a week, and probably, in most cases, once a 
day would be better. 

Care, anxiety and fretting also affect the complexion, 
besides leaving their imprint on the countenance; so 
that, as far as possible, a calm and even temper should 
be maintained by those who would preserve their charms, 
and they should cultivate a cheerful temper and learn 
to look on the bright side of things. 

IMPOETANCE OF PURE WATER. 

The simplest, and possibly the best, of all the arti- 
ficial aids to the complexion, is to use nothing but pure 
water (rain or distilled water) for washing the skin. 
Some of the most noted beauties of the world have tried 
this practice and tested its value. Ninon de 1'Enclos, 
the great French beauty, who at the age of eighty was 
still handsome, never used any other cosmetic for her 
face. Diane de Poitiers (whose portrait we give) 
who, at the age of sixty-five, still preserved her charms, 
bore testimony to the same simple custom, and com- 
mended its observance to others; and the Princess of 
Wales (see her portrait elsewhere), who has the most 
beautiful complexion, which has stood quite remarkably 
the wear and tear of time, uses nothing but distilled 
water, in which she bathes night and morning. 

Dew-ivater, which was in olden times so highly 
praised and valued for toilet purposes, and to which 
v/as attributed a peculiar charm, doubtless derived its 
chief value from being of the nature of distilled water 
— soft and pure. It is said that Adelina Patti (her 
portrait appears in our pages ) has used dew-water for 
years, and will use nothing else for washing her face. 



470 THE COMPLEXION. 

It is undoubtedly excellent; but we believe rain or 
distilled water to be equally beneficial, and 1 they can be 
much more readily obtained. 

Water-melon juice. — Another wash of a somewhat 
similar nature (although containing salts which add to 
its virtue), and which has been long used and highly 
prized by Southern ladies who well understand its 
virtues, and one which possesses undoubted excellence, 
is the juice of the water-melon. After being exposed 
to the sun and wind during a drive, sail, or other outing, 
the juice of a melon will soothe and allay the burn and 
whiten the skin. The juice from both the pulp and 
rind is used. Washing with it cleanses the skin and 
makes it soft and clear. The white pulp, next the red, 
is sometimes crushed and bound on the skin to whiten 
it, with excellent results. 

The lime and magnesia in hard water (the presence 
of which makes it hard) combine with the stearic acid 
of soap and form an insoluble stearate of lime. Noth- 
ing could be worse than this for the complexion. It is 
of a greasy nature, and, filling up the pores of the skin, 
makes them widen and crack under its influence. It is 
probable that the skin cannot be washed perfectly clean 
except in rain water, or some water from which the 
chalky alkaline salts have been artificially removed. 
The skin acts as a kind of external lung, throwing off 
by the perspiration the effete and poisonous matter of 
the system ; and so important is this to the health that 
a man would die in a few hours if the pores were closed 
by painting his body with a coat of varnish. The 
necessity of keeping the pores open and at work will, 
therefore, be evident to all. 

So many diseases can be traced directly to impure 
water, that if, for both drinking and the toilet, only rain 
or distilled water was used, the improved health and 




DIANE de POITIERS. 
(471) 



THE COMPLEXION. 473 

appearance of the community would soon be apparent 
to every one. All the water needed for these purposes 
in an ordinary family can be furnished by a small still 
that can be bought for five dollars. Queen Victoria 
uses nothing but distilled water for her toilet, and no 
one who has ever enjoyed such a luxury would willingly 
dispense with it. A simple substitute for a still may be 
improvised by any one. Take a tea-kettle with a close 
lid and fasten a pipe of lead or rubber to the spout, and 
let the pipe run through a pail of cold water into a jar 
or any vessel for holding the distilled liquid. The 
steam from the tea-kettle, in passing through the pipe, 
is condensed in the pail of cold water, and runs pure 
into the jar. In houses which are heated by steam, 
distilled water is easily obtained from the steam pipes. 

Another method of clearing and softening water is 
as follows: Prepare about a gallon of lime water by 
mixing in slacked lime until it has dissolved all it can 
hold. Let it stand until it becomes clear, and then draw 
it off from the residuum at the bottom. Pour this into 
about nine gallons of the water you wish to soften, and 
the lime will unite with the chalk, if there is any 
present, and a deposit of carbonate of lime will be pre- 
cipitated. In about six hours, if left undisturbed, a 
pure and soft water will be obtained, which can be used 
for washing with comfort and safety. 

Distilled water can be purchased, in any of our 
cities, for a few cents a gallon, by those who wish to use 
it. The readiest way to obtain soft water, for most of 
our readers, however, will probably be to use rain water, 
which can be easily caught for the purpose. 

IMPORTANCE OP PURE SOAP. 

Of nearly as much importance as the water, probably, 
is the soap. Cheap soap is responsible for the ruin of 



474 THE COMPLEXION. 

numberless ©omplexions, simply because cheap soap is 
not pure. A soap which is both cheap and highly 
perfumed is almost certainly bad. Diseased fat and 
corrosive alkalies are used in the manufacture of these 
cheap articles, and many diseases of the skin can be 
directly traced to their use. Most of the medicated 
soaps are also humbugs, and many of them are positively 
injurious to the skin. In some of them the " medicinal " 
quality is a blind, disguising the use of inferior ingre- 
dients. Carbolic soap does not usually contain enough 
carbolic acid to act as a disinfectant (putting a few 
drops of carbolic acid in the water used for washing is 
much better than relying on the prepared soap), and the 
tar and other soaps so often recommended are worse 
than useless. There is nothing better for the skin than 
pure, unmedicated soap — the purer the better. Probably 
the best of the cheaper soaps is white castile. It is made 
of a vegetable oil (olive oil), and saponified with soda, 
giving it a detergent quality which the potash soaps do 
not possess. It is mildly alkaline, which is an advantage. 

TOILET WASHES— VARIOUS KINDS. 

Various articles are more or less used by different 
people for toilet washes: 

Ammonia — Some people add a little ammonia to the 
water used for bathing. It is cleansing and slightly 
stimulating. 

Borax is a very useful accessory to the toilet, and is 
slightly alkaline and very cleansing. It is dissolved in 
the water used for washing. 

Oatmeal is often used, and it makes a very pleasant 
toilet article. It is emollient, will tend to keep the skin 
soft and prevent chaps, and may often be substituted for 
soap to good advantage. Thousands of people, in Ireland, 



THE COMPLEXION. 475 

and Scotland, habitually use oatmeal in place of soap, 
and they are noted for the beauty of their complexions. 
No doubt the phosphatic salts, in which it is rich, aid 
its detergent effect, in combining with and removing the 
oily matters and impurities from the skin. See our 
chapter on the hands. 

Bran is sometimes put into the water used for wash- 
ing, and, being somewhat rough, it stimulates the skin 
by friction when it is afterwards rubbed. 

Benzoin is probably one of the best toilet articles for 
the skin. It is fragrant, medicinal, and tends to whiten 
the complexion. It may be used in the proportion of 
two ounces of benzoin to one pint of alcohol, or in the 
" Virginal Milk " elsewhere given. 

On no account should any liquid wash be applied to 
the face, containing metallic powders or earthy sub- 
stances. They cause the skin to harden, shrivel and 
become rough and blotched. 

COSMETICS. 

Cosmetics (the word is derived from the Greek, 
Kosmeo, I adorn) are artificial preparations used to 
beautify the person. They have been used from the 
most ancient times, and many of the preparations used 
at present are credited with a great antiquity. Their 
use has fluctuated from the greatest popularity to the 
most scornful condemnation. In times of luxury they 
have usually been in favor, and in Borne, during her 
luxurious era, their use was carried to an extreme; but 
always, with the advent of plainer modes of life, they 
have been little used. Many cosmetics are very injurious 
to the skin, but a few of them are harmless. Among 
refined and cultivated people they are only used in 
moderation. 



476 THE COMPLEXION. 

It may be well to caution our readers against the use 
of cosmetics the preparation and ingredients of which 
they are wholly ignorant. While this article has been 
in preparation our attention has been called to an 
analysis of a widely-advertised " balm " for the com- 
plexion, the sale of which has been pushed with unusual 
skill and energy. The manufacturer has loudly adver- 
tised that it was " warranted to contain neither lead, 
bismuth nor arsenic." This is true, but an analysis 
shows that it does contain about two and one-quarter 
grains of corrosive sublimate to four ounces of water. 
The habitual use of this preparation could not fail 
to injure the skin of any lady, and a too free use 
would destroy her beauty and produce most serious 
results. And yet the manufacturer has contrived to get 
the endorsement of many distinguished people, who were 
foolish enough to endorse a preparation the ingre- 
dients of which they knew little or nothing about. 
One of the most famous beauties of the last century, 
Maria Gunning, who married the Earl of Coventry, not 
content with her natural beauty sought to enhance it, 
and used cosmetics which caused her death. Physicians 
are continually called on to treat ladies suffering from 
the use of injurious cosmetics, and the patient almost 
invariably used them in utter ignorance of the harmful 
nature of the compound. Ladies cannot be too cautious 
about using cosmetics the composition of which they 
do not understand, however loudly they may be adver- 
tised, or however highly they may be recommended. 

COLD CREAM. 

The basis of most of the unguents so largely used is 
cold cream. It is better to prepare the cream one's 
self than to trust to that which is bought. The use of 



THE COMPLEXION. 477 

this preparation, when made out of pure materials after 
the formula we give, is an excellent thing for the skin, 
and vastly better than to resort to the unknown com- 
pounds so often bought and used by ladies. The 
glycerine and other ingredients of which this cold 
cream is made, are soothing and healing in their action 
on the skin; they do not close the pores, and their action 
is not only harmless but beneficial as well, while many 
of the messes commonly used are positively injurious 
as we have previously explained. 

The formula for making cold cream is as follows : 
Take of pure white wax, one ounce; spermaceti, two 
ounces; almond oil, one-half pint. Mix these together 
in a glazed earthenware dish over a gentle heat. While 
melting they should be thoroughly stirred together and 
mixed with a silver or glass spoon. When melted, add 
three ounces of glycerine and ten drops of attar of roses. 
Then strain through muslin, and as it cools stir it to a 
snowy whiteness. A smaller quantity than this may 
be prepared by keeping the same proportions, and any 
other perfume may be substituted for the attar of roses 
if pref ered. 

Stirring and beating it well all the time it is cooling 
is the secret of making fine cold cream. When it is 
intended for the hair the glycerine may be omitted, 
and a little more almond oil added. On going to bed 
at night the face may be washed in soft water, care- 
fully dried, and this cold cream rubbed over it carefully 
from forehead to chin, with the hand, and then wiped 
off with a soft towel. The frequency with which this 
unguent is used should depend on the condition of the 
skin, but it should not be applied every night. 

EMULSION FOR THE COMPLEXION. 

There is said to be no better emulsion for the com- 



478 THE COMPLEXION. 

plexion than the following: Take of cascariila powder, 
two grains; muriate of ammonia, two grains; emulsion of 
almonds, eight ounces. The value of this emulsion 
depends largely upon its being properly prepared. First 
carefully remove all the skin from the almonds. Then 
grind them in a glazed earthen mortar until they are 
reduced to a uniform mass, pulverizing them thoroughly 
so that no lumps are left, and adding water slowly and 
mixing it thoroughly, until the mass is about as thick as 
cream. Then thoroughly mix in the ammonia and cas- 
earilla powder. 

LAIT VIRGINAL ( VIRGINAL MILK). 

This preparation, which is much used by some ladies, 
and which is an old cosmetic, is not expensive, and may 
be made as follows: Take a quart of rose water, orange 
water, or elder-flower water, and add to it an ounce of 
tincture of benzoin. Add the latter drop by drop, 
stirring all the time. Care must be taken to get the 
simple, and not the "compound" tincture of benzoin, 
for the latter contains aloes and other ingredients quite 
unsuitable for the skin. This emulsion looks like 
cream, and has a delightful odor. It may be improved 
by the addition of twelve or fifteen minims of tincture 
of myrrh, and a few drops of glycerine. It may be 
used frequently and in place of soap. 

TOILET VINEGARS. 

Toilet vinegars, as they are called, are made usually 
with dilute acetic acid, into which is infused some 
fragrant substance like rose leaves, lavender or verbena. 
They should be much diluted, and may be applied to 
the skin in the morning, to overcome the tendency to 
greasiness to which some people are subject. They 



THE COMPLEXION. 479 

should not be applied at once after soap, as the acid of 
the vinegar will decompose the soap, and cause injury 
to the skin. 

Rose Vinegar may be made by steeping one ounce 
of rose leaves for eight days in six gills of strong vine- 
gar. Then strain, and it is ready for use. 

Raspberry Vinegar may be made by steeping three 
pints of raspberries (either fresh or dry) for fifteen days 
in six gills of strong vinegar. Then strain, and it is 
ready for use. 

Virginal Vinegar may be made by steeping equal 
parts of white wine vinegar and powdered benzoin for 
eight days. A little of this in the toilet water will 
make it milky white. 

It should be said, however, that the commercial 
vinegars sold on the -market at present are largely 
manufactured, and that, too, out of substances which 
would be very injurious to the skin. Those of our 
readers, therefore, who attempt to prepare any of the 
above preparations for their own use should be careful 
to obtain and use only pure vinegar — preferably the 
white wine vinegar. 

LAVENDER WATER. 

This preparation tends to render the skin firm and 
clear, and is an excellent lotion. It is made as follows: 
Take of rectified alcohol one quart, oil of lavender two 
ounces, and rose water one-fourth pint. Mix and bathe 
the skin occasionally with it. 

POWDERS. 

There are many powders on the market, some of 
which are sold under high-sounding names. One of 
the simplest and best powders to use is probably finely- 



480 THE COMPLEXION. 

powdered rice. It may be had in two or three different 
tints. It is harmless. All preparations containing lead, 
however, are injurious, and even dangerous. Chalk is 
harmless, and so is cascarilla. 

Among the dry powders, calcined magnesia is one of 
the best to use. It is simple, harmless, and does not 
give the deadly white look of the heavy powders like 
chalk and bismuth. 

Bismuth is sometimes prepared with arsenous acid 
and is then very injurious. 

While we do not advocate the use of powders, if they 
are used at all they should be applied artistically, and 
not daubed on. On journeys, picnics, and when driving, 
powders will protect the face against dust and sunburn. 
When chalk is applied, the skin should first be made as 
clean and cool as possible. Then put the chalk in 
coarse linen and mash it in water with the fingers. 
Some of the fine powder will ooze through, and the face 
may then be quickly rubbed with the linen, and a fine, 
pure deposit will be left on the skin when it dries ; then 
take a damp handkerchief and press the face, to remove 
the superfluous powder, and wipe the nostrils and brow 
clean. When applied in this way, it will look much 
better than when dusted on dry. Cascarilla may be 
applied in much the same manner. 

To whiten the arms, wash them first, dry them care- 
fully, and then rub on a little glycerine, being careful 
not to let the skin absorb it all. Then apply the chalk. 

The powders containing the mineral precipitates are 
all injurious, and the utmost pains should be taken to 
get only those which are pure and harmless. The best 
powders are none too good, and certainly no others 
should ever be used. 

One great objection to the use of even harmless pow- 
ders is their mechanical effect in closing the pores of 




THE PRINCESS OF WALES. 
(481) 



THE COMPLEXION. 483 

the skin. We have elsewhere explained the importance 
to the health of keeping these pores open and freely at 
work, and any powder which closes them and checks 
their action in discharging the effete matter from the 
system, will force them to retain the secretions, and lay 
the foundation for various eruptive diseases. "When 
powders of any kind are used, they should be washed 
off before retiring, and never allowed to remain on the 
skin over night. 

One very intelligent writer says: "The health and 
beauty of the skin depend mainly on the cleanliness 
and freedom of its transpiratory pores. If these be 
choked up and loaded with foreign matter, it is obvious 
that the regular functions of the skin cannot be fulfilled, 
and the result will, sooner or later, show itself in the 
accumulation of black deposit in the orifices of the 
glands, red blotches, due to deranged circulation, and 
even grave disfigurements, arising from the deleterious 
action of certain chemical ingredients used in the com- 
position of such cosmetics." 

EOUGE. 

The word rouge is French, and means "red." There 
are many preparations on the market, and the use of 
those which are not injurious to the skin is purely a 
matter of taste. They have been so often abused that 
many are prejudiced against them. But, if it is right 
to adorn the person with laces, ribbons and jewels, it is 
hard to see why the complexion may not be "touched 
up" a little. 

The experienced women of the world should know, 
however, that most of the artifices they resort to are but a 
thin veil through which the keen eye readily penetrates. 
Fresh air, pure water and exercise will do more to 



484 THE COMPLEXION. 

impart an attractive color to the cheeks than all the 
rouges ever devised. But pallid faces may be improved, 
occasionally, by a little judicious "getting up." While 
the true woman thinks first of her heart, and next of her 
mind, she is not, and should not be, indifferent to her 
personal appearance. 

The cheap rouges have various injurious ingredients 
in them, such as arsenic, red-lead and bismuth. The 
effect of bismuth is to cause purplish pimples on the 
cheeks on which it has been much used. Many of the 
public singers owe the coarse appearance of their faces 
to the bismuth they have used. Vermillion is a prepara- 
tion of mercury, and should never be used, and the red 
sulphur of mercury is very dangerous. The rouges are 
harmless which are prepared from carthamine, which is 
derived from the plant known as the ''bastard saffron;" 
so are those made fro.m cochineal, a dye stuff consisting 
of the dried bodies of insects, from which carmine is 
extracted ; and so is orchanet. By mixing a little car- 
mine with any good powder used to whiten the skin, a 
rouge may be made which is harmless and much better 
than the cheap manufactured articles commonly sold in 
the stores. 

Talc is a colorless silico-aluminate of magnesia, con- 
taining a little potash. It is frequently used in surgery 
as a dressing for open wounds, on which it has a very 
beneficial and healing effect, which is sufficient evidence 
that it is a harmless toilet article. By mixing a little 
carmine — say one to four scruples of carmine with two 
to three ounces of talc, various shades of rouge may be 
prepared, the shade varying with the proportions used. 

Bloom of Roses. — There is probably no better liquid 
rouge than the " Bloom of Roses," which is prepared 
as follows: Put five drachms of liquid ammonia and 
one and one-half drachms of powdered carmine in a 



THE COMPLEXION. 485 

stoppered bottle, and put it in a cool place and agitate 
occasionally until completely dissolved. Carmine is 
completely soluble in liquid ammonia, and if complete 
solution does not take place it is impure. Then mix 
two drachms of essence of rose, one and one-half ounces 
of rectified spirit and eight ounces of rose water; add 
this, with agitation, to the first mixture. Lastly, dis- 
solve one-half ounce of fine gum arabic in the mixed 
liquid. On the continent "rouge crepons," (which con- 
sist of fine woolen crape, or fine cotton wool which has 
been repeatedly soaked in the above solution and 
allowed to dry), are rubbed on the cheeks until the 
desired tint is obtained. 

Liquid Rouge of Roses. — A soothing preparation 
for the skin is known as the liquid rouge of roses. It 
is prepared by taking of almond oil, four ounces; oil of 
tartar, forty drops, and rose water one-half pint . Mix 
in carmine until the proper shade is obtained. To vary 
the shade a few flakes of indigo may be added to give a 
deep crimson, and less carmine and a little pale yellow 
to give the soft greuze tints. 

Devoux French Rouge. — A dry rouge, known as the 
Devoux French rouge, is prepared by mixing one-half 
drachm of carmine, one drachm of oil of almonds, and 
two ounces of French chalk. 

The danger with painting and coloring is, however, 
that she who once begins the practice will find that if 
deleterious preparations are used, the skin will never 
regain its bloom, but its roughness will increase, and 
she must go on painting and coloring, and continually 
deepening the shade to gain the desired effect. In the 
cheap rouges sold in the stores carmine is almost never 
used, but instead the mineral reds (which are cheaper ) 
are employed. They not only produce the injurious 
effects we have previously alluded to, but they also tend 



486 THE COMPLEXION. 

to produce paralysis of the superficial muscles of the 
face, and our readers should have their eyes open to the 
risk they run in using them. 

FACE MASKS. 

Tar Mask. — One preparation which has been jof ten 
used and abundantly tested, and which, while quite 
simple, makes the skin soft and smooth, is the tar mask. 
It is prepared by taking one pint of pure oil (olive or 
almond) and mixing in one spoonful of tar ( use the 
best). Put the two together in a tin cup and heat by 
setting it in boiling water, and mix them while thus 
heated. If it is too thick, add more oil and stir until 
they are perfectly mixed. On going to bed apply this 
to the face; and to prevent its rubbing off lay some old 
soft cloths over it. As it will soil the bed linen, 
that should be covered and protected. In the morning 
it can be easily washed off with soap and warm water. 
The odor is not unpleasant. This should be applied 
several times, and it will remove incipient wrinkles and 
make the face smooth and soft. If pimples appear after 
the first application or two they will soon disappear, 
unless the blood is much out of order, when internal 
remedies should be taken. 

It is said that Louis XIY always applied a face 
mask on retiring. It w T as composed of medicated wax. 
Masks of various kinds have been much worn in France 
down to the present day. They are said to be very 
effective in removing eruptions from the face. There is 
probably nothing better than the tar mask which we 
give. 

STEAMING THE SKIN. 

An excellent thing to keep the skin fresh and healthy 
is to steam it two or three times a week for fiYe or ten 



THE COMPLEXION. 487 

minutes at a time. A small portable vapor lamp may be 
used, or the steam from a kitchen steamer. The best 
time to use it is at night, as there will then be less 
liability of taking cold by after exposure. The steam 
should be aided by applying friction with the hand. 
This will stimulate the functions of the skin, and keep it 
fresh and healthy, and prevent premature wrinkles. 

cleopatba's bath fob the skin. 

Another application for rendering the skin soft and 
smooth, and which has been long in use, being quite 
old, is the following: 1. Take two drachms of tincture of 
balsam of Peru, two drachms of tincture of tolu, and 
two drachms of tincture of benzoin, and mix them 
gradually in one gill of distilled water. 2. Then take one 
ounce of white wax (melted), one-half ounce of sper- 
maceti (melted), eight ounces of sweet almond oil, 
and one ounce of rose water. Mix these together, and 
then add the first mixture and beat them all together 
thoroughly. This may be applied to the skin with a 
sponge. 

"enameling" the skin. 

As we have elsewhere explained, anything which 
closes the pores of the skin and interferes with its 
healthy action is an injury. But further on, in our 
chapter on " Affections of the Skin," under the head of 
"Wrinkles," we give a very simple preparation, which 
will answer all ordinary purposes. 



^^^J^l^lP^ 



AFFECTIONS OF THE SKIN. 




Q^&c^ HE SKIN covers the whole external surface 
of the body, and extends inward into all 
its natural openings, and there, becoming 
soft and moist, it is known as " mucous 
membrane." The derma, or true skin, 
lies underneath the epidermis, or cuticle, 
which covers and protects it. The more 
superficial or outer surface of the derma, 
or true skin, takes the form of papillae — 
that is, minute soft conical bodies arranged in orderly 
rows. The expansions of the sensitive nerves are in the 
papillae. From the derma, or true skin, myriads of pores, 
or openings, are provided, to the surface of the cuticle 
or epidermis; and through these pores the perspiration 
and other exhalations occur. Anything which arrests 
these processes, whether by internal check or by using 
artificial coverings or varnishes on the outer surface, is 
attended with great danger. The cuticle, or epidermis, 
is composed of a disorganized scaly substance in layers 
— something like the tiles on a roof. They protect the 
sensitive derma from injury. The outer scales are con- 
tinually desquamating or falling off. The hairs have 
their roots in the true skin or derma, and numerous 
glands, secreting fatty matter which serves for their 
nutrition, are appended to them. 

For convenience of reference the various affections 
of the skin of which we treat will be arranged alphabet- 
ically. 

(489) 



490 AFFECTIONS OF THE SKIN, 

Aene (variously termed "Spotted Acne," "Black- 
heads," " Black-points " and "Comedones"). — These 
are various names for one of the most common disfigure- 
ments of the face. They are simply the " black- points " 
which appear so often on the sides of the nose, cheek 
and chin. Some people speak of them as " grubs," but 
they are not animals at all — they are nothing but the 
greasy or sebaceous matter which the glands secrete. 
It is the shape of the sac which gives the matter the 
grub-like appearance when it is pressed out. The outer 
ends, or surfaces, become blackened by exposure to the 
dust and air, and this causes the disfigurement. 

Most of the " lotions" advertised for this affection, if 
they do anything at all, merely whiten the outer surfaces, 
and so conceal the black spots. The best treatment is 
to soften them by applying a little glycerine or oil, or 
by washing the parts in hot water, and then they may 
be squeezed out by pressing any blunt, flat instrument 
against the flesh and moving it slowly along. To prevent 
their formation, bathe the face once a day in warm 
water, and then press a towel, wrapped around the finger, 
firmly along the parts affected. Any redness thus 
occasioned may be obviated by applying a very little of 
a preparation of equal parts of glycerine and prepared 
chalk. A very little is all that is needed. Bathing the 
parts affected with ammonia or with wine, once or twice 
a day, is also said to be effective. Another excellent 
preparation is : Rectified spirits, one ounce, and sulphur 
precip., one drachm. Mix, and always shake before 
using. Dip a soft rag in the mixture, and rub over the 
spots night and morning, after having washed the face 
in very hot soft water. 

In some people the acne take the form of distinct 
pimples. They should be pricked, and the matter 
squeezed out by the pressure of a watch-key or the like. 




ADEL1NA PaTTI 
(191) 



AFFECTIONS OF THE SKIN. 493 

Druggists sell a fine knife made for the purpose. The 
slight bleeding which succeeds the discharge of matter 
is beneficial in allaying the congestion. Then bathe the 
parts with a preparation made of equal parts of spirits 
and water, or with toilet vinegar (which see). The use 
of coffee, beer, wines, and rich, greasy food, should be 
avoided by people thus afflicted, and fruit, green vege- 
tables, brown bread and similar laxatives eaten. Have 
the sleeping apartment well ventilated and take out- door 
exercise. 

The sacs sometimes become clogged up, and, unable 
to discharge their contents, they swell out and become 
hard and prominent, looking like little pearls imbedded 
in the skin. They should be pricked open with a needle 
or other sharp instrument, the contents pressed out, and 
the parts then bathed with a little spirit and water or 
toilet vinegar. 

Bites and Stings. — Many persons are greatly 
annoyed by the bites of insects. If the exposed parts are 
rubbed with a preparation of carbolic acid and glycerine, 
say one ounce of glycerine to fifty drops of dilute car- 
bolic acid (be sure and use the dilute) it will prevent 
mosquitoes from biting. They are repelled by the car- 
bolic acid. The disagreeable odor of the acid may be 
disguised by adding two or three drops of the attar of 
roses, or a little lavender which will cover the odor is still 
better. At the sea-shore, or in the country, these trou- 
blesome pests may be driven off in this way. After 
having been bitten, the bites may be cured and the blot- 
ches removed quite speedily by applying this prepara- 
tion. Babies and children may be protected in the 
same way, only the preparation may be diluted some- 
what. The essential oils, applied to the skin, are also 
very effective in keeping off these pests. There is, pro- 
bably, nothing better for the bites of fleas, bugs and 



494 AFFECTIONS OF THE SKIN. 

gnats, than carbolic acid applied as above, or in water 
in the proportion of one part of the acid to twenty of 
water. 

The stings of bees and wasps may be treated by first 
extracting the sting, if it is left in the wound, and then 
apply a paste made of soda and water. This is an 
admirable preparation; it is simple, and gives almost 
instant relief. 

Nettle Stings. — Examine the skin and if any prickles 
are left remove them. Bathe the part with a lotion 
made of three parts of water to one part of dilute 
ammonia, and also bind on a little lint soaked therein. 
Adding a tablespoonf ul of Listerine to a tumbler of the 
latter preparation makes a soothing application which 
has a curative effect. 

Blisters. — When these occur on the hands or feet 
it is best not to break the skin if it can be avoided. The 
plan of pricking them with a needle — often resorted 
to— we do not commend. If on any place like the foot 
where they will be liable to friction they must be pro- 
tected or an unpleasant sore will be liable to result. A 
good application for blisters is equal parts of spermaceti, 
olive oil and subnitrate of bismuth, mixed and rubbed 
gently over them. Then cover with a rag, tied on or held 
by adhesive plaster. 

"Black-Heads" or " Black-Ponts " on the face 
— see Acne. 

Boils. — These are an indication of ill-health. They 
should be treated accordingly and such remedies taken 
as may be needed in each case. In cases where the in- 
flammation is great, poultices may be applied to soften 
the skin and bring the boil to a head. In chronic cases 
the boil may be painted once a day with iodine tincture. 
Boils may be dissipated in their incipiency, but it is bet- 
ter to let them run their course . 



AFFECTIONS OF THE SKIN. 495 

Bruises. — To these injuries apply ice, or cloths wet 
in saltwater containing ice, and a little alum. Continue 
this application for two hours. If there is discoloration 
apply iodide of potassium ointment three times a day. 
This operates like the more active but colored prepar- 
ations of iodine, but does not color the skin. To con- 
ceal the discoloration is sometimes quite important. 
This may be done by rubbing gently over the bruise a 
preparation of equal parts of glycerine and prepared 
chalk, until it is well worked in. Then apply with a 
brush a layer of collodion. This will make the part 
ivhite. Starch is also used sometimes, as it is conven- 
ient and does fairly well. A very small quantity of 
carmine added to the chalk or starch gives a more nat- 
ural color. 

Bunions. — See our chapter on "The Feet." 
Burns and Scalds. — The treatment consists mainly 
in excluding the air. A simple and doubtless one of the 
best remedies for slight burns and scalds is to smear 
the part with some oil (olive or other), and then cover 
it with cotton batting, tied on with moderate firmness. 
Probably little else will be needed. A simple domestic 
remedy is to apply cloths (soft linen, preferably), wet in 
a solution of bi-carbonate of soda (this is common bak- 
ing soda) and water, say two teaspoonfuls to a pint, 
which will often afford almost immediate relief from the 
pain; or smear a little oil on the part, and then apply 
flour, starch or chalk freely- that is, in sufficient quan- 
tities to exclude the air. Keep adding more flour or 
starch for several days, whenever it seems necessary to 
perfectly exclude the air. An old remedy is carron oil, 
which is simply equal parts of olive or linseed oil and 
lime-water, applied on linen cloths. These remedies 
will answer for the milder burns and scalds. Sometimes 
a large surface may be burned, causing a serious and 



496 AFFECTIONS OF THE SKIN. 

even dangerous shock to the system, in which case 
medical assistance should be sought as soon as possible. 

Acids, when strong, will destroy or " burn" the skin. 
When the injury is caused by carbolic acid, apply olive 
oil. For sulphuric, nitric or hydrochloric acids, apply 
dilute ammonia, chalk, carbonate of magnesia, or the 
plaster from the ceiling, powdered and stirred in water. 
In an hour or two, apply equal parts of olive oil and 
lime-water on lint. 

Alkalies, like ammonia or potash, when so strong as 
to injure the skin, should be counteracted by at once 
applying some dilute acid like vinegar. 

Chaps. — This unpleasant affection is caused by 
exposure to the cold. To prevent them, keep the hands 
warmly covered, and, when they are washed, always 
wipe them perfectly dry. Pure glycerine is undoubtedly 
one of the best remedies for chaps- The following 
formula will also be found an excellent application: 
Take of glycerine one ounce, chalk two ounces, and milk 
five ounces. Mix, and rub on the hands. 

Chilblains. — See our chapter on '■ The Feet." 

Comedones. — See Acne. 

Corns.— See our chapter on "The Feet." 

Dandruff or Scurf. — See our chapter on "The 
Hair." 

Dark Lines under the Eyes. — These are caused 
by some drain on the system, which lowers it below the 
normal standard. Lack of sleep, dissipation, exhausting 
diseases, etc., may produce this effect. The treatment 
must, of course, vary with the cause. When due to 
overwork, dissipation, etc., the manner of life must be 
changed, and a tonic treatment is almost always needed. 

For local treatment, bathe the parts often with cold 
water, and then apply friction with the fingers or towel. 
A little turpentine liniment or weak ammonia, say one 



AFFECTIONS OF THE SKIN. 497 

part of dilute ammonia to four of water, may be rubbed 
into the skin once a day. Be very careful, however? 
that it does not get into the eye, as that organ is very 
delicate and easily injured. 

Dye (A Brown, for the Skin). — The simplest and 
most innocent brown dye for the skin is made by digest- 
ing walnut bark in rectified spirits. The use of dyes for 
the skin is to be deprecated, however, except where 
there is some imperfection which the dye may help to 
mitigate. Occasionally, for some special purpose, like 
private theatricals, a brown dye is wanted. 

Flabby Skin. — The skin on the cheeks, or under 
the chin, sometimes appears lank and flabby. This is 
caused by mal-nutrition, and while the skin retains 
nearly its original extent, the fat may be partially 
absorbed, thus producing the nabbiness. The general 
treatment, when the patient desires to lose his surplus 
fat, must be the same as for obesity (which see). As 
the patient will probably be in a low nervous condition, 
he should take tonics, bathe often, take regular exercise, 
be careful to breathe pure air both during the day and 
at night, avoid overloading the stomach with fatty and 
alcoholic material, and give both mind and body suffi- 
cient rest. 

For a local application, the skin may be stimulated 
with dry friction at night, and then a little iodide of 
potassium ointment may be rubbed in. A wash of alum 
water (a tablespoonful of alum to a pint of water) will 
help to tighten the skin. Apply daily. A lotion made 
of one drachm of tannin to one ounce of water may be 
used instead of the alum wash, sometimes, if preferred. 

Looseness of the skin in other parts of the body may 
be treated in a similar way. 

Flushing of the Face. — See "Bedness of the 
Skin." 



498 AFFECTIONS OF THE SKIN. 

Freckles. — The discoloratioiis of the skin known as 
"freckles " may be caused by exposure to the sun, or by 
disorders of the internal organs. When caused by the 
action of the sun, a very simple but effective remedy is 
to touch them with nitre (saltpetre) moistened with 
water and applied with the finger. Apply three times a 
day, and it will remove them without further trouble. 
A good wash for freckles, which should be applied five 
or six times a day, is saturated solution of borax and 
rose water. When the freckles are caused by disorders 
of the internal organs, a regular physician should be 
consulted. 

Frost Bites. — For these the part attacked should 
be rubbed in snow and then in very cold water. Then 
cold, dry flannels should be applied. The theory is, that 
the circulation should be restored slowly. To apply 
heat is a very dangerous operation, and may cause 
serious inflammation. For slight frost bites, very bene- 
ficial results often follow from putting the part affected 
in strong salt and water for twenty or thirty minutes. 
If soreness follows frost bites, treat as for burns and 
scalds. 

Greasiness of the Skin.— This complaint is quite 
common, and is usually caused by want of tone in the 
sebaceous glands, so that they secrete abnormal quan- 
tities of oily matter in excess of their natural use. The 
general hygienic treatment is very important in this as 
in other skin diseases. Among the more important 
directions are to abstain from rich foods, and eat plenty 
of fruit in the morning to act as a laxative, and also eat 
green foods, like dandelion, etc., in their season, and' 
also drink some of the saline mineral waters. Vapor 
baths, and douche baths, tepid or cold, according to the 
season of the year, out-door exercise, and avoiding hot, 
crowded rooms, are important. Friction with flesh 



AFFECTIONS OF THE SKIN. 499 

gloves, electric brushes, and local steaming are all 
useful. 

For local application, when the oiliness of the skin 
is excessive, one of the best lotions is the following: 

Take of sulphate of zinc two grains, 

Compound tincture of lavender eight minims. 

Distilled water one ounce. 

Mix, and apply two or three times a day. In some 
cases the excessive greasiness of the skin will prevent 
the beneficial effect of the lotion, and in such cases it 
should be rubbed with a soft cloth, wet with benzine, 
before applying the preparation. This will clean the 
cuticle, so that it can be acted on by the remedy. 

Another remedy, not quite so strong as the other, is 
made by pouring one-half pint of white-wine vinegar on 
one ounce of dried rose-leaves and letting it stand for a 
week. Then strain, and add one-half pint of rose water. 
The leaves may be thrown away. The face may be 
dabbed with the corner of a napkin which has been wet 
in this lotion, or it may be diluted by putting about a 
tablespoonful into a cupful of rain water. For other 
similar lotions, see the toilet vinegars which we give in 
the chapter on the complexion. 

Hard and Stippled Skin.— Many ladies are greatly 
annoyed with a stippled skin, which affects mainly the 
cheeks and nose. The skin appears coarse and hard, It 
is said this may be cured by wearing, each night, while 
in bed, a mask of quilted cotton, wet in cold water. By 
this method it will take patience and, probably, six 
weeks time to accomplish the desired result. Poultices 
of bread and asses' milk were much used and lauded 
for this purpose by the ladies of ancient Rome. But 
water alone is all that is needed. A small dose of tar- 
axacum (dandelion) taken every other night (say a 



500 AFFECTIONS OF THE SKIN. 

quantity of the extract the size of a bean) is said to 
facilitate the operation. The face mask (which see) 
may also be used. 

Hepatic Spots.— See "Masks." 

Herpes Labialis. — This is an eruption which 
attacks the margin of the lips, usually the corners of the 
mouth. It is well known, and frequently accompanies 
a cold in the head. The cure is a light diet, arid a dose 
or two of some cathartic, if needed. The sores may be 
anointed with the following ointment: Take of sper- 
maceti ointment one-half ounce, oxide of zinc thirty 
grains, and attar of roses one drop. Mix. 

Hives. — When these are caused by eating any 
article of food, it should be discontinued, of course. 
Some mild laxative should be given — preferably, some 
of the aperient mineral waters. The itching may almost 
invariably be allayed by bathing the skin in warm, soft 
water, containing about a tablespoonful of baking soda 
to the quart of water. 

" Horny " or Thickened Skin. — Any part of the 
skin which is subject to friction, like the hands of an 
oarsman or a laborer, will be protected by an increased 
growth. It is Nature's way of protecting the part, and 
while the friction is kept up the additional skin should 
not be removed. It may be removed at any time by 
soaking the part in warm water and then rubbing it 
down with pumice stone. Repeat daily until the skin 
becomes tender. Also, rub in a little glycerine. 

Irritable Skin. — See " Sensitive Skin." 

Itch. — This affection is caused by a minute insect, the 
Acarus or Sarcoptes scabiei, which gets under the skin. 
It is communicated by contact with those affected with 
the complaint. 

The treatment consists in killing the insect by 
smearing the parts affected with an ointment which 




MADAME de STAEL. 
(501) 



AFFECTIONS OF THE SKIN. 503 

will accomplish the purpose. An effectual application 
is to dissolve one-half ounce of glycerine and one 
drachm of carbolic acid in eight ounces of pure water. 
Spirits of turpentine and coal oil mixed, and applied 
as strong as can be borne, is also said to be effective. 
Twenty or thirty parts of pure water and one part 
chloride of lime will also destroy the insect. 

When cured, the clothing should be thoroughly 
disinfected by subjecting it to a temperature of not less 
than 180° (boil them or apply a hot iron), or disinfect 
by fumigating them in the fumes of a burning rag which 
has been dipped in melted sulphur. 

Barber's Hch, which occurs on the hairy part of the 
face, should be treated by keeping the hair clipped 
close with scissors (do not shave) and bathing the part 
often with castile soap and warm water. Two or three 
times a day apply the carbolic acid ointment recom- 
mended for the true itch. If this fails (it rarely will) 
consult a physician. 

Itching of the Skin. — When not caused by some 
affection, like hives, nettle-rash or itch, this may result 
from a clogging of the pores through a neglect of clean- 
liness, or from languid circulation, or other causes we 
need not mention here. When it is caused by any of 
the skin affections it should be treated as we recom- 
mend for those complaints. When caused by languid 
circulation, a tepid bath should be taken, followed by 
vigorous friction. If a clogging of the pores through 
a neglect of cleanliness is the cause, the pores should 
be opened by taking a warm bath and applying friction 
to thoroughly cleanse and stimulate the skin. 

Looseness of the Skin. — See "Flabby Skin. " 
Ivy Poisoning. — Poisoning by this plant is not 
uncommon, and some people are particularly susceptible 
to its influence, while to others it seems to be harmless. 



504 AFFECTIONS OF THE SKIN. 

Poison dogwood, or poison sumach also poisons many 
people, much like the ivy. Those who are susceptible 
to their influence should of course avoid contact with 
these plants as much as possible. One very simple and 
often effectual remedy is to bathe the parts affected i:i 
a solution of four ounces of bi- carbonate of soda (con:- 
mon baking soda) in three pints of water. Sulphate 
of soda will often effect a cure, and so also will common 
washing soda. Another excellent remedy is to mix 
one-half ounce of sulphate of zinc in eight ounces of 
olive oil ; shake well, and apply on soft cloths. Usually 
two applications will be enough. Still another excellent 
remedy for the " poison dogwood " is to take ten grains 
of carbolic acid, two drachms of boric acid (powdered) 
and one ounce of vaseline. Mix, and apply two or three 
times a day. 

Mask, Moth - Spots, Morphew, Patches and 
Hepatic Spots. — These are various names applied to 
discolor ations of the face, caused by a condition of the 
liver. Taraxacum ( dandelion ) is often given, but it is 
usually best to consult a physician before taking medi- 
cine. For local application the following are given: 
Take eight ounces of rose water, and thirty grains of 
the chlorate of potash. Mix, and wash the face with it. 
Another is two drachms of sub-carbonate of soda, two 
ounces of fresh lard, and two drachms of balsam of 
Peru. Mix, and apply to the face. The first of these 
preparations is best for moth patches, as the colored 
deposit in the skin is more or less soluble in alkalies. 
It is important in these complaints to aid the action of 
the liver by out-door exercise and keeping the bowels 
regular. Rich and greasy food should be avoided, and 
fruit and fresh vegetables of all kinds eaten freely. 

Moles. — These are deposits of pigment in the sub- 
stance of the skin, They commonly date from birth, 



AFFECTIONS OF THE SKIN. 505 

and are usually studded with long hairs. The following 
formula will be found serviceable : 

Take of calcium chloride one ounce. 

Water two ounces. Mix. 

Rub this in every night, and each morning apply the 
following : 

Take of bitter almond emulsion .... one ounce, 

Subnitrate of bismuth one ounce. 

Calcium chloride one-half ounce. 

Oatmeal water two and one-half ounces. Mix. 

This remedy is really an escharotic, and if applied 
to a large mole would possibly cause a large sore. It 
might be tried on small moles, but large ones are like 
warts — best treated by the electric needle. We would 
advise those whose faces are disfigured by large excres- 
ences of this kind to try its use. The operation is not 
painful, and it leaves no scar as is often done by the 
use of strong acids, etc. 

Muddy and Sallow Skin.— The " muddy " tinge 
which appears in some complexions is said to have been 
long and successfully treated by a celebrated London 
physician with lotions of citric acid. The following 
lotion will accomplish the same result: Take one pint 
of pure soft water, one wineglassful of fresh lemon 
juice, and mix well, and add a few drops of attar of roses. 
Keep in a tightly corked bottle. Apply nightly, rubbing 
in a little. 

Another lotion, recommended for those who have a 
scrofulous taint, is the following, which should be 
applied with a sponge daily: Take two drachms of 
iodide of potassium, one ounce of glycerine, and one 
pint of rain water. Mix well. 

Nettle Stings.— See "Bites and Stings." 



506 AFFECTIONS OF THE SKIN. 

Mettle-rash. — This affection takes its name from 
its resemblance to the appearance of the skin after 
having been stung by a nettle. It is often caused by 
indigestion, or eating some food like lobster, preserved 
meats or other articles which disagree with the patient. 
The treatment is to remove the cause — avoid any 
particular article of food to which it can be traced* 
Some laxative should be given (the cathartic mineral 
waters, like Hunyadi Janos, are best for this purpose, 
especially if the disease appears in summer), followed 
by doses of soda or magnesia. To allay the irritation 
or itching, relief may nearly always be obtained by 
bathing in warm water in which soda has been dissolved, 
or apply a lotion made of twenty grains of carbonate of 
soda, two teaspoonfuls of glycerine, and rose water 
sufficient to make six ounces. Do not try to suppress 
the eruption, least it lead to more serious trouble. 

Pallid Skin. — This is an indication, usually, of 
debility. It may be occasioned by loss of blood, or 
other vital fluids, insufficient supply of food or oxygen, 
or from dissipation, over-study, or any excess. These 
cases can generally be easily cured by a proper course 
of hygienic living and a few remedies properly admin- 
istered. For local treatment, cold bathing, followed by 
friction, is recommended, and for the cheeks the 
following: Take one ounce of dilute liquid of ammonia, 
two ounces of glycerine, and four ounces of pure water. 
Mix, and apply for about three minutes each day> 
working well into the skin. Afterwards rub with a soft 
towel for three or four minutes. Double the glycerine 
if the skin becomes irritated by the process. If medi- 
cine is needed, consult a physian. 

Pimples. — These eruptions may occur on the face, 
or they may cover the whole body. They are usually 
an indication that the system is out of order, and should 



AFFECTIONS OF THE SKIN. 507 

rath8r be treated by proper diet and remedies than by- 
local application. Eat plain, nourishing and simple 
food, and abstain from such things as pork, buckwheat 
and coffee, and eat fruit and acids; bathe frequently, 
and occasionally in saleratus water, to keep the pores of 
the skin open; take, daily, some active exercise, and be 
regular in the habits. These are the best general direc- 
tions. Special disorders must be prescribed for and 
treated by some competent physician. Hard pimples 
should be pricked, the matter pressed out, and the spot 
then bathed with a wash made of glycerine, one ounce; 
rosemary-water, one-half ounce; carbolic acid, twenty 
drops. The following wash is recommended for pim- 
ples: Take of spermaceti ointment, one ounce ; glycerine, 
one drachm; and bi-carbonate of soda, thirty-six grains* 
Mix, and apply to the face, letting it remain for fifteen 
minutes. Then, with a soft cloth, wipe off all but a thin 
film. 

Prickly Heat. — In warm weather, sensitive skins 
are sometimes affected with this complaint, Cooling 
lotions may be applied. A good lotion for the purpose 
is: Two teaspoonfuls of baking soda in half a pint of 
pure water. The burning sensations may sometimes be 
relieved by bathing in vinegar and water. Another 
excellent application is the lotion we have before recom- 
mended, consisting of twenty drops of dilute carbolic 
acid; glycerine, one ounce; and rosemary water, one-half 
ounce. Mix. This is also good for hives or nettle rash. 
The dilute carbolic acid should be used, as the pure 
would be too strong. 

Perspiration (Profuse and Offensive). — The glands 
of the skin which, in the form of perspiration, throw off 
effete organic products, perform a function which is 
absolutely essential to the maintenance of health. Some 
persons, however, are much troubled with profuse and 



508 AFFECTIONS OF THE SKIN. 

offensive perspiration under the arms, on the soles of 
the feet, etc. This odor, as well as the tendency to 
excessive secretion, may be checked by the use of boracic 
acid. Put one part of boracic acid in twenty parts of 
water, and wash the affected parts therewith. Also, in 
its powdered form, this acid is innocuous, and will not 
irritate abraded surfaces, so that it is much better than 
most of the preparations recommended. Pulverized 
boracic acid, mixed with starch, makes an excellent 
powder for arresting fetid perspiration, when dusted on 
the skin or on the clothing, under the arms, on the feet, 
etc. 

The following washes are also excellent for bathing 
parts troubled with excessive perspiration: 

Take of alum one ounce. 

Glycerine one ounce. 

Pure water ten ounces. Mix. 

Or, 

Take of dilute spirits of ammonia — one ounce. 

Glycerine two ounces. 

Pure water three ounces. Mix. 

Bathe the affected parts with one of these prepara- 
tions night and morning, change the clothing frequently, 
and air each article thoroughly on taking it off, and 
apply friction to the parts to stimulate the action of the 
skin. Internal remedies like taraxacum may be needed 
at times, under the direction of a physician. 

Redness of the Skin. — Bed spots, with ray-like 
blood vessels, sometimes appear on the nose and face. 
This is a species of nsevous, which is caused by the 
increased growth and dilation of the blood vessels of the 
skin. It can be cured by a surgical operation, which 
uses acids and cuts out the blood vessels; but this 



AFFECTIONS OF THE SKIN. 509 

operation is not adapted for popular use, as a physician 
should perform it. 

Probably the best treatment at present available, 
however, is by electrolysis — that is, by the use of 
electricity; but as it can only be properly applied by a 
skillful operator, we need not give details here. It is, 
however, very effective. The operation is performed 
with the electric needle and is not very painful. 

Sometimes redness is a symptom of heart and. lung 
disease, when, of course, the primary disease should be 
treated. The best local treatment is bathing the parts 
in cold water, of salt and water, say a tablespoonful of 
salt in half a pint of water, followed by dry friction and 
the application of astringent lotions. The following will 
be of service: One ounce of chloride of lime in twelve 
ounces of warm water. Another excellent astringent 
lotion is: One drachm of sulphate of iron in one ounce 
of pure water. Bathe the affected part two or three 
times a day. A simple astringent, which should not be 
used on pale skins, as it leaves a temporary stain, but 
which may be applied to dark skins, where it will be 
little noticed, is the following: Tannin, one drachm; 
infusion of catechu, one ounce; and decoction of oak 
bark, one ounce. Mix. Apply two or three times daily. 

Flushing of the face, nose and ears is probably more 
often caused by tight lacing than anything else. In 
such cases, the first thing to do is evident. Hot drinks, 
like tea and coffee, cause flushing with some people, and 
should be avoided by them. Indigestion is another 
cause of transitory burning and suffusion of the face. 
Bathing the face in very hot water, or putting the hands 
and feet in cold water, will sometimes check flushing. 
Eating rapidly, and exercising the brain actively by 
reading or writing when eating, is another cause of this 
trouble. School-girls who study hard, without taking 



510 AFFECTIONS OF THE SKIN. 

sufficient exercise, are sometimes troubled with flushing 
of the face. It should be treated by hot baths, regular 
and abundant sleep and exercise. 

Frequent exposure to inclement weather will often 
produce contraction of the small veins, and the blood, 
forcing its way through the least resisting vessels, 
dilates them and gives the skin a color between crimson 
and purple. The treatment is, to remove the cause, if 
possible. Then wash the face twice daily in warm 
water, followed by rubbing. Dry friction with a soft 
towel should be practiced freely, and some of the astrin- 
gent lotions previously recommended may be used. 

Those who are much addicted to the pleasures of the 
table acquire a peculiar, purplish-colored skin, The 
treatment is, to adopt a plain and healthy style of living. 
But the bloated appearance of the skin may be lessened 
somewhat by applying a wash made of five ounces of 
milk, two ounces of chalk, and one ounce of glycerine. 

The " cauliflower nose," which marks the drunkard 
and glutton, is best treated by means of surgery, but it 
may be somewhat relieved by frequent bathing of the 
part in cold water, followed by dry friction and by each 
night rubbing well into the skin the following: 

Take of iodide of potassium thirty grains. 

Bromide of potassium . thirty grains. 
Extract of belladonna . eighty grains. 
.Lard one and one-quarter ounces. Mix. 

Phenyl, rubbed on frequently each day, is beneficial 
for redness of the nose. 

Erysipelatous inflammations may be cooled, and the 
redness reduced, by applying a paste made by taking 
one-third glycerine and two-thirds water, and mixing in 
chalk until it is thick. 

Ringworm or Sycosis.— This affection is caused 
by a parasite which attacks the hairy part of the face. 




MISS FRANCES E. WILLARD 
(511) 



AFFECTIONS OF THE SKIN. 513 

The treatment is, to cut the hair close, or shave it from 
the affected parts. Wash them in warm water, to 
remove the scabs. Apply twice each day, with a camel's- 
hair pencil, a weak solution of sulphurous (not sulphuric) 
acid, say one part of dilute sulphurous acid to three 
parts of soft water, after which the following preparation 
may be rubbed over the spot: Take one ounce of: 
common cream, two ounces of white wax, one ounce of 
spermaceti, and one ounce of glycerine. Melt the wax 
and spermaceti, and then mix in the other ingredients 
thoroughly. 

Sallow Skin.— See " Muddy Skin." 

Scalds. — See " Burns and Scalds." 

Scalp, Tenderness of. See our chapter on " The 
Hair." 

Scars. — When the scar is located over a bony promi- 
nence, rub in olive oil once a day and then try and 
break down any adhesions which may exist, by moving 
the skin backward and forward with the fingers. If 
there are no adhesions, or when this treatment has 
broken them up, use the following formula: Take one 
pint of milk, one ounce of carbonate of soda, one ounce 
of glycerine, one-half ounce of powdered borax. Mix, 
and rub in a portion once each day. Then stretch the 
margins apart, and fix them so by means of adhesive 
plaster. 

When the cicatrix rises above the surrounding skin, 
use, in addition to the foregoing, one ounce of glycerine 
and twenty grains of iodide of sulphur. Mix, and use 
twice a day. 

Scratches. — Very ugly scratches are sometimes 
made by rusty nails, cats, pins, etc., which, if neglected, 
may fester. The best treatment is to wash them as 
soon after the injury as possible with carbolic acid and 
water. Then cover the injury with collodion. 



514 AFFECTIONS OF THE SKIN. 

Water will only dissolve or mix with live per cent. 
of carbolic acid, and if more is added it falls to the 
bottom and remains as globules of pure acid. The 
safest rule for using the acid is to add sufficient to give 
its odor and taste to the solution merely. This is 
sufficient, and in this amount it has the cooling and 
sedative action of the acid on the skin. 

Sensitive or Thin Skin.— Some people have 
such sensitive or thin skins that they cannot bear to 
have any rough substance touch them, and they cannot 
wear flannels nor sleep in woolen blankets. Sometimes 
the least irritation will cause blisters, and the patient 
is subject to many discomforts. In such cases the use 
of pork, cheese, alcohol and rich food should be avoided, 
and the laws of hygiene observed. Bathing the skin 
with salt and water, or alum and water, will sometimes 
afford much relief; or some application may be used to 
thicken and harden the epidermis like the following: 

Take of rectified spirits two ounces. 

Glycerine . , one ounce. 

Pure water two ounces. Mix. 

Bathe the skin with this once a day. The same 
proportions may be used for other quantities. 

Smallpox Pitting. — By covering the pustules 
with flexible collodion during the disease pitting may 
be prevented. To remove the pits when they have 
occurred, wash the face every day in warm water for 
some minutes, and then rub it with a soft towel until it 
is all aglow. Before retiring to rest the ridges between 
the pits may be painted with a strong solution of iodide 
of potassium, and each morning wash the face with the 
following: Take of dilute spirit of ammonia, one ounce; 
glycerine, two ounces; and water, three ounces. Mix. 

The skin may also be softened by applying glycerine 
during the day. Patience wil 1 usually effect improvement- 



AFFECTIONS OF THE SKIN. 515 

Stains. — Analine Stains (that is the stains from 
analine dyes) can be removed by rubbing them with 
ammonia. Do not use soap on the hands before using 
the ammonia, nor for a short time thereafter. 

Fruit Stains may be removed, it is said, by first 
wetting the hands in clear water and then holding them 
in the fumes of burning sulphur, or sulphur matches. 

Gunpowder Stains may be removed by applying a 
preparation of eight parts of olive oil to one part of 
water. When burned with gunpowder, if the individual 
grains are embedded in the skin, they should be picked 
out with a needle. 

Ink Stains may be removed by an application of 
oxalic acid (which is a strong poison, and should be 
used and guarded carefully) or very dilute sulphuric 
acid. When oxalic or sulphuric acids are used, the 
skin should not be touched with soap for several hours 
afterwards. 

Iron Mold. — Treat in the same way as fruit stains. 

Nitrate of Silver Stains may be removed by apply- 
ng chloride of lime, or a strong solution of iodide of 
potassium. 

Tar may be removed from the hands by cutting it 
with oil (olive oil is good for the purpose) or grease, 
and then washing them with soap and water. 

Stings,— See " Bites and Stings." 

Stippled Skin.— See " Hard Skin." 

Sunburn, etc. — A good application for sunburn is 
to bathe the affected parts frequently with a solution of 
equal parts of lime-juice and olive oil. Another good 
preparation is the following : 

Take of dilute spirits of ammonia one ounce. 

Glycerine two ounces. 

Distilled water three ounces. 

Mix, and apply at night to the burn. 



516 AFFECTIONS OF THE SKIN. 

Those who are much exposed to the sun in summer 
will sometimes find the skin becoming irritable and 
inflamed, as well as sunburned, and this can be cured by 
applying the following wash twice a day: 

Take of carbonate of soda . . . one ounce. 

Oatmeal water one-half pint. 

Milk one-half pint. Mix. 

Exposure to the wind when yachting, at excursions 
and so on, will often produce a roughness of the skin, 
which may be cured by applying glycerine or cold 
cream (see our formula for making the latter) at night, 
and washing it off with pure soap in the morning. If 
the face, neck, hands and arms are rubbed with almond 
oil or cold cream before going out into the wind and 
sun, their disagreeable effects may be prevented. 

Sycosis. — See "Kingworm." 

Tan, — This may be treated by the use of lemon- 
juice or horse-radish. A good preparation, which 
should be applied to the face night and morning, and 
the skin then wiped with a soft towel, is to take equal 
parts of lemon-juice, rose-water and rectified spirits, mix 
them together, and the next day decant the clear portion 
and strain it through muslin. Magnesia, wet with clear 
rain water, and worked to a thick paste, is said to act 
very quickly. Apply it to the face, let it stay two or 
three minutes, and wash it off with warm soft water and 
castile soap, rinsing the face thoroughly. 

As a word of caution to our readers, we would sug- 
gest that, should any of these preparations, when applied, 
produce much pain or smarting, they should be reduced 
in strength by adding pure rain water, before using 
again. The sensibility of the skin differs with different 
persons, that of brunettes, as a rule, being much the 
least sensitive. The application, to be beneficial, should 
not produce much pain. 



AFFECTIONS OF THE SKIN. 517 

TattOO Marks. — The best treatment we know for 
these is to first wash the part thoroughly with common 
dilute acetic acid. Half an hour later apply a wash 
made by dissolving four grains of caustic potash in one 
ounce of water. Wait another half-hour, and then apply 
a wash made by mixing one drachm of dilute hydro- 
chloric acid in one ounce of water. Repeat this operation 
once each day. 

Thin Skin.— See " Sensitive Skin." 

Varicose Veins. — When these appear on the brow 
they are usually owing to either bending the head, as in 
study, or over the fire, as in cooking, or to the wearing 
of ill-fitting hats. The first step in curing them is 
obvious, which is — to remove the cause, Then bathe 
the parts in cold water, with friction, and, on retiring at 
night, fasten an elastic band three inches wide around 
the head. 

Yaricose veins in the legs maybe caused by standing 
about without sufficient exercise to promote the circula- 
tion. The legs and feet should then be bandaged (a 
rubber bandage is now made and sold for this purpose, 
which it fills admirably), and the legs and feet should 
be bathed daily in cold water, and friction applied from 
the feet upward. With the arms, when thus affected, a 
similar treatment should be adopted. When, however, 
the cause is debility, or other constitutional cause, like 
heart or liver disease, internal remedies will be required, 
and a physician should be consulted. 

Warts. — These usually appear on the hands and 
faces of children. When large and pendant, a si:k thread 
may be tied tightly around the base of the wart, and it will 
then shrivel and drop off. Another and probably much 
better ligature than the thread is a fine rubber band. 
The ends may be secured by tying them with a thread. 
After the first few moments it is painless, and is very 



518 AFFECTIONS OF THE SKIN. 

rapid in its operation. This is especially adapted to 
very large warts. Smaller warts may be treated by 
applying strong soda and water for a few days, and then 
painting them with sethereal tincture of tannin. As the 
vitality of the warty growths is much less than that of 
the healthy surrounding tissues, alkaline remedies may 
be safely continued until the warts are destroyed. Strong 
carbolic acid, applied carefully to the wart with a camel's- 
hair brush, three or four times a day, will usually cure 
them in a week or two; or, having covered the skin 
around the wart carefully with wax or tallow ( a reason- 
ably thick coat), a drop or two of nitric acid or hydro- 
chloric acid may be applied. Then keep the part 
covered until the scab comes off. This last operation is 
liable, however, to leave a scar which may, if on the 
face, be almost as disfiguring as the wart. The milder 
method, with soda and tannin, should therefore be tried 
first. Warts which disfigure the face, and which do not 
yield to the milder remedies, can usually be removed by 
electrolysis (use of electricity), without any of the danger 
of disfigurement which attends the use of acids, and we 
would recommend its use to our readers. It can be 
applied by a physician. 

Wrinkles. — With advancing years there comes a 
time when wrinkles begin to appear, caused by the 
wasting away of the sub-cutaneous fat, leaving the skin 
to pucker and fall into furrows and ridges. The hand 
of time cannot be stayed, and the bodily powers cannot 
be prevented from going to decay, but something may 
be done to prevent their premature decay and to tem- 
porarily ward off these tell-tale signs of approaching 
age. A well ordered life, a cheerful and hopeful 
frame of mind, and a hygienic and tonic course of 
living, may do much to save the freshness of the skin ? 
while grief, care and dissipation will stamp their lines 



AFFECTIONS OF THE SKIN. 519 

on the face. One of the best local treatments consists 
in bathing the skin frequently in cold water, and then 
rubbing with a towel until the flesh is aglow. A little 
bran added to the water is a decided improvement. 
This treatment stimulates the functions of the skin and 
gives it vigor. The wrinkling may be further remedied 
by washing the parts three times a day with either of 
the following washes : 

Take of alum two drachms. 

Glycerine two ounces. 

Water one quart. Mix. 

Or, 

Take of Glycerine four drachms. 

Tannin two drachms. 

Rectified spirits two drachms. 

Water f eight ounces. Mix. 

These applications are astringent and harmless. All 
the preparations of lead used under various captivating 
names to conceal wrinkles are poisonous, and they also 
cause and increase the trouble by augmenting still 
further the relaxed state of the skin. Those wrinkles 
which cannot be removed may be concealed by applying 
a pomade made by mixing two drachms of fresh butter 
with two drachms of essence of turpentine and one 
drachm of mastic. The wrinkles are filled by this plastic 
preparation and are thereby obliterated. The fashion- 
able and costly enameling process is by the use of 
a very similar method to the above, and, when the 
complexion is newly treated, the wrinkles are wholly 
obliterated. 



THE HAIR. 




T. PAUL said: "If a woman have long hair 
it is a glory to her." The hair certainly bears 
an important relation to beauty, and its loss 
would be the destruction of female loveli- 
ness. In all nations and ages its praises 
have been sung. One author says: "It 
relieves and surrounds happily all that is 
attractive and beautiful in a female face; 
even in old age, it is one of the most forcible 
reasons for respect." A beautiful head of hair is no 
insignificant item in a girl's dowry. When the growth 
of hair is too luxuriant it becomes quite burdensome. 
A healthy growth will not usually extend below the waist. 
It is naturally much heavier or thicker on some heads 
than others. (See the illustrations of St. Mary and Mrs. 

M for heavy growths of good hair. ) 

The inherited constitution and pre- disposition, the 
temperament, the health, and accidental circumstances, 
all affect the quantity and quality of the hair. Ill- 
health, mental trouble and anxiety, may cause the hair 
to fall prematurely, and a disposition to fret and worry, 
or over study, may weaken and thin it. Persons of bilious 
and sanguine temperaments usually have more abundant 
hair than those of nervous and lymphatic temperaments. 
Among the causes which injure the hair, and which 
may be easily avoided, may be mentioned the use of 
tight-fitting bonnets, or hats which are impervious to 
the air; the use of pads, heavy artificial plaits, fringes 
and head-dresses, and the absurd and unhealthy custom 

(520) 




II 



-: ^lufe 




MRS. M 



(521) 



THE HAIR. 523 

of wearing nightcaps; and to all our readers we would 
say without hesitation, — Don't wear them! The fixing 
of cushions, or padding, to the scalp, as a foundation on 
which to build up a mass of curls or twists, is a pernicious 
practice, as it injures the hair and the scalp and may 
cause congestion and headache. Never tie the hair up 
too tightly, nor use hard brushes, nor steel hair-pins, 
nor fine-tooth combs. The latter is a relic of barbarism 
that should be abolished. To perpetrate an Irish bull, 
it is only fit for hunting (!) and is not fit for that! A 
suitable wash for destroying parasites is better. 

The two important requisites for keeping the hair 
and scalp in a healthy and vigorous condition are clean- 
liness and brushing. There is, probably, nothing better 
for the scalp and hair than to wash them in soft water 
and ammonia. The latter will often stimulate its growth 
when everything else fails. The water should be soft 
and warm and contain about three tablespoonfuls of 
ammonia to the basin of water. Use, also, pure soap at 
the same time. An excellent preparation is to take a 
quart of warm rain-water and add three tablespoonfuls 
of (liquid) ammonia and one teaspoonful of bi-carbonate 
of soda (baking soda) using with soap. This is both 
cleansing and stimulating. It cleans the scalp of scurf 
or dandruff, and cuts the oil. If it leaves the hair dry, that 
can be easily remedied by applying a little olive oil and 
rubbing it in well with the fingers. (Cold water should 
not be used, as frequent showering with cold water tends 
to thin the hair and turn it gray. It is a mistaken idea 
that cold water stimulates the hair and scalp. ) Wash 
the head, in this way, thoroughly once a week, and then 
dry and comb it carefully. It is best to wash it at night, 
as it will then dry before morning. 

Never use a broken or jagged comb that will pull out 
the hair. Use a soft brush only, and give it a good, 



524 THE HAIR. 

thorough brushing— one hundred strokes, at least, is 
recommended by one author, and more is better — and 
brush it clear to the ends of the longest strands. When 
given quickly, this will only occupy a few minutes, To 
thus give the hair a careful brushing, once a day regu- 
larly, or even twice a day (night and morning), will add 
greatly to its condition and appearance, Regular care 
is better than spasmodic overdoing. Never irritate the 
scalp by hard brushing. 

Like all other living products, the hair and scalp 
need light and air. The "Venetian ladies had a custom of 
drawing their hair through a crownless hat, and letting 
it stream over the brim to dry. Their example 
may well be followed now sitting thus in the sun for. 
an hour at a time, and also let the wind blow through it 
at times, when it is dry, spreading it out to admit the 
air. Light and air are great preservatives and stimu- 
lants to the hair. This sun-bath may be taken after 
washing the hair, when that is doi3e during the day. 

Soap-bark is one of the best things with which to 
wash the hair, and is undoubtedly far superior to most 
of the preparations used. The best way to use it is to put 
about a teaspoon ful in a bowl, and pour two quarts of 
boiling water over it. Let it stand until it becomes 
tepid, or a comfortable warmth for use, and then, having 
combed the hair away from the face, part it and scrub 
the scalp with a shampoo brush or large tooth-brush, 
dipped in the preparation. Then part the hair in another 
place, and repeat the operation, and so continue to part 
and w T ash until the whole head has been well washed 
with the decoction. It will lather freely and clean the 
scalp well. Then rinse the head and hair well with 
clear, tepid water, wipe it smoothly without tangling the 
hair, and leave it down fill dry; or sit with the hair fall- 
ing down the back and the back to the stove, which will 



THE HAIR. 523 

dry it quickly. Wash the head thus once a week, which 
is better than allowing it to go a month or six weeks, as 
many ladies do, without washing. 

The use of pomades is never to be commended. 
Nor should animal fat, or preparations containing 
animal fat be used. They are more apt than vegetable 
oils to collect dirt and cause the formation of dandruff, 
and they irritate the cuticle and become rancid. Rancid 
oil acts like a dipilitory. If the hair is well brushed 
and cared for nature will supply all the lubricant 
needed; but if some oil is desired on hair which is dry 
and rough, a little olive oil may be used once or twice 
a week, but it should be well rubbed into the scalp with 
the fingers, and not merely rubbed over the surface of 
the hair. 

About once a month go over the hair, and clip off 
all the forked ends. This will do much to promote its 
growth. All that is needed is to clip off a little — per- 
haps half an inch. When the end splits or becomes 
forked, the hair ceases to grow healthily. 

The wash of ammonia and scda previously recom- 
mended is peculiarly suitable for fair hair, as they both 
tend to produce an auburn hue. Those whose hair 
is dark can use sub- carbonate of potash, or borax, 
beaten up with the white of an egg, and dissolved in 
warm rain-water. The following wash is excellent at 
all times for the hair, as it does not have the drying 
effect of soda and ammonia, and it softens the scalp, 
cures scurf or dandruff, and makes the hair smooth and 
silky. Take the yelk of one egg, one pint of rain-water, 
and one ounce of rosemary spirit. Mix thoroughly and 
use warm, rubbing well into the scalp with the fingers. 
This is nutritive as well as cleansing, and may be used 
twice a week to advantage. 

Ladies who are out of health should be cautious 



526 THE HAIR. 

about using washes of cantharides and other Irritants, 
designed to stimulate the growth of the hair. 
Baldness.— See "Thin and Falling Hair." 
Bandoline. — See " Curling the Hair " for a recipe. 
Bleaching the Hair.— Most of the agents used to 
bleach hair are positively injurious, and should never 
be used. The simplest and most harmless preparation 
for this purpose is peroxide of hydrogen, sometimes 
called " oxygenated water." It is sold under many 
high-sounding names, but can be bought at almost any 
drug store for a moderate price. It is as colorless and 
transparent as pure water. It should be kept in a blue 
glass bottle, and in a dark place, as the light will 
decompose it. To apply it, first wash the hair with hot 
water containing the preparation of soap, ammonia, 
and soda previously given. This is intended to make 
the hair perfectly clean, as otherwise little effect will be 
produced by the liquid. Then dry the hair thoroughly 
(this is quite important), and apply the peroxide. This 
is best done with a tooth brush, going over the hair 
carefully one strand at a time, from the scalp to the end, 
wetting every part. Another way is to wet the hair 
with a small sponge and then brush it with a soft 
brush to distribute it evenly. The best time to 
use it is in the morning, and, when practicable, 
in the sunlight, leaving the hair unbound until it dries. 
Repeat the operation on the second, third and succeed- 
ing mornings, until the desired shade is reached. The 
number of applications needed will depend somewhat 
on the natural color of the hair, one or two applications 
sufficing for light hair, and four or even six being 
required for the darker shades. As the hair grows out 
it must be touched up near the roots frequently ( say once 
a month), or it will look dark and dirty there; bleached 
hair must also be washed often, as it shows dirt plainly. 



THE HAIR. 527 

The hair to which this preparation is best adapted 
is coarse, dark brown hair, which is inclined to be 
curly. It gives this a rich gleaming color. The natural 
hue of the hair will, however, affect the operation of this 
agent, and some shades will become dull and faded 
looking, and others a ruddy gold. When properly used 
this peroxide is harmless, but its persistent use will 
gradually lighten the hair until it becomes a pale flaxen 
— almost white. But carried thus far the hair will be 
considerably injured and its vitality impaired. 

Another means employed to accomplish this result 
is by the use of strong oxalic acid (one ounce to a pint 
of boiling water) which is applied to the hair with a 
sponge, after greasing the skin, which is done to protect it 
from the action of the acid (it should act in five minutes). 
Covering the hair with a paste made of powdered 
sulphur in water, is another method employed. One 
should sit in the sunlight for several hours with this on 
the hair. Bi-sulphate of magnesia and lime is some- 
times used, but none of these things are equal to the 
peroxide of hydrogen, and we do not recommend them. 
We should advise not to bleach the hair by any method. 

For a preparation for bleaching wigs, see " Wigs." 

Curling and Crimping the Hair.— To make 
naturally straight hair grow in curls is probably impos- 
sible. The nostrums advertised for this purpose are 
almost all injurious. Heated irous, unless wrapped 
in paper as a safeguard, are destructive to the vitality 
of the hair. The too liberal use of oils and hair 
washes will often give hair a straight and lank appear- 
ance, Discontinue their use and wash the hair in soft 
water, dry it carefully, and then, with a soft brush, 
brush it in waves instead of straight lines. This will 
relieve the stiff and lank appearance, if properly done. 
Among the simplest and best things to use on the hair 



528 THE HAIR. 

are glycerine and the yelk of an egg. Another practical 
and simple application is to dissolve twelve grains of 
carbonate of potash in a pint of warm water, and then 
whip it up with pure soap until a strong suds is made, 
and then moisten every part of the hair with it at night 
before retiring. Do it up in curl papers, and when they 
are removed in the morning the hair will retain its 
curls much better than when done up without the 
carbonate of potash. 

One of the old and well known applications for 
holding hair in curl is quince seed. Simmer one ounce 
in a quart of water for forty minutes. Strain, let it 
cool, and add a few drops of some perfume, and keep in 
a tightly corked bottle. Another is the following: 
Dissolve one drachm of gum arabic and two ounces of 
borax in one quart of hot water. When dissolved, add 
three tablespoonfuls of tincture of camphor. Apply at 
night on retiring, and do the hair up in curl papers as 
usual. 

Those who are troubled by having their hair come 
out of crimp when horseback riding or boating, will find 
no better remedy than doing it up in the following 
bandoline: Take one pint of rose-water, one-fourth 
ounce of gum tragacanth, and five drops of glycerine. 
Mix, and let them stand over night, or until dissolved. 
If too thick, add more rose-water, until it is about as 
thin as glycerine. Moisten the hair with this before 
putting it in papers or irons. 

The secret of safe hair-dressing is in never pulling 
the hair nor scorching it. Before the iron is applied, a 
lock should always be wrapped in paper. Long and 
patient treatment with hot irons will train stiff hair to 
curl without injury. If thin manila paper is wrapped 
once around the common round curling irons or frizzing 
tongs, they can be used with safety. Putting the hair 



THE HAIE. 529 

up over night on metal pins or hairpins is injurious. 
The best thing is, possibly, a loop of thick elastic cord, 
into which the hair is woven as on a hairpin. On with- 
drawing the fingers the elastic holds the hair, and it is 
much more agreeable to sleep in than metal pins. 

There are many accusations against the use of iron 
hairpins, and if something less clumsy than the rubber 
hairpins could be invented to supplant them, it would 
be a great boon to the ladies. Care should be taken to 
see that iron hairpins are well japanned, to prevent their 
cutting the hair. Kubber hairpins are unobjectionable, 
but they are somewhat clumsy. 

Damp Hair. — See " Greasy and Damp Hair." 
Dandruff or Scurf. — The white brittle scurf skin 
which peels off from the scalp may become very annoying, 
after an attack of fever or debilitating disease, or when 
it becomes excessive and persistent. One ounce of 
borax in a pint of water, used as a wash, once a week as 
a preventive, and once a day as a curative, is a simple 
and, in mild cases, excellent remedy. Persistent cases 
of dandruff can be effectually cured by rubbing the 
following wash into the scalp before brushing the hair : 

Take of sesquicarbonate of ammonia % ounce. 

Spirit of \ osemary 3^ pint. 

Rose water % pint. Mix. 

A wash, which we elsewhere recommend, to soften the 
scalp and make the hair smooth and silky, will cleanse 
the scalp and remove dandruff. It should be used warm ? 
rubbed well into the scalp, and applied once or twice a 
week. It is as follows: Take the yelk of one egg, one 
pint of rain water, and one ounce of rosemary spirit, 
and beat it thoroughly together. 

Depilitories.— See " Superfluous Hair." 
Dry and Stiff Hair. — When, from any cause, the 
hair is dry and obstinate, glycerine is the best thing to 



530 THE HAIE. 

apply. Use in about the proportion of five parts of 
glycerine to fifty of water. A little perfume may be 
added, if desired. When a lock of hair persistently 
refuses to grow in the right direction, the comb and 
brush should be freely used, and it may be forced into 
the right position for a few days by a little bandoline. 
It will soon become pliable. An excellent emollient 
dressing for the hair, which it is said will do away with 
the need of using pomatum, even in cases where it 
seems most necessary, is the following : 

Take of eau de cologne 8 ounces. 

Tincture of cantharides 1 ounce. 

Oil of English lavender 3^ drachm. 

Oil of rosemary ^ drachm. 

Mix, and use occasionally as a dressing for the hair, 
Greasy and Damp Hair. — When the hair is 

moist and greasy, an excellent drying wash is the 

following: 

Take of essential oil of almonds 1 fluid drachm. 

Oil of cassia 3^ flu'd drachm. 

Essence of musk % fluid drachm. 

Rectified spirit 2 % ounces. 

Mix, and, while briskly agitating, add gradually sixteen 
ounces of distilled water, and one ounce of dissolved 
gum arable. 

A very simple and effectual wash for persistently 
damp hair is to dissolve one teaspoonful of table salt 
in one pint of water, and apply two or three times a day. 
After its application comb, brush and dry the hair 
thoroughly. Long continued use of this wash lightens 
the hair. 

Glossy Hair. — The glossy appearance of the hair 
is caused by the secretion of minute glands. Those 
whose hair lacks this quality may treat the scalp by 




ST. MARY. 
(531) 



THE HAIR. 533 

friction, and carefully comb and brush the hair with a 
soft brush, and once a day apply the following: 

Take of castor oil 1 ounce. 

Tincture of cochineal 1 ounce. 

Rectified spirits 1 pint. Mix. 

Hair Dyes. — We suppose it to be useless to declaim 
against the folly and danger of using poisonous and 
deleterious dyes and washes for the hair. As long as 
the desired change can be produced, the red hair turned 
dark or the dark hair made blonde, the ardent vanity 
of women will lead them to resort to the use of such 
preparations as they believe will accomplish the desired 
result. The most we can do is to point out the dangers 
of using poisonous preparations, and give directions 
for using those least injurious to the hair. All the 
preparations of lead, copper and bismuth are poisonous 
and dangerous. The continued application of these 
ingredients will often produce most deleterious results, 
both on the hair and the general health — which may 
even result in paralysis and death. 

Hair is naturally darker at the scalp than at the 
ends, because at that point there is a more copious 
supply of coloring matter in the cells. The most beauti- 
ful hair is never all of one shade, and to make it so 
gives it an unnatural appearance and strongly suggests 
dyeing. Tresses of varying hues, as the light plays 
through them, have always been the delight of artists. 

Before applying any dye or coloring fluid, the hair 
should be thoroughly cleansed from grease and dirt by 
washing it with hot water, in which ammonia, soda and 
borax are dissolved, as without this precaution the dyes 
often will produce no effect. After drying the hair 
carefully the dyes can be best applied, usually, with a 
soft tooth brush. Dip it in the dye and then brush the 
hair with it. There is always danger of staining the 



534 THE HAIE. 

skin, and it is a safeguard to smear it (the skin only — 
not the hair) with pomatum; to keep the dye from 
touching it. This can be washed off afterwards and 
objectionable discoloration avoided. 

Black. — By washing the hair repeatedly in a prepara- 
tion of iron until the liquid is absorbed into the hairs, and 
then washing it in a preparation of tannin, they will act 
chemically on each other and produce a black color. 
This is the principle on which black ink is produced. 
This is as harmless as any black dye we know. The 
process is as follows : 

Take of sulphate of iron 10 grains. 

Glycerine 1 ounce. 

Distilled water 1 pint. Mix. 

Twice a day for three days wash the hair thoroughly 
with this preparation, and then dry and brush it well. 
At the end of three days apply the following: 

Take of gallic acid 4 grains. 

Tannic acid 4 grains. 

Distilled water 1% ounces. Mix. 

Apply this with a fine-tooth comb, being careful to 
keep it from the skin, which it will stain. Subsequently 
they may both be applied once a day, applying the 
second preparation an hour or two after the first, until 
the hair becomes black. 

Another: 

Take of nitrate of silver 7 drachms. 

Kose-water 8 ounces. Mix. 

This is a French recipe. Used at full strength it 
produces a perfect black. By adding its bulk of distilled 
water it will make the hair a deep brown or chestnut. 
If twice its bulk of water is added it produces a light 
brown shade. 



THE HAIR. 535 

Another: Take equal parts of powdered litharge, 
lemon-juice and vinegar, and boil them in a porcelain- 
lined vessel for thirty minutes, over a slow fire. Hair 
wet with this will turn black in a short time. This is 
not as injurious as some of the nostrums advertised for 
dyeing hair ; but litharge is a preparation of lead, and, 
as we have previously explained, all preparations of lead 
are injurious, if their use is persisted in. 

Another: 

Take of sulphuret of potassium 3 drachms. 

Distilled water 2 fluid ounces. Mix. 

The desired effect will not be produced unless this solu- 
tion is freshly made when used. Wet the hair with it, 
let it dry, and then apply: 

Nitrate of silver 1% drachms. 

Distilled water sa>e •. 2 fluid ounces. 

Dissolve the nitrate of silver in the water, and keep the 
solution in a blue bottle- If the potassium sulphate is 
good it will have a strong odor. After exposing the hair 
to the light a few hours it will turn dark, and a dense 
black will be produced. If the skin becomes stained, it 
may be removed by using a rag wet in the first solution 
of sulphuret of potassium, slightly diluted. 

Brown. — A perfectly innocent and harmless brown dye 
may be made by digesting four ounces of walnut skins, 
beaten to a pulp, in sixteen ounces of rectified spirit; or 
the dye may be prepared by boiling the walnut bark slowly 
for about an hour, in the proportion of two ounces to a 
quart of water. Then a little alum (perhaps two pieces 
the size of a thimble) should be added to set the dye. 
This may also be applied to the eyebrows and lashes, 
turning them to a rich brown, which will harmonize 
well with light hair. Apply the wash to eyebrows and 



536 THE HAIR. 

lashes with a small hair pencil, or with a sponge to the 
hair. As this will stain pillow cases, the head should 
be wrapped up before going to bed. 

Another: Take one part of litharge, two parts of 
slacked lime, and two parts of starch, and mix, adding 
enough milk to make into a paste. Litharge is a prepa- 
ration of lead, as we have previously explained. Using 
water instead of milk will change this to a black dye. 

A bright red or reddish yellow tinge may be pro- 
duced by using a solution of pure rouge in a weak solu- 
tion of crystalized carbonate of soda, followed, when 
dry, with lemon-juice or vinegar diluted with one-half 
to an equal amount of water, to act as a mordant and set 
the color. 

A rich golden hue may be given to very light hair, 
and a golden brown or auburn to darker hair, by using 
a solution of bi-chloride of tin, diluted considerably, 
followed by hydrosulphuret of ammonia, to act as a 
mordant. The most effective preparation for this pur- 
pose, however, is peroxyde of hydrogen. Moderately 
used on some shades of hair, its effect is beautiful. ( See 
what we say about it under "Bleaching the Hair.") 

A very effective, but temporary, golden hue may be 
given to hair as follows: Obtain from some hair dresser 
a package of gold powder. Then, using an ordinary 
perfume vaporizer, spray the hair well with a very weak 
solution of gum water. Then sprinkle on the powder. 
It will stay on during an evening, at a dance or party, 
and looks very rich. 

A reddish orange is produced by using an acidulated 
solution of tartar emetic (acidulated with a little tartaric? 
citric or acetic acid), followed by a weak mordant of 
neutral hydrosulphuret (or bi-sulphuret) of ammonia. 
Carefully avoid excesses, however. 

The mordants should always be kept in a separate 



THE HAIR. 537 

bottle, and these dyes should only be prepared by skilful 
hands. 

Hair Restorers, — As we have intimated elsewhere, 
we do not counsel the use of dyes. The first symptom 
of grayness in the hair is usually on the temples, but, as 
that is a very conspicuous place, any dye which discolors 
the skin will be very apparent. Many people want a 
hair restorer for this and similar purposes, and we com- 
mend the following as being very good: 

Take of rust of iron 1 drachm. 

Old ale (strong) 1 pint. 

Oil of rosemary 12 drops. 

Put these into a bottle which is loosely corked, and shake 
it daily for ten or twelve days. Then allow it to stand 
one day, and decant the clear portion for use. 
Another: 

Take of sulphate of iron (crushed) 1 drachm. 

Rectified spirits 1 fluid ounce. 

Oil of rosemary 10 drops. 

Pure rain-water % P m *- 

Stir until the mixture is complete. Either of these will 
iron-mold linen if they come in contact with it. Some 
people substitute good old ale for the rain water, in the 
last preparation. 

All preparations containing lead and mercury are 
injurious if used for any length of time. 

Loss of Color in Hair. — Even during youth white 
and grey hairs will occasionally appear. They are due 
to general debility or to deficient local nutrition. 
Debility should be treated with suitable medicines and 
hygienic living; but for a local application, if sulphate 
of iron be dissolved in red wine it makes an excellent 
restorative wash. The proportions should be seven 
grains of sulphate of iron to 360 of the wine. The 



538 THE HAIR. 

sulphate may be dissolved in water first, and then the 
two boiled together for ten minutes. This is for dark 
hair. For light hair the red wine (claret) may be used 
alone. Frequent brushing and friction of the skin is 
also beneficial. 

It is said that epsom salts dissolved in soft water 
and applied to the hair with a small sponge frequently 
will check its turning grey, and two tablespoonfuls of 
rock-salt put into boiling water and allowed to stand 
until it is cold, and then applied to the hair, is said to 
restore grey hair in some instances. 

Parasites. — Lice. — Children sometimes get para- 
sites (lice) in their hair by contact with other children 
at school, etc. The readiest way to destroy them is to 
wash the head with a preparation of one part of sulph- 
urous (not sulphuric) acid in three parts of rain-water. 
Or wash the head with carbolic soap, or use one part 
of carbolic acid to twenty of water. This is much 
better than irritating the scalp with the old-fashioned 
fine-tooth comb. 

This preparation of sulphurous acid, by the way, 
will destroy parasites on furniture or pets (dogs, etc.) 

Red or Sandy Hair. — Objectionable shades of 
red or sandy hair can often be changed to a rich, glossy, 
golden tinge by frequent brushing and careful atten- 
tion, so that it would hardly be known as the same hair. 
Luxuriant golden hair is certainly no detriment to 
beauty. "I have seen," says the author of the "Ugly 
Girl Papers," " a most obnoxious color so changed by a 
few years care that it became the admiration of the 
owner's friends and could hardly be recognized as the 
withered fiery locks once worn." 

Superfluous Hairs. — There are two kinds of super- 
flous hair. One consists of isolated hairs which appeal- 
often on the chin and lip, or which sprout from moles. 



THE HAIK. 539 

The other is a kind of soft down which grows on the 
upper lip or on the outer side of the arms, etc. The 
best depilitory we know, which can be applied to this 
soft downy hair, is the following: 

Take of sulphide of barium 2 drachms. 

Powdered oxide of zinc 3 drachms. 

Powdered starch 3 drachms. 

Water sufficient to make a soft paste. Mix. 

Smear this paste lightly over the hairy part, and let 
it remain for five or ten minutes. Then wash it off, and 
the hair will come with it. The operation should be 
performed at night, so that the local irritation may sub- 
side before morning. Just after washing off the depila- 
tory, rub a little sweet oil over the spot, to allay the 
irritation. It is also said that bathing the part affected, 
frequently, with ammonia or camphor, as strong as can 
be borne, will kill out these fine hairs in a few weeks. 

For the stiff, isolated hairs, the proper method is to 
pull each hair out with a pair of tweezers, and then 
apply a little carbonate of bismuth moistened with gly- 
cerine. If this is properly done, they will not grow 
again. Evidently, however, this operation is not suitable 
for fine, downy hairs, as to pull each one out in this way 
would be an endless operation. 

Another effective and probably the best method 
known at present for removing the isolated hairs is by 
electrolysis. The method consists in running a fine 
needle, to which an electric battery is attached, into the 
skin until it reaches the roots of the hair. The electric 
current will destroy them, and the hair will soon fall 
out and will not grow again. The operation causes very 
little pain, but it should only be performed by a compe- 
tent and skillful operator. 

Switches (To Freshen). — When switches have lost 
their fresh appearance, and look dull and soiled, they 



540 THE HAIK. 

may be easily and effectually restored to look as fresh 
as new by taking common undiluted ammonia (half a 
pint will probably be enough) and dipping the switch in 
it. By repeating' this process about once in three 
months the switch may be kept clean and bright. 

Thin and Falling Hair. — The hair is sometimes 
thin from hereditary tendency, and sometimes as the 
result of sickness and prolonged ill-health, it will fall 
out. When the hair is thin from hereditary causes, an 
excellent stimulating lotion is the following: 

Take of tincture of cantharides 2% fluid drachms. 

Jamaica rum 2% fluid drachms. 

Glycerine % ounce. 

Mix well, and then add twenty drops of oil of rose- 
mary. Then 

Take of sesquicarbonate of ammonia 2 drachms. 

Distilled water 9 ounces. 

Dissolve the ammonia in the water, and then mix the 
two preparations, shaking and mixing them well together. 
Rub this wash well into the roots of the hair once daily. 

A simpler recipe, which is undoubtedly valuable for 
cases of thinning and falling hair, is this: Stew one 
pound of rosemary in a quart of rain-water for some 
time; then filter through rauslin, and add one-half pint 
of bay rum. Bottle the mixture, and each night and 
morning rub some into the roots of the hair. 

A quinine wash which is meritorious, and has been 
often tested, is the following: 

Take of bi-sulphate of quinine 1 drachm. 

Rose water 8 ounces. 

Rectified spirits 2 ounces. 

Mix, and then add one-fourth ounce of glycerine, and 
five or six minims of essence of musk, or any other per- 




&SN 




WM- 



i M«t 



10 



THE FIRST HOUR OF NIGHT.— (Raphael.) 
(541) 



THE HAIR. 543 

fume which is preferred. Shake it until thoroughly 
mixed, and the next day decant, and it is ready for use, 
Apply it once or twice each day. 

When the hair is falling out rapidly through sickness 
or long-continued ill-health, it is best to have it cut and 
wear it so for a year or two, and in the mean time treat 
the scalp systematically with stimulating lotions. One 
great advantage in having the hair short is that nothing 
is so beneficial to all growth, animal and vegetable, as 
free access of light and air, and when the hair is long 
and twisted up and compressed on the head, it excludes 
these vitalizing agents. Then, again, the stimulating 
friction which is so important is much more readily 
applied when the hair is short; and, also, the hair bulbs 
obtain a period of rest and recuperation, and are thereby 
enabled to resume their office of producing a vigorous 
growth of hair. 

Ammonia, wine or rum, origanum, and several other 
things, all have stimulating effects on the scalp, and so 
does electricity, the occasional use of which is often 
very beneficial. But grease, freely applied, will clog 
the pores and hinder their action. A very popular 
stimulating wash is the following: 

Take of liquor of ammonia 2 drachms. 

Oil of sweet almonds 2 dracl. ms. 

Spirits of rosemary 1 ounce. 

Otto of mace 1 drachm. 

Rose water. 23^ ounces. 

Mix, and rub well into the roots of the hair daily. 

In cases of confirmed baldness, when the scalp has 
become shiny, it is probable that little can be done to 
cure it, but in cases of baldness where a lens will show 
the presence of light downy hairs, they may be stimu- 
lated into growth, usually, by the use of the following 
preparation : 



£44 . I'HE HAIfi. 

Take of tincture of cantharides 3€ ounce. 

Rectified spirits 10 ounces. 

Sublimed sulphur 34 ounce. 

Glycerine 2 ounces. Mix. 

The parts should be brushed with a soft brush foi 
a few minutes, then bathed with warm water and dried 
with a soft towel, and then the lotion gently rubbed is 
for about a minute and then left on the scalp — not wiped 
off. Apply twice daily. Should the continued applica- 
tion cause irritation, it may be allayed by applying 
equal parts of glycerine and water. When the hair 
begins to grow, clip the ends. 

Another very powerful stimulant for the hair, and 
one which is said to fully equal cantharides, without its 
dangers, is the oil of mace. One pint of deodorized 
alcohol to half an ounce of the oil of mace makes a 
strong stimulant. To apply it to a bald spot, rub the 
scalp first with flannel until it looks red and excited, 
and then rub the lotion well into the skin. Persistent 
application three times a day for several weeks will 
often be needed. After the hair has started, once a day 
will be often enough to use the tincture. When used 
as a stimulant for deficient hair, a little may be poured 
into an open dish, and then a small brush may be 
dipped into it and the hair actively brushed, working 
the lotion well into the roots. 

For applying any of these washes to the hair and 
scalp, there is probably nothing better than a soft tooth- 
brush, and the bald places should be gone over care- 
fully, touching every spot. 

Tenderness of the Scalp. — Using hard brushes 
may cause tenderness of the scalp, As we have said 
before, a hard brush should never be used, as it injures 
both the scalp and hair, whereas a soft brush will 
benefit both. The use of very hot water for washing or 



THE HAItt. 545 

shampooing the head, and the abrupt changing from hot 
to cold water will also cause tenderness. In such cases 
as the foregoing the remedy is obvious — simply remove 
the cause. When, as is often the case, it is caused by 
using hair restorers, they should be discontinued until 
the scalp recovers, and used more sparingly thereafter. 
When the scalp is naturally tender it should be washed 
daily in cold water and then stimulated by rubbing, 
exercising care not to injure the surface. Wash the 
head afterwards with the following lotion: Rectified 
spirits, one ounce, and water three ounces, mixed. 

Wigs. — To Bleach. — When blonde wigs are desired 
for theatricals or other purposes, and cannot readily be 
obtained, the following method will bleach a switch of 
dark hair; but this recipe cannot safely be applied to 
the head, as it is too poisonous. (1 ) Take the tops of 
potatoes ready to flower and steep them for twenty-four 
hours in water, or (2) use an infusion of tumeric in 
champagne. First soak the hair in strong vinegar, and 
then put it into either one of the above preparations. 




EYEBROWS AND EYELASHES. 




AEK and regular eyebrows and eyelashes 
certainly give a beauty to the face, in every 
way superior to the lighter colors. No 
inconsiderable part of the impression which 
the eye produces is due to the eyebrows 
and eyelashes, and they are an important 
factor in the expression of the countenance. 
Among the Greeks, eyebrows which met 
in the middle were not popular; but the 
Eoman fashion favored them and resorted to artificial 
means for their production. The Persians, Egyptians 
and Assyrians painted their eyebrows to increase their 
apparent width. 

THE EYEBKOWS. 

The eyebrows should arch slightly, be moderately 
thick and lie smooth, to be beautiful. Although tradition 
ascribes future prosperity to persons whose eyebrows 
meet, it is usually considered a deformity, as it gives a 
scowling expression to the face. The remedy is, to pull 
out each hair, for about one-third of an inch, between 
the brows. 

To correct irregular eyebrows, all the irregular hairs 
which make them appear uneven should be plucked out 
with tweezers. The eyebrows should be combed, and 
brushed with a soft brush toward the ear. A little olive 
oil may be applied with advantage occasionally. 

If the hair grows too long, it may be clipped with 

(546) 



THE EYEBROWS AND EYELASHES. 547 

fine scissors, and if it is deficient some of the washes 
recommended for thin and falling hair may be used. 
But care should be taken not to get any of the lotions 
into the eye, and if the down external to the appropriate 
limits of the eyebrows develops, it should be plucked out- 

If the eyebrows are singed off by fire, their growth 
may be stimulated by applying a lotion of five grains of 
sulphate of quinine in one ounce of alcohol. 

When the eyebrows are troubled with extreme 
moisture, an excellent remedy is nine grains of borate 
of soda, one gill of distilled water, and ten drops of 
essence of mint, mixed, and applied two or three times 
a day. 

Dry and crusty pimples in the eyebrows may be 
treated by taking nine grains of chlorate of potassium, 
one ounce of pure glycerine, and one gill of water, mix- 
ing, and applying lightly with a soft toothbrush. Apply 
preparations for darkening eyebrows and lashes with a 
small hair pencil, to avoid a smeared look, which is very 
bad. 

Dyes. — As dyes for the eyebrows are often desired, 
we submit the following: 

Black. — To touch them with a little black of mastic 
is a simple method. As it will stain the fingers or skin, 
it should be used carefully ; or the following preparation 
may be used: Take one ounce of nutgalls, three ounces 
of olive oil, and one drachm of ammoniac salt. Mix, 
and add a little vinegar. Apply on retiring, and leave 
it on all night, and in the morning wash with tepid 
water. 

For theatricals, a black that will not be affected by 
perspiration may be made by burning mastic and frank- 
incense together. 

Brown. — Use the brown dye, made of walnut skins, 
recommended for the hair. 



548 THE EYEBROWS AND EYELASHES. 
THE EYELASHES. 

Long and even lashes add greatly to the beauty of 
the eyes. In both childhood and later life the eyelashes 
may be increased in length and luxuriance by clipping 
them every month or six weeks; but the greatest care 
should be exercised not to injure the eye, especially 
with children, as they are often restless. Stimulants 
and washes to increase the growth may injure the eyes, 
if they get into them. They should therefore be used 
with great care if at all. A little olive oil may be applied 
occasionally. 

If the eyelashes are subject to entanglement, the 
affected hairs must be clipped and trained away from 
each other. 

In-growing hairs should be moistened with glycerine 
and then, with forceps or tweezers, curled away from the 
eyeball. Repeat daily. 

The greasy secretion which gathers on the lids, at 
times, is very troublesome. The lids are red around the 
edges, and may be stuck together after sleeping, and the 
lashes may fall out or be stunted in growth. The treat- 
ment requires internal medicine, but locally the remedies 
are to cut of? the lashes and bathe the lids twice daily 
with warm water. On going to bed at night, the edges 
may be smeared with olive oil, if there is much inflam- 
mation, to prevent their sticking together. If not, the 
following lotion maybe used: Take four grains of borax ? 
one drachm of sirup of quinces, and one ounce of black- 
cherry water. Mix, and bathe carefully. The eyes 
should also be shielded with colored glasses when out- 
of-doors, and dust and all causes of irritation avoided. 

Dyes. — The beauty of the eye is enhanced when the 
eyelashes are darkened. The following dyes may be 
safely used. 



THE EYEBROWS AND EYELASHES. 549 

Black. — Wash the lashes in goulard water. Then 
apply the following with a small hair pencil: Take 
one part of sublimed sulphur, four parts of lard and two 
parts of glycerine. Melt the lard, and then mix in the 
sulphur and glycerine, and let it stand until cool. A 
very natural effect is also produced "by applying a little 
India ink dissolved in water, with a hair pencil. Use 
the best ink. 

Brown. — Use the brown dye made of walnut skins, 
recommended for the hair. 






THE EYES, EARS AND NOSE. 




ASCAL lias called attention to the fact that 
if Cleopatra's nose had been a little longer 
it might have affected the political destiny 
of all the later nations. The eyes and nose 
are so prominent that if they are irregular or 
deformed they arrest at once the attention 
of the beholder, and the beauty of the coun- 
tenance is destroyed. The ears, however, 
are less prominent, and, if inelegant, can be 
more easily concealed by arranging the hair for that 
purpose. Savages, with their absence of correct taste, 
and their blind slavery to their local fashions, produce 
various disfigurements of these organs. 

THE EYES. 

The eyes are the most expressive feature of the face. 
They are the soul's mirrors, and reflect the thoughts 
within. Guyon has said that "Whoever has received 
from God the precious gift of strong, beautiful eyes, 
should carefully preserve them." 

The great enemies of the eyes are wind and dust, 
the glare of the sun or artificial light, and overtaxing 
them in reading, study or work. Those who are exposed 
to the wind and dust should protect their eyes with 
glasses. Ladies have some protection in their veils, but 
these should be dark colored and the meshes close set. 

The glare of the sun, as on white sand, etc., may be 
met by wearing colored glasses (the London-smoke is 
the best). So far as the over-work is concerned, each 

(550) 




NINON de I'ENCLOS. 
(551) 



553 

one must exercise his own common sense and be careful 
not to overtax his eyes. When the eyes are easily 
irritated by the wind and sun, a wash of one part of 
camphor to eight of rosewater will be found beneficial. 
Children should not be subjected to sudden changes 
from darkness to light, and their hair should never be 
allowed to fall into their eyes and irritate them. 

If the eyes are sticky and gummed together, they 
may be bathed for a few minutes in tepid milk and 
water; but do not rub them, as that will cause irritation. 

Persons who are afflicted with long or short sighted- 
ness should wear glasses adapted to their eyes, as it 
relieves them from constant strain and tends to their 
preservation. 

Bilious Byes. — These are caused by inaction of the 
liver. The treatment is internal remedies, exercise, cold 
bathing, and a nourishing diet. 

Black Eye. — When the eye receives a slight bruise 
the discoloration of the surrounding tissue which so 
often results may frequently be prevented by the appli- 
cation of a little brandy, whisky or spirits of wine. 

Bloodshot Eyes. — They may be treated by using 
some of the lotions elsewhere recommended for chronic 
cases of watery eyes. 

Cross Eyes. — See " Squinting." 

Objects in the Eye. — When a cinder or other 
substance gets into the eye, do not rub it — that will 
make it worse. Wait a minute, and then gently open 
and close the lid. The tears which follow this operation 
will usually wash out the intruding substance. If this 
fails, however, turn out the lid under which is the sub- 
stance, and remove it with a soft handkerchief. The eye 
may be painful for an hour or two after the object has 
been removed, but by bathing it with a little warm salt 
water the redness will soon subside. If the object is 



554 THE EYES, EARS AND NOSE. 

imbedded in the cornea or eyeball, a simple and excel- 
lent way to detach it is to take a long hair, and, holding 
both ends, allow it to rest lightly over the eyeball, above 
the object; then, allowing the eye to roll upward, it is 
loosened, and may be removed. If this fails, a physician 
or oculist should be consulted as soon as possible. 

Squinting. — This is usually caused by some inequal- 
ity of vision in the eyes. Internal remedies, or a surgical 
operation, may be necessary. An old remedy for diver- 
gent vision is to place a black patch on the side of the 
nose, and try to view it with the affected eye. What is 
commonly called " cross-eye," is caused by contraction or 
inequality of the muscles of the eyeball, and can easily 
be cured, usually, by a slight and not painful surgical 
operation. It should be performed by a skilful oculist. 

Stye.— These are most common with delicate or un- 
healthy children, but many adults are afflicted with them. 
The best treatment is to bathe the eye with warm water, 
or apply a bread poultice. After they break, apply a little 
dilute citrine ointment, being careful not to get any into 
the eye. Persons subject to them should strengthen the 
system with tonics and bathe the eyelids night and 
morning with a weak solution of salt and water. 

To Brighten the Byes.— Various devices have been 
resorted to, many of them very injurious to the eye. 
Many ladies know that if, just before going out, they eat 
lump sugar saturated with cologne, it will brighten 
their eyes. The same effect may be produced by flirting 
soapsuds into them. Many Spanish ladies make their 
eyes shine by squeezing orange- juice into them. The 
juice of the herb euphrasia, or eye-bright, dropped into 
the eyes, will make them bright, and is said to be as 
harmless as anything of the kind which can be used. A 
spoonful of roasted coffee, chewed for the juice, will 
brighten the eyes for an evening, but this should not be 



THE EYES, EARS AND NOSE. 555 

resorted to often, because of the effects of the coffee on 
the system. We advise our readers not to tamper with 
their eyes by injecting any preparations into them. The 
best things for beautifying the eyes are good health, 
proper care, and do not strain or misuse them in any 
way. 

Watery Eyes. — These cannot bear a strong light. 
They are tender, and there is an abundant secretion of 
tears. When the attack is acute andrcomes on suddenly, 
caused by getting dust in the eyes, or a similar reason, 
they should be bathed in a lotion made of one part warm 
water and one part poppy decoction. After the inflam- 
mation subsides, the eyes may be treated as in chronic 
cases. 

Chronic cases require astringents, and either of the 
following washes may be used: 



Take of alum 2 grains. 

Pur© water 1 ounce. Mi: 



Or, 



Take of acetate of zinc 1% grains. 

Pure water 1 ounce. Mix. 



Or, 

Take of sulphate of zinc ^ 1% grains. 

Pure water 1 ounce. Mix. 

Also, in chronic cases, a lotion may be used, made of 
one part of rectified spirits to eight parts of water. 

THE NOSE. 

An ugly and ill-formed nose disfigures any counte- 
nance, while Lavater has said that " a beautiful nose is 
never associated with a deformed face." As the nose 
occupies the most prominent part of the face, it is often 
a serious matter to a woman when it is mis-shapen. 



556 THE EYES, EARS AND NOSE. 

" The fate of innumerable girls has been decided by a 
slight upward or downward curvature of the nose," says 
Schopenhauer. As between a nose which is too large, 
or one too small, the former is usually preferred. 

The treatment of various deformities has made great 
advance within the last few decades. Dr. Cid, a distin- 
guished French surgeon, noticing that people who wear 
eye-glasses are apt to have long, thin noses, conjectured 
that it might be caused by having the circulation of the 
blood impeded by the pressure of the glasses. He tested 
his theory by constructing an instrument to compress 
the arteries of the nose, which he applied to a lady's 
face, leaving it on during the night, and in three weeks 
a decided change was apparent, and in three months 
her nose was reduced to a proper size. The nose is not 
only important in imparting symmetry and beauty to 
the face, but it also plays an important part in speech, 
and in warming and filtering the air before it enters the 
lungs. 

Children, by rubbing or wiping their noses, often 
flatten them or turn them up. As the bones are then 
soft and pliable, children should be watched by their 
nurses and prevented from warping them out of shape. 

When eye-glasses, are worn, they often produce 
callous places on the sides of the nose. To remedy 
this, their position should be changed. 

Small pendant tumors, known as polypi-, sometimes 
form inside the nose and interfere with the breathing 
and give the voice a nasal twang. They can be cured 
painlessly by electrolysis; that is, by passing a small 
wire around them and sending a galvanic current over 
it. It should be done by a physician. 

When in perfect health the discharges from the nose 
should be odorless and not excessive. Any unusual dis- 
charge is, therefore, an evidence of disease, and should 



THE EYES, EARS AND NOSE. OD I 

be attended to. Catarrh, or common cold, should, if 
possible, be checked in its infancy. 

The fine hairs at the entrance of the nose are placed 
there by nature to prevent the entrance of foreign 
particles, They should not be removed unless of great 
extent. If they grow long and are unsightly they 
should be bent out of the way. 

Black Heads. — Acne is the correct name for 
those unsightly specs which often disfigure the sides of 
the nose. We have already described the treatment 
among the "Affections of the Skin," which see. 

Bleeding from the Nose. — This may often be 
stopped by pressing with the finger on the upper lip 
just below the nose. Sometimes a wet cloth placed on 
the back of the neck or between the shoulders will 
contract the blood vessels and stop the flow. In severe 
cases a plug of cotton, to which a thread is attached, 
may be dusted over with tannin and inserted in the 
nose, and left for some hours. 

Modifying the Shape of the Nose we discussed 
near the close of our article on " Developing Beauty and 
Grace in Children," which see. 

Redness of the Nose. — Its treatment is dis- 
cussed among the "Affections of the Skin," but when this 
is due to intemperance or tight lacing, the only cure is 
in reforming one's habits. 

THE EARS. 

The ear to be beautiful should be of moderate size, 
and about half as broad as it is long. The lower part 
should be free and not attached to the head, and the 
ear should be inclined backward so that the upper 
point should nearly touch the head. The ears are com- 
posed entirely of cartilages and skin, without bones, and 



558 THE EYES, EAKS AND NOSE. 

they can be moulded into shape even more readily than 
the nose. The practice of allowing girls to wear their 
hair or bonnet-strings in such a way as to make their 
ears stand out, may cause a very mortifying deformity, 
and should be guarded against. It is no longer fashion- 
able to wear heavy earrings which will enlarge the lobes 
of the ears, but small earrings are often worn. 

Large and Unsightly Ears may be trained to lie 
close to the head, as we have previously explained at 
the close of our chapter on "Developing Grace and 
Beauty in Children" (which see). 

The Hair in the Ear Passage is placed there by 
Nature, to prevent the entrance of foreign particles. It 
should not be removed, but, if it is unsightly, it may be 
bent out of the way. 

Stoppage of the Ear. — The ear passage will some- 
times become filled with the waxy substance which is 
secreted by the glands which line it, and this will cause 
deafness. To remedy this, pour a little sweet oil or 
glycerine into the ear, and leave it for some time (over 
night or longer), and this will cut the waxy secretion. 
It can then be washed out by syringing the ear with 
tepid water, containing about a teaspoonful of bi-car- 
bonate of soda to the tumbler of water. The water 
should not be directed straight into the ear passage, but 
rather against the sides, as a direct stream may injure 
the tympanum. The amount of matter discharged will 
often be surprising. If the first trial does not fully clear 
the ear, repeat the operation several times, if need be. 
After the removal of the wax, a little cotton should be 
worn in the ear for a few days, as it is often left inflamed 
and sensitive, and susceptible to cold. 

In cleaning the ear, an ear-spoon or pin-head should 
never be thrust into it to remove the -wax, as the 
hearing may be seriously injured by such a practice. 



THE MOUTH AND TEETH 




ANTE has said that "the mouth is the end 
of love." It possesses both beauty of out- 
line and the charm of emotional expression. 
Sir Charles Bell has said that "the lips 
are, of ail the features, the most suscept- 
ible of action, and the most direct index of 
the feelings." The mouth is man's most 
delicate instrument for intellectual and 
emotional expression. The under lips 
should be fuller than the upper, and Winckelman says, 
"the lips answer the purpose of displaying a more 
brilliant red than is to be seen elsewhere." " The size 
and shape of the lips afford an index of coarse or refined 
ancestry," says Finck. See, for a beautiful mouth, the 
portrait of Diane de Poitiers which we give, and some 
of our other illustrations. 

THE LiPS. 

The skin of the lips being very thin they are easily 
deranged, and often the atmosphere will cause them to 
chap and crack. They may be modified or distorted by 
pernicious habits. Sucking and biting their lips, which 
is a trick of some children, will distort them, and, unless 
the habit is given up, may cause permanent deformity. 
The habit of making mouths never adds any to the 
emphasis of conversation, and is to be condemned, as it 
may lead to actual malformations. When lips are too 
thin, sucking them will sometimes increase their thick- 

(559) 



560 THE MOUTH AND TEETH. 

ness, as it draws the blood into them and hence increases 
their nourishment. When too large they may sometimes, 
though not always, be reduced by compresses. The 
great increase in size to which the lips of some girls, 
scrofulously inclined, are subject, can usually be cured 
if medical advice is sought in time. When the lip turns 
out at every laugh or smile, as it does with some people, 
displaying the red lining very unpleasantly, the blemish 
m y be cured by a slight surgical operation. When 
tumors and swellings appear upon the lips, they should 
be promptly submitted to medical examination. 

Chaps and Roughness of the Lips. — When 
these affections occur as the result of cold, or from 
impaired nutrition of the mucous membrane, the follow- 
ing emollient is probably as good as any known: 

Take of white wax 2 drachms. 

Spermaceti 2 drachms. 

Glycerine 2 drachms. 

Almond oil 2 drachms. 

Melt these together in an earthern pot over a slow 
fire, and mix them thoroughly. By retaining the same 
proportions the quantity made can be increased or 
diminished. 

For dry lips the above is also a most excellent 
preparation. Half a drachm of rose-water may be 
added, after the mixture cools, to perfume it when 
desired. 

For chaps, glycerine alone is good; and so, also, is 
cold cream. 

Eruptions. — The little blueish eruptions that make 
the lips sore may be treated with an alkaline pomade 
like the following: Take one-half ounce of white wax, 
one-half ounce of almond oil, and nine grains of carbonate 
of soda. Mix, and rub on the lips. Another good lotion 




THE MADONNA OF THE THUMB. 
(561) 



THE MOUTH AND TEETH. 563 

for eruptions on the lips is the following: Take one 
scruple of tannin, one gill of water, and six drops of 
essence of bergamot. Mix thoroughly, and apply with 
a soft linen cloth. 

Fever Blisters. — These should not be rubbed or 
scratched. Every three or four hours they may be 
touched with the following: Take one teaspoonful of 
glycerine, ten drops of carbolic acid, and two drops of 
attar of roses. Mix. 

Herpes Labialis, as it is called, an eruption which 
attacks the lips, we have previously treated among the 
"Affections of the Skin " (which see). 

Pale Lips. — This is usually an indication of debility. 
In such cases, constitutional treatment may be required. 
A simple local treatment is to rub them briskly with a 
tooth-brush or a woolen cloth. This calls the blood to 
the surface, and the glow will often last for hours. Cay- 
enne lozenges, moistened and rubbed over the lips, will 
deepen the color by stimulating the blood vessels. A 
harmless color for the lip's may be made as follows : 

Take of oil of sweet almonds 3 ounces. 

Spermaceti 1 ounce. 

Rice flour M ounce. 

Melt in an earthen jar over a slow fire, and stir well 
until cold. Perfume with a little rose oil. Put some 
alkanet powder in a muslin bag and let it soak for a 
week or ten days in the almond oil before that is used. 
This will impart a red color. This is much better than 
any preparation of poisonous red lead. If alkanet root 
is soaked in alcohol for three or four days, and then 
strained and bottled, it makes a good rouge for the lips. 
It may be applied with a piece of linen. 

Red and Swollen Lips.— For these, apply a warm 
bread-and-milk poultice, or one made of potatoes. 



5()i THE MOUTH AND TEETH. 

FOR SORE TONGUE. 

The simplest remedy is to wash out the mouth with 
the following : 

Take of glycerine 1 ounce. 

Powdered chalk 1 ounce. 

Water 8 ounces. Mix. 

Skake well before using. 

THE GUMS. 

As these are essential to the beauty of the mouth, they 
should receive proper care. They should be thoroughly 
cleansed, and the food, sweetmeats, etc., should be 
washed off regularly and never allowed to decay on 
them, nor should tooth-powder used for the teeth be 
allowed to remain on the gums. When pale, rubbing 
them briskly will set the blood in circulation and give 
them a healthy color. Rubbing lemon peel on the gums 
to redden them decays the teeth — it should not be done. 

Gum-boils. — If these are caused by decayed teeth, 
it may be necessary to extract them. When the boils 
appear to be ripe, and matter is detected, they may be 
lanced. To hasten the suppuration of a gum-boil, hot 
water may be held in the mouth for several minutes at 
a time ; or a roasted fig may be opened, while hot, and 
laid on the affected part. 

Tender and Spongy Gums. — When the gums are 
tender and spongy, some astringent wash should be 
used. Probably nothing is better than to brush them 
with a few drops of the tincture of myrrh on a tooth- 
brush. A little camphor dissolved in alcohol is also 
good for this purpose. 

THE BREATH. 

Nothing will disgust one person with another more 
quickly than a foul-smelling breath . Often, too, the one 



THE MOUTH AND TEETH. 565 

thus afflicted is ignorant of the fact, and her friends 
neglect to inform her. The principal causes are neg- 
lected teeth, disordered stomach or lungs, and diseases 
of the nasal passages and throat, like catarrh. Some 
foods, also, like onions, render the breath very offensive. 

Many remedies are suggested for tainted breath. 
When the teeth are the cause, they should be washed 
with some good disinfectant dentifrice. When the cause 
is a foul stomach, it is said that three grains of chloride 
of lime in one wine-glass of water, if taken several times 
a day, will relieve it; or twenty grains of bisulphate of 
soda in water, taken twice a day, is good. So, also, 
eating charcoal corrects this trouble, but a mild cathartic 
should be taken afterward, to clear the charcoal from 
the system. A few grains of coffee, fresh nuts or orange- 
flower tea, are excellent, when the diet simply is the 
cause, Cloves, cardamon seed and allspice are not 
suitable for ladies — they are too suggestive of the dissi- 
pated man's devices. As for onions, the remedy for 
their foul odor is simple — don't eat them, or else lock 
yourself in your own room until their odor is gone. 

If due attention is paid to the teeth and health, a 
small piece of licorice root dissolved in the mouth is all 
that is needed to purify the breath. It has no smell, it 
sweetens the mouth and stomach, and it can be easily 
kept on the toilet table. 

Washing or rinsing the mouth twice a day with a 
wash made by dissolving fifteen grains of chlorate of 
potash in one ounce of water, is also an excellent remedy 
for offensive breath. 

Pastiles for the Breath. — Lozenges made in the 
following manner will check decay of the teeth, neutralize 
acidity of the stomach and disguise offensive breath. 
Take seven drachms of chlorate of lime, three drachms 
of vanilla sugar, and five drachms of gum arabic. Mix 



obb THE MOUTH AND TEETH. 

into a stiff paste with warm water, roll out and cut into 
lozenges. 

Smokers' Breath. — An old formula for removing 
the odor of tobacco from the mouth after smoking, and 
which is to be used as a wash, is the following: Take of 
calcium chloride two drachms, and water one ounce. 
Agitate for half an hour and filter. Then add of rectified 
spirits one ounce, and rose-water one half ounce. Of this 
use a teaspoonful in a wine-glass of tepid water. 

THE TEETH. 

A good, even, white set of teeth is very essential to 
beauty and health. When an otherwise beautiful face is 
disfigured by imperfect teeth, a feeling of inharmony is 
produced on anyone who sees them. Rousseau says : " A 
woman with fine teeth cannot be ugly." Among the strange 
fashions of savage tribes, some women paint their teeth 
alternately, black, red, blue, etc., and some knock out 
two or more of their front teeth. Civilized races, how- 
ever, know that the loss of a few front teeth will make 
any one look both ugly and old. 

The teeth should be brushed regularly after each 
meal, with water, and also at night and in the morning. 
A soft tooth-brush should be used. Once a day use 
some of the dentifrices we shall hereafter recommend. 
The teeth should be brushed on the inside and on top, 
as well as on the outside, care being taken to cleanse 
them in every part. A stiff brush scratches the gums 
and is injurious. Tepid water should be used, as very 
cold or very hot water is harmful. After brushing in 
the morning, the mouth may be rinsed with tepid water 
containing a few drops of tincture of myrrh. Children 
should be taught while young to care for their teeth. 

Wood or quill toothpicks are the best, and the par- 
ticles of food between the teeth should be cleansed out 



THE MOUTH AND TEETH. 567 

after each meal. Gold or metal toothpicks of any kind 
should not be used. 

Extremely hot or cold food or drinks are undoubtedly 
very injurious to the teeth. The custom of eating 
extremely hot food at all meals is bad for teeth, bones, 
hair and complexion; and to alternate from hot to cold 
(as from hot soup to ice water) is very destructive to 
the teeth, and yet it is quite a common practice by many 
people who seem ignorant of the consequences. 

Acids destroy the enamel. A tooth left for twenty- 
four hours in a mineral acid will become so soft that it 
can be dented with the fingers. Even lemon-juice is 
injurious; and people who habitually take acid drinks 
suffer from decay or caries of the teeth. Acids should, 
therefore, never be used for dentrifices. They may 
whiten the teeth for the time being, but they inevitably 
destroy them in the long run. "Whenever much vinegar 
is taken with the food the teeth should be cleansed at 
once after the meal. 

All toilet preparations for the mouth should be 
either astringent, alkaline, antiseptic or inert. The 
excessive use of mineral drugs by children, like prepara- 
tions of iron or mercury, will injure the teeth. 

All preparations containing alum or tartaric acid 
should be discarded and never, on any account, used on 
the teeth. 

Soap dentrifices tend to make the teeth yellow, if 
habitually used, and we counsel against them. 

Camphorated chalk is antiseptic, and an excellent 
dentifrice. 

Decayed Teeth. — When the teeth begin to decay, 
a dentist should be consulted and the cavity filled. This 
will check the decay and preserve the teeth. Teeth 
which can be saved should be preserved instead of 
being pulled. A tooth which cannot be filled should 



568 THE MOUTH AND TEETH. 

be extracted, as a decaying tooth is not only unsightly 
but it is a continual source of danger to the sound con- 
tiguous teeth, and affects the breath, impairs the diges- 
tion and deteriorates the general heath. 

Discoloration.- When the teeth become brown, so 
that the usual tooth powders fail to cleanse them, they may 
be rubbed with a piece of cambric moistened and dipped 
in pulverized pumice-stone; or, instead of that, a piece 
of soft wood, about one-fourth inch wide, and sharpened 
like a chisel, may be used with the pumice-stone. After- 
ward the teeth can be thoroughly rinsed with tepid 
water. Or a little lemon-juice may be used on a tooth- 
brush or rag, but the teeth should be thoroughly cleansed 
afterward, and the lemon-juice should be rarely used. 
Of the two we recommend the pumice-stone as the safest 
thing for this purpose. 

Irregular Teeth, — When the teeth are growing 
they should be frequently inspected, and if the second 
teeth manifest a tendency to grow irregularly, they 
should be pressed with the fingers, once each day, in 
the right direction, and they will soon yield to this 
treatment. If one of the first set (or milk teeth) is not 
out of the way when the second appears it will some- 
times crowd the second tooth out of place, and so, 
possibly, make the whole set irregular. To prevent 
this, the milk teeth should be pulled if they remain in 
too long. When the second teeth are growing they 
should not be used to bite hard crusts, etc., as that will 
often crowd them out of position. If the teeth are too 
much crowded, it may be necessary to pull one to make 
room for the others. Sucking the thumb by children 
should not be allowed, as it often results in that undue 
prominence of the upper teeth which is so unsightly, 
and which is a reflection on the training it received. 
A tooth which has been neglected and allowed to 



THE MOUTH AND TEETH. 569 

grow directly outward or inward should be extracted, 
as it may irritate the tongue or cheek if it is a mo/ar or 
bicuspid; and if an incisor or canine, it will be very 
unsightly. 

Tarter. — This is an accumulation which forms on 
the teeth, and oftenest with those who are not in very 
good health. Brushing the teeth every day with suit- 
able dentriflces will prevent its accumulation usually. 
Behind the front teeth quite a deposit will sometimes 
accumulate. This is best removed by a dentist, who 
will cut it out with an instrument for the purpose. It 
may be removed with mineral acids also, but we have 
already explained the danger of ruining the teeth with 
these, and we advise our readers not to use them. Small 
deposits on the front of the teeth may be removed by 
pumice-stone, as described under " Discoloration." 

Toothache. — This may result from colds and expos- 
ure, or from the decaying of the teeth. If the tooth is 
decayed, a dentist should be consulted and the tooth 
filled. The number of " infallible " cures for toothache 
is almost legion. Among them are: To insert in the 
hollow of the tooth a little cotton wet with creosote, 
which acts as an astringent and antiseptic; or inserting 
a little gall-nut in the hollow of the tooth, which acts as 
an astringent. Alum and salt are both used, and both 
are astringents. Bicarbonate of soda in hot water often 
acts like a charm, and it acts by soothing the irritated 
nerve. The preparations of opium (especially lau- 
danum), alcohol and tobacco, are all used with good 
effect at times, and act by stupefying the nerves. In 
case of violent pain, it can usually be checked by apply- 
ing hot flannels externally; at the same time, prepare a 
wine-glassful of warm water, containing eighty drops of 
laudanum. First wash the mouth with this, and then 
hold some in the mouth on the affected side. As this is 



570 THE MOUTH AND TEETH. 

an opiate, none of it should be swallowed. After the 
pain subsides, a strong solution of tannin may be used 
as a mouth wash, and it will hinder the return of the 
pain. The daily use of this, or salt in tepid water, will 
harden the nerve pulp, and so check the pain from 
starting again. 

Tooth Powders. — One of the best dentifrices known, 
is recently prepared fine charcoal — especially that of 
the areca-nut. It has deodorizing properties and acts 
mechanically as well as chemically. It cleans the teeth 
by friction, without scratching, as harder substances are 
apt to do. The following formula will be found good: 

Take of powdered charcoal 5 ounces. 

Cuttle-fish bone (powdered) 2 ounces. 

Myrrh 1 ounce. 

Orris root 1 ounce. Mix. 

Or like proportions in other quantities. This is a safe 
and good tooth powder, and much better than the usual 
articles sold in the stores. Unless made of the areca- 
nut charcoal, this dentifrice is black, its color being the 
only objection to it. Hard-wood charcoals, like hickory 
or maple, are best for the teeth. 

Camphorated chalk possesses antiseptic qualities as 
well as those <6f an inert nature, and it makes an excel- 
lent tooth powder. The proportion should be one of 
camphor to eleven of chalk. 

When teeth manifest a tendency to decay, an excellent 
antiseptic tooth lotion is the following: 

Take of camphor ] drachm. 

Rectified spirits 20 drops. 

Distilled water 1 pint. Mix. 

Or take one ounce of tincture of myrrh, and one 
ounce of compound tincture of cinchona, and one ounce 
of distilled water. Mix. 



THE MOUTH AND TEETH. 571 

When the gums are spongy, tender or disposed to 
recede from the teeth, the following may be used: 

Take of tannin % drachm. 

Tincture of myrrh 6 fluid drachms. 

Spirit of horse radish 2 ounces. 

Tincture of tolu 2 fluid drachms. 

Stir and skake until complete solution occurs. 

An old and tried tooth powder is the following: 

Take of prepared chalk 2 ounces. 

Cuttle-fish bone (powdered) 1 ounce. 

Orris root 1 ounce. 

Myrrh 3^ ounce. 

Sulphate of quinine 10 grains. Mix. 

Piesse and Lubirfs Tooth Powders are made as fol- 
lows: 

Take of precipitated chalk % pound. 

Orris powder 3^ pound. 

Carmine 34 drachm. 

Powdered sugar % pound. 

Attar of roses and neroli, each 3^ drachm. 

Or like proportions for smaller quantities. 

Sozodont, and various liquid tooth preparations, 
have for their basis a tincture of soap-bark. They 
produce a froth in the mouth, like soap, and are cleans- 
ing. An excellent preparation, similar to sozodont, 
which should be shaken before using, is made as follows: 

Take of tincture of soap-bark 1 ounce. 

Essence of wintergreen 4 drachm? . 

Tincture of myrrh 2 drachms. 

Paregoric 2 drachms. 

Water (pure) 6 ounces. 



THE HANDS AND ARMS. 




EAUTIFULLY formed hands and arms are 
a great attraction, and, alas, they are quite 
too rare. Long, slim or bony arms are not 
compatible with beauty. They suggest 
emaciation and a want of vigor and health. 
The arms of savages are longer and not so 
full and well rounded as those of civilized 
men, being about midway between those of 
civilized men and their simian relatives (!). 
No other organ of the body, however, is so highly 
developed and adapted to such varied uses as the hand. 
It fashions all man's tools, and supplies his art and 
music. It is also capable of great emotional expression, 
varying from the caress of love to the strike of hate. 
We give an illustration showing a fine arm and hand. 
A beautiful hand should be rather long and somewhat 
tapering, and the fingers also tapering and long. The 
arm should be plump, round, white, small at the wrist ; 
and gracefully tapering. 

THE HANDS. 

Some one has not inaptly termed the hand "the 
second face." Balzac says that "men of superior 
intellect almost always have beautiful hands, the per- 
fection of which is the distinctive indication of a high 
destination " It is not very difficult to keep the hands 
smooth and soft, although in few cases are they perfectly 
formed. As well kept hands are one of the chief points 

(572) 



THE HANDS AND ARMS. 573 

of beauty, every woman who would preserve her attrac- 
tions should bestow careful attention to those details 
which affect their appearance. Most women must 
engage in some useful household occupation, but a little 
attention will keep the skin of their hands soft and fine, 
and the nails well rounded and polished. 

To keep the hands soft and clean wash them in soft 
water (we have explained the advantages of soft water 
in our chapter on the complexion) containing a little 
borax or ammonia. Hands which easily become rough 
and red are much benefited by washing them in oatmeal 
water. It softens and whitens the skin. Take a table- 
spoonful of oatmeal to a pint of water, bring it to a boil 
and then set it aside to cool; then strain and use the 
liquid night and morning to wash with. This is really 
a most excellent thing. Let the hands soak in it and it 
will take out the cracks at the sides of the fingers, etc. 
The beautiful Countess of Jersey always used oatmeal 
gruel as a lotion, and she retained her charms till quite 
old. As this lotion sours soon, it should be made fresh 
every day. It will enhance its whitening effects if an 
equal quantity of starch is added. 

The treatment which is suitable for some hands is not 
adapted for others. Hands which are very coarse and 
red may be washed in warm soft water, to which a few 
grains of chloride of lime have been added. All rings 
and bracelets must be removed before using this, as it 
will tarnish them. Preparations of corrosive sublimate, 
which are sometimes used, are liable to irritate the skin, 
and must be handled with extreme care. 
Always wash the hands in warm water. 
Another good method of whitening and softening 
the hands is to wash them at night, cover them with 
glycerine, and then wear through the night large mittens 
filled with moist bran or oatmeal. The mittens should 



574 THE HANDS AND ARMS. 

be secured by a wide band at the wrists, to prevent the 
oatmeal or bran from escaping, which would be very 
disagreeable; but this band should not be too tight, as 
that would check the circulation of the blood and cause 
a red and congested state of the skin. The bran or oat- 
meal should be only slightly moistened. If it is too wet 
it will act as a poultice and cause a dense, soft, white 
thickening of the flesh on the hands. A lady noted for 
her soft and beautiful hands surprised some of her 
acquaintances by saying that she did a great deal of 
housework, but kept them white by wearing mittens, as 
above directed. 

Gloves of india rubber, without cosmetics, are worn 
by many ladies during the night, and highly prized. 
They act by keeping the hands warm and moist. 

Another excellent plan is : Wash the hands thoroughly 
in warm water on retiring, dry perfectly, and then 
cover them with glycerine or the almond paste which we 
next describe. Then wear, during the night, a pair of 
old and loose kid gloves; or, instead, wear a pair of 
chevrette gloves. If genuine almond paste is used, such 
gloves will last for months. 

Almond paste is an excellent thing to soften and 
whiten the hands. It is made as follows: Take two 
ounces each of sweet and bitter almonds, from which 
every particle of the outer brown skins must be removed 
before using, as it will spoil the preparation to leave 
them on. Pound these to a paste in a porcelain mortar 
and work them up with half an ounce of Windsor soap, 
cut in fine shreds. To this add two drachms of sper- 
maceti, one-half ounce of oil of almonds, and twelve 
drops of oil of bergamot. Melt them all together, with 
a gentle heat. Stir until perfectly mixed, and pour it 
into china pots to cool. In these it may be kept for use 

The flushed faces and red hands of school -girls who 



THE HANDS AND ARMS. 575 

study a great deal without proper exercise, should be 
treated by hot foot-baths, regular and abundant sleep 
and exercise, as explained under " Affections of the 
Skin." 

When the hands are discolored by sun, wind or work, 
an excellent preparation to whiten them is made as fol- 
lows: Take a wine-glassful each of honey, lemon- juice 
and eau de cologne, and mix them thoroughly. Then 
keep the preparation for use in a closely-corked glass 
or earthen jar. This may be used day or night. 

Washing the hands in hot water containing fine sand 
will remove the roughness caused by housework. The 
powdered quartz sold for niters, or the best flint sand, 
are the best for this purpose. To use it, first remove any 
stains as we have elsewhere directed, and then rub the 
hands for several minutes in a basin of this sand and 
water, quite hot, and the best soap suds. Rinse them in 
warm lather of good soap, dry them, and rub them with 
corn-meal or dry bran. Then dust this off, and rub 
cold cream well into the skin. This may be done each 
day. The sand may be used over and over again, and 
only needs to be rinsed and covered with water to keep 
it from blowing about. 

Pumice stone ( get only the finer grades sold by all 
druggists) is used by many persons, and should be on 
all washing-stands. It will rub out slight stains or 
marks, and smooth down hard surfaces and rough skins. 
As it will take off the polish, it should not be used on 
the nails. 

Holding the hand on a revolving grindstone will 
take off calosities and stains at the same time. 

Chaps. — Hands which have a tendency to chap may 
be treated as follows : Keep a pot of honey on the 
wash-stand, and after washing the hands, and just before 
drying them, dip a finger in the honey and rub it all 



576 THE HANDS AND ARMS. 

over the hands. Then rinse slightly, dry carefully, and 
dust a little oatmeal on them, and rub this off with a 
dry towel. 

We would suggest to our readers that absolute dry- 
ness of the hands, especially before going into the open 
air, is probably the best and all-sufficient preventive of 
chaps. 

Camphor balls have been popularly regarded as a 
specific for chaps and abrasions, and we give the recipe 
for making them, as it may interest some of our readers: 

Take of spermaceti 2 ounces. 

Refined white wax 2 ounces. 

Almond oil (sweet) 3^ pint. 

Melt by a gentle heat, and as it is dissolving add one 
drachm of balsam of Peru. Then add one ounce of 
camphor, rubbed up with a few drops of alcohol, and 
stir until all are dissolved thoroughly, and as the mix- 
ture begins to cool, pour it into slightly warmed moulds 
or egg-cups, and let it cool. It will then be ready for 
use. 

For further hints on chaps, see the chapter on " The 
Affections of the Skin." 

Chilblains. — These are caused by frosted or con- 
gealed blood, and they are more easily prevented than 
cured. With proper care they may be prevented or arrested 
before going beyond the first stage. If neglected they dis- 
figure the hands, and some persons suffer terribly with 
them. Friction is earnestly advised on their first appear- 
ance, together with the application of one of the following 
lotions: (1) Take one part spirits of wine and five 
parts spirits of rosemary, and mix. (2) A more active 
lotion is the following: Take ten drachms of compound 
soap liniment (opodildoc) and two drops of tincture of 
cantharades; mix. One of these two may be briskly 
rubbed in on the first appearance of redness or irritation. 



THE HANDS AND ARMS. 577 

If they are neglected until they appear and become 
troublesome, one of the foregoing lotions may be applied 
with friction every two hours until relieved. Tincture 
of myrrh in water should be applied to broken or ulcer- 
ated chilblains. 

To prevent them, which is much better than to try 
to cure them when they appear, dress warmly and avoid 
subjecting the skin to sudden changes of temperature, 
such as coming in from the intense cold and warming 
the chilled hands or feet by the fire. This is the com- 
mon cause of chilblains. On the first appearance of 
cold weather attend to the clothing. Have the dress 
sleeves warmly lined, and let them reach to the wrist. 
A pretty cuff will help their appearance. On going out 
into the cold wear warm gloves and long warm wristlets. 
Also wear long woolen stockings held up by suspenders, 
as cold feet affect the whole body — the head and hands 
especially. Avoid putting the hands into very cold 
or very hot water as much as possible, and at night 
wash the hands and wrists in cool water containing a 
teaspoonful of ammonia, and then rub them briskly for 
a few minutes to stimulate the circulation. These 
precautions, and the treatment indicated, will prevent 
chilblains — or, at least, check their going beyond the 
first and easily-cured stage. 

To keep the hands and feet in an unnatural state of 
perspiration by wearing woolen stockings and gloves at 
night, as some ladies do, makes them sensitive and 
easily affected by the cold. 

Enlarged Veins.— The veins on the back of the 
hands, which should be only just visible, swell and 
annoy some people. The pressure of dress sleeves at 
the arm-pit does more than anything else to produce 
this. The remedy then is to avoid tight sleeves. When 
the veins are swelled, wear gloves which fit moderately 



578 THE HANDS AND ARMS. 

tight. Bathing the hands in vinegar is said to help the 
trouble, and avoid using very hot water. 

Finger-Stalls. — Finger-stalls are now made which 
are worn by some ladies to shape the fingers from the 
first joint to the end. 

Needle Pricks. — The needle pricks which disfigure 
the fingers of so many ladies after they have been sew- 
ing, may be removed by rubbing them with coarse 
pumice stone, If the finger is rubbed down until it 
smarts, it may be smeared with vaseline, and the finger 
of an old glove slipped on, which will cure the soreness 
in a single night. 

Profuse Perspiration. — Some people are troubled 

with excessive perspiration of the palms of the hands, 

giving them a moist and clammy feeling, which is very 

unpleasant. This is usually worse in warm than in 

cold weather, and it varies in different individuals. It 

is difficult to cure. Light forms of the complaint may 

be treated by washing the hands in warm soft water, 

and, after drying carefully, apply powdered lycopodium, 

fuller's earth or oxide of zinc. Starch and rice flour 

are also sometimes used. Rubbing the hands with 

lemon- juice is also useful in such cases; but it must not 

be used at the same time as soap. Other good remedies 

are: To add two or three drachms of alum, or a few 

grains of tannin to the pint of water in which the 

hands are washed, or one or two drachms of sulphate of 

zinc. A good powder to apply to the hands in such 

cases is the following: Take one-third of an ounce 

of salicylic acid, two-thirds of an ounce of talc, and 

nine ounces of starch (all powdered), and mix them 

thoroughly. Use like proportions for larger quantities. 

Obstinate cases may be treated with astringent and 

alcoholic lotions. In these cases, also, belladonna is one 

of the best remedies. Wash the hands three times a 




MISS BELLE U- 



-. (Showing Arm and Hand.) 
(579) 



THE HANDS AND AKMS, 581 

day with carbolic acid soap, and warm soft water con- 
taining one-half drachm of extract of belladona to the 
pint. As this complaint is usually associated with 
enfeebled health, attention should be paid to the diet, 
avoiding alcoholic beverages, tea, coffee, pickles and 
highly-spiced dishes, and tonics should be taken. See, 
also, the chapter on " The Affections of the Skin," under 
" Profuse Perspiration." 

Temporary moisture of the hands may be remedied 
by rubbing them with prepared chalk or pulverized 
lycopodium. 

Stains. — Stains caused by paints, ink, fruit and 
similar things, can be removed by putting a few drops 
of oil of vitriol in cold water and washing the hands 
with it and without soap. After using acid on the hands, 
always rub them with cold cream or oil, to replace the 
natural oil of the skin which the acid removes. Am- 
monia will cut paint, and also analine dyes, but use it 
alone, without soap, as that will set the dye. Lemon- 
juice will remove many stains, and light stains can be 
cut or filed off with pumice stone, or sand, as elsewhere 
explained. Light surface stains can be removed by 
rubbing the hands with vaseline, and then washing them 
in warm water and soap. Vegetable stains may be 
removed by rubbing the hands with a slice of raw 
potato, which our country readers will take note of. 
See, also, what we say about stains in the chapter on 
" The Affections of the Skin." 

A Stain or Dye for the finger tips, which is 
harmless, is the preparation of alkanet given for 
pale lips. The shade can be varied and made quite 
delicate, and a very pretty color given to the finger 
ends. 

Warts, and various other affections, are treated 
in the chapter on "Affections of the Skin." 



582 THE HANDS AND ARMS. 



THE NAILS. 



Rosy or pink nails are said to indicate health, and, 
certainly, beautiful nails greatly enhance the appearance 
of the hands. Among the Chinese and other nations, long 
nails are prized as an evidence of nobility, and occasion- 
ally, in civilized countries, individuals wear long nails, 
to indicate that they do no manual labor; but this foolish 
vanity finds no countenance among refined people. Even 
those ladies who are forced to use their hands, by doing 
their househould work or otherwise, can, with a little 
attention, keep their nails in good condition. The long, 
pointed nails are easily broken, and the wisest way is to 
keep them trimmed closely, and neatly rounded, to con- 
form to the shape of the finger end. 

The nails should be shortened frequently with a file, 
as that gives a cleaner, neater edge than any knife or 
scissors. The file should be held parallel with the nail 
when used at the side, and at a slight angle in the 
center. This will give a contour to the nail which is 
much desired, and which is obtainable in no other way. 
The shortening should begin as far back as where the 
nail joins the flesh at the side, and lengthened in the 
center. If scissors are used (they are better than a 
knife, although not as good as a file), they should only 
be applied just after washing the hands and while the 
nails are soft, as, when they are hard and dry, they are 
apt to break and leave a ragged edge when cut. 

The skin which grows naturally over the root and 
sides of the nails should be pushed back freely once a 
day and tucked under itself, to reveal the white crescent 
which is called "the mark of beauty," and which lies at 
the base of the nail. This should be done just after 
washing the hands, and while the skin is soft. Use a 
blunt ivory instrument which is made for the purpose, 



THE HANDS AND ARMS. 583 

and which can be bought at any drug store. Also, in 
drying the hands after washing them, push the flesh 
back from the nail with the towel. These things will 
soon keep the flesh back in good form. 

To clean the nails, if they are trimmed closely, wash- 
ing them with a good nail brush is often sufficient. Do 
not scrape the under side with a sharp knife, but use a 
sharp-pointed ivory instrument to remove the dirt. It 
is much better for the nail. 

The nails can be best polished with a little pad, cov- 
ered with chamois skin. These can be obtained at any 
drug store, and go with every manicure set. A fine 
appearance can be given to the nails by polishing them, 
after they have been washed and thoroughly dried, with 
a preparation made out of equal parts of emery and cin- 
nabar, and afterward rubbing them with a little oil of 
bitter almonds. Another good and simple powder for 
this purpose is prepared chalk, colored to the desired 
shade with a little carmine. Polish the nails with this 
once a day, using it on chamois skin. Various nail pow- 
ders are sold in the stores, but these answer well and 
are readily prepared. 

Mothers should clean, trim and polish the nails of 
their children, and as soon as they get old enough they 
should be drilled on the care of their nails as much as 
on brushing their teeth or combing their hair. We all 
acknowledge the importance of caring for the teeth; 
and why are not the nails, which are so important to the 
personal appearance, given more attention ? 

Brittleness of tbe Nails. — This may be cured by 
soaking the finger tips in a solution of one part carbolic 
acid to twenty of water, for a few minutes each day. 

Kidges on the Nails.— These may be rubbed down 
with pumice stone moistened with water. This will 
make the nails look a little dull, and they should be 



584 THE HANDS AND ARMS. 

polished at once with some prepared chalk, colored with 
carmine. Pits or depressions may be similarly treated. 

Injured Hails.— When, through injury, a nail 
becomes dark-colored and loose, the finger should be 
protected with a finger-stall until the old nail is shed 
and the new one grown. If the finger is soaked for a 
few minutes daily in hot water, it will hasten the sepa- 
ration of the old nail, but do not pull it off by force. 

Stains. — Stains on the nails caused by acids or 
analine dyes should be removed with liquid ammonia. 
For stains by alkalies, use vinegar or lemon-juice. 
Solutions of iodide of potassium, or sulphydrate of am- 
monium, will remove nitrate of silver stains. Oxalic or 
sulphuric acid will remove fruit or ink stains. After 
using any of the above, the hands should not be washed 
with soap for several hours. Salts of lemon will remove 
fruit and ink stains, and the hands may be washed after- 
ward with soap. 

White Spots. — The white specks which sometimes 
disfigure the nails may be cured by rubbing the nails 
with powdered pumice-stone moistened with water. As 
the nail grows they will disappear. Or, pitch and 
myrrh, melted together, may be rubbed on the nail, and 
the spots will disappear in a short time. 

THE AEMS. 

One advantage of what is commonly termed "full 
dress "( !) is the opportunity it gives ladies with beautiful 
well-rounded arms to show them. The thin, scrawny arms 
so often seen in ball-rooms are wholly unnecessary, and 
would not be seen if women took proper exercise from 
childhood. Calisthenics, or the exercise required in 
housework, will develop the muscles usually, and give 
that plump fullness so essential to beauty. The author 



THE HANDS AND ARMS. 585 

of the Ugly Girl Papers says very truthfully : " Throw- 
ing quoits and sweeping are good exercises to develop 
the arms. There is nothing like three hours of house- 
work a day forgiving a woman a good figure." Bathing 
the arms with cold water once or twice a day, and 
applying friction and manipulation, together with proper 
exercise of some kind to develop the muscles, will do 
more than anything else to increase the size and shape 
of the arms. This, with suitable attention to the care 
of the skin, is all that is needed to secure comely arms. 
Those who for any reason cannot take vigorous exercise 
to develop their muscles will find massage the best 
substitute. It should be administered by an expert. 

Arms which are not well formed or white may be 
concealed by wearing long g]oves at balls and dinners 
Arms which are well formed, but which are too red, 
may be helped by applying the following lotion : 

Tak8 of powdered borax 3 drachms. 

Glycerine % ounce. 

Elder-flower water 12 ounces. Mix. 

This is also good for the shoulders and neck. 

Another cosmetic for the arms and shoulders, which 
gives whiteness and firmness to the skin, is the follow- 
ing: Take the whites of four eggs and thoroughly mix 
in one or two grains of alum, then add some rose-water, 
bring it to a boil and beat until thick. This may be 
rubbed over the skin, and then cover it with an old linen 
cloth. "When going to a full-dress party, this may be 
worn all the previous afternoon, or night. 

For removing the down on the arms see " Superfluous 
Hair" in our chapter on "The Hair." 

For the unpleasant perspiration under the arms, see 
"Perspiration," among "The Affections of the Skin.'' 

Moles, freckles, and other affections of the skin are 
treated in the chapter on the "Affections of the Skin." 



THE FEET AND LOWER LIMBS. 




O FAR as beauty of appearance is concerned 
the feet and legs are among the least im- 
portant members of the body. Trifling 
defects are easily concealed, and only the 
glaring deformities, as a rule, attract atten- 
tion. In observing the follies of fashion 
hardly any member of the body has suffered 
more than the foot. The Chinese custom 
of bandaging and distorting these members 
is too well known to need description, but we fear the 
highly civilized races are not altogether free from the 
same folly, although they have it in i \ milder form . The 
human foot, as nature designed it, is really a beautiful 
thing. See, for example, the feet in our illustration 
entitled, "Whither Would You Fly?" 

THE FEET. 

Large feet are considered a misfortune, and there is 
hardly anything about which vain people are more 
sensitive than the size of their feet. The effort to get 
number four feet into number two-and-a-half shoes 
produces endless torture, and many malformations of 
these members. A beautiful foot is a proper object 
of pride, but where can the sculptor or artist find a 
perfect model in these days of high -heeled shoes with 
pointed toes? Boots and shoes should be made to order, 
or should at least fit the feet easily, without cramping or 
pinching them. Tight and ill-fitting shoes produce 
corns and bunions, impair the gracefulness of carriage, 

(586) 



THE FEET AND LOWEE LIMBS. 587 

and even distort the features in the effort to endure the 
pain. We presume it is useless to declare a crusade 
against a prevailing fashion — that tyrant who rules with 
a rod of iron — but we are happy to say that a more 
sensible style of foot-wear is coming into use, and many 
ladies of fashion are emancipating themselves from the 
old, senseless and deforming high heels and narrow 
toes. A woman who is in even a mild sort of servitude 
to this fashion can be easily distinguished by her lack 
of grace in gait and carriage. Do not wear shoes which 
are too short. They press back the great toe, which 
yields at the ball of the foot, and in time deforms it 
into a most unsightly appearance. 

India rubber shoes, except in wet weather, should 
not be worn. They prevent the circulation of the air 
and cause the feet to perspire and become offensive. It 
is best, when possible, to wear insoles in shoes. They 
protect the feet from the dampness of the ground, and 
if the feet perspire they can be changed every day. 
Good leather shoes, which fit the feet nicely, are the 
best for every day use, but for walking in hot weather 
the shoes with canvass uppers and leather soles are very 
good and comfortable. For boating and other exercises 
a very complete shoe is now made, very comfortable and 
quite pretty. 

The kind of stockings worn should depend some- 
what upon the season of the year and the kind of shoes 
worn. In winter, woolen stockings are undoubtedly the 
best. They should certainly be worn by those suflWiug 
with chilblains. In summer, when light, porous boots 
or shoes are worn, cotton stockings allow the perspira- 
tion to evaporate freely. The stockings should never 
be so short as to cramp the toes, nor should they pinch 
the feet in any way; neither should they be so large as 
to allow wrinkles which will fret or blister the feet. An 



588 THE FEET AND LOWER LIMBS, 

easy fit is the most desirable size. The most scrupulous 
cleanliness should be observed, and it is as vulgar to 
wear dirty stockings as it is a dirty collar. 

If the feet are soaked several times a week, in water 
containing a handful of salt, it will benefit the skin. 
An excellent treatment for the feet is to soak them at 
night in hot water and soap, for about fifteen minutes, 
twice a week. Then rub them well, and with a ball of 
sandstone rub off all the superfluous skin, after which 
olive oil or oil of sweet almonds may be rubbed in. To 
preserve the bedclothes after this, a pair of light stock- 
ings should be worn to sleep in. Such treatment will 
keep the feet in a soft and healthy condition. Cleanli- 
ness and health are closely allied; and these too often 
neglected members of the body must receive the 
attention they deserve if we would maintain their beauty 
and health. It is astonishing how much perfect cleanli- 
ness and care will do for the appearance of the feet, and 
even the size. It is true, nevertheles, as a few months 
trial will abundantly demonstrate. 

Bunions. — These are swellings usually over the 
"ball" or joint of the great toe. Tight shoes or boots 
are the common cause. The first thing to do to cure 
them is, naturally, to remove the exciting cause ; that is, 
relieve the pressure. If inflammation has set in, rest 
the foot, and apply warm fomentations or belladonna 
ointment until that subsides. Then apply friction, and 
rub in each night some iodide of sulphur ointment. If 
suppuration sets in, poultices should be applied and 
continued until that ceases. Then apply the iodine, 
and let the foot rest until well. 

Distortion of the Joint is sometimes caused by 
wearing boots which are too short, and so crowding 
back the great toe. To cure this, get boots long enough 
to give the toe free play; then place a pad between the 




ppr? : .V : juerff**^*'* 



WHITHER WOULD YOU FLY? 
(589) 



THE FEET AND LOWEK LIMBS. 591 

great toe and the next one, near the end, and then place 
another pad over the enlarged joint, and wear a strong 
elastic band over this and around the foot, designed to 
press the joint back into place as much as possible. A 
little time will make an improvement. 

Chilblains. — These inflammations of the skin are 
caused, usually, by abrupt transitions from cold to heat, 
as by getting the feet very cold and then warming them 
by a stove. In our chapter on the hands, we discuss the 
treatment of chilblains, as our readers may see. To 
prevent chilblains the feet should be kept warmly cov- 
ered, and when they are very cold they should not be 
warmed at a fire or in warm water. Bathe them, 
instead, in cold water, and then dry and apply friction. 
The principle is much the same as that of rubbing a 
frozen ear with snow, instead of thawing it out by a 
warm fire. Inflamed chilblains should be protected 
from the friction of shoes or boots, and absolute rest 
may, in extreme cases, be required for a time. The 
affected parts may be bathed with turpentine liniment, 
or camphorated spirits, or a lotion made of nine drachms 
of compound soap liniment and three drachms of tincture 
of cantharides, mixed. 

Cold Feet. — People who are troubled with cold feet 
will find that a simple and effective remedy is to bathe 
them in cold water night and morning, and then apply 
friction to stimulate the circulation. A little red pep- 
per, dusted into the stockings, will do much to prevent 
cold feet in the winter. Exercise also relieves this com- 
plaint. They may be caused by debility, and then 
internal remedies will be required. As a rule, woolen 
stockings should be worn by people thus troubled. The 
wearing of these will, however, in some persons, cause a 
perspiration which results in cold feet. A woolen stock- 
ing with a merino foot is now sold for such cases. 



592 THE FEET AND LOWER LIMBS. 

Gorns. — These are simply an increased growth of the 
skin, caused by irritation from pressure or friction. 
They are of two kinds, — the soft and hard. The most 
common cause is tight shoes, but those which fit badly 
will often cause them by friction, even when they are 
loose. The first remedy is, of course, to try and remove 
the cause, by getting pliant and well-fitting shoes. 
Bathe the feet in warm water, and pare away the corn 
as much as possible. Then, by applying a little vinegar 
or strong acetic acid at night, and smearing it with a 
little oil in the morning, a cure can often be effected. 
Wearing a pad with a hole in the center, over the corn, 
to relieve the pressure, is an old and good remedy. 
Soda and potash are often applied to corns, like the 
vinegar previously recommended, with good results, 
Much suffering is sometimes occasioned by a peculiar 
kind of soft corn which forms under the corner of the 
great toe nail. By lifting the nail it can usually be 
discovered and turned out. When corns are very sensi- 
tive, they may be touched with lunar caustic, and a 
poultice applied if they are much inflamed. 

The soft corns occur between the toes, and are kept 
soft by the perspiration of the feet. They should be 
cut down with a pair of scissors, and the toes kept sepa- 
rate by wearing a small wad of linen or cotton between 
them. This relieves the friction or pressure. Touching 
the corn with lunar caustic is also often effective. Make 
only one application, and wait until the scab comes off 
before making another. It may not be needed. The 
feet should be bathed often, and perfect cleanliness 
observed. 

Ingrowing Nails. — This painful affection may be 
cured by soaking the toes in warm water and then 
slipping a delicate strip of soft wood underneath the 
edge of the affected nail, and fastening it in place with 



THE FEET AND LOWEK LIMBS. 593 

adhesive plaster. This will give the nail an upward 
tendency. The writer was cured of this affection by 
slipping cotton under the edge of the nail and crowding 
it up in this way. Let the nail grow out slightly beyond 
the end of the toe, and keep it trimmed square, instead 
of cutting off the corners, to suit the rounding of the 
toe. This will prevent further trouble in those cases 
where the nails manifest a tendency to grow in. 

Offensive Perspiration. — Offensive perspiration 
of the feet should be treated by paying great attention 
to cleanliness and frequent changing of the stockings. 
Use also some of the lotions given under "Perspiration,'' 
in the chapter on the " Affections of the Skin." 

Swelling of the Feet. — When the feet swell pain- 
fully in warm weather, an effectual remedy is said to be 
to soak them in ice-cold water for five minutes. The 
head, however, should be kept wet with ice-water during 
the operation, to prevent a rush of blood. The treatment 
may be taken at night, or when the feet are most 
troublesome. Ladies in delicate health, or those troubled 
with heart disease, should be cautious, however, in 
trying this remedy, as it might prove injurious to them. 

Tender Feet. — See " Sensitive Skin " in the chapter 
on " The Affections of the Skin." 

Turning in the Toes in walking is usually a 
matter of habit, and can be cured by voluntary effort. 
The toes should stand out at an angle of about 40° 
from each other. Making the boot- heels a little higher 
on the inside may help to incline the foot into the right 
position. 

Wet Feet. — If the feet become damp or wet change 
the stockings, rub them thoroughly dry, and warm them 
well before the fire. Do not delay this treatment, as 
prompt attention may save a violent cold, or, possibly, 
even a fatal illness. Always keep warm, dry feet. 



594 THE FEET AND LOWER LIMBS. 

THE LOWER LIMBS. 

Man in the process of his development has evolved 
a much fuller, rounder and more beautiful leg than he 
at first possessed. Savages are said to be mid-way 
between man and apes in the shape and beauty of their 
legs, and Spencer, Darwin, and other scientists, call 
attention to their thin and slender limbs. Active exercise 
is needed to develop the muscles and give them that 
plump fullness which is essential to beauty. Walking, 
dancing and skating, are all good for this purpose. The 
thin and spindling legs often displayed at bathing places 
simply indicate that from lack of exercise they are 
undeveloped, and therefore deficient in beauty. 

Bow Legs. — These are caused by bad nursing. Any 
bone in the body, however, on which pressure L-an be 
exerted, can be modified in shape, and bow legs can 
be remedied by wearing a splint on the inside of the 
leg, passing from the inside of the thigh to the ankle- 
A few months, time will bring awkward limbs into shape, 
and sufferers should avail themselves of the resources of 
modern surgery and remedy these defects. A surgeon 
may be consulted, and suitable appliances easily worn. 

Weak Ankles. — Those troubled with this complaint 
can strengthen the parts by bathing them in cold salt 
water, and then applying friction. In addition, the foot 
and ankle may be well bandaged. The exercise of 
walking or skating will develop the muscles, and so 
prove beneficial. The shoes or boots which are worn 
should have the heels and soles made thicker on the 
inside than on the outside, or a cork insole, so made, 
may be worn inside the shoe. A laced walking shoe 
should be worn, to give support to the ankle and prevent 
straining it, as each occurrence of this kind only makes 
the trouble more pronounced. 



THE FIGURE. 




$ we have previously stated in this work, a 
fine figure is one of the greatest attractions 
any one can possess, for it is an indication 
of perfect health. It is to be feared, how- 
ever, that there has been a tendency among 
our American parents to develop the ner- 
vous organization too highly at the expense 
of the physical, and particularly has this 
been the case in regard to growing girls. 
Dr. E. H. Clark, in his work on " Sex and Education," 
writes these weighty words: "'I never saw before so 
many pretty girls together,' said Lady Amberly to the 
writer, after a visit to the public schools of Boston ; and 
then she added, i They all looked sick.' Circumstances 
have repeatedly carried me to Europe, where I am 
always surprised by the red blood that fills and colors 
the faces of ladies and peasant girls, reminding one of 
the canvas of Rubens and Murillo; and I am always 
equally surprised on my return by crowds of pale, 
bloodless female faces, that suggest consumption, scro- 
fula, anaemia and neuralgia." So, also, Mrs. Harriet 
Beecher Stowe has said that " the race of strong, hardy,, 
cheerful girls ... is daily lessening; and, in their 
stead, come the fragile, easily fatigued, languid girls of 
a modern age, drilled in book-learning, ignorant of 
common things." 

So much has been written upon this subject during 
the last few years, showing not only the immediate 

(595) 



596 THE FIGTJKE. 

ill effects on the health of the individual, but the very 
serious danger to the welfare of the race, that we hope 
for reform in this matter; and, indeed, there are signs 
which encourage the belief that, on the whole, our 
women are gaining physically as well as intellectually. 
Thus Dr. Beard, in his work on " American Nervous- 
ness," says, " During the last two decades the well-to-do 
classes of Americans have been visibly growing 
stronger, fuller, healthier. We weigh more than our 
fathers; the women in all our great centers of popula- 
tion are yearly becoming more plump and more beauti- 
ful. . . . On all sides there is a visible reversion 
to the better physical appearance of our English and 
German ancestors. . . . The one need for the 
perfection of the beauty of the American women — 
want of fat — is now supplied." Anything which induces 
our women to overcome their indolence, and leave the 
hot-house air of most luxurious houses for the exercise 
and sunlight of out -door amusements, is to be welcome; 
and even the absurd Anglo-mania of many circles may 
be of some benefit in this way. 

As we have tried to explain in the preceding pages 
the main reliance for developing in ourselves and our 
children that high health, of which beauty is the out- 
ward indication, must be in observing the laws of health 
— cleanliness, an abundance of good nourishing food, 
exercise, fresh air and sleep — these things, together 
with due attention to the development of the intellect- 
ual and spiritual faculties, will not fail to show them- 
selves in form and feature. Art may and does supply 
a few aids or accessories, but they cannot supplant or 
be substituted for the other and more important things. 

There are a few points, however, more directly con- 
nected with the figure, which remain for us to discuss 
before closing, and the first one is the chest. 



THE FIGURE. 597 



THE CHEST. 

The hollow-chested, stoop shouldered figures, which 
are much too common in city and country alike, are 
not beautiful. These sunken chests are often the result 
ot improperly constructed school-desks, sedentary 
labor, the lack of suitable food, fresh air and exercise. 
" A prominent arched chest," says Professor Kollman, 
"is an infallible sign of a vigorous, healthy skeleton ; 
whereas a narrow, flat, and, still more, a bent thorax, 
is a physical index of bodily weakness and inherited 
decrepitude." From one-sixth to one-tenth of the 
deaths in all the civilized nations of Europe are caused 
by consumption, it is said. An'd yet very few vocalists 
die of consumption, says Mr. A. B. Bach, owing to the 
ample exercise they give to their chests and lungs. 

Almost any one, with a little effort, can expand his 
chest from three to five inches in a few months time by 
practicing a few easy exercises, like those we describe 
hereafter. Most people have a way of sagging down 
when they sit to write, read or sew, which cramps the 
chest and prevents their inhaling the full and deep 
breaths of air which are so essential to health. The 
habit can be easily broken by those who will watch 
themselves. Whenever they fall into this position, they 
should straighten up and draw six or eight long, deep 
breaths, throw the shoulders back, and bend the back- 
bone in. At first it will seem awkward, but by perse- 
vering for one month the habit will be overcome, in 
most cases, and the straight, correct attitude will be 
found more comfortable, as it certainly is more health- 
ful. An abundance of fresh air should be allowed in 
the sleeping-room. In all ordinary weather the window 
may be kept open. Lower it a little at the top, and 
place the bed so that there will not be a draft on the 



596 THE FIGURE. 

occupant. Sleep on a low pillow, and on the back, 
usually. This will tend to keep the mouth closed, and 
promote "breathing through the nose, which should 
always be done. We give a few exercises, easily prac- 
ticed, and intended to expand the chest and lungs: 

First : Stand erect, with the toes turned out and the hands 
hanging by the side. Then form the mouth into about the shape 
a boy does when whistling, leaving an opening not larger than a 
lead pencil, and draw slowly into the lungs as much air as you 
can inhale. Hold it for a few seconds (as long as you can, com- 
fortably), and then eject it with a sharp explosive spurt. Eepeat 
this operation ten or fifteen times. Some writers advise holding 
a quill in the mouth, through which the air is drawn into the 
lungs. The advantage of this is that it necessitates breathing 
slowly. But the other method of nearly closing the mouth 
answers the same purpose. 

Second: Stand erect, and fill the lungs as before directed. 
Then, while holding the breath, drum with the hands on the 
chest and sides, with moderate force. This will send the air into 
any unused cells and open the lungs. Let the air eecape as before 
and repeat the exercise six or eight times. 

Third: Fill the lungs as before, and, holding the breath, 
extend the arms to their full length in front, and then throw them 
back with full force, with something like the motion of striking 
Repeat eight or ten times. This expands the chest. 

Fourth: Again filling the lungs, stretch out the arms at full 
length in front, and swing them back as far as possible. Let the 
hands spat in front, and try and make them touch behind, repeat- 
ing several times. Also, try and touch the elbows in much the 
same way. This corrects the tendency to round shoulders, throws 
in the shoulder blades, and relieves the effects of tight lacing. 

Fifth: Standing erect, filling the lungs, and holding the 
breath as before, clasp the hands behind the back and stretch 
them down as far as possible, at the same time allowing the breath 
to escape. Repeat six or eight times. The effect of this move- 
ment is to draw down and strengthen the shoulders, throw in the 
shoulder blades and expand the chest. Projecting shoulder 
blades are a disfigurement, and several of the movements given 
tend to correct it. 




wm - mp? 



AN ORIENTAL BEAUTY 






THE FIGURE. 601 

These exercises will be best performed while stand- 
ing before a mirror. This will give an interest to the 
performer, render the exercise more perfect, and lead 
her to note the improvement, and thus encourage her to 
persevere. If the chest is carefully measured at the 
start, and from time to time thereafter, the gain will be 
still more evident. The exercises should be taken with 
the clothes loose, so that the chest and arms can act 
freely, without being cramped or restrained in any way. 
A good time for the purpose is on rising in the morn- 
ing, and before dressing. Twenty or thirty minutes a 
day, devoted to exercises like these, will start the blood 
into circulation, develop the lungs, straighten the figure 
and expand the chest. If these, or similar exercises, 
were taken by all our pale-faced and narrow-chested 
women, how soon their appearance would improve! If 
the first effort at these exercises causes dizziness and 
starts the tears, do not mind it, as that will soon pass 
away; but, of course, moderation should be used at first. 
In a few days the muscles will begin to grow and the 
blood to flow, and no dizziness will be felt. The use 
of dumb-bells, and the other calisthenic exercises 
previously recommended (the word "calisthenics'' is 
derived from two Greek words meaning "beautiful" 
and "strength"), will also help a woman's figure — for 
even those who work do not always exercise all the 
muscles which should be kept in active use to preserve 
them in health and vigor. 

The want of fullness in those muscles of the shoulders 
which give them their graceful slope, and which is so 
essential to their beauty ( see, for example, the neck and 
shoulders in our portrait of Diane de Poitiers and in 
Eaphael's "First Hour of Night") and that of the 
chest, may be remedied by exercises which will develop 
them Playing battledoor, swinging by the hands from 



602 THE FIGURE. 

a parallel bar or from the rings on the ends of hanging 
ropes, so common in all gymnasiums, — all these exercises 
tend to develop these muscles; so, also, does playing 
bean-bags and throwing ball. 

Winckelman says that in Greek works of art " the 
breast or bosom of female figures is never exuberant/' 
and the author of "The Ugly Girl Papers'' says: "A 
low deep bosom rather than a bold one, is a sign of 
grace in a full-grown woman, and a full bust is hardly 
admirable in an unmarried girl. Her figure should 
be all curves, but slender, promising a fuller beauty 
when maturity is reached." " The Ugly Girl Papers," 
by the wa} 7 , is a book which is full of sensible advice; 
and there is another passage which we cannot do better 
than quote. The author says: "One thing is to be 
solemnly cautioned, that no human being — doctor, 
nurse, nor the mother herself — on any pretence, save 
in the case of accident, be allowed to touch a girl's 
figure. It would be unnecessary to say this, were not 
French and Irish nurses, especially old and experienced 
ones, sometimes in the habit of stroking the figures of 
young girls committed to their charge, with the idea of 
developing them. This is not mentioned from hearsay. 
Mothers can not be too careful how they leave their 
children with even well-meaning servants, A young 
girl's body is more sensitive than any harp is to the air 
that plays upon it. Nature — free, uneducated and 
direct — responds to every touch on that seat of the 
nerves, the bosom, by an excitement that is simply 
ruinous to a child's nervous system. This is pretty 
plain talking, but no plainer than the subject demands. 
Girls are very different in their feelings, some affec- 
tionate, innocent, hearty natures remain through their 
lives as simple as when they were babes taking their 
bath under their mother's hand; while others, equally 



THE FIGURE. 603 

innocent but more susceptible, require to be guarded 
and sheltered even from the violence of a caress as if 
from contagion and pain." This extract states better 
than we possibly cen a point it may be well to mention. 

In the preceding pages we have dvvelt quite fully 
on the development of the various muscles of the body. 
These, as is well known, can not only be strengthened 
and developed by exercise, but by friction and manipu- 
lation as well; but in regard to the various glands of 
the body this course is not to be recommended, as any 
artificial or unnatural stimulation of a secreting gland 
is dangerous, each organ being subject to its own 
peculiar peril. A few words of warning may not be 
out of place here, inasmuch as there are so many adver- 
tisements and recommendations of ways and means for 
developing the bust, and of which it is well for women 
to beware. The breasts are highly sensitive, and also 
more than any other organ liable to develop tumors of 
a malignant type, therefore it is not advisable to tamper 
with these organs in any way for the purpose of increas- 
ing or decreasing their size. If any permanent swelling, 
or even quite small hard tumors should be discovered, 
the family physician should be promptly consulted. 

Of all the inventions for filling out the dress when 
the bust is too flat, the woven wire forms are the best, 
as they are cool and do not compress the breasts ; but 
even these should have an extra binding of cloth on 
the edges to prevent their causing any irritation. Pads 
which impede and ruin the developement of the bust 
should never be worn. The pressure of the pads will 
check the blood supply and thereby cause atrophy, and 
it also causes the absorption of the tissues themselves. 
India rubber pads are especially injurious, preventing 
the circulation of the air, sweating the skin and spoiling 
the bust. Young girls especially should never have 



604 THE FXGUBE. 

padding in their dresses, nor should there be the least 
compression across the chest. When pads have been 
worn producing evil effects which it is desired to over- 
come, the treatment is to discard them and bathe and 
gently rub the parts affected, relying on the stimula- 
ting effect of this course to restore the organs. 

THE WAIST. 

In no other respect do women so deliberately and 
universally distort their figures and destroy t heir beauty 
as in the matter of tight lacing. In the celebrated 
statue known as the Venus de Medici, that model of 
female beauty, the waist is twenty-seven inches in 
circumference, and yet the figure is only five feet and 
two inches in height. The law of beauty requires the 
waist to be twice the size of the throat. It is difficult to 
account for the mania for small waists. Planch e, in his 
Cyclopoedia of Costumes, says that it " appears to have 
been introduced by the Normans as early as the twelfth 
century. * * * * To make their middles as small 
as possible has been ever since an unfortunate mania 
with the generality of the fair sex, to the detriment of 
their health and the distortion of their forms." Physi- 
cians have been writing against tight lacing ever since 
1602, when Felix Plater denounced the corset; but their 
protest has had little effect, and the cause of the mania 
is still a mystery. Our protest will be as useless as that 
of others, but, aside from the question of health, and 
looking at it simply from the aesthetic standpoint, no 
one comparing the wasp-waist with that of the Greek 
Slave, or any other model, can hesitate for a moment in 
declaring that it is ugly and a distortion. No man worth 
a woman's regard admires her for such a want of sym- 
metry. Still further, tight lacing tends to produce high 



THE FIGUKE. 605 

shoulders— -a deformity in women — unnaturally large 
hips, varicose veins in the legs, and red noses. It 
crowds the lungs and impedes their free action, which 
is so essential to health, and injures the heart, liver and 
reproductive organs. It is said " the German physiolo- 
gist Sommering has enumerated no less than ninety-two 
diseases resulting from tight lacing." Speaking of 
tight lacing, Anna Kingsford, M. D., says: "Infants 
often perish before birth, in consequence of the folly 
(tight lacing) of which their mothers have been guilty. 
Such acts are sins for which women are quite as much 
accountable as for any other moral transgression." 
Many women have worn tight corsets so long, and 
learned to rely on them so much for support, that they 
think they cannot get along without them, which is a 
most mistaken idea. Fortunately, however, tight lacing 
is going out of style, at present, in all countries, and 
that which could not be accomplished by appeals to the 
reason may be brought about by a dictate of fashion. 
Certainly this result is devoutly to be wished. "I 
firmly believe, and shamefacedly confess," says Miss 
Frances E. Willard, "that the corset habit among 
women is as difficult to break as the alcohol and tobacco 
habit among men. If the laws of God that seek the 
health of the body were obeyed but by a single genera- 
tion, the next one would be physically beautiful." Any 
woman who directs or permits her own daughter to 
commit so great a crime against Nature — against her 
own being and the children she will bear — ought to be 
tried and condemned to some dire punishment. 

OBESITY. 

Obesity, or the excessive accumulation of flesh, is a 
great enemy of beauty. Women, as a rule, suffer more 
from this complaint than men — possibly because they 



606 THE FIGURE. 

lead less active lives, In many cases the infirmity is 
hereditary, and in others it is brought on largely by the 
mode of living. In some countries — as, for example, in 
Oriental lands — excessive fatness is considered an 
attraction in women; and, in other countries, excessive 
leanness is admired. But, in most civilized lands, a 
happy medium is desired. Obesity is often an evidence 
of disease, and it is said that extremely fat people are 
rarely very long lived. 

Hippokrates, " the father of medicine," investigated 
the subject of corpulency, and since his day various 
methods of reducing it have been proposed. Although 
the different authorities disagree somewhat in details, they 
nearly all agree on a few of the more important points. 
One of these is ; that those suffering from this complaint 
should abstain from eating foods abounding in fats, 
sugar and starch. Another is, that they should take 
abundant exercise, preferably in the open air. In active 
exercise, fat is consumed by being burned in the pro- 
duction of heat to keep the machinery going, and, if 
profuse perspiration is induced, so much the better, as 
that draws away some of the fluids. Dancing, horseback 
riding, walking, and the various gymnastic exercises, are 
all good. 

The system practiced by Mr. Banting, a gentleman 
who reduced his weight from two hundred and two to 
one hundred and fifty pounds in a short time, is well 
known. Of this system Dr. G. M. Beard, in "Eating 
and Drinking," says that " he lived on beef, mutton, 
fish, bacon, dry toast and biscuit, poultry, game, tea, 
coffee, claret, and sherry in small quantities, and a 
nightcap of gin, whisky, brandy or wine. He abstained 
from the following articles: Pork, veal, salmon, eels 5 
herrings, sugar, milk, and all sorts of vegetables grown 
underground, and nearly all fatty and farinaceous sub- 



THE FIGURE. 607 

stances. He daily drank forty-three ounces of liquids. 
On this diet he kept himself for seven years at one hun- 
dred and fifty pounds. He found — as do all others— that 
sugar was the most powerful of all fatteners." 

Dr. Schwenninger, who reduced Bismarck's weight 
some forty pounds, and thereby gained so much fame, 
says the patient should not drink while eating, nor 
within an hour or two of the meal-time. 

Early rising should be practiced. Acid drinks, 
like lemonade, are the best, but excessive drinking 
should be avoided. Fat people are usually thirsty, and 
curtailing the amount of water they drink is quite as 
important as abstaining from the use of farinaceous 
food. Experiments made on the horses of a cavalry 
regiment demonstrated the fat-producing qualities of 
water. Potatoes, honey, syrup, pastry containing sugar 
and suet, farina, tapioca, arrowroot, sago, etc., are all 
bad; while green vegetables, raw fruit and pickles may 
be eaten freely. The laxative waters, like the Fried- 
richshall and Hunyadi Janos, are recommended, as 
constipation is very favorable to obesity. Brown bread, 
or that containing bran, is much better than white for 
such patients. All the white bread they eat should be 
toasted, which changes the starch into dextrine. This 
regimen is not very difficult, and custom will soon make 
it pleasant, and the effect will shortly be seen in reducing 
the excessive obesity in almost any patient. 

LEANNESS. 

It is probable that there are quite as many lean 
people desiring to increase their flesh as there are fat 
people desiring to reduce it. In general, it may be said 
that the course to be pursued is the reverse of that 
given for obesity. Anxiety and mental uneasiness are 
great enemies of corpulence, and one of the first requi- 



608 



THE FIGURE. 



sites for those who would increase their weight is to 
cultivate an even and placid temper — not fitfully, but as 
a constant habit. Another important point is to eat 
slowly and masticate the food thoroughly, and still 
another is to eat frequently. Dr. Dio Lewis says, in his 
book on "Our Digestion": "If a person wishes to 
become fleshy, he should go to bed early and get up 
late. Must drink water on retiring and at rising, and 
drink a considerable quantity during the day." In the 
Orient, where girls are fattened for marriage, as our 
Western farmers fatten hogs for the market, the matter 
is reduced to a science. Much sleep and little exercise, 
freedom from anxiety, frequent meals, the daily use of 
a beverage of honey and water, and a preparation of the 
castor bean to keep the bowels in order and increase the 
appetite, are the principal means they employ. 

Acid drinks should be avoided, but scalded milk, or 
milk and cocoa well sugared, may be taken daily. 
Potatoes may be eaten, and eggs, tapioca, sago, vermi- 
celli or custard puddings, salads with oil dressings, etc. 
Fish may be eaten freely, but flesh meats are to be 
avoided. Fruits may be eaten, but pickles and vinegar 
are not advisable. Eat 'salt sparingly, but mustard is a 
natural stimulant, and may be freely used. The exer- 
cise should be regular and moderate. Singing expands 
tie lungs, and is an excellent practice in connection 
with the foregoing regimen. 

When the leanness is excessive it may be the result 
of some disease, and then competent medical advice 
should be sought ; but in the ordinary cases the course 
outlined is all that is needed. Everything should be 
done regularly and calmly, as anxiety, irregularity and 
great fatigue — anything that hinders or impairs the 
steady working of digestion and assimilation — are fatal 
to the accumulation of flesh. 



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